"Maybe I should join the military," Jane Rizzoli huffed, dropping her head on her arms, which were resting on the kitchen counter.
"That's ridiculous, Jane," Maura Isles replied flippantly. "Why would you ever want to—"
"Because it's better than being here, stuck in a stupid apartment alone, with a job I love and a boss I hate… a brother who never listens to me… a dad who is too much of an asshole to stay with his wife… and a mom who is devastated and going through a mid-life crisis…"
"Jane," Maura sighed, sitting beside her friend on the barstool. "Running away to war isn't going to solve your problems."
"War would be better than here right now."
"Don't say that. You have no idea how horrible it is over there."
"And neither do you!" Jane barked, suddenly lifting her head.
"So consider it for a minute, Jane. Think of Casey and what happened to him."
"Ugh. Don't bring him up. He chooses the military over a relationship, so it obviously can't be that bad."
"Jane! That's a terrible thing to say!"
"I'm just gonna do it, Maura. I don't even care. If it gets me away from my lonely-ass apartment, and a boss who ruins my job for me, I'm doing it."
"You're being impulsive. Do you know that?"
"Maybe I am. So what?"
"So, you're always impulsive."
"Maybe in comparison to you, Miss I'll-need-to-see-the-lab-results."
"Hey, now. That's just plain rude."
Sighing, Jane dropped her head to arms again and felt the tears forming in her eyes.
"Oh, Jane…" Maura whispered, placing her hand on the small of the woman's back to comfort her. "It's going to get better. Things won't always be like this."
"How do you know?" Jane whined in response, lifting her head once more.
"I just do."
"That's a ridiculous reason. Give me a real one."
"Because I'm secretly a fortune-teller."
"Enough. I'm going to the recruitment office. I can't take it here. I'm so lonely, and—"
As Jane rose from her seat, Maura gripped her shoulder and stared into her eyes, waiting for her friend to realize what Maura had been trying to tell her for years.
"What?" Jane snapped, unnerved by the woman's sad, piercing gaze.
"Nothing. Go, if that's what you want. You never listen to anything but your own childish impulses."
"Alright, Maura. I will."
A few months later, Maura found herself standing anxiously in the hallway in front of Jane's apartment door.
They hadn't spoken since the argument, before Jane had gone off to boot camp. No words in person, no call, no letter, no nothing. So when Jane saw Maura standing in the hallway, in her best red dress, holding a bouquet of flowers, she dropped her duffel bag and stared.
"Jane…" Maura started, clenching the lilies tightly as she swallowed her nerves.
She was glad she hadn't picked out roses. The thorns would made her bleed from holding the flowers to tightly. Besides, Jane was too unique for roses.
"What are you doing here?" Jane asked, her voice monotone and void of emotion.
"I… I just wanted to welcome you back…" Maura tried to explain, but it sounded so silly now that she was finally saying it out loud.
Part of her wished that Angela, Jane's mother, hadn't encouraged her to do this. It was a stupid idea.
"I'm sorry. I'll leave," Maura said suddenly, when Jane had not responded. "Take the flowers, though. They'll brighten up the apartment. Help it feel like home."
Jane just stared, numbly holding her hand out to take the flowers. Once they were securely in Jane's hands, Maura moved past Jane towards the exit of the apartment building.
"So, what's eating you?" Korsak asked, looking at Maura when she arrived at work the next day.
Maura looked drained, and everyone noticed.
"Nothing," Frost interrupted. "That's the problem."
Instead of reacting – normally, she would have – Maura looked up sadly and shrugged her shoulders, then continued walking past her coworkers.
When she came back up for lunch, she found Jane sitting in the café, talking to her mother. Maura froze at the sight, noticing Jane's hair tied in a tight bun and her eyes looking emptier than usual. They were dark, but not in a pretty way. They were void of emotion.
Then, Jane noticed her, and as soon as Maura realized this, she turned and left. She didn't feel like eating anyway.
On her afternoon break, Maura sat behind the police station on the steps and held her head in her hands. Her tears were cold and reminded her of just how much she'd lost. When she lifted her head to see who was walking past her – she heard the footsteps on the stairs – she saw Jane.
Jane got to the bottom step, looked behind her, and almost walked away. At least, until she noticed the tears in Maura's eyes.
