Leonard McCoy was in an awful mood, torn between self pity and self loathing. The week had taken a toll on him and to cap it off, he'd gone and hurt his best friend, who hadn't spoken to him since. Yeah, he knew he'd overreacted when Jim had asked him to clarify just what they were, but he was annoyed that they had to put a label on it. It wasn't like there was anything really to define anyway. He wasn't getting sucked back into the relationship thing again. He'd learned his lesson. He took a gulp of bourbon and winced at both the burn and the memory of the look in her eyes when he'd bluntly shut down the conversation that threatened to change the course of his existence as a diehard bachelor. He felt somewhat guilty, but it was better she realize what a jerk he was now.
Why did he feel like he'd kicked a puppy, though? He scowled and took another drink, picking up his PADD to access an medical journal article he'd wanted to read, trying to banish the memory of the hurt he'd caused.
"Well, well, Doctor," Came a voice. "Why such a ferocious scowl? It's quite severe, even for you."
Leonard startled, but recognized the voice and rolled his eyes.
"Don't you have any sense of privacy, Q?" He snapped. "Aren't you only supposed to be bothering the captain?"
"Not always," the being replied, a mysterious grin appearing. "This time it's you, my dear doctor, who needs to learn something."
Having learned from previous encounters that fighting him would only make things worse, Leonard sighed heavily and resigned himself to his fate.
"What d'you mean? What could you possibly teach a boneheaded fool like me anyway?"
"Oh, much, I assure you, Leonard," Q responded, with another aggravating smile. "Today, however, we will focus on your determination to miss out on the great love of your life because you are afraid."
"Even if that were any of your business," Leonard said tightly, "I don't need to find love. I'm perfectly happy the way I am."
"Your body language screams the exact opposite, my good fellow," countered Q, with a sad shake of the head. "Let's go universe hopping and I'll show you that it is possible for you to love."
He snapped his fingers and they appeared—this time in the Captain's quarters.
"Uh, This is kind of inappropriate, don't ya think?" Leonard muttered.
"Not at all. We won't be peeping toms. And we aren't visible to them."
"Them?" Leonard wondered.
His query was answered by the appearance of his duplicate self and a familiar gold shirted figure. It was Jim and she was playfully attempting to dodge him.
"No, you are not getting me with that hypo!" She shrieked. "I've had enough today!"
"You've had one," corrected the other Bones with a determined glint in his eyes that grew wicked as he added. "And if you don't behave for this one, you aren't getting any you-know-what tonight."
Jim stopped and gaped.
"Bones! How could you blackmail me like that? That's so mean!"
"Well, sugar, you forced me into it by running out of Medbay before I was through with your vaccines."
"Priority call from Starfleet, Bonesy," Jim declared, dodging him again. "I'm a responsible Captain."
Both Leonard and his other self snorted.
"Well, part of being a responsible Captain is being up do date on your hypos," signed The other Leonard. "I'll be gentle, I promise."
Jim remained wary, but ceased her movements.
"Kiss it better?" She implored, fixing her Bones with those big blue eyes of hers, making Leonard swallow hard. Yeah, he was all too aware of the effect those eyes had on him. He'd never allowed himself to get lost in them, unlike his alternate self.
"I'll do more than that darlin," the second McCoy drawled, "if you take it calmly."
At this, Jim's eyes lit up with interest and pleasure.
"With that incentive, how could I not?" She purred. "Okay, honey, go ahead."
The captain sat down on the bed and tilted up her neck, not moving a muscle as the hypo released its contents. The other Leonard rubbed the injection spot and then leaned over and kissed it, eliciting a pleased noise from Jim.
"Ah, yes, domestic bliss. See what you're missing, Leonard?" Came Q's voice as the scene faded out.
Leonard couldn't speak. He envied that man, but still refused to believe his Jim would ever love him that way very long. She'd get sick of him.
The next scene they appeared at was a golden red sandy beach on Risa and Two men were strolling towards them hand in hand. Leonard squinted.
