A/N: Fingers crossed Grissom shows up before the end of the season – and if he doesn't, then TPTB need to write his character back in Vegas for good. But if they don't, then Sara would have to go to him, right? I just don't see another way for GSR to live on. And live on, they must.
Anyway, it was while thinking that that this story came about. It's not GSR as such, but it's there in the background. Can you believe it's my first Nick/Sara story? I hope you enjoy it.
Guardian Angel.
"Higher!" Eli called, "Push higher!"
Laughing, Sara took a step back. "My arm's aching. You're going to have to use your legs!"
Just as the swing was moving back toward her the little boy threw his head back, laughing hysterically. The swing flew forth again and then back and forth, the movement and watching the boy's face upside down making her feel nauseous. Eli began to wiggle on the swing. Her heart lurched in her chest. Her hand shot out toward the swing, but then withdrew hesitantly.
"Don't do that," she called fearfully, making a mental note to stick to the other playground in future, the one with the play equipment more suited to younger children. She checked her tone so as not to alarm Eli. "Just…stare forward. And hold on tight!"
Still laughing, the little boy did as bid, then used his legs to propel himself higher still, backward and forward, pumping in and out until he was almost flying through the air. Sara shook her head and took a few steps back so as not to get hit by the swing, her body tense as she watched Eli toing and froing, almost poised ready to catch him if ever he were to let go and god forbid fall.
Her eyes steadfast on the little boy, she bounced a couple of times on the soles of her feet, checking the soft rubber surface for springiness, idly wondering whether it truly prevented broken bones. Out of the corner of her eye, she checked that Hank was still where she'd left him, by the bench guarding her purse and the five-year-old's bike, and he was.
Her gaze returned to Eli who was still swinging high and carefree and fearless, then moved to a point ahead in the mid-distance, searching for her companion, finding him. She smiled; he was waiting in line at the ice cream kiosk with Sam obediently sitting on his hind legs by his side. A couple of older children gathered round her, waiting their turn on the swings, and Sara grabbed the opportunity to get away with both hands.
"Come on, Eli," she called, "It's time to give someone else a turn."
Despite his protestations, Eli stopped pumping so hard. Gradually the swing lost momentum until it stopped altogether and Eli jumped off, much to Sara's relief. Before she could suggest they sat down to wait for their ice creams Eli had already run off to the spider's web climbing frame nearby.
"Eli," she called again, walking briskly after him, "just be careful, all right?"
"I will," the little boy called back cheerfully, already climbing to the second level, and again Sara could only watch with a thumping heart as Eli continued his rapid ascent, soon reaching the very top of the frame.
Sara looked around her at all the other parents and carers, noticing their relaxed stance, their smiling faces as they watched their kids hard at play. Feeling a little sheepish for her unease she moved over to their bench. Hank stood up in greeting, tail wagging wildly, and Sara took a moment to return his affection before sitting down, her gaze steadfast on her charge.
Earlier, Nick and Sara had walked their dogs the length and breadth of the park, Eli energetically riding on ahead on the BMX bike they'd gotten him for Christmas. Greg, Nick, Grissom and Sara had all contributed after discussing it with Tina, of course. Ever since Reverend Rick Renken had been found dead on Warrick's grave and Eli's subsequent short stay in foster care Tina had worked very hard at cleaning up her act, making the best go of the second chance she'd been granted.
She'd even enrolled on an ANCC-accredited competency course in order to resume her nursing career. At first, Sara's visits to Tina and Eli hadn't been social calls and were rather fraught, Tina being resentful and still on the defensive, but they'd gradually improved as Warrick's ex-wife had realised that Nick and Sara only had the boy's best interests at heart and wanted to keep his father's memory alive.
Now, two or three times a month at the weekend, Sara or Nick, or both, would take Eli out for the afternoon and give Tina some time to herself. They'd spend the time playing at the park or watching a movie, they'd even gone bowling once. Sometimes, like today, she would bring Hank and Nick, Sam. The last time Grissom had been home they'd all been to watch a local ball game and Grissom had told the little boy about his father's hidden talents as a baseball player.
