Grown ups
Disclaimer: this is a scary story so kids shouldnt read it.
Be a grownup okay?
Adam Sandler ...
Lenny Feder
Kevin James Kevin James ...
Eric Lamonsoff
Chris Rock Chris Rock ...
Kurt McKenzie
David Spade David Spade ...
Marcus Higgins
Rob Schneider Rob Schneider ...
Rob Hilliard
Salma Hayek Salma Hayek ...
Roxanne Chase-Feder (as Salma Hayek Pinault)
Maria Bello Maria Bello ...
Sally Lamonsoff
Maya Rudolph Maya Rudolph ...
Deanne McKenzie
It is a warm summer day in the 80's where the socks had colored stripes and the shorts were short, That is when the lives of five friends were about to change drastically. Their names were Lenny Feder, A promising high school quarterback, Eric Lamonsoff his trusted hulking lineman, Kurt McKenzie an allstar athlete with many scholarships lined up, Marcus Higgins The joker of the group, Then there was Robbie Hilliard, the runt of the group the one their parents forced them to hangout with.
Robbie was resented by the rest of the group, his integrety was higher then their others and he was always hesitant to participate in the groups shennanigens, but he longed to be just one of the guys.
He wasn't the best looking guy but he was very charming to ladies, some would concider him a male gigalo, He was actualy a sweet guy deep down and Just a good listener, encouraging his collegues. Eventually his kind ways caught the eye of Sally , a beautiful blonde-haired classmate whom all the boys wanted, They were tailor made for each other. This caused great turmoil in the group, as Marcus had a crush on her since elementary school and Lenny could not understand what she saw in Robbie . it was driving him mad...
"I'm the quarterback! She should be wanting me!" Lenny said in a blind rage while spying on Robbie and Sally.
"No kidding who does that ass think he is?" Marcus said, with his face tightening and his hands clinching the chainlink fence on the baseball field.
"We ought to teach him a lesson." Kurt said, with arms crossed and his back against the fence.
"Well what do you have in mind?" Eric says while he pulls a hotwing out of his pocket.
"Meet me at Fonzie cliff, I know just the thing." Lenny says as his smile grows evermore sinister.
Robbie is sitting on the ground next to Sally, the sky is blue and the clouds are blocking the sun.
"Whats boithering you Robbie." Sally says as she strokes her hair behind her ear looking at Robbie with sincere eyes.
Robbie looks down playing with the grass , "It's just the guys, i've always wanted to be one of them but now that I'm with you I don't care about that anymore," Robbie said, ripping the fibers of the grass and throwing it in the wind. "I mean I still care about them but they are bad kids and I'm afraid one of us will end up dead or in jail." I have to stand up to them I have to do somthing
"Aww baby you have a good heart, they are lucky to have you as a friend.' Sally said, kissing Robbie on the cheek.
The Day truns to dusk as Robbie walks up the trai,l he hears the ominous crowing of a crow, and the sounds of nature surrounding him. but he pays no mind, only thinking about his friends and why they could have asked him to Fonzie cliff. A... strange place. He reaches the cliff and sees all his friends waiting for him.
"Hey guys What s up ?" Robbie says, nervously
The group glares at him, they are all in swim trunks. "Put this on. " Lenny says as he shoves a pair of trinsks into Robbies chest. "We're jumping off the cliff."
" But-but that's dangerous... " Robbie says. while backing away from the group. Dusty rubble slides down the cliff as they corner him to the edge.
"Your gonna jump like the rest of us or you're out of the group." Lenny says with a stern look in his eye.
"I will not!" Robbie says fighting back . "You know what? I've had it with this group i don't need you guys!'"
Lennys eyes ignite in anger and he delivers his fist into Robbie's bread basket. With Robbie hunching over gasping for air Lenny whispers into his ear "Good we don't need you. " dropping robbie to the floor.
"C'mon guys lets get outta here. " Lenny said indisgust. Robbie staggers to get up and places his hand on a rock... for support but it is unstable and shifts sending robbie of the cliff. With eyes wide open Robbie grabs a branch screaming for help. The loud scream reverberates through the forest and the boys stop for a moment.
"Should we go back to help him? " Eric says with a chill up his spine as he pulls out a chimmy chonga from his pocket.
No forget him ,he doesn't need us remember?" Lenny said with a scoff
"Yeah that loser was holding us back anyway.'" Kurt chimes in with with his eyes squinted and his face drawn back in disgust.
"heh yeah good riddence I say." Marcus remarks.
The next morning the boys wake up to the startling news, their former friend Rob had passed away, police say it was a sucicide. They all laugh about it later when the meet up.
"Yeah it's been weeks and can you believe it people still ask me where's Robbie?" Markus said.
"Haha that fools dead, he just couldn't hang." Kurt said.