"Well, that's different. Jim's a He in this universe. Not bad," he commented. Guy Jim was taller and more angular, but you could plainly tell that this was Kirk. Same eyes, same nose, same enthusiastic delight in everything. He was currently gesticulating with his free hand in a manner similar to his counterpart. Leonard smiled.
"Can you believe it's been a whole year since we stopped being idiots and confessed our feelings?" Guy Jim was saying. "Happy anniversary, Bones."
"Right back at ya, Darlin'" that Leonard said, smiling affectionately at his partner. "Glad our leave coincided so we could celebrate off that darned tin can."
Jim laughed, even as he pretended to be offended at this slight to his beloved ship.
"You'll hurt her feelings, Bones!" He exclaimed. "You know she's far more than a can."
"Barely!" Came the retort. "And she's not sentient and doesn't have feelings, kid."
"Tell that to Scotty," Jim replied teasingly. They kept walking, bantering back and forth and occasionally pausing to make out. Leonard sighed at the happy scene and felt a twinge of envy.
Another cute scene followed featuring a Jim that looked like his and what appeared to be the female version of himself, who was patching up an injured Kirk and scolding her soundly.
"An all too familiar scene," he muttered under his breath.
"That bullet missed your head by four inches, Jamie!" Ranted Female Bones. "Don't come to me with your whole "a miss is as good as a mile" crap. Do you know what it would do to me if you died?"
Jamie Kirk clasped one of her Bones's hands, looking very repentant.
"That was very tactless of me, Bones. I'm sorry. But I'm still here and I love you to pieces. I don't want to leave you."
Bones deflated. "You'd better not," she mumbled, placing a kiss on Jamie's forehead.
Before Leonard could process this, a fourth scene appeared featuring the male Jim and female Leonard (she was called Leah apparently).
"Wow," Leonard muttered under his breath, watching as his petite counterpart manhandled Jim to a chair despite him towering over her. The Captain seemed to be enjoying it though, judging by the expression in his eyes.
"Sit your dumbass down before you faint, Jim!" Leah exclaimed, shoving food in front of him. "What did I tell you about skipping meals?"
Jim shrugged apologetically.
"You know how it goes, Bones. I get busy with something and the time just flies by. So much to do on a starship."
"Excuses, excuses. You're no use to anyone passed out," she scolded, caressing his shoulder. "Now eat, darlin.' I swear Davy has more common sense than you. Don't ya, kid?"
"Da-da!"
Leonard froze and stared at the third figure he hadn't yet noticed. There was a toddler sitting in a booster chair, gleefully devouring his food and grinning at his parents, chubby cheeks smeared with sauce. There was no doubt whose kid he was, judging by those bright blue eyes and brown curls. Leonard sighed. He had a kid with Jim in some universe.
"Eat, da-da!" Demanded Davy again.
Jim grinned at his son then picked up a fork.
"Alright, little man. I'm working on it."
The sweet scene faded out and Leonard felt another sharp pang of longing.
"I can't deny, our kid would be cute," he remarked with a sigh, "but I have no idea if my Jim would even want kids. Couldn't blame her if she didn't."
"You don't know because you've never talked about it or given her a clue you were in love," Q reminded him. "See what you could have if you did?"
"It's awfully tempting," he admitted. "But if It all goes south, I'm not sure I could take a second heartbreak."
Q sighed long-sufferingly.
"You stubborn Humans and your fear of risk taking. Very well, I will have to show you the possible alternative futures."
With a snap, the scene shifted again, this time to the rec room on the Enterprise, which was filled with formally dressed people and decorated to high heaven. Soft music wafted through the air as as several bridesmaids made their way down the aisle. So it was a wedding, Leonard figured out, but whose? His eyes looked to the front, where Spock stood ready to officiate and the antsy looking groom beside him was...Scotty. Oh.
"You never told her, so she moved on," Q whispered in his ear as he stared at the vision in white that was Jim walking down the aisle, face lit up with joy. He had to look away as she stood beside Scotty and fixed him with that loving look.
"You're saying this is LESS painful than risking a relationship?"
Leonard wanted to tell off the omnipotent being, but knew he couldn't honestly say no. His entire soul was screaming "Wrong! Wrong!" At the sight of Jim marrying someone else. Yeah, he loved her and he was an idiot for pretending otherwise.