"Hey…" Jane said softly, taking a slow, careful step close to the woman on the steps. "Are you alright?"
"N-No," Maura confessed, her body starting to shake from crying.
With a sigh, Jane knelt down on the ground in front of Maura and looked up into the woman's eyes.
Now, there was something. There was life in Jane's eyes. There was concern, and sadness, and conflict.
"What's the matter, Maura?" Jane whispered, when the woman hadn't replied.
"I'm so sorry I upset you…"
"What? This is about me?!" Jane gasped.
The sob that shook Maura's body made it so she could only nod.
"Oh, Maura… Don't waste your tears on me. No one else does."
"Jane!" Maura shouted, startling her friend to the point where she jumped slightly. "That's not true!"
"Look, I—"
"And they're not a waste. Nothing involving you is a waste…"
Jane blinked a few times, then looked down at the ground.
Maura's attention was suddenly grabbed by the embroidered name on Jane's uniform.
Rizzoli.
To her shock and surprise, Maura found herself wondering about the sound of 'Maura Rizzoli'.
"Maura?" Jane asked firmly.
"Huh? Oh. Yeah."
"I asked you a question."
"You did?"
"Yeah. I asked if you wanted to go for a drink. If you don't want to, it's—"
"No, I do! I do. I'm sorry. I was… admiring your uniform…"
"Oh?"
"Yes."
"What about it?"
"Oh. Um… It just makes you look so… strong…"
"I am strong now. You should have seen what they put us through," Jane chuckled, standing up and extending her hand to help her friend do the same. "Let's have some beers."
"I think wine will be fine, Jane," Maura replied with a smirk.
Jane shook her head, stating, "Fine, but we're getting shitfaced either way."
"Oh, my Lord, Jane," Maura slurred. "Why did you let me drink this much?"
"I dunno," Jane laughed. "It's been too long. And you're cute when you're drunk."
"Pardon?"
"Nothing, princess. Let's get you home."
Jane – significantly soberer than Maura – steadied her friend to the sidewalk outside and hailed a cab. Once they reached Maura's apartment, Jane hesitated at the door. Maura was laughing, but suddenly, to Jane, nothing was funny.
"Maura…" she said slowly, leaving her arm around the woman's back to keep her steady. "Are you gonna be alright?"
"Of course!" Maura shouted, loudly enough that a neighbor poked their head out the window and told them to, 'Can it!'
"Maura! Shh!" Jane hissed. "Jesus Christ. It's two in the morning."
"But I'm shitfaced, Jane!"
"I'm aware of that, Maura!"
Two sides of Jane were battling: the side that wanted to howl with laughter at the sight of her friend losing her shit over two glasses of wine, and the side that was frustrated enough to strangle her.
"Come inside, Jane," Maura giggled at full volume, boldly gripping the hem of her friend's shirt.
"If I get arrested for public intoxication wearing my uniform, they'll dishonorably discharge me! Now hush."
"Come inside, and I might!"
"Dear God. You're impossible, Isles."
Maura smiled broadly and gripped Jane's wrist, tugging her into the apartment building after fumbling with the lock for an excessive period of time.
Once they were in the living room, Maura flopped down on the couch dramatically and rested the back of her hand over her forehead.
"Do I look like a damsel in distress?" Maura asked with a cheeky grin, pushing her hand through her hair.
Jane loved her like this. Lying back on the couch, vulnerable and exposed…
But no. This was Maura Isles. Her friend. Her best friend. And that was it. Besides, no one got under her skin like Maura. So what if she was attractive?
Attractive was an understatement. The woman was stunning. And the tight black dress didn't help.
Jane stared.
"Janie?" Maura asked playfully.
Jane's heart ached at the sound. How could this woman have such a pull on her? The brunette's eyes fell to Maura's exposed legs and stared again.
"Janie. What's the matter?"
"N-Nothing. I… I should go."
"No, stay. Have a glass of wine with me."
"You know I'm a beer girl," Jane teased lightly.
"I have some of your favorite in the fridge."
"Maura…"
"Jane. Stay."
Sighing, Jane replied, "I can't stay, Maura."
"Why?"
"I just can't."
Sobering slightly, Maura sat up on the couch and looked into her friend' dark eyes.
"When are you being deployed?"
