Title: A Cunning Plan
Fandom: The Wiggles
Rating: PG for language
Author: Jen
Summary: While stuck on Wiggle Bay, Anthony finds himself with yet another mystery to solve.
Disclaimer: No, I don't really think the Wiggles are getting it on when the cameras aren't running. This is intended as pure fun, a big joke, harmless amusement. So please don't sue. Or I'll cry.
Author's note: After watching 'Wiggle Bay', I had one huge question, and I'm surprised none of the Wiggles asked it themselves. So here, Anthony asks it.
Warning: Captain Feathersword is evil and sneaky, Anthony's a paranoid freak, and there's men crushing on men here. If any of that squicks you, then don't read any further. Also, my apologies for the hideous, hideous pun in the last line. I'm just astonished that no one else has caught on to its possibilities before now.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"So there you are, me hearty!"
Hearing the familiar burr of the pirate's voice, Anthony tut-ed. How could he possibly sound so cheerful when the situation was so dire? He scowled as Captain Feathersword skidded down the dune and stood, hands on hips, smack in the middle of Anthony's hiding place.
"I wondered where you'd disappeared to," the captain continued, seemingly oblivious to the blue Wiggle's bad mood. "You're missin' all the fun."
"Fun?" Anthony spat, not bothering to hide his annoyance. "How can anyone have fun at a time like this?"
The captain dropped his hands, brow quirked in confusion.
"Time like what?" he asked.
Anthony snatched up the picnic basket that had sat in the sand by his side, and clasped it protectively to his chest.
"We're stuck here!" His shout actually caused the captain to take a half step backwards in surprise. He wobbled, struggling to keep his balance. Serve him right if he falls, Anthony thought. Idiot pirate. "Who knows if we'll ever get off this damned island? With only one basket of food! You know what that means, don't you?"
Captain Feathersword had begun nervously fidgeting with the pink feather of his sword, and Anthony watched him obviously fumbling for words in answer to the question. In the end, all he could manage was a weak shake of his head.
"I'll tell you what it means," Anthony snapped. "Rationing! We'll have to ration the food, and I know for a fact that there are only five crunchy munchy honey cakes left in this basket. That's not even enough for one each!" He hugged the basket tighter.
"Oh, now don't be silly," the captain replied, although he definitely sounded unsure about chastising Anthony. "I'm sure the tide will bring our boat back." He crouched down so he was on eye-level with Anthony.
"You're sure, are you?" The blue Wiggle eyed the captain with obvious suspicion. "A sea-captain who can't remember something so simple as securing the boat is sure about tides, is he?" Under Anthony's stare, the captain visibly deflated.
"Oh."
"Oh?" Anthony did not release his hold on the basket, but he did relax just a little, confusion marring his features. "Oh, what?" The captain glanced up at him from under his lashes, and managed an apologetic shrug. Realisation dawned at once. "Son of a bitch!" This time the captain did fall over, landing on his rump as Anthony dropped the basket of food and began to advance towards the captain on his knees. "You did it on purpose! You got us stranded here with barely enough food to last for one mealtime! Why the hell would you do that?"
Even though Captain Feathersword had tried his best to back away, shuffling over the sand on his backside, Anthony had by now reached him and proceeded to immobilise the captain by straddling his legs, pushing him over and grabbing both frilly cuffed wrists, pinning him to the ground. Anthony's face was lined with fury, and the captain's fear was evident as he squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head away.
"You're trying to kill us all, aren't you?" Anthony hissed, tightening his grip. "What were you going to do, eh? Let us starve to death? Or slit our throats when we weren't expecting it? Well, this Wiggle's wise to your tricks," and without warning Anthony drew back his right arm, and caught the captain a punishing blow square on the jaw.
"Hey!" The captain looked more surprised than anything else, and Anthony was briefly caught off guard by the fact that Feathersword was still conscious. Distracted, he was unprepared when the captain shifted and threw him off, upending Anthony on to the sand so he could sit up. "You silly Wiggle! That's nothin' but a load of old codswallop!"
Just what is he on? Anthony wondered. Silly Wiggle? Codswallop? Man's insane. Nevertheless, he wouldn't be caught out a second time. Before the captain could move, he had scrambled back over to retrieve his picnic basket, and was clutching it tightly enough to turn his knuckles white.
