House was right, Cameron is damaged. But she was damaged long before her husband died…
I got this idea from another song (as usual) so lyrics will be at the bottom. Please review
I don't own anything…
His words ring through my head "Gorgeous women do not go to medical school, unless, they're as damaged as they are beautiful. Were you abused by a family member?" house asks
"No." My mother never let it get that far…
"Sexually assaulted?" He looks at me
I close my eyes and shake my head not only to say no but to shake the memories "No." I can hear how shaky it comes out.
He pauses for just a moment, does he know? He doesn't skip a beat though "But you are damaged, aren't you?"
Where is he going with this? Will I be able to leave without him knowing? I'm saved by the pager "I have to go." He nods and I walk away thinking.
House knew I was damaged. He doesn't know why, or how, but he knows that something happened.
I was eight when my dad started drinking again, he had been sober for almost two years when he lost his job and slipped back into his old ways. It wasn't bad at first, but it only took a few weeks for the fighting to start again.
It was the fourth of July, the night before their fighting had kept me up until almost three am. While my mom had gotten me breakfast I noticed a bruise on her cheek. I tried to ask her what happened but she just took me into the living room when dad came down and was already grabbing a beer from the fridge. There was whisper/yelling coming from the kitchen and a loud thump, I waited until dad had walked back up the stairs before I made my way back to the kitchen where I found mom holding a towel to her split lip.
"Mom?" I looked at her.
She tried to give me a smile but it seemed week "Its okay baby." I hugged her, knowing she was lying "How about you go get dressed and we can go to the fair."
"Sure mom." I ran up the stairs to my room but there was something on the floor that I tripped over. I started to cry once I felt the rug burn.
"What the hell is your problem?" My dad walked out of his room to see what had happened. I wiped at my tears trying to be strong. "Answer me when I talk to you girl!"
"I… I fell and… and I'm bleeding." I get out.
I saw his anger flare as he said "Stop your damn blubbering!" I couldn't help but sob, so he grabbed my upper arm bringing me to my feet as I saw my mom run up the stairs.
She ripped my arm from him and looked down at me "Hey sweetie let me see." Mom took my scrape and kissed it "There. Go finish getting dressed." She smiled at me.
As I was changing I could still here them "What the hell? You do not touch our daughter!"
"She is my kid, I'll do what I want" Dads voice was angry.
I slowly walked out to my parents "Ready mom." I told her.
She bent down to my height "You know what Ali, why down you go ahead and walk down to the fair, and I'll be there soon. Is that okay? I just want to finish up some house work."
I was sad at first but I knew mom kept her word "Sure. I'll see you soon?"
"I'll be there as soon as I'm done" She smiles still.
I nodded. "Okay. Bye mom, bye dad." I walk toward the door after mom handed my some money to get tickets for rides.
The fair wasn't far, maybe a ten minute walk. When I got there I met up with some friends from school and we walked around talking and playing a few dart and basketball games. I had been there for an hour before mom showed up "Hey sweets, I've been looking for you" she was wearing sunglasses to hide the bruise I had noticed that morning. She must have noticed my frown at her bruise "Don't worry he won't hurt me, or you ever again." She whispered. "Now how about we find a good ride?" she said louder.
That Fourth of July was probably the best day of my childhood, even with that nights events. Mom and I rode the Ferris wheel at least three times, it was my favorite, it scared me at first but once I realized nothing would happen with my mom there I felt I was on top of the world. We rode other rides that spun, went upside down, and made us feel like we were flying. Soon after mom had arrived we heard fire trucks in the distance but neither one of us paid them much attention. We had pizza and elephant ears for supper, and once it started to get dark the fireworks were started.
The sun wasn't completely set yet but people were settling in to see the display. Once the sun had set though we could clearly see a small glow coming from our neighborhood, we just ignored it. The fireworks were the best I'd ever seen, just one after another flying into the air, bursting into beautiful patterns with a bang.
It was almost midnight by the time we started our walk back to our house. "Hey sweets, I love you very much, no matter what. Okay?" She had bent down to my level.
"Yeah mom and I love you no matter what too." I smile at her. "Today was the best day ever." I hugged her
"It was, wasn't it? I want you to keep this day in your mind for as long as you can, okay baby?"
I nodded "Of course mom! I'll never forget it!" and she stood and we continued our walk home.