"OOoooo taht's messed up." Eric said.
yeah when People ask me about him I tell them its a long story with a cliff hanger ending!" Markus said
"Man youve got no shame." Eric said
"Nah I've got no Robbie and let's face it ourt lives are better for it?." Markus said
They continue to play this game of "Where's Robbie " everytime they meet.
As the days go by Markus makes a move on Sally taking advantage of her grief and things seem to be going well,,, The school year ends and sally is holding Markus's hand down by the lake, excited to make plans for the summer.
"I'm so lucky to have you Markus." I have had a lot trouble with ... you know the Robbie thing... and you have been so patient with me and I just wanted to say think you , Sally kisses Markus on the cheek and whipers lets have the best summer alright?"
Markus is in a daze all the flash backs culminating into his demise. Markus has a glossy look over his face and is never the same again. Sally tries to help him but he is distant and breaking down. A summer planned for bliss became a summer of hell. Markus was stuckin a trance that he could't snap out of. Just kept repeating "Where's Robbie?" over and over. Sally ended up breaking up with him, and Markus ended up in a pyschward. all his friends moved on without him... all except Robbie that is.
Years later Lenny is a washed up football player, disgraced but has millions. He recives a call from Eric asking him to return home.
"Markus has died... It was sucide," Eric said. "The odctors said all he wrote was "wheres Robbie?", and that he would have have visions of Robbie saying you could do it! you can commmit sucide!" The drugs didn;t help, no one could help.
Lenny comes Home and greets his friends, and catches up with is married to Sally and Kurt is married to Deanne McKenzie and he is a house husband. the star athlete with so many scholarships was never the same after Robs death, he blew his chance on a good future and had more then 10 kids living on wELfare,
"The doctors say Markus felt haunted by Robbies ghost, said he saw his ghost everywhere." Eric said.
"NO kidding I think he's been haunting me, breaking all my condoms too." Kurt says shaking his head down low.
"Guys lets be seroius.' Eric says pulling out a chicken leg from his pocket. He wasn't the only one whos been haunted.. I've been seeing Robbie everywhere too. Eiic whispers.
"I mean it, I seen him as my asian minister when I got married, I've seen middle eastewrn versions of him, native american versions of him, hillbillys you name it, and the scary part of it all is that they all seem to say the same thing ,... "you can do it."
"Man thats creepy" Lenny says.
"Yeah you need to put down that chicken." Kurt says.
"No. I will not put down this chicken. I am serious my marriage has been suffering becase of it." The worst part, I doin't even have sex anymore because that last time, I saw Robbies face in my wife's and she was saying "You can do it." Eric says with tears in his eyes. Its like he swapped bodys with a hotchick on purpose,
" Man you need help." Lenny says.
A month later...
Eric and Sally are seperated and he is in a dim lit motel room paceing back and forth, with his hands on the back of his head wincing, He walks to the bathroom floor and feels the cold tiles against his feet. hunching over the sink he looks at his face and pulls down the bags underneath his eyes with his fingertips... he pulls out a chicken nugget from his pocket and drops it , he reaches in his pocket to pull out another one, in his hand lies a cocktail napkin with a single glistening greasy nugget of the chicken variety, He starts chewing it, he looks down at the krinkled napkin and sees the words "You can do it." It is the last words he will ever see.
He reaches in his left pocket and pulls out a gun, it is cool to the touch he looks in the mirror and sees Rob Schnieders face and feels hunger for the last time. as a .45 caliber bullet penetrates his head.
Kurt and Lenny pay their respects and kurt is devestated, with his hand over his mouth and his head down low the tears roll down his cheek , his voice is crippled by grief. He turns to Lenny"Ive lost so much, we've all lost so much."
"Just the other day my kids were playing a game and you know what it was called?
"No?"
"Where's Robbie, It ls sick I tell you, Robbies coming for us one by one. Kurt downs the whisky and slams the glass down. It is sick i tell you
The next day Kurt is playing catch with his son and it bounces off the dumbasses head and goes into the street, the kid goes to get the ball
"Look it's robbie!" the kid points off into the distance
"Get out of the road!"
The car slams into kid, taking his life instantly
The next day kurt is standing on fonzie cliff. with tears in his eyes muttering jibberish. " there aint no sex in the champane room."
Robbies image walks next to him and whispers "You can do it."
Kurt jumps off the cliff smashing his head agaist a rock. Kurt has died, But then he remembered he is infact a gemini so he's gonna die twice. as he sees a giant boulder comedown pinning his face to it's Sedimentary grave.
lenny is the last one leff. He opensup to his wife. She comforts him, she tells him her nana is a curandero and can stop little Robbie. She rubs his chest and tells him to go back to bed. he says you're right, and turns over, falling fast asleep. in the middle of the night his wife Roxanne sits up in bed holding a gun to her head chanting "You can do it!"
Louder and louder. Lenny tries to stop her but it is too late, The blood splatters against his face, his children find him with a gun and his bleeding wife in his hands. He is sent to prison to spend the rest of his days playing football.