Afterwards, invariably, they would visit Warrick's grave, bring it fresh flowers and stories. Eli had found the place daunting and scary at first and it had pained Sara to realise Tina had never made the effort to take him, but as time went by the little boy grew more comfortable with the whole process and was even looking forward to the visits now.
"I'm the king of the castle," Eli called, drawing her out of her thoughts.
She refocused her gaze on him, precariously balancing at the top of the spider's web, his arms held wide out and up in the air. Eli caught her eye and a big grin on his face waved at her. Sara returned the wave and smile a little tensely, then frowned as she noticed Eli's attention changing focus to a point beyond her. His face lit up with sheer glee and he began to climb down, quickly, agilely, hands and feet perfectly coordinated, sure and strong.
Eli's face was so expressive; every single emotion immediately displayed on it – joy and excitement, wonderment too, but also frustration and sometimes a sadness that didn't belong to such a young face. He had so much raw energy, so much life and spirit in him. She could see so much of Warrick there, and knew that Nick did too, could tell from the way she sometimes caught him wistfully staring at the little boy.
"Look at him," Nick said, laughter in his voice, as he joined her side, "totally fearless."
Sara glanced at Nick, then quickly refocused her attention on Eli. "That's what I worry about."
Nick gave another chuckle. "Boys will be boys," he said, "You got to let them. He knows his limits."
Sara pulled a face. "He's five years old, Nick; he doesn't know his limits yet."
Nick gave her a shrug, but it was clear he disagreed. "I was just like him," he said, sliding on the bench next to her, "And I'm sure Warrick was too." Sara met Nick's gaze and nodded her head at his words. He lifted up the three double-scooped cones he was holding. "They'd run out of strawberry, so I got you butterscotch instead."
"Thanks," she said, carefully extricating her ice cream out of his grasp, and licked her tongue over melting butterscotch dripping down the side of the cone.
Eli ran up to them, happy and breathless. "Is that mine?" he asked, eyes wide with delight as he pointed at one of the double-scooped chocolate cones Nick was still holding.
"Certainly is," Nick said. "Come on, big boy. Sit down before these melt in my hand."
Eli didn't need to be told twice. He sat down, between Nick and Sara, legs swinging underneath him, and Nick stood up. He moved in front of Sara, lifting his arms up. "Paper napkins," he said, "in my pocket. To clean up his hands."
Smiling, Sara reached in with her free hand, removed a wad of napkins and wiped at Eli's dirty hands as best she could while holding her ice cream. The little boy was squirming, wiggling on the bench, impatient for his own treat. "A little dirt won't kill you," she said with a twist of her mouth when she had done her best with his hands, "Go on."
Eli turned an eager face toward Nick who gave him the ice cream. He opened his mouth wide, pulled out his tongue and began to lick at it, up the sides and around the scoop, making a mess of it. Sara shook her head in amusement. Silence descended upon the trio while they ate, and idly she wondered what other people watching them made of the scene.
At that moment, she felt a sharp stab of longing, longing for her husband to be by her side but also for a life that would never be hers. Children had never been par for the course and she was fine with that. Well, most of the time. But sometimes, like right now, she saw and felt what she was missing, what having a child would bring to her life. She loved her husband with all her heart, but there was a part of her that wished things were different between them.
Being six thousand miles apart didn't help. Not long to go now until they were once more reunited, she reminded herself. She finished her ice cream and then to cover her discomfort grabbed her purse and rummaged inside for a tissue which she used to dab at a chocolate drip on Eli's yellow T-shirt.
"You got more napkins?" she asked Nick, laughing as she watched Eli's chocolate moustache grow with each lick of rapidly melting ice cream.
"Nope," he said, "we used them all. But…" Nick waggled his brow and like a magician conjured out of his back pocket a clean white handkerchief.