Smoke. That is all I could smell as we neared our house. Smoke is all I could see as we walked up to the fireman and police man standing near our now blackened house. "Mrs. Cameron?" the police man asked my mom.
"Yes?" her voice was confident and the bravest I'd ever heard it.
The men looked down at me before the police man said "Were going to have to take you in, you're the only suspect…"
"I did it." Looks of shock was on both men's faces and mine too. All I could think was one word, what? "Can I talk to my daughter before I go with you?" The man nodded and took a few steps back with the fire man. "Remember what I said. Keep today with you no matter where you go in life, keep it with you. I love you." She took me in a vice like grip.
"Mom, I… I love you too" I cried out.
The cop came over and placed a hand on my mom's shoulder; she stood and walked toward the police car. I didn't know what to do I stood there and just cried until another police man came and took me to his car.
The best day of my life turned into the first bad night of many years to come…
I was placed in emergency foster care that night, and the foster parents, Mr. and Mrs. Cardell, they seemed nice enough. Mrs. Cardell held me that first night until I fell asleep. And honestly, it was the best foster home I was in for a long time… and I was only there for three days, Mr. Cardell had a heart attack and they couldn't take care of foster kids any more.
My second foster family wasn't as nice, I don't remember their names, but the foster mom got angry over everything. She slapped me and another kid around a lot until she was found out when the state popped in to check on us and three of us had bruises. All the kids were taken that night and moved around.
By the time I was nine I had been in one home for about five months and they were okay people, the Greene's, they didn't hit me or the other kids, they didn't yell either. They were just there, I guess as far as foster homes go it wasn't bad at all. And I wish I would have been able to stay there longer but I had a break down. I found out my mom was stabbed, and killed during a riot in the prison, I couldn't take it.
I never blamed her for killing my dad, who knows if I was in her shoes I probably would have done the same, and at the time I didn't realize she was not only trying to keep herself safe but she wanted me to be safe too. Losing her just broke me. She wasn't supposed to be in for more than five years. I was supposed to be able to hug her, hold her, and go home with her when I was fourteen. But I couldn't.
The Greene's decided I was too much work and I ended up inpatient for about a month to make sure I was stable enough to be around other kids.
The next place was the worst and I was there for the longest time, almost 4 years. At first this new home wasn't bad, it was actually pretty good. Mrs. Ryan worked a lot and was hardly ever home and when she was she was usually trying to get some sleep before her next shift. Mr. Ryan had a job too but he only worked while we were in school.
Then there was Taylor she was 12 when I got there she was the Ryan's daughter and was either in her room all the time or at a friend's. Aaron was the Ryan's son, he was 10 when I moved in, and seemed nice enough, and we got along well. Brice was another foster kid and he was 7, but he didn't really talk much even when I got to know him he was still pretty soft spoken. And there was Donny who was 5, he became my little buddy real quick. There were other kids that came and went but for the most part it was the five of us kids that were there, although Donny didn't arrive until about two months after I had.
I had notice the way Mr. Ryan would look and me, I was sure what to call the look, but I know I never liked it. Whenever I was alone with him he would touch me more, like he would put his hand on my lower back, or he'd rub my leg and if I told him to stop or wiggle away he would tell me I wasn't being a good girl and if I didn't listen id have to be punished. Things were going so well there I didn't want to screw it up I didn't want them to decide they didn't like me anymore.
My tenth birthday is a day that I can never forget, no matter how hard I try. It seemed like a good day much nicer than my last birthday with the Greenes, I had presents, and we went out to my favourite place for diner, we even had a cake with candles and everyone sang. Even the other kids had fun, Donny even made me a card that said "HAPPE BRITHDAY". Things were starting to look good, finally.
Maybe I'd get to stay there forever. But that night changed my mind, Mrs. Ryan had to work the night shift, she left once the two little boys were in bed. Taylor had gone to a friend's house for the night and she was dropped off by Mrs. Ryan. So it was just Aaron, Mr. Ryan and me watching a movie that night. When the movie was over he sent us both to get ready for bed. "Happy birthday Alison. I hope you can stay here, I think you make a good sister." Aaron said as we both brushed our teeth.
"Thanks." I smiled to the older boy. "I hope so too." We both told went to our rooms when we finished saying out good nights.