"Oh no you don't! You're not getting your filthy pirate hands on my food!"
Eventually he realised the captain wasn't making any move towards the picnic basket. In fact, the captain hadn't moved at all. He still sat in the sand, looking thoroughly dejected. It was such a pitiful sight, that anyone who didn't know the captain had stranded them on purpose might feel sorry for him. But Anthony decided he was not going to fall for that one.
"So what's the next part of your plan, Captain?" he sneered. Captain Feathersword only sighed. Anthony didn't know quite what to do next.
"Silly Wiggle," the captain muttered again. Anthony was tempted to try the hitting thing a second time, until the captain mumbled, "silly Captain." He plucked absently at the feathers in his sword, his one good eye almost closed.
Anthony shuffled a little closer, but did not let go of the basket.
"What's going on, Captain?" He was still suspicious, but couldn't hide his confusion. The captain mumbled something just beyond Anthony's hearing. "What was that?" the blue Wiggle asked, inching closer but still wary.
"I said I did do it on purpose," Captain Feathersword replied, refusing to meet Anthony's stare. "Alright? I didn't tie up the boat on purpose. Not that it matters now."
"Not that it matters?" His screech was probably loud enough for everyone else on the beach to hear, but Anthony didn't care, even though Captain Feathersword gestured madly for him to shush. "You got us stuck here and it doesn't matter? Oh, tell me, brave and noble captain," he sneered, voice dripping with sarcasm, "just why doesn't it matter?" The captain plucked some more at the feathers in his sword, until Anthony hissed, "tell me," through gritted teeth.
"Well, nobody cares," he moaned, offering a hopeless shrug. "The other Wiggles are all singing and dancing like they're still on holiday, and... and yumpf mmmf mmum..."
"What?" Again, Anthony struggled to hear what the captain was saying.
"And you're mad at me!" The captain threw up his hands, gesturing his hopelessness.
"I should think everyone'll be mad at you when they find out what you did, you stupid pirate!"
Captain Feathersword only looked even more humiliated, and Anthony was appalled to find his resolve fading a little at the sight.
"I should have known it wouldn't work," the captain muttered. "You hate me now, don't you?"
Anthony's first instinct was to reply that yes, he rather did hate the captain right then, until his brain rewound and latched on to the first part of the pirate's muttering.
"What wouldn't work?" he asked, inching a little closer. "What exactly is going on here?" The captain was blushing furiously, and under Anthony's accusatory stare he dropped his head into his hands.
"It was a terrible plan," he moaned quietly. "Why on earth would you want to spend any time with me if I shipwrecked us all?" He seemed to be speaking to himself rather than to Anthony, but the blue Wiggle suddenly found his curiosity piqued all the more.
"Spend time with me?" he echoed. "What the...? Captain, what are you talking about?"
The captain did not look up: he just kept on mumbling into his hands as though he'd forgotten about Anthony altogether.
"I thought you'd be all scared about being stranded and I'd be the one to comfort you. It was a silly idea. I mean, I wouldn't like me very much if I got me shipwrecked."
Anthony listened in horrified but fascinated awe as the captain muttered on, revealing the details of his doomed plan, until he had no choice to interject.
"You shipwrecked every one of us here just to spend time with me?" he asked, barely believing it even now. Captain Feathersword glanced up at the sound of his voice, looking as if he'd just realised Anthony was there. When he saw the understanding on Anthony's face he looked petrified, but since Anthony could not think of anything else to say, the captain could only nod and offer a desponded, apologetic half-smile.
"It was silly, I know."
"I'll say it was." The captain looked down at the sand by his feet, until Anthony added, "if all you wanted to do was spend time with me, you didn't have to go that far at all." Confused, Captain Feathersword glanced back at him. "All you had to do was ask. And possibly bring food." Anthony flashed him a cocky smile.
The captain looked utterly bewildered, and Anthony had to chuckle at the madness of it all.
"You...really mean that?" he asked, his disbelief evident. Anthony nodded. The captain appeared to contemplate this revelation for a moment, before breaking into an impossibly wide grin. "Well, blow me down!"
Anthony allowed himself a brief snort of laughter, before replying, "If you insist."
