A/N: Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Saga and all its characters. No copyright infringement is intended. This short oneshot was originally included in the 2010 Fandom for Preemies Charity Compilation. This story is rated K+ and is a Jasper/Alice pairing. It takes place during and immediately following the birthday party scene in New Moon. -NCChris

Silence is a Great Healer

JPOV

I smiled indulgently as Alice spun around the room, fast even for my eyes. A flower arrangement tweaked here and a stack of plates nudged there, everything had to be perfect. I waited patiently for my assigned tasks, hanging a bit of crepe paper or driving to town for a last minute decoration or snack; I was happy to do her bidding. Her joy and pleasure always fed mine and always soothed the darkness inside me.

Finally, it was time and I felt it when they arrived. My brother's calm amusement, tinged with just a hint of irritation at her protests and her embarrassment. Bella never wanted to be the center of attention, so strange when she was such a lovely creature both inside and out. I took my customary stance at the back of the room, hesitant as always to put myself in too close a proximity to her, though I fervently hoped I would have ample control to refrain from harming her.

I watched closely, soaking up the emotions of my family. We celebrated a birthday, the first in decades. Even Rosalie was enjoying herself, albeit grudgingly. Emmett was bouncing off the walls and I felt his mischievousness as he slipped out of the living room into the garage to install our gift before there was time for Bella to decline it. The girl needed a healthy dose of selfishness. She was selfless to a fault. It only served to make her more interesting. Her emotions were always complex and never what I expected or what any other human of my experience would have exhibited.

I chuckled softly as she shook the empty box, her dry wit amusing me and, to my surprise, Rosalie. I felt her gratitude and love for Carlisle and Esme as she unwrapped their gift, airline tickets to visit her mother. Then it all went to hell…

I stopped breathing the moment her startled exclamation slipped past her lips and the first hint of her blood hit the air. I was in control. Then my brother had to shove her away in his panic over her spilled blood, so much sweeter to him. The resulting injury bathed the room in the sweet scent of her blood and the combined bloodlust of six vampires was simply too much. My vision blurred with venom and everything tinted the reddish hue of hunger and desire, the two linked far too closely in my psyche. Only Carlisle with his centuries of desensitization to human blood was completely in control.

As the first draught of clear cool air hit my lungs, I roared out my pain and disappointment. I had lunged at my sister, frightened my family, and betrayed my brother's trust. Would I ever fully suppress the monster inside? I sent a burst of gratitude to Emmett and Rosalie before loping into the forest, taking down a large elk and letting his blood bury the desire for the forbidden elixir my palate still craved.

After disposing of his body, I ran deeper into the forest, heading toward the one place where I could regain my center and atone for my sins. I perched carefully on the outcropping of rock, the waterfall cascading over and around me, hidden from human view and almost undetectable to another of my kind. I sat hunched over my knees, hair falling over my forehead as I stared aimlessly into the cascading water. If I had been human, suicide by waterfall would have been so easy…an ending to the despair and pain, but as a vampire, such escape is not an option for us and would have solved nothing.

Night began to fall and one by one the stars began to appear in the clear sky. I looked up; my eyes back to clear honey, studying the panorama of nature around me. I felt calm wash over me as a shooting star streaked overhead, not sure whether it was a question posed by an abstract deity or the reply to my whispered prayer. I wished I had Carlisle's faith, but I had simply seen too much evil to believe fully. I had believed as a human; my mama had seen to that education. I wished on the fading star anyway, dropping my head back to my knees.

I felt her as she approached, holding out my hand to her as she tucked her body against mine, wrapping herself around me. As always her love and lack of fear were a balm to my tortured psyche. I couldn't bring myself to speak, but instead bathed us both in affection and comfort, accepting what she offered and allowing it to ease my despair. No words were spoken and it was better that way.