I was lying in bed it had been a while since id been sent to bed, but I just couldn't sleep. Things were going so well, Aaron even said id make a good sister. Maybe the Ryan's would adopt me? Or at least let me stay with them until I was grown up? This could be my new home. I even started to wonder what my mom would think of this family. I'm not sure how long id been thinking I just know I was startled and quickly closed my eyes, pretending to sleep when my door opened.
I thought it was just Mr. Ryan coming to check on me like one of the foster parents did every night. Only he didn't turn and close the door like he normally would, instead he came in and shut the door, locking it behind him. I was about to ask him what he was doing but I didnt want to get in trouble for not sleeping so I just bit my tongue.
He sat on the edge of my bed and put his hand on my leg, "Hey Ali, baby open your eyes." He said softly. I do as I'm told not sure what else to do, "You know today you became a young lady." He smiled when I got my eyes open and looked at him. "You are growing up so fast, and I want to give you a present, but I need to make sure you won't tell anybody. Not even Stacy (Mrs. Ryan). I'm going to give you a very special necklace, but first I'm going to do something. Baby I'm going to make you feel good." He smiles down at me and his hand slides higher up my leg.
"What do you mean?" I asked as I squirmed.
"You'll see baby. Can you do something for me? I want you to call me daddy. You don't have to all the time, but when it's just you and me, call me daddy." It wasn't a question.
I won't go into great detail but that was the first night he'd raped me. I tried to get him to stop but to no avail. And though I knew I couldn't stop him I fought him every time he'd come in my room, or at least I did for a long time. One night I just I couldn't do it anymore. I stopped fighting. And for "Being good" he was easy on me that night.
Now I'm not sure how I got her but I'm sitting in the locker room, had I been sitting here thinking all this time? It doesn't matter, I decide to get a shower before I head home. Once I collect all my things I hope in the shower.
I'm not sure why or even how but the razor ends up on the floor, I step on it, I think. I hear the snap and I break along with it I slide to the floor, knees to my chest and tears falling freely, the lose razor blade was in my hand.
It's been a year since I last cut, I couldn't screw that up now. I fight with myself. But it will make me feel better. Only for now, latter I'll feel worse. I don't know what compels me to do it but the blade is to my leg, the same area that I have scars from a year, or longer ago. I don't care if I feel worse later; I need to feel okay now. I need the distraction it'll bring.
And so I do it. The long lost, yet very familiar, feeling of the blade dragging across my skin. Drops of blood slowly falling down my leg, into the water.
I do another, and another indulging in the new found pain, the distraction. I'm still crying but if it's from my pained past or from being relieved I'm no longer sure, maybe both. I don't hear the locker room door open, or my name being called, I'm too intoxicated, from the pain to care.
In this moment I almost don't care if I live, I don't try to kill myself, I just don't pay attention to how deep or were I cut. I hit an artery. The blood is streaming. I don't want to die. I cover the gash with both hands. The water is now swirling with the blood and entering the drain as pink.
"Cameron?" I hear a voice… shit.
The door is opener to the showers "Oh god Alison!" hands cover my wound and realize how tired I am. "No! Alison, stay awake!" The voice yells. "I need help in here!"
Please review. Do you want to know who it is? Tell me what you think guys!
And as promised the lyrics
Well she seemed alright by dawn's early light
Though she looked a little worried and weak
She tried to pretend he wasn't drinkin' again
But Daddy left the proof on her cheek
And I was only 8 years old that summer
And I always seemed to be in the way
So I took myself down to the fair in town
On Independence Day...
Well, word gets around in a small, small town
They said he was a dangerous man
But Momma was proud, and she stood her ground
She knew she was on the losin' end
Some folks whispered, some folks talked
But everybody looked the other way
And when time ran out there was no one about
On Independence Day...
Let freedom ring
Let the white dove sing
Let the whole world know that today,
is a day of a reckoning
Let the weak be strong
Let the right be wrong
Roll the stone away
Let the guilty pay
It's Independence Day
Well, she lit up the sky that Fourth of July
By the time that the firemen come
They just put out the flames and took down some names
and sent me to the county home
Now I ain't sayin' it's right, or it's wrong
But maybe it's the only way
Talk about your revolution
It's Independence Day...
Let freedom ring
Let the white dove sing
Let the whole world know that today,
is the day of a reckoning
Let the weak be strong
Let the right be wrong
Roll the stone away
let the guilty pay
It's Independence Day
Roll the stone away...
It's Independence Day...