END
Fandom: The Wiggles
Rating: PG for language
Author: Jen
Summary: While stuck on Wiggle Bay, Anthony finds himself with yet another mystery to solve.
Disclaimer: No, I don't really think the Wiggles are getting it on when the cameras aren't running. This is intended as pure fun, a big joke, harmless amusement. So please don't sue. Or I'll cry.
Author's note: After watching 'Wiggle Bay', I had one huge question, and I'm surprised none of the Wiggles asked it themselves. So here, Anthony asks it.
Warning: Captain Feathersword is evil and sneaky, Anthony's a paranoid freak, and there's men crushing on men here. If any of that squicks you, then don't read any further. Also, my apologies for the hideous, hideous pun in the last line. I'm just astonished that no one else has caught on to its possibilities before now.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"So there you are, me hearty!"
Hearing the familiar burr of the pirate's voice, Anthony tut-ed. How could he possibly sound so cheerful when the situation was so dire? He scowled as Captain Feathersword skidded down the dune and stood, hands on hips, smack in the middle of Anthony's hiding place.
"I wondered where you'd disappeared to," the captain continued, seemingly oblivious to the blue Wiggle's bad mood. "You're missin' all the fun."
"Fun?" Anthony spat, not bothering to hide his annoyance. "How can anyone have fun at a time like this?"
The captain dropped his hands, brow quirked in confusion.
"Time like what?" he asked.
Anthony snatched up the picnic basket that had sat in the sand by his side, and clasped it protectively to his chest.
"We're stuck here!" His shout actually caused the captain to take a half step backwards in surprise. He wobbled, struggling to keep his balance. Serve him right if he falls, Anthony thought. Idiot pirate. "Who knows if we'll ever get off this damned island? With only one basket of food! You know what that means, don't you?"
Captain Feathersword had begun nervously fidgeting with the pink feather of his sword, and Anthony watched him obviously fumbling for words in answer to the question. In the end, all he could manage was a weak shake of his head.
"I'll tell you what it means," Anthony snapped. "Rationing! We'll have to ration the food, and I know for a fact that there are only five crunchy munchy honey cakes left in this basket. That's not even enough for one each!" He hugged the basket tighter.
"Oh, now don't be silly," the captain replied, although he definitely sounded unsure about chastising Anthony. "I'm sure the tide will bring our boat back." He crouched down so he was on eye-level with Anthony.
"You're sure, are you?" The blue Wiggle eyed the captain with obvious suspicion. "A sea-captain who can't remember something so simple as securing the boat is sure about tides, is he?" Under Anthony's stare, the captain visibly deflated.
"Oh."
"Oh?" Anthony did not release his hold on the basket, but he did relax just a little, confusion marring his features. "Oh, what?" The captain glanced up at him from under his lashes, and managed an apologetic shrug. Realisation dawned at once. "Son of a bitch!" This time the captain did fall over, landing on his rump as Anthony dropped the basket of food and began to advance towards the captain on his knees. "You did it on purpose! You got us stranded here with barely enough food to last for one mealtime! Why the hell would you do that?"
Even though Captain Feathersword had tried his best to back away, shuffling over the sand on his backside, Anthony had by now reached him and proceeded to immobilise the captain by straddling his legs, pushing him over and grabbing both frilly cuffed wrists, pinning him to the ground. Anthony's face was lined with fury, and the captain's fear was evident as he squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head away.
"You're trying to kill us all, aren't you?" Anthony hissed, tightening his grip. "What were you going to do, eh? Let us starve to death? Or slit our throats when we weren't expecting it? Well, this Wiggle's wise to your tricks," and without warning Anthony drew back his right arm, and caught the captain a punishing blow square on the jaw.
"Hey!" The captain looked more surprised than anything else, and Anthony was briefly caught off guard by the fact that Feathersword was still conscious. Distracted, he was unprepared when the captain shifted and threw him off, upending Anthony on to the sand so he could sit up. "You silly Wiggle! That's nothin' but a load of old codswallop!"
Just what is he on? Anthony wondered. Silly Wiggle? Codswallop? Man's insane. Nevertheless, he wouldn't be caught out a second time. Before the captain could move, he had scrambled back over to retrieve his picnic basket, and was clutching it tightly enough to turn his knuckles white.