"Only you would carry a handkerchief around," Sara remarked in a chuckle. She took out of her bag the small bottle of water she'd brought for Eli in case he was thirsty, twisted the cap and poured a little water on Nick's handkerchief.
"My mother wouldn't let me out of the house without one," he said, and began gently wiping the ice cream off Eli's mouth and chin and nose. "You can blow your nose in it, wipe the sweat and dirt off your brow with it, or wipe your hands or sunglasses or a little boy's messy face," he added pointedly, earning himself a giggle from Eli. "There, all done."
Sara twisted the cap back on the bottle and shoved it back inside her purse.
"Can I go and play now?" Eli asked, jumping off the bench.
"Alright," Nick said, folding the hankie back into a square and stuffing it back into his back pocket, "But stay where we can see you, okay?"
Sara's smile was wide and dancing as she watched the exchange.
"Okay," Eli echoed and ran off back to the play area, this time headed to the slide.
Nick's shoulder lifted and he turned toward her. "A hankie's also very useful with the ladies," he went on quietly.
"I'm afraid to ask," Sara laughed, but from the flirty tone his voice had taken on she could well imagine.
Nick gave her a playful wink. "Grissom doesn't carry one around?"
"Nope," Sara replied, looking away just in time to watch Eli climb the wrong way up the slide. Should she say something and stop him?
"I'm surprised," Nick mused, "He always struck me as one of us."
"One of you?" she asked with a frown, refocusing on him.
"You know, a gentleman."
She gave a loud scoff, and Nick slid closer to her on the bench, nudging her arm with his elbow. "I have a pocket knife too. Want to see it?"
Sara's lips pinched, concealing her amusement. "I got one of these too," she said, "in my purse. Grissom gave it to me as a Valentine's gift. Can't remember when. Always comes in handy."
"So does my hankie," Nick said, and they laughed.
It felt good to laugh, she thought, it had been a long time since she'd had such a good time. It was a pleasant afternoon and a nice park and despite her melancholy Sara was enjoying herself and the company. Far too often she spent her days off alone, Hank her only companion. She could feel Nick's eyes on her, caring and quietly concerned, but she didn't turn toward him. She just watched Eli play, the wistful smile never leaving her lips. After a while, Nick stood up and stretched, and so did Sam and Hank. "You ready to go?" she asked.
"Is that okay? I said I'd take Mandy out tonight and I got a couple of things to do first."
Sara pushed to her feet. "Sure. Eli!" she called, "We're going."
Eli had one more go down the slide before he ran back to them. Walking didn't seem to be in the little boy's way of life. Nick held his bike up for him and without a moment's pause he got on. Nick gave him a push and Eli was on his way. "Don't go too far," he called, "Or too fast. And watch for pedestrians!"
Once again Sara marvelled at the fact that Nick instinctively knew what to do. Whether it was because he'd once been a boy himself or because he was an uncle so many times over she wasn't sure, but she envied the ease with which he handled the little boy, and she wondered why he wasn't a father already.
"Allez, Sam, viens!" Nick told his dog, drawing her back to the present. Sam immediately came to heel and Nick bent down to clip the leash on his collar, giving his ears an affectionate rub when he was done. "Bon chien."
Sara giggled. "How's your French coming along?" she asked as she hooked the lead on Hank.
Nick gave a snort. "Not as fast as his English. He understands most things I tell him now, but he still won't come to me unless I ask in French." He eased a glance in her direction. "Maybe you could teach me."
It was her turn to scoff now. "I wish. I never got the hang of it. The grammar, the verb endings, the tenses – I can't get my head around it all. Grissom on the other hand…" she let her words drift in a sigh and Nick gave her a nod of understanding. He opened his hand out for her and they set off after Eli at a slow pace, the dogs walking by their sides.
"And how's the big man?" Nick asked after a moment, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between them. "It's been a while since I heard from him."
Sara's smile faded. "He's good, you know, busy."
"And you?"
The concern on his voice tugged at her heart. Her shoulder lifted. "It's been a tough few weeks, a tough few months actually, but I'm hanging in there."
