After I helped my brothers put Leo into the bathtub, I walked down stairs. I couldn't bare to sit there and look at my older brother in such a terrible condition. I walked into the family room to try to get my mind off things and get used to my new surroundings. It was nice. There was a TV and couch with a few chairs along with a coffee table and fireplace. There were various pictures of April as a little girl and her family as well as old, antique(no doubt) candles hanging on the wall. It was warm and gave me a sense of safety, but it didn't even come close to quenching the pain I felt emotionally.
Everything that had aspired in the last 24 hours weighed heavy on my heart. Our home, our safe place in the sewers, was destroyed, New York was crawling with karaage, my sensei, no, my father was dead, and my brother was badly hurt and in a coma. Fate hadn't given me a very good hand that day. Sure we were alive, but it hardly felt like anything right now. My whole world was turned upside down. It felt dark and cold and I couldn't seem to escape it. I hadn't had much time to reflect on all that had happened. Now that I had a chance to breath, reality just hit me like a ton of bricks. We lost and were powerless to do anything about it at the moment.
I decided to sit down on a near by chair next to the fire place. I folded my hand together and leaned on my knees, just staring at the ground and thinking about the horrible moment when Leo crashed through that glass window. The sight kept replaying in my mind. Then my thoughts jumped to Master Splinter being washed down the drain pipe. The pain in Raphael's eyes as he watched our father basically die, April's slight sobs, Shredder's cruel chuckle, everything. It was so painful. I tried to leave the thought behind and think of how kind it was of April to keep us in her house and how Casey was actually treating me nicely, but my mind refused to let the terrifying images leave.
There, in the quiet family room of April's house, I felt warm tears forming in my eyes. I tried to hold them back, but to no avail. I couldn't help it. I just cried. I buried my face in my hands as tears streamed down my face, softly sniffing all the while. All that pain had finally just tugged on me so much that I just had to let in out. 'What now? What was I supposed to do? Aren't I supposed to be the one with all the answers? Everything's gone. I let them down.' I thought to myself as I cried. I felt so alone and so empty. How could things possibly get worse.
After I sobbed for about 10 minutes, I felt a warm hand touch my shoulder. I looked up and turned around in my chair to greet the kind eyes of my green eyed brother, Raphael. I still sniffed as he looked at me with that comforting gaze he gives me when I'm upset. Only this time I was a little different. His eyes were glossy and blood shot. He seemed to be in deep pain as well. Raph had been crying. My eyes widened in surprise, tear still flowing out of them. "Raph?" I managed to say. "Were you...cr-" But his slight nod cut off my question. "Oh..." I whispered as I looked back down at the ground where there was a tiny spot, wet with my tears. Raph knelt down beside me. He moved his hand from my shoulder to my knee and used his other hand to lift my chin up to meet his gaze. "Wanna look around a bit?" he asked, changing the subject. I sniffed and answered "Sure." Before I got up to explore, Raph took his hands and cupped my face and wiped away a tear that were still crawling down face with his thumb. He smiled slightly. I returned the half smile and got onto my feet. His green eyes were no longer watery or bloodshot and had returned to their normal state as opposed to mine. Although my brother comforted me immensely and wiped away the tears, I could still feel them forming. I did my best to hold them back and this time succeeded. I wiped away the remaining and let my eyes return to normal as we walked out of the family room and started to explore the rest of the house.
Raph and I walked into the kitchen which was pretty organized and well kept. Except the occasional dust bunny that had formed from the years of lack of use. We also looked into a little office area which no doubt would be used for meditation. There was nothing in it except a small work desk and "roley" chair. We then headed us stairs where there was a bathroom that we had already been in and didn't bother returning to.(Leo was in the bathtub in there.) There was also a few bedrooms up there. We would have to share the best we could, but we would manage. That was about it upstairs. We decided to look around the outdoors. There was a chicken coop that our younger brother, Mickey had already visited judging by the overdose of chicken feed on the ground. We also had a barn. It was pretty big. I'd ask April later if I could use it for a lab. After that, we looked in the shed. There wasn't much in there. Only a lawn mower and gardening tools. That was about it for the whole property.
Raph and I sat down on the swing that hung down from a tree. It had a nice view of the farm house. It was a very nice place. But it still was not home. I leaned on my knees and looked down at the ground as we swung slightly. Raph put his hand on my shoulder again. "You know, April said something about the woods being pretty nice in the evening." he spoke up. I looked up at him. "You want to walk around in them don't you?" I said back. "Well...yeah!" he answered with a slight chuckle. "I mean, might ease a little more tension don't you think?"
"Yeah I guess" I said, standing up with him and started walking into the woods.
April was right. The woods were pretty nice At sunset. It felt relaxing but there was still the intense heaviness weighing on my heart. I had been holding back tears for a while now and my emotions were not being merciful to my outward appearance of strength. Once again, flashbacks of the series of unfortunate events filled up my thoughts and haunted me. My sadness was now mixing with anger. I felt rage build up inside me in every step I took and in every thought of my dead father or extremely injured brother that returned to my mind.
I stopped in my tracks and stared at the ground. Raph walked a few steps and then realized I wasn't beside him anymore. He looked behind him to see me with my eyes closed tight, a shaky frown on my face, and my fists grasped hard at my sides. So hard that my knuckles were turning white.
"Donnie?...Don? You alright?" he questioned me with a concerned tone in his voice.
I lifted my head and opened my bloodshot eyes, filled with tears that had not yet streamed down my face. Raph backed off seeing that I was enraged. "Don?"
"No." I answered him. The tears started to slowly slip out of my eyes now. "No Raph. I am not ok." I continued. "In fact, I am the exact opposite of ok! I. am. TERRIBLE!"
"Ok Donnie, calm down."
"No! I will not calm down! I WILL NOT PRETEND THAT I'M PERFECTLY FINE WHEN MASTER SPLINTER IS DEAD AND LEO MAY NEVER WAKE UP!" I flung my hands in the air in rage. My face was now drenched with hot tears that just kept coming.
"Don-"
"No Raph! NO! I'M DONE! I WANT TO GO HOME! Why oh WHY, of all the people in the world, WHY did this happen to US? WHY RAPH? Why?! WHY THE SHELL DID THIS HAPPEN TO US?!" When those last words left my mouth, I fell on my knees, buried my face in my hands and I sobbed. "Why?..." I cried.
Raph ran to me and fell to his knees. He flung his hands around me and started to cry himself. "I don't know Donnie. I just don't know." He sobbed. His arms held me tightly close to him. I started to calm down in his comforting embrace. "But either way, it happened. And we have to deal with this crap." He continued through my sobs and his own. "But…..you're not alone brother." He spoke shakily. He let go of his grip a bit and kept one hand on my shoulder. He lifted my chin again to meet his glossy eyes. I looked at him through my tears. My vision was blurred with wetness by at the same time, I could see him crystal clear some how. "I'm right by your side. And so is Mickey! And April and Casey even. We are all in this together. We have each other and that's the important thing!" He finished. He smiled slightly and pulled me close to him again. I wrapped my arms around him in return after a few seconds as we cried together, holding each other close. And a smile creeped across my face.