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The tears welled up in her chest. They weren't allowed to her eyes. If they got there, they might leak. It felt like they were multiplying and forcing their way up her throat. Each salty droplet added to the deluge. She was drowning inside. The tears were spreading to her bloodstream, dragging their sadness with them. It choked her and weighed her down. She felt like she shrank a little and desperately wished for anyone. No one noticed and she simply sat, silently drowning and the world kept turning.
"Are you okay?" she was asked once. "I'm fine!" said her actress's smile. She despises how she can lie. She hates her talents. It makes her water level rise every time someone accepts her answers.
"Why are you upset?" He asked without looking up from his microscope.
"I'm not"
"Don't lie to me." She doesn't care that he can't sympathize. At least he can see. She lost all ability to lie to him. She lost her talent at pretending, but she preferred the awkward way he made her act to the horrid lies of before.
She latched on. He didn't notice. She thrived off of anything he said. No matter how rude or biting, the little things he noticed made up for it. He could tell anything about her without trying. Except that she adored him. She tried to catch his attention. His only flaw was his inability to understand. He saw and comprehended so much, but he couldn't relate. And she was hopelessly in love with him.
She didn't like his new friend. The man looked like the type that would fascinate him like she couldn't. That's why she hated the detective inspector as well. He always took away the attention that made her live. She craved every little comment. She wanted all and took very little.
She sat quietly and wished the army doctor away.
She desperately tried to free herself from the endless cycle of adoration that she was trapped in by the aura of Him. And then she met Jim. Lovely Jim who could understand and feel. She didn't care that he was slightly too well-dressed. He was well dressed. Sure, Jim seemed to take a special care of his appearance, but he was the caring type. For some reason Jim was really interested in Him, but so was she, so it didn't matter.
She healed a little more.
He couldn't be gay. This was absolute numbing shock and the pain of failure. Wonderful Jim who cared for her. He had to be wrong. But he had never been wrong before. But there is a first time for everything, right?
Then why did he give Him his number?
She thinks she must have known. Must've denied it, thinking everything would be fine. Must've been waiting for everything to fall to shit. Like it always did.
She fell again. Cracked open and filled with salt water.
Jim disappeared. At least the virtual Jim did. The very real, very solid Jim didn't. He was in more, she could tell there was something going on between them. And His doctor what's-his face. They glared at Jim every time they saw him. Jim just grinned. What was going on?
She crumbles more and more. Still feeding off of His comments, deteriorating as they became fewer and fewer. She drowns and one day the brilliant mind of Sherlock Holmes will fleetingly wonder where she ran off to. And a government employee, who looks in on everyone who ever heard the name of the man who can save as easily as destroy, will write 'suicide'. Then she and her tears will spill into the dust.
Thanks for reading! Please review!
This wasn't originally supposed to be a fic, it just turned into one.