Rule #1
The Giant Squid is not an acceptable date to the Yule Ball
(Even if you're trying to avoid being asked out by someone desperate)
(Like Ron)
(Oh boy, was that awkward)
oOo
Rule #2
Making jokes about Professor Lupin's 'time of the month' is not allowed
(Werewolves are touchy)
(And dangerous)
(Never provoke a werewolf)
oOo
Rule #3
Also, giving Professor Lupin a flea-collar is not allowed.
(Touchy)
(Dangerous)
(Dammit Fred, you know I'm a sucker for dares!)
oOo
Rule #4
Do not use Umbridge's quill to write 'I'm into kinky shit' onto yourself
(The looks are not worth it)
(Or the detentions)
(Ohhh those pickled toad guts love lingering under my nails...)
oOo
Rule #5
Telling Voldemort you've got his nose isn't recommended.
(Not my fault he can't take a joke)
(But it was pretty funny to see)
(I'm still giggling)
oOo
Rule #6
No broom-racing allowed in the corridors
(I blame the Weasley twins for this one)
(Ron didn't turn a sharp corner fast enough)
(Ploughed right into Snape)
(The twins disappeared and I was left explaining...more detention)
(Also, Ron broke an arm and dislocated his nose)
(He's not talking to me)
oOo
Rule #7
Never refer to the Patil or Weasley twins as 'bookends'.
(The end result is never pretty)
(Trust me on this one)
oOo
Rule #8
Starting a betting-pool on the current Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers is strictly forbidden.
(Shame)
(I was getting so rich)
(They just have a short shelf-life)
oOo
Rule #9
Don't bring a Magic-Eight ball to Divination
(While Trelawny likes the vague predictions it makes, examiners don't)
(Oh well)
(I had fun)
oOo
Rule #10
Growing 'shrooms, marijuana or any other 'muggle' drugs is not considered extra credit for Herbology
(I got landed in so much trouble for that one)
(Who knew the Venomous Tentacula could get high?)
(That was the best class ever)