I

Marinette

After spilling the entire carton of milk on the new top I had just designed, inking myself with my own pen, breaking my phone, not speaking to Alya for a week, trying to get myself over the guilt of breaking up with Luka, ruining an order and losing the business of a major customer, almost revealing my secret identity to my entire English class, failing a crucial exam, dealing with the specter of The Future, and finally, tripping over and crashing into Adrien and dragging him down with me and accidentally cutting his cheek with my key—I was done.

I threw myself on my bed, then flipped over and gazed at the ceiling.

Tikki floated in my peripheral vision as I hugged a pillow, tears starting in my eyes.

"Why can't I do anything right?" I asked her brokenly.

"Marinette," Tikki said with a little smile. "You're Ladybug. You save Paris from Hawkmoth almost daily. You do many things right." She nestled against my wet cheek.

"Ladybug," I said flatly. "Ladybug does everything right." I closed my eyes in pain. "What I meant was…Tikki…why can't Marinette do anything right?"

Tikki detached herself from my cheek with a jerk and flung herself into the air so she could hover above me and force eye contact.

"Now you listen. Ladybug and Marinette are the same person," she pointed out firmly. "The same wonderful, sweet, caring young lady. And she is you. You've just had a bad week…month, Marinette."

It only made me cry harder. "They're not, though, Tikki. Ladybug is confident, and...and brave, and everything Marinette is not."

"Is this about Adrien still?" My Kwami asked knowingly, her big eyes clouding over.
I smacked the pillow in frustration. "Three years, Tikki, three years." I crammed my fist into my mouth to muffle my sobs. "I've loved him, and when I try to move on and open myself to someone else, I can't. I love him too much, and now I've gone and hurt Luka, and I hurt Adrien too today with my clumsiness. And Alya still won't talk to me, and even Nino's shut me out. I don't know what I'm doing with my life, know I want to be a designer, and I know I can get there, but everything just seems so hard sometimes, like the world's determined to drag you down. It's not just those things either, it's the little, insignificant things that shouldn't matter but are suddenly making or breaking my mood, Tikki, I've been feeling despair for a while now, and I don't know what to do," I finished in a rush.

"These things happen," Tikki reminded me gently. "It's just how life is. You're growing up, Marinette."

"And I'm struggling!" I put my hands to my head. "I don't know if I can handle it. And these things happen, yes, but these things always happen to me. Always! Why don't I have the black cat Miraculous? I'm a walking disaster and bad luck magnet." I slumped down on my bed, my tears finally subsiding into a few shaky hiccups. "Chloe's been a huge witch recently, too. I hate how she treats everyone. I'm sorry, Tikki, I'm on a rambling rant."

"It's okay," she answered patiently. "You need to get it all out. Don't keep it bottled up."

I sighed. "I-I suppose. I feel slightly better now." I did, actually. I tried a smile. "Well. There's some studying I need to get done…but there's also a longing in me to sketch out a new design…Hmm, wonder how rosettes would look…on that jacket…" I trailed off, mind lost in the fog of a novel idea coming to fruition, and grabbed a sheet of paper.

My pencil had scratched for about half an hour, when I realized…

"Oh no! Tikki, my portfolio, where is it?" I had bound all my creations—the ones I deemed satisfactory, at least—into a leather folder. I would submit it when the time came for me to see what I could do about my dream of being a designer.

"Your portfolio? The one you were going to show Mr. Agreste?"

"Yes!" I yelped, rifling through my backpack and throwing things this way and that in a desperate bid to find it.

I groaned. "Come to think of it, I don't remember seeing it since math…Why am I so irresponsible?" I made a snap decision. "We need to get back to the school right now."

Tikki obliged, hopping into my purse. I shot to my feet and impatiently tried to cram my shoes on the wrong feet; frustrated, I kicked them off and opted to go barefoot rather than fuss with their snaps.

…

I managed to almost run into oncoming traffic—I stopped just in time—and slip on a banana peel and stub my bare toe on a root growing out of the sidewalk, but I eventually made it back to the school.

The clash of metal accosted my ears, and a buzz as I raced past the gym. Fencing Club was in session. I raced past the open door, partially to avoid running into Adrien after slashing his cheek and partially because I wanted to get to my math classroom before the teacher left.

I skidded to a stop in the corridor outside, almost losing my footing, and pounded on the door and tried the knob.

It was locked.

"No," I muttered, "No, no, no."

I had my hand lifted to knock again when the doorjamb turned and the janitor emerged, whistling as he hefted a mop and bucket.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Dubois," I greeted him.

"Hello, Miss Dupain-Cheng," he replied. "Do you need something?"

"Yes, actually," I said with a nervous smile. "I left a portfolio of drawings here, I believe. I'd like to check the room if you'd be so kind?"

"I didn't see anything," he allowed, "But go ahead. Just make sure to lock up when you leave."

"Thank you!" I cried, and rushed past him into the classroom, clipping a desk in my haste. I got down on my hands and knees and searched in vain, behind tables, under chairs, in the corners…nothing.

I blew a strand of my dark hair out of my face. My cheeks were smudged with a bit of dust from peering underneath furniture, and I didn't want to accept the fact that my portfolio was gone. Sketches from the past four years…plans for my Miraculous inspired line…

"That's okay," I reassured Tikki as much as myself. "I'm sure someone picked it up. Maybe Nathaniel, he knows all about drawing…how I pour your heart into those sketches…" I trailed off.

"That's right, Marinette!" She chirped. "I'm sure you'll get it back Monday!"