Just as he though he couldn't stand another second, they switched again and were standing in a brightly lit cold and clinical room. There was only one thing in that room. A body on a table, sheet covering all but the bare shoulders, blonde hair flowing everywhere. A future version of himself was weeping beside the dead woman, whom Leonard recognized to his horror as Jim, cold and lifeless. He could see the faint lines of stitching peeking above the sheet where she'd been opened up for an autopsy and many bruises mottled her fair skin. He felt instantly nauseous as it reminded him of the day they'd lost her temporarily. This time though, it was clearly permanent.
"Jim," his future self wept. "Jim. You were the only thing that made space bearable and you went and got yourself killed. I need you. I love you. I was gonna tell you soon, I swear. I thought we'd have longer and I blew it, darlin. I'm sorry." These last words were uttered in a whisper as a shaky finger trailed down Jim's cold face.
Leonard found himself blinking away his own tears at the scene and had to turn away. He had to admit that this scenario was indeed far more painful than the faint risk of a breakup. It would kill him if he lost Jim, but it would be even worse, if he never told her what she meant to him.
"Well, he said hoarsely to Q. "Have you had enough yet? I think you've made your point."
"So you concede then?" Q asked. "Will you finally seize the day to tell her you love her?"
"I will, if she forgives me for being an ass," Leonard said regretfully.
"No worries, Doctor. When it comes to you, Kirk is very ready to forgive. I suggest you make the most of your opportunity. Farewell."
Leonard was back in his cabin, feeling like he'd been through the wringer. The images Q had showed him played in the back of his mind over and over until he decided he couldn't stand it any longer. He pulled out his comm. Jim probably wasn't asleep yet and maybe she'd answer.
"Hello?" A weary voice sounded.
"Jim, I need to tell you how sorry I am for being a jerk," he blurted out. "I hurt you and I can't live with myself. Can we talk in person?"
There was a silence and then a sigh.
"I'm not really presentable right now, but you can come over if you want," Jim agreed.
He kicked himself again for causing that pain and sadness he heard in her voice.
"Thanks, Jim. I'll be over in a little bit."
He ended the connection and changed into more comfortable clothing, all the while trying to think of what to say. He'd dug himself a deep hole and could only hope she'd hear him out.
Minutes later, he was at her door, heart in his throat, ready to offer it to her.
The door slid open for him and he entered to find Jim seated on her bed in tank top and shorts, listlessly doing paperwork.
"Hey," He said gently. "You okay?"
Jim shrugged. "As okay as I'll ever be, I guess. The more I think about it, the more I see I shouldn't have tried to push you into something you weren't ready for or interested in, Bones. I'm sorry."
This apology broke Leonard and he nearly cried again.
"I was the one to blame, Darlin", not you," He said earnestly, sitting down beside her and looking her square in the eyes. "I was being a fool coward and trying to ignore the obvious. I love you, James T. Kirk. I can't live my life in fear anymore. Goodness knows, you deserve better than me, but you have my heart."
"Oh, Bones," Jim sighed, hope bringing life back to her eyes. "Do you mean that?"
"With all my grumpy, cynical, southern heart," he replied, making her smile tearfully and launch herself into his arms. They held each other for a long time, not feeling the need for speech just yet. Finally, Jim looked up at him curiously.
"What made you change your mind? You were pretty dead set against it just days ago."
He smiled mysteriously.
"Let's just say, I had a revelation and it made me realize that I was an absolute fool for rejecting you out of fear. I'd much rather face it with you, then miss out on us."
He cupped her face gently, thankful it was warm and soft, not cool and stiff like the dead Jim in the vision. Jim leaned into his touch, big blue eyes glowing warmly.
"I'm glad you saw the light. Now please, kiss me and I'll fully forgive you."
He chuckled and obliged her, wondering why he hadn't done this a long time ago.
"I love you, Bones," she whispered later on, snuggled up to his chest.
"I love you too, Darlin'" he replied, feeling happier than he had in years. He'd have to thank Q the next time the guy showed his face on the Enterprise. He was right: in every universe, He and Jim were meant to be.