Nick caught her gaze and held it. "Not long to go now," he said with a smile.
Sara gave him a nod. "I got my ticket," she sing-sang with fake cheeriness. Her decision was made. She would be taking an extended leave of absence and try to rescue her marriage. DB was behind her all the way, and Ecklie had readily accepted with the proviso that she would return exactly a year from the day she finished on the first of July. It wasn't a decision she'd made lightly, but in the end Grissom and her marriage came first, even if it came at a price.
Nick gave her a bright smile. "Good for you, Sara. You're doing the right thing," he added after a pause. His smile lost some of its sparkle. "I'm going to miss you, though. With you going, it's just me and Greg left, from the old team, I mean."
Sara's nod was thoughtful. "I need to do this," she said emphatically.
He draped his arm around her shoulder and squeezed her to him. "I know you do, sweetie."
"It's the only way Grissom and I can weather this, you know?"
Nick's smile returned. "Whatever it takes, right?" He lowered his arm off her shoulder and bumped her affectionately. "And it's only for a year."
Sara nodded again. She searched Eli with her eyes; he was twenty feet in front of them. He'd stopped, dumped his bike near the path and was watching some older children playing soccer. "I'm scared, Nick," she admitted in a sigh as they walked on. "I'm scared I'll get bored and restless again. I mean, being abroad, in France, it was great." Her shoulder lifted. "For a while. But Grissom is so busy so much of the time…" her words drifted off in another sigh. "He can't help it, I get that, but I worry I'll get bored again."
"Then, you'll need to find yourself a diversion, something to keep you busy. It's Paris after all. Maybe you could take up painting, or cooking," he said barely suppressing his amusement at the thought, and Sara punched him playfully on the arm. "One year. That's how long Grissom's got left at the Sorbonne, right?" Sara concurred with a nod and he added, "After that, you'll be back."
"That's the plan."
"Always good to have a plan," Nick said. "I'll still be here." His gaze veered off toward Eli up ahead. "Eli will too, the job definitely will."
"Then, why do I feel so sad?"
Nick's shoulder lifted. He gave her a smile which she tried to return, then draped his arm over her shoulder again and pulled her to him. Grissom had suspended his life for her. It was her turn to do the same for him. One year, and then they'd be back. Letting out a sigh Sara leaned her head against Nick's shoulder and settled her gaze on Eli laughing as he watched one of the players slip and come crashing to the ground. Her smile was sad and melancholy as they caught up with him.
"Family," Nick said suddenly, his eyes on the soccer game, "Family and friends, they're more important than anything else, and worth every sacrifice. You never know what can happen and that the last time you see them is the last you'll ever see of them, you know?" His words gave her pause and she remained silent. He turned toward her and smiled. "I know it's going to sound stupid, but I feel him around me sometimes. It's like he's watching over my shoulder."
She didn't need to ask him who he was talking about. "I feel him too," she said, touching his arm.
"Days like today especially," Nick continued quietly, and she nodded. He refocused his gaze on the game. "I miss him. He should be here watching his little boy grow, playing with him, being a father to him. It's going to be tough for him, growing up without a dad." His voice caught a little and he fell silent.
Sara gave an absent nod. It would be tough, she thought, but at least Warrick had been a good man and she and Nick and Grissom would make sure Eli would grow up knowing exactly just how good a man Warrick had been. "He's got us. He's got all of us," she said, and then, "Will you look out for him? When I'm not there, I mean, will you look out for him and Tina?"
Nick turned toward her, pulling back to seek her gaze. He was looking puzzled by her request. "Do you even need to ask?"
Sara's shoulder lifted, contrite, and she shook her head.
"Cos you know, I made a promise to Warrick and I intend to keep it."
"I know," she said, "I'm sorry. It's just that he's a good kid and I hope that Tina stays on the straight and narrow. For his sake."
"I'll keep an eye out on her, and if she needs a little help once in a while then I'm happy to give it to her."
"I'm going to miss you," Sara said, "and Greg and DB and the lab. Even Vegas, can you believe it?"