"Next week."
"So soon?" Maura asked sadly, her brow furrowing.
"Yeah…" Jane answered hesitantly. Then, she pressed, "Maura. I gotta go."
"No, you don't. You're just… being a dick."
This made Jane burst out into laughter, despite the seriousness of the accusation.
"Really? Maura Isles just said the word 'dick?'"
Offering a sloppy smile, Maura nodded.
"Will you come visit me tomorrow?"
"What?"
"Will you come visit me?"
"Maura…"
"Why did you invite me out if you didn't want to be around me, Jane? Did you just pity me because I was crying?"
"What? No! I—"
"Just go, Jane."
With a weak nod, Jane left the apartment.
"What's wrong, Janie?" Angela asked anxiously, taking her daughter's hand. "Are you nervous about deployment?"
"No, Ma. I…"
"You haven't been yourself since you got back. Tell me what's going on, sweetheart."
"It's nothing, Ma. I gotta go meet—"
"No, ma'am. You're staying right here until you confess."
"Confess to what?"
"Whatever is bothering you."
"I don't even know what's bothering me, Ma!"
"I think you do."
"Ma, stop."
"I haven't heard you talk about Maura lately. Did you two have a fight?"
Huffing, Jane replied, "How do you always know everything?"
"I'm your mother, Jane. It's my job to know everything. Now, spill the beans."
"It's nothing, Ma. I just… We argued, and I joined the military, and now—"
"Are you telling me you joined the military because you argued with Maura?!"
"No! No. I joined the military because I hate it here…"
"Oh, Janie. Why?"
"It doesn't matter. That's not the point. The point is, Maura was upset about something yesterday, so I put my bitterness and pride aside and brought her out for drinks. She got drunk – I was a little drunk too – and she said that the only reason I was hanging around her was because I pity her. Then she told me to leave."
"Oh, Jane… She really asked you to leave?"
"Told me to, yes."
"That doesn't sound like Maura at all."
"Yeah, well… She said it. So I left."
"I'll talk to her, Janie. I'll get to the bottom of this."
"Ma! No!"
"But Janie—"
"No. Absolutely no."
"Fine," Angela sighed. "Whatever you say, Jane."
"Thank you."
"Why don't you go take a nice relaxing bath with some candles, honey?"
"Ma, seriously?"
"Well, I don't know! I figured it would be nice!"
"I'm just gonna hit the bar."
"Jane… It's one in the afternoon…"
"And?"
"Jane!"
"I'll see you later, Ma."
"Rizzoli?" Korsak asked, finding his former partner walking through the door of the bar.
"Hey, Korsak," Jane said softly, massaging her temples as she sat down at the bar.
"What's the matter?"
"Nothing," she replied, lifting her gaze to the bartender in front of her. "Jack and coke, please."
"Whoa," Korsak said, staring at Jane. "That's a little heavy for lunchtime, isn't it? Plus, I thought you were a beer girl."
"Not when I want to get drunk fast."
"Oh, Jane… Talk to me. What's going on? Is it the deployment?"
"No! Why does everyone keep asking me that? I don't even care about that at all. I—"
"This is about Maura, isn't it?"
"Shut up, Korsak. I'm fine."
"I didn't ask if you were fine. I asked if this had to do with Maura. I know you're not fine."
"Ugh! I hate this!"
"Jane."
When the bartender handed her the drink, Jane immediately drank half of it in one go. As her eyes welled with tears and became somewhat red, Korsak put his arm around her.
"It'll be alright, Rizzoli. She won't be mad at you forever."
"No?"
"No. Not if you don't stay mad at her. You're way more stubborn than she is."
"Thanks, Korsak. That's real nice."
"Oh, come on, Jane. You know what I meant."
"No, I don't."
"Something's gotta give. And it should be you."
"Why?!"
"Because you care about her. She's your best friend."
Downing the rest of her drink and waving the bartender over for seconds, Jane fought the tears that threatened to fall and lost.
"Oh, shit," Korsak said, gaping. "You love her, don't you?"
Saying nothing, Jane finished the entirety of her second drink before wiping her eyes and getting down off of the barstool.
When she turned to leave, Korsak called after her, "Jane! Hey, Jane! Wait up!"
But Jane was out the door before he could stop her.
