A Blank Encouragement
Written for aamalie, as a belated Christmas present in the MiroSanta exchange.
Prompts: Friction, Fantasy, Expectation, Again. I got 'em all in, at least from my perspective, but you be the judge :)
Words: 3,536
The days after Naraku's demise passed quickly for the inu-tachi, if in somewhat a state of shock. At first they had been beyond jubilant, reveling in vengeance achieved, the lifting of Miroku's curse, and the prospect of starting over. Then they had discovered Kagome's disappearance from their world and mourned the friend they weren't sure if they'd ever see again. Miroku and Sango spent their time alternately grieving, trying to console Inuyasha, or trying to diffuse his temper. Kohaku's return, and his quickly leaving again, had things in even more turmoil, so it was days before things quieted down enough for them to consider how to move on with their lives.
So it was that Sango waited until the village was quiet, everyone gone for their day's labor, before she spoke her mind to Miroku. "Ne, houshi-sama," she began, immediately drawing his attention for her unusual hesitancy, "about your promise concerning what we'd do after Naraku's death…"
A tired smile spread across his face. "Ah, that. I'm sorry, the preparations-"
"I just wanted to let you know that I don't hold you to it," she continued, as if she hadn't heard him. "I release you."
He stared at her dumbly, unsure what she was saying. A chilling calm came over him. "Do you think me incapable of living up to my word? Of being a good husband?"
To his consternation, she chuckled lowly. "No, that's not it at all – quite the opposite in fact. I know you would do the honorable thing and follow through, but I feel it would be unfair to hold you to such a bargain when it was simply meant as an encouragement."
He blinked slowly. "Encouragement?" he repeated, wondering where on earth she'd gotten such a fantastical idea.
"Yes," she said, quirking a brow at him. "Something for us to look forward to, to keep us going."
"A motivator," he elaborated.
"Yes, exactly."
He coughed – or was it choked – into his hand before giving her a look that made her instantly suspicious. Still, she couldn't ignore the momentary relief that had flitted across his face, but she forced herself to ignore the responding tightening of her gut.
He stepped toward her then, a sly smirk quirking his mouth. "Then what do you think of this as encouragement?" He moved in and kissed her without warning or indication, simply pressing his lips against hers in a much gentler, less invasive way than she would've expected from him.
He didn't know why she didn't push him away, whether from shock, curiosity, or desire, so he pressed the advantage while he had it. In all honestly, he was sure it would've been nearly impossible for him to do anything else, what with how soft her lips were against his – something so outrageously feminine from the hardened warrior – and how good her mouth tasted.
He pulled her bottom lip between his and sucked gently, and when she shuddered he braced himself for the inevitable hit, only it never came. After a split-second of deafening silence, his senses of taste and touch filling the quiet with their singing, everything suddenly exploded.
His arms were behind her, pulling her into him, and her hands were in his hair, stretching, clutching, anchoring. The first slide of his tongue against hers was the single most glorious thing he'd ever felt, and though she bumbled at first in her exuberance, he puffed up at the thought that he'd caused such a reaction in her. She caught on quickly – which he blamed on her lifetime of training where she was taught to pick up new battle techniques at the spur of the moment – and soon had his head spinning.
He was floating on a cloud of bliss when she pushed him away suddenly, both of them panting, her lips parted and red from his kisses. She blinked once then spun and stalked away, leaving him to stare after her and lean back against the hut in bone-deep satisfaction and anticipation.
When he cornered her the next day he felt like he must've missed something. She wasn't embarrassed in the way he'd expected. She was stand-offish but there wasn't any anger there – in fact, it was like instead of hot she burned cold – but more than anything she seemed almost indifferent to him, which was not something he ever wanted from her.
So he followed her as she ambled from the village, pretending not to notice his shadowing her, and waited until they were far away enough to ensure privacy against even the most adventurous villager doing their daily chores. He bided his time until they came to a small clearing – so he could dodge her blows if need be – then broke the tenuous silence.
"Why are you avoiding me?" he asked bluntly, putting aside his usual charm and tact to get to the heart of the matter.