I smiled, also optimistic, and turned to exit through the door. I was proud I remembered to lock up as I left.

Everything was going to be okay. Sure, it had been rough lately, but I could make it right. And I had the fashion expo with Adrien to look forward to…

The thought brought a smile to my lips until I heard my name.

"Marinette Dupain-Cheng."

The spoiled drawl stopped me in my tracks as I hurried back through the school. I had to get home—my parents were furious about me bungling that order. Consequences would be discussed when they closed the bakery early for the day, at 17:30, I had been told. And it was probably best I got home before then.

But that tone made me stop.

Chloe Bourgeois stepped out from the shadows, Sabrina by her side. The former's makeup was impeccable as usual—though applied a bit too thickly, in my opinion. She wore her favorite yellow bolero with tailored cream capris and a yellow top that blended into the jacket and about blinded you. To my taste, it was too much yellow…or of the same shade of yellow…she could go with a black shirt for contrast, and instead of that belt, use a thinner one…

"What do you want, Chloe?" I demanded, weary. I shoved my criticism of her fashion sense out of mind and tried to ignore the nagging feeling of foreboding eating me.

"Isn't it obvious?" She cooed in a sticky-sweet voice. "I'm here to return something you lost."

I started to get a sick feeling. I said nothing.

"Sabrina, the papers," she ordered, palm out and ready to receive.

Sabrina placed a sheaf of my sketches in her outstretched hand, dropping the leather cover of my portfolio on the floor. Involuntarily, I rushed forward with a gasp.

"I warned you, Marinette Dupain-Cheng," Chloe shook her head and clucked her tongue sadly.

"I guess you get to tell her I told you so!" Sabrina exclaimed, always trying to curry Chloe's favor.

"I told you so," Chloe went on, with a withering look at her associate. "Stay away from Adrien Agreste. He's mine, and I mean it. I told you I'd ruin you."

Something clicked in her hand. A small flame flared.

"You can't do that, Chloe!" I cried. "You wouldn't dare!"

"Oh, we'll see just what I dare," she retorted, as the fire crawled up the pages of my designs and graceful, loving pencil curves shriveled to naught but ash. She held the corner of the mess and when it had been incinerated, she laughed at me, on my knees, every beat of my heart a slow, deliberate thud of pain as I knelt in the rain of the ashes of my imagination…

My eyes filled. I had my hands over my mouth.

Chloe and Sabrina strutted off, laughing. Their laughter echoed in my brain.

"Marinette!" Tikki cried. I was crying again, swiping the back of my nose with a hand. "You can make new ones…"

"No," I gasped. "Those were one of a kind. Colored and everything. I don't have that kind of time to create a whole other portfolio. That took me years."

Tikki shook her little head. "I can't believe she did that."

"I can," I growled, my tears giving way to a very familiar anger directed at Chloe. Stronger than I had ever felt it.

So I was hardly surprised when I saw the akuma winging its way towards me.

"Oh my God…can this day get any worse?"

I scrambled to my feet and started to run from it, trying to think quickly of a solution. I whipped around a corner and plunged blindly into a locker room. The akuma couldn't touch me, or touch anything I had touched, lest Paris be without the only person who could get rid of akumas for a while. Akumatizing Ladybug…now wouldn't that be a jewel in Hawkmoth's crown?

"Tikki, this cannot happen," I declared, keeping my blurry eyes peeled for the stinky bug, which was glowed black and purple with every flutter of its luminescent wings.

"No," she agreed. She was trembling, she was so tense. "You have a little time—you can transform and catch it before it finds you or another victim."

"Tikki, spots on!" I cried in a rush. Instantly, uncertain, insecure Marinette melted into cool, unperturbable Ladybug.

"Just try it, akuma," I threatened.

I unfastened my yo-yo from around my waist and cast it towards the nasty thing. The magic absorbed it, and when I reeled my yo-yo back in, I released an innocent, luminous white butterfly into the dimness of the school corridor. "Bye bye, little butterfly," I sighed.

Around me, there was only silence. "Spots off," I mumbled, becoming Marinette in a flash. I felt calmer now, but I was still very upset. I felt defeated. The sense of crushing despair had returned. What did I have now? I wondered. I've lost my best friend, the only person I know how to truly love hates me, I've ruined so many friendships, my only chance to get into a trade school or get an internship just went up in flames, my parents might lose the bakery over my mistakes…I bring disaster everywhere I go…

All I've got now is Ladybug.

My only purpose…the only way I can do things right…

Or else why am I here?

"Marinette?" Tikki asked, having reappeared with my detransformation.

I realized I had been silent for a while. Not crying, not speaking. Barely breathing.

"Tikki...I...I don't think I can do it anymore. It's getting so hard...to be...to be Marinette and Ladybug."

"I understand you're upset," My Kwami began. And she did, I knew that. I peered at her, feeling as though my next act would be a betrayal of sorts. "But Marinette, the world needs Ladybug. Now more than ever, with Hawkmoth up to his evil!"

I smiled a bit sadly.

"Oh, I know the world needs Ladybug," I answered. "It just doesn't need Marinette."

Before Tikki could puzzle out exactly what I meant, I ordered, "Transform me."

Marinette Dupain-Cheng, that awkward, insecure, and clumsy marvel, vanished as she melted into Ladybug, that confident, courageous, envy-inducing wonder.

Instantly I felt better. I breathed deeply, then let it out.

This is who I am now. Who I will be from this day forward.

I took my first step forward as Ladybug, and pondered how I had gotten to this point…my breaking point.