"My turn," Jane greeted Maura, her voice cracking as she watcher her friend approach the door to her apartment.
When Maura was close enough, Jane held out a bouquet of flowers to her friend, who was staring in disbelief.
"What are you doing?" Maura asked.
"It's my turn," Jane repeated, gently pushing the bouquet into Maura's hands. "To welcome you home."
"I…"
"What is it? Oh, shit… Maura, don't cry… Fuck."
But it was too late. Maura was in tears again, her own pain dripping down her cheeks. What was worse? She wouldn't tear her eyes away from Jane's, and Jane could hardly bear it.
"Maura… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know you were just… um… trying to be a good… uh… friend…"
"That's what you think?"
"Well, yeah…"
Sighing heavily and rubbing the tears and eyeliner from her cheeks, Maura pushed the flowers back into Jane's hands and moved past her to unlock her apartment door.
"Maura, wait…"
"You really just don't get it, do you?"
"No, I don't. And I'm sorry. I'm not smart like you. I'm not pretty like you. I'm not talented like you. I'm just… Jane Rizzoli. A stupid cadet who—"
"You're not stupid, Jane."
The two locked gazes for a long time. Jane didn't know what to say, and so she didn't speak. How could she argue? She'd sound even stupider. It was a catch twenty-two.
"You should leave, Jane," Maura said sadly.
With a slow nod, Jane said, "Okay," and bent down to rest the flowers on the steps.
As she turned to leave, though, Maura grabbed her arm gently and turned her back around.
"Wait. I'm sorry. Don't leave. I'm being ridiculous."
"You're not being ridiculous. Why would you ever want me in your life? I'm so beneath you…"
"Jane Rizzoli! You are not beneath me!"
"Don't worry; I'll be out of your hair soon."
"Please, don't say it that way, Jane."
"Why? It's true. Obviously, I'm making you cry, somehow, and I want to stop. So it's better if I just go."
"Come inside."
"What?"
"Come inside, Jane."
Hesitantly, Jane picked up the flowers and followed Maura into the apartment.
"Sit down for a bit," Maura instructed Jane, gesturing to the couch.
Jane sat down slowly, watching as Maura poured a glass of wine for herself and opened a bottle of beer for the brunette.
When Maura sat down beside her, handing her friend the beer, Jane felt her stomach drop.
"I have to tell you something," Maura confessed, looking serious as she wiped her eyes again.
"Okay…"
"I don't…"
"Maura?" Jane asked, feeling concerned after a long pause.
"I don't want you to leave, Jane."
The shattering Jane felt inside her was enough to give her a sharp, intense headache as her gaze dropped to the floor. The room was suddenly spinning, for them both.
"Sometimes I worry that we won't always be friends," Jane told Maura.
"You worry about that?"
"Yes, I do."
"Why?"
"Because we bicker and fight and—"
"That's not going to change anything. We're here, aren't we? We somehow always find our way back to each other…"
"Yeah, I guess we do," Jane agreed. "So… Does that mean you don't hate me?"
"Of course not. I just told you I don't want you to go…"
"I'm not. I'm right here."
"No, Jane… I don't want you to leave."
"Leave for deployment?" Jane asked in surprise.
Maura nodded.
"Oh, Maura… You know I have to now…" Jane sighed. "I wish… I wish I'd never done this. God, I'm such a fucking idiot."
"You're not, Jane. And it's only a few years…"
Jane felt tears welling in her eyes and grew furious at herself for allowing them to form.
"I made a huge mistake, Maura," the brunette choked out, voice cracking.
Taking a deep, slow breath to steady herself, Maura offered another confession: "The only mistake you made was not kissing me before you left."
Jane felt her stomach drop. Her lips parted in preparation for her to speak, but no sound came out.
Maura waited with bated breath.
Realizing that she was unable to speak, the cadet echoed Maura's breath to gather her courage and leaned in, offering the woman's lips a tender kiss.
"I have been waiting for that for so long, Jane," Maura told her friend, squeezing her hand.
"I don't know what I was thinking, leaving you… I guess I was scared of my own feelings, because I didn't know you returned them."
"Of course I return them, Jane," Maura sighed. "And I want you to know… I'll be right here waiting for you when you come home."
"You will?"
"I will. Always."