She turned to him with a brittle smile. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
He leaned back against a broad tree and crossed his arms, considering her. "Did my kissing you make you that uncomfortable?"
She seemed startled by the question, her brow tightening for a split second before she gathered control of herself. "No, it didn't make me uncomfortable, houshi-sama. I simply wished to make our separation a bit easier to begin by spending less time in each other's company."
"What separation?" he asked, straining to keep his voice level.
She stared at him in confusion. "We spoke of this yesterday," she reminded him, speaking slowly as if she were worried about the state of his mind. "I will not hold you to our bargain; I release you. Wasn't that kiss a broker of the new agreement, a way of saying goodbye? A somewhat lecherous way, I admit, but then again we both know you like to push that angle every chance you get."
He was silent a moment before asking, "What if I don't want to be released?"
She stilled instantly.
"I had no intention of saying 'goodbye', and I certainly don't now either. I did what I did because I wanted to, and because I look forward to getting to do more of the same once we're wed."
Sango would have blushed at the insinuation but she was too busy being dumbfounded. "What happened to the engagement simply being a means of encouragement?"
He shook his head ruefully. "That was something you assumed, nothing I ever purported or confirmed."
She played back their conversation of the previous day in her head, finding that he spoke the truth. "But I'm not at all what you're looking for in a wife," she countered, not dismayed or worried, solely perplexed and more than a trifle thrown off-balance.
One side of his mouth lifted, showing his amusement. "And just what are my wifely requirements then?"
Her eyes narrowed. "From what I've seen on our travels, you seek first and foremost lovely, young, rich women, preferably the daughter of a man of consequence. If she doesn't have the status, however, you're looking for beauty, someone who will fawn over you, and most importantly someone who is demure and will fulfill the duties of a wife most excellently.
"I am none of those things," she continued, no sign of shame or discomfort at that fact showing in her eyes. She was proud of who she was. "I am a taijiya and I always will be – wife or no. I was raised to do battle, not to know how to sew, and though I will learn I will likely always be a poor homemaker. First and foremost I am a fighter, and I will teach my children my ways as soon as they're old enough to hold a weapon. My daughters will learn to defend themselves before they learn how to arrange flowers, and I will never bow my head to my husband solely because he is my husband."
To her annoyance his smile grew with each word she spoke. He reached for her, grabbing her hand before she hastily jerked it away, glaring with suspicion. "My dear Sango, you think that after all this time traveling with you that I do not know all these things? I would be astonished if you were to claim any different. As for what I desire in a wife, though…" He chuckled. "While those things may have been true once upon a time my views changed the moment you came into my life. You showed me that a woman can be a true partner, not someone to pander to and play with for entertainment sake, something more than just a mother for my children."
He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "And speaking of children, we live dangerous lives, you and I. I doubt that will change much for either of us, even after marriage and family. So wouldn't it be wiser to teach them to fight? I, for one, would certainly appreciate my children being able to defend themselves."
She gaped at him, mouth working soundlessly. "B-but you always wanted the defenseless women, the ones you could protect, the ones who were pretty and soft and compliant-"
His laugh cut her off. "You think I could ever have this much fun with anyone else? Would anyone else bicker with me or joke with me or slap me when I've gone too far?" He smiled wickedly, grabbing her hand again and taking another step closer. "What I'm saying, Sango, is that I want you and no one else will satisfy now."
She stared up at him, so startled that he knew that she wasn't worrying that she hadn't been a good match for him or that they weren't good for each other, but that she really just was that surprised at his announcement. A sudden thought came to him. "Have you been thinking all along that my proposal had been just a ruse?"
"I…" She got distracted, watching his thumb brush back and forth over her knuckles. She tugged at her hand but there was no force behind it so he retained his hold easily. "Yes and no."
He quirked an eyebrow in question, urging her to go on. He wasn't sure if she saw it, seeing as she hadn't yet pulled her eyes away from their hands, but she continued either way. "Sometimes it's hard to know what you're serious about. Plus you're a mixture of kind and lecherous, groping other women and being the strength I need through hard times. I never know what youreally want."
