I often look back on how my adolescence phased into young adulthood, with all the trials and tribulations that young men face, as well as many more which fate had evidently decided to spite me with. This story is by far the most memorable, both for myself and the immediate other it concerns.

Let us go now, reader, back into the past, and follow the younger Lukas Bondevik, as he struggles with both with love, jealousy, loyalty, betrayal, and most importantly, desire.

I: Confession
As seen through the eyes of Mathias

The height of summer, with warm breeze and cool water, holds the greatest potential for two teenage boys. They can run, dive, swim, hunt or fish or whatever they choose when the afternoons prove too hot for lessons.

This was exactly the type of day that the young Mathias Køhler had come to adore. Fifteen summers had passed since he had come into the world, on a day just like this, sun beaming and trees whistling the songs of midsummer. He was tall, body toned to muscular by sport, thick hair standing wild as the excitement in his eyes as he sprinted for the lake. He threw off his jacket and shirt, peeled off trousers and underwear to throw himself into the water with a loud whoop of joy.

The water was cool and glassy, and he surfaced, floating on his back and gazing up at the sky. There was only one thing that could make this day more perfect, and surely he would come along soon –

and there he was: his best friend, Lukas Bondevik, who slid out of his shirt and trousers in a more civilised manner and slipped into the water. He was neither as tall nor as broad, but he was handsome in a refined way, gentlemanly as opposed to the rougher approach Mathias took.

"Why don't you shout a bit louder," he said dryly, swimming over, "I think there were a few people up at the house that couldn't hear you." Their estates were practically adjoining, so they shared use of the lake as a bathing pool in the hottest months.

Mathias only laughed, splashing him. "You only wish you could shout that loud!"

"What makes you think I can't?" Lukas arched an eyebrow, deep blue eyes glittering in a way that Mathias knew only he and Berwald – Berwald Oxenstierna, another local lord's son and their close friend – were able to see. The three of them had known each other since the cradle and grown up together, and while Mathias and Berwald never exactly saw eye-to-eye, they were closer than either of them wanted to admit.

"I know you can't!" Mathias was adamant, his grin comically huge. "I know everything about you!" And one could see from his face that he sincerely believed that to be true.

"You don't." The words didn't seem so much like a challenge; they were more like a statement, cold fact that almost made Mathias want to shiver.

"What do you mean, I don't? I do, Lukas! Don't I?"

Suddenly his best friend's face was blank, eyes dimming to icy. But there was something more to it, and he watched the Norwegian's shoulders slump, almost imperceptibly, pale frame curling in on itself.

"Lukas!" Mathias swam to him, making to grab his arm, slippery skin against a slick, toned forearm. "Surely you don't think I would let you leave without explaining this!"

Lukas didn't even bother to lie. His eyes slid to meet Mathias', dark on light, and he let out a long sigh.
"If you disown me after this, I shall stab you as you sleep."

"I could never disown you," the Dane chuckled. "Just tell me and everything will go back to normal! Otherwise I'll bother you until you really do stab me as I sleep."

"Fine." A pause, a breath, filled only with the sound of the water separating them. "I'm homosexual."

The confession hung in the air by what seemed like a thread; one sharp word from Mathias could send it crashing down. No sharp words would leave his mouth, however. His only response was a laugh – shocked, but a laugh nonetheless.

"What is the matter with you?" Lukas demanded, trying to pull his arm free. "Surely you were dropped on your head as a child –"

"Do you really not know how much I value our friendship?" In a bid to keep Lukas in his grip, Mathias ended up holding both of his arms, pulling the Norwegian to face him, his smile never sliding. Unassailable, that smile. "Why would something like this change it? You're like a brother to me!"

Lukas' lip curled as if he wanted to spit. "Don't say that."

"Why not? It's true!"

Suddenly Lukas pushed very close to Mathias, and their bodies were pressed together, noses almost touching. The breath left Mathias' body in one gasp, and his heart rate suddenly quickened. What on Earth was Lukas doing and why was he doing it?

But then the Norwegian had pulled out of his arms, and Mathias realised: by coming close, he had made Mathias slacken his grip, and had been able to slid out of his arms like an oiled fish.

Lukas was swimming away now, and Mathias wondered why his heart was still thumping.

A/N: Happy New Year, everyone! Good luck and good wishes to all of you, and I've got a personal prayer going out for this fic to go smoothly... drop a review if you liked it, any thoughts or feelings! I love hearing your feedback.