Chapter One

"Emily! Emily! Where are you?!" Nikolas yelled out at the top of his lungs.

"Why are you running away from me?"

He clumsily made his way through the trees of the park. He was desperately searching for any sign of her, but, of course, there was none.

"Why did you leave me?" He called out. Tears were now streaming down his cheeks and he dropped to his knees. "I need you! Don't you know I need you? How could you leave me?"

He was clearly running out of steam. His voice was becoming hoarse from all the yelling and his breath irregular from the crying. "Emily!" He managed to yell her name once again.

He closed his eyes for a moment and he could see her face, beautiful as ever. But, he couldn't touch her. He couldn't hear her voice. It was not enough.

"Emily!" He stood up to once again start his search through the park. "Where did you go?"

"Emily! Come back to me! Come back! Please, come back!" He wailed. "I don't want to live in a world without you in it!" He leaned against a nearby tree and wiped his eyes. A hand touched his back. For just a moment, it was her hand and she was there with him again. He turned around to find the face of his brother.

"What do you want?" Nikolas said grumpily.

"What are you doing, Nikolas?" Lucky asked gently.

"I'm looking for Emily. I can't find her." He said sounding like a little boy.

"Nikolas, you know that she's gone. It's been nine months."

"No. No, it's not true. She's not dead. She's out there somewhere. I just have to find her. I have to find her. She needs me and I need her."

"Nikolas, how much have you had to drink today?"

"I don't know."

"Well, I'm sure your blood alcohol level is pretty high right now. I got a call from a woman that some crazy man was tearing through the park. Do you know you can be detained for public drunkenness and disorderly conduct?"

"So what? Are you going to arrest me now, Lucky?"

"No, not if you go home, get some rest and don't have any more to drink today."

"I can't go home."

"Why not?"

"Because she's not there. I can't go home until I find her."

"Nikolas, you've got to pull yourself together. Emily wouldn't want you to live like this."

"How on earth would you know what she would want?"

"Emily was my best friend, you know. You're not the only one that loved her. You're not the only one that misses her."

"If you miss her so much, why won't you help me find her?"

"Emily's dead!" Lucky shouted, hoping to get through to him.

Nikolas was silent. A moment passed before Lucky continued.

"How are those sessions going with Lainey?"

"I had one this morning."

"And?"

"It's all pointless because in the end, Emily's still gone."

"You're right at that. And nothing, not even getting drunk as all hell and looking for her in the park is going to bring her back, so you have to learn how to live without her."

"And how do I do that, oh wise brother of mine?"

"I couldn't tell you. You have to figure it out on your own. It's like learning how to live without an arm. Step by step, you learn how to live without it, but you'll always wish you had it back."

"So, you're telling me I have to learn to live my life without my heart."