She tried to shrug it away but he could tell that it bothered her that she couldn't truly read him.
"Sango," he breathed. He finally succeeded in pulling her eyes up to his when he raised the hand she was still staring at so intently, brushing his lips across her fingers. "Will you believe me, then, when I tell you that I was completely honest about my intentions toward you and that this is what I truly want?"
Her eyes widened and he swore he saw hope bloom there, but then her eyes shuttered and she shook her head slowly. "But I'm not right for you; I'm not proper wife material."
His brow furrowed as he considered her. "Didn't we just go over this? I don't mind that you're a taijiya, in fact I like that, and…" He trailed off at the strange expression that flicked across her face.
"That's not what I mean." She turned from him then, sitting in front of a fallen log a few steps away that she'd leaned Hiraikotsu against. Pulling the overlarge weapon into her lap she bent over it and began to clean it, studiously ignoring him.
He waited but when it appeared she wasn't going to explain he prompted her, "And just what do you mean?"
Looking everywhere but at him, as if searching for an answer or at least a distraction, she finally sighed in resignation. "The kiss," she said finally, as if that explained it all.
"Yes, it was very good. I hope to do it again – soon."
She shot him a sharp, irritable glance that did nothing to hide her embarrassment. "No, what I mean is," she grunted in exasperation at her own meandering and turned to face him fully, sitting up straight. "I enjoyed it."
"I would hope so." Despite his confusion he couldn't help but preen just a little bit.
"I wasn't supposed to."
That stopped him cold. "What on earth do you mean by that?"
She looked at him as if he were dumb. "Wives aren't supposed to, erm, enjoy their husbands like that. It's immoral."
At that moment, thinking of all he'd heard through his life, all his experiences, the way she'd reacted to him the day before, and the words she was speaking now, he had to muster every bit of his self control to keep from laughing. The only thing that prevented his amusement from showing on his face, regardless, was that he could see the shame lingering behind her eyes and knew that if he was anything less than serious in this moment that he'd lose the chance to talk this over with her.
"Where did you hear that?" he asked, once he was sure his voice would be even.
She stiffened, obviously uncomfortable discussing such a topic with him, but that strength of hers suddenly burned fiercely and she looked him straight in the eye as she spoke. "Many different places, of course. Growing up it was never said outright in the village, but it seemed to be understood. Then there are the women at the many places we've visited, and even those here. The only women who I've heard boasting of enjoying men are ones who are either unwed or are unfaithful to their husbands."
He clucked his tongue at her. "Let's take this one step at a time. I take it that you have never intentionally had a conversation with any of the married women in this village about this particular aspect of their married lives?"
She shook her head. "Of course not, it's not proper since I remain unmarried."
"Then how do you know they don't enjoy themselves? Maybe they're just more cognizant of the fact that you prefer to maintain a certain innocence until the time comes for you, and they watch what they speak about around you." She snorted at the word 'innocence' but he ignored that. "If you ask a few of them personally I bet most of them would sing a different tune." She looked unconvinced but he pushed on.
"As for the slayer's village…" He paused, considering his words carefully, knowing he was treading on sensitive ground. He moved to sit in front of her, close enough that his knees almost brushed hers but careful to keep from touching her, hoping to better see her face so he could gauge her reactions. "Your father raised you as a warrior, a strong fighter, and gave you the same standing as the men in the village, didn't he?" She nodded hesitantly. "So why would he afford you different rights inside of marriage? Any indication he gave to the contrary I'm sure was likely just to convince you to keep yourself until you were wed."
She looked entirely unconvinced and he was baffled as to how to proceed next until he noticed that her posture had changed, her head bowed as she fiddled with her fingers. Then it clicked with him – she didn't believe what she was saying. Of course not, he scoffed to himself. She had always been so self-assured in knowing what she wanted. He couldn't believe he'd actually bought into the idea, for even a second, that she thought she deserved less than her husband. The problem was she believed that was what was expected of her, and for her to feel otherwise meant something was wrong with her and that her husband would suffer for it. He chuckled lowly, causing her head to jerk up. She couldn't be further from the truth.