He gave her a smile. "You'll be back before you know it."
Eli ran back to them, breathless and giddy. "Nick, can we bring a ball next time?"
"What, a soccer ball?"
"No," the boy replied, a look of confusion crossing his face, "A baseball. I want to learn to play, like my dad."
A grin spread over Nick's face. "Sure," he said, and put his hand on the boy's shoulder, crouching down to his height. "I can teach you if you like."
Eli gave Nick a bright smile. "Deal," he said, holding out his hand for Nick to shake.
Nick shook the boy's hand and then ruffled his hair.
"What about me?" Sara laughed.
Eli turned toward Sara, a frown of puzzlement on his face. "But you're a girl," he exclaimed. "Girls can't play ball."
Sara's brow lifted. She looked over at Nick who was trying his best not to burst out laughing.
"Well, Sara, here," Nick said, "She's not like other girls." He leaned in toward the boy's ear. "Maybe we can put her in the outfield," he whispered, loud enough for Sara to hear, and winked. "How about that?"
The cemetery was empty at this time of day and Sara had no trouble parking at the curb under the shade of some trees, Nick pulling his truck up directly behind her. She undid her seatbelt and turned to look over her shoulder.
"You ready?" she asked Eli.
The little boy eagerly nodded his reply. He unbuckled his seatbelt and pulled the handle to open the door but Sara had put the child lock on. She reached down to pick up the plant and the two-litre bottle of water they'd just purchased from the passenger side foot well and got out of the car. She opened the back door and Eli jumped out.
"You stay in the car," Sara said addressing Hank at the back – the window was open a crack. "We won't be long."
Nick joined them and together they wound their way through the graves, Eli walking between them, holding their hands. Once at Warrick's grave, Sara knelt down and swapped the plant they'd left the last time with the new one and Eli watered it generously, pouring what was left of the water over the scorched grass around the plaque. It was a familiar ritual now, one they carried out every time they visited.
When they had finished they straightened up and moved to stand next to Nick. Sara wasn't religious but she followed Nick's lead, linking her hands in front of her and bowing her head. Eli reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a piece of paper he'd folded up over and over again into a small rectangle. Sara looked up and over at Nick who pursed his mouth, mirroring her puzzlement. Carefully, Eli opened the paper up and tried to flatten all the creases out with his small hands.
"It's for my dad," he said, looking over at Sara when she crouched down beside him, "Do you think he'd like to have it?"
Sara eased a look at Nick, but the CSI swallowed and shook his head at her. "I think he'd love to have it," she said. "Did you do it at school?"
Eli gave a hesitant nod.
"It's…very pretty."
"It's a picture of me and my mommy," he said, pointing to the two people he'd drawn at the bottom of the page. They were as tall as the house they were standing in front of. "And this is where daddy is," he added, moving his finger toward a couple of white clouds he'd drawn in the blue sky. "Mommy said he was watching over us from there."
Nick's hand lifted to the boy's shoulder and spoke in a voice fraught with emotion. "She's right, buddy," he said. "He's right there watching over all of us."
Eli nodded, then bent down to put the drawing on his father's grave. Sara looked up, smiling at Nick when she noticed the shine in his eyes.
"Hang on a minute," Nick said. Sara and Eli watched as he took off jogging back toward the cars and swiftly returned carrying a clear evidence bag. He'd had time to regain his composure. He caught Sara's eye, his shoulder lifting somewhat sheepishly.
"Good idea," she smiled.
They helped Eli seal the picture inside the bag and used a few rocks they found nearby to weigh it down.
"That's a great thing you're doing, Eli," Nick said. "Your daddy would be very proud of you. He loved you very much. You know that, right?"
The little boy looked up at Nick with tears in his eyes. "I know."
Nick crouched down and wrapping his arms around Eli's shoulders looked up at Sara, helplessly watching the scene. He gave her a sad smile which she tried to return.
Yes, she thought, family and friends were more important than anything else, and worth every sacrifice.