"Oh no you don't! You're not getting your filthy pirate hands on my food!"
Eventually he realised the captain wasn't making any move towards the picnic basket. In fact, the captain hadn't moved at all. He still sat in the sand, looking thoroughly dejected. It was such a pitiful sight, that anyone who didn't know the captain had stranded them on purpose might feel sorry for him. But Anthony decided he was not going to fall for that one.
"So what's the next part of your plan, Captain?" he sneered. Captain Feathersword only sighed. Anthony didn't know quite what to do next.
"Silly Wiggle," the captain muttered again. Anthony was tempted to try the hitting thing a second time, until the captain mumbled, "silly Captain." He plucked absently at the feathers in his sword, his one good eye almost closed.
Anthony shuffled a little closer, but did not let go of the basket.
"What's going on, Captain?" He was still suspicious, but couldn't hide his confusion. The captain mumbled something just beyond Anthony's hearing. "What was that?" the blue Wiggle asked, inching closer but still wary.
"I said I did do it on purpose," Captain Feathersword replied, refusing to meet Anthony's stare. "Alright? I didn't tie up the boat on purpose. Not that it matters now."
"Not that it matters?" His screech was probably loud enough for everyone else on the beach to hear, but Anthony didn't care, even though Captain Feathersword gestured madly for him to shush. "You got us stuck here and it doesn't matter? Oh, tell me, brave and noble captain," he sneered, voice dripping with sarcasm, "just why doesn't it matter?" The captain plucked some more at the feathers in his sword, until Anthony hissed, "tell me," through gritted teeth.
"Well, nobody cares," he moaned, offering a hopeless shrug. "The other Wiggles are all singing and dancing like they're still on holiday, and... and yumpf mmmf mmum..."
"What?" Again, Anthony struggled to hear what the captain was saying.
"And you're mad at me!" The captain threw up his hands, gesturing his hopelessness.
"I should think everyone'll be mad at you when they find out what you did, you stupid pirate!"
Captain Feathersword only looked even more humiliated, and Anthony was appalled to find his resolve fading a little at the sight.
"I should have known it wouldn't work," the captain muttered. "You hate me now, don't you?"
Anthony's first instinct was to reply that yes, he rather did hate the captain right then, until his brain rewound and latched on to the first part of the pirate's muttering.
"What wouldn't work?" he asked, inching a little closer. "What exactly is going on here?" The captain was blushing furiously, and under Anthony's accusatory stare he dropped his head into his hands.
"It was a terrible plan," he moaned quietly. "Why on earth would you want to spend any time with me if I shipwrecked us all?" He seemed to be speaking to himself rather than to Anthony, but the blue Wiggle suddenly found his curiosity piqued all the more.
"Spend time with me?" he echoed. "What the...? Captain, what are you talking about?"
The captain did not look up: he just kept on mumbling into his hands as though he'd forgotten about Anthony altogether.
"I thought you'd be all scared about being stranded and I'd be the one to comfort you. It was a silly idea. I mean, I wouldn't like me very much if I got me shipwrecked."
Anthony listened in horrified but fascinated awe as the captain muttered on, revealing the details of his doomed plan, until he had no choice to interject.
"You shipwrecked every one of us here just to spend time with me?" he asked, barely believing it even now. Captain Feathersword glanced up at the sound of his voice, looking as if he'd just realised Anthony was there. When he saw the understanding on Anthony's face he looked petrified, but since Anthony could not think of anything else to say, the captain could only nod and offer a desponded, apologetic half-smile.
"It was silly, I know."
"I'll say it was." The captain looked down at the sand by his feet, until Anthony added, "if all you wanted to do was spend time with me, you didn't have to go that far at all." Confused, Captain Feathersword glanced back at him. "All you had to do was ask. And possibly bring food." Anthony flashed him a cocky smile.
The captain looked utterly bewildered, and Anthony had to chuckle at the madness of it all.
"You...really mean that?" he asked, his disbelief evident. Anthony nodded. The captain appeared to contemplate this revelation for a moment, before breaking into an impossibly wide grin. "Well, blow me down!"
Anthony allowed himself a brief snort of laughter, before replying, "If you insist."
END