"Let's ignore all of that for a moment," he said, plunging ahead when she was slow in her acquiescence. "Say we were to get married, despite all your concerns. Wouldn't you want me to be as happy as possible? Wouldn't you want do anything that would contribute to my contentment, to show how much you care? Even to give me pleasure?"
She nodded, unsure where he was going but feeling the trap.
"Then why would you deny me the same?"
She stared at him, stunned.
"Even if it were normally improper, we are not a typical couple Sango. I don't want you holding back and I most certainly do want you to enjoy our marriage, every single aspect." He leaned over her as he spoke, pushing her back against the log with his proximity, though he was careful to keep a scant distance between their torsos so they didn't yet touch. "I think you want the same, you're just too scared to admit it."
Defiant, her eyes blazed. "Scared? Scared?" She knew he was just trying to goad her into a reaction, she knew it, but somehow it didn't matter. Part of her reacted to the challenge but most of her just didn't care anymore and wanted to let loose, and in fact had been looking for an excuse to do so. "You brought this on yourself, then. I'm not letting you go anymore."
She had one moment to glimpse the genuinely rapturous smile that warmed his face before she flipped their positions, pressing him back into the ragged bark of the log as she lowered her mouth to his. He responded instantly, lips sliding against hers in a way that made her want to melt against him. When the hands on her back started to slide down though, she responded to the smirk he pressed against her lips with a mischievous smile of her own.
Pulling back, and chuckling at the sound of annoyance he made at the interruption, she pried his hands from her body, holding them up incriminatingly in front of his face. Instantly he went from irritated to nervous and charming, part of him apologizing and bracing for the coming blow, part trying to explain that she'd have to get used to his wandering hands eventually anyhow.
Slowly – because she enjoyed his nervousness more than she'd admit – she lowered his hands to lay flat against the log, giving him a hard look. "They stay there or this ends."
"This?" he repeated, somewhat panicky. The level of his anxiety threw her for a moment and then she softened in understanding.
"This interlude, not our agreement." She smiled at him and he relaxed under her immediately.
"So we are still getting married then?"
She couldn't help as the smile on her face grew and expanded until it felt like her face would break. "Yes," she breathed, filled with more hope in that moment than she could possibly explain to him. Somehow, despite both Kagome's and Kohaku's departures, in that moment – for just that moment – she felt like her world was made whole.
"How about some practice then?" he asked hopefully, and she laughed, more joyously than it felt like she had in years.
Then she leaned down and kissed him, his mouth doing funny things to her senses that she finally allowed herself to revel in, pressing herself close to the heat of his body. Feeling the corded tension in his muscles, of the exertion he was having to put forth in order to prevent himself from pulling her to him, of the sacrifice he was making for her sake, she felt she finally knew what all the fuss was about, what Miroku seemed to crave continually, and knew he might just have made an addict out of her – at least when it concerned him.
Pulling back, looking at the dazed expression she'd put on his face, she knew she'd never had any chance of leaving him, of putting him behind her. Her mouth close to his ear, she whispered a quiet, "Thank you," wishing she could convey all she meant but knowing those two small words would have to do.
He breathed out heavily, shuddered slightly before responding. "I'm going to have to hold you now." Before she could respond his hands were on her shoulders, pulling her tightly to him, and when that wasn't sufficient his arms were wrapped around her upper back, crushing her to him. His mouth was fevered against hers, plying, pulling, sucking, biting, and then he was kissing her face, moving to her hair as he just held her against him, glorying in the sensation of her finally being his and his finally belonging to her.
Sango though, after wakening herself from the intoxicating drunkenness of his touch, held to her word and pulled away from him – though her body screamed at her for the act – ending their interlude. It wouldn't do to have him thinking she wouldn't follow through on her threats.
That didn't stop her, however, from starting another one five minutes later. After all, he was going to have to learn that it was a woman's prerogative to change her mind.