"Oh God" I gasp as I struggle to stand to my feet. I look around, no one is here. He's gone. I'm alone- only me, darkness and the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. My inner goddess is dead. A part of me is dead. "Oh God" I repeat. Rage flares up in me at him at the stranger who invaded my body in such a deeply personal way. Suddenly the word "rape" sounds strange to me. It doesn't even begin to describe what just happened. How violent it was, how disgusting it was. I can't stand the thought that he put his hands on me, that he's been inside of me- the place where only Christian's been, the place where only Christian ever should be. "Oh God" I repeat a third time as hot tears begin to roll down my bruised face. Christian- what is Christian going to say. I'm his. He always likes to say that. "I'm his and I'll only ever be his." Only now that isn't true. I've been somebody else's. "I fought" I say to myself as if I were talking to him. "I swear to God I fought." I pick up my phone, my hand trembling unsure of what to do. How am I ever going to tell him, how am I ever going to tell Christian I've been raped?
"Hey baby" Christian says in the sweet, nonchalant tone he always uses when I call him. His words cut through me like a knife. He has no idea what's happened. He has no idea what I'm about to tell him.
"Christian?" I say my voice trembling revealing the depth of my anguish.
"What is it?" he asks urgently.
"I need you" I say simply unable to bring myself to reveal any further details.
"What is going on?" he asks heatedly. I can feel inside of myself how scared he is. I can feel his fear, but I still hold back knowing the pain of knowing will hurt him more than the fear of not knowing.
"Can you meet me at the hospital?"
"Damn it Ana, tell me what's happening!"
"I can't" I sob. "I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?" Baby,tell me what is going on!" he begs in a desperate tone.
"Please just meet me at the hospital. I'll tell you there. I'll tell you there- I promise."
"Are you okay?" he asks with a fear in his voice that shakes me to my core.
"Yeah" I reply, unable to fight my urge to put his mind at ease. "Just meet me there" I say coldly as I hang up.
"I'm not okay" I think to myself. "I'll never be okay again."
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