This song was inspired by the following songs: 'Viva Forever' - Spice Girls and ' Thinkin About You' - Frank Ocean. It has not been edit, so please try to ignore any typos or grammar errors, I promise to fix them later. It's short and it's not my greatest writing but I am somewhat happy with it. I hope you all enjoy it and don't forget to leave reviews. It can be discouraging when you get no feedback. On the side note: I will be adding chapter 7 for For You, and your denial soon, stay tune for that one.

As always, I have no rights to the show or characters. Enjoy.

The day was long and agonizing, it was hectic and hair pulling. The nonsense cases that had fallen on their laps wasn't worth their attention, classic case of girl's parents not approving of her boyfriend, filing an false rape report. It was not worth their energy or time. The last hour had been dreading, the sound of the clock ticking was mocking their desire of their day to be over, and what had made their day even worse was they lost a fellow member. The shock had yet to wear off them, the sudden resignation from the blonde was, what had felt random, completely out of nowhere. But realization struck them when they passed or looked at the empty desk with the squirrel haunted them, it felt as if she died. The loss of someone who had captured their hearts in the most vivid way, had left them without a single word. Not even a note goodbye. It was rumor that she had left due to secret love affair that had gone wrong, they didn't believe it. She left due to family reasons, needing her back home to Georgia to care for her sick mother; so, which they were told. Only one person knew the real reason for her departure, and they would never tell a soul of the truth behind Amanda's leave.

Olivia Benson knew the truth. And the truth was because of her.

A woman who became freshly spoken for would not be sad or unhappy, the feeling of depression was far from what social expectations had one believe. Being engaged is meant to be exhilarating, thrilling, nerving and an overall sense of happiness; but not this. Not this feeling that had taken over her thoughts and body. Grieving, mourning or whatever you would like to call it, is not what Olivia Benson should be being feeling. Her engagement to Ed Tucker was far from a surprise to her and the rest of her squad members, Tucker had hinted of a proposal for months and he finally did it, last week on Saturday night; when the stars shined as bright as they could in New York City. He took her on a horse carriage ride while the sun had begun to set, he did it at her favorite spot in the entire NYC; the ice rink. Fresh rose peddles laid on the ice, as he got down on one knee and asked Olivia Marget Benson hand in marriage, to be his forever. Soon after she had said yes, guilt filled her heart. Not hours ago, before meeting Tucker, she had laid on top light pink silk sheets of the queen size bed with the petite blonde lying next to her. Soft kisses and gentle touch on her delicate skin, as they made love under the heated sun. Forbidden 'I love you's' whispered to each other while they were lost, mesmerized in each other's eyes. It was the truth they only knew, and it was the biggest lie ever told.

Olivia was walking closer to her apartment door when she seen a white enveloped laying front of her door. Curiously, she speed walked over and quickly picked the enveloped that had her name written on the front. Her heart clutched at the sight of the handwriting, she knew who it was from and she became terrified of what was written inside. Quickly, she opened her apartment door, stepping into the dimmed lite apartment as she stared at the enveloped in hand. After removing her coat and placing down her bag on the table next the door, she made her way over to her living room. Her heart beating radically as knots build on her stomach, her body trembling in nerves. Olivia felt empty inside, a hollow soul as opened the envelope, removing the notebook paper from it. It even smelt like her. Faint vanilla scent was enough to bring back memories. She sat on her cream color couch in the dimmed light apartment, alone.

"Olivia,

Do you still remember, how we used to be? Feeling together, believe in whatever; my love has said to me. Both of us were dreamers, young love in the sun. Felt like my savior, my spirit I gave ya, we'd only just begun.

Yes, I still remember, every whispered word. The touch of your skin, giving life from within like a love song that I'd heard. Slipping through our fingers, like the sands of time. Promises made, every memory saved has reflections in my mind.

Yes, of course I remember, how could I forget, how you feel. You know you were my first time. A new feel. It won't ever get old, not in my soul, not in my spirit, keep it alive.

Back where I belong now, was it just a dream? Feelings unfold, they will never be sold and the secret's safe with me.

You know it's time to say goodbye.

Always be mine.

A. "

Single tear fell onto the paper, leaving a stain next to the one that had been left before. Olivia clutched on to her chest as her cries became harder, making it difficult for her to breath, scaring her at how loud and hard she was crying. Her heart broken into a million pieces, the memories of Amanda flashing before her eyes. The feeling of loneliness has never been truer as now, the feeling of being lost had become a reality. A part of her had been ripped out of her, never had she fathomed that she would ever be without her. From now on she will never hear Amanda's voice, the soft touch and her sweet kisses. Olivia knew that the engagement would have broken what Amanda and she had, the late-night visits to the blonde's apartment follow by passionate love making were now nothing more than a thing of the past. Olivia shook at the cold feeling around her, guilt crawling inside her. She had never felt what she was feeling at this very moment, heart ache of love that was so pure and so real, gone.

She was stupid. She knew nothing, when she thought she knew everything, when she thought she had it all together. The love of her life slipped from her fingers so easily, so quickly, without a kiss goodbye. A shiver rolled down her back, the memories of Amanda's touch on her olive skin, the way her fingertips traced very each of her body as she was lost in her piercing blue eyes. Memories of the sweet pink lips that captured hers every moment it could, the taste that lingered on after the kiss broke. Memories of her over the top laughter when they played tickle war, it was her favorite sound. The smiled before they kissed, it was shy like with a hint of confidence. Sex, it was passionate, sensual, raw, it was so raw and so full of love that Olivia had ever experienced.

Their love was real.

Their relationship was real.

It was real too her.

But she was scared, in denial of who she was, so much so that she began a relationship with a man who she has no love for. Her denial had gone so far to where she accepted a marriage proposal to hide herself from the truth. And when it was all said it done, it hurt her even more in the end rather than protect her. Rather than protect her from the truth that she carries deep inside her, now, ever and forever.

Olivia Benson lost the person who completed her. She lost her other half, her one and only. The person her heart fully belongs too. And she lost her because she was coward to admit and accept herself.

But the memories of what they had will live on and forever until the day they meet again. But for now, she will live the painful memories of what true happiness and love felt like.

Viva forever.