A Cotton Candy Bingo Story, Prompt: Home Cooked Meal
In most ways, Jack tried to adapt to 21st century life on Earth. But some things were harder than others to get used to. Growing up on Boeshane meant a very uncertain existence. Between the harshness of the climate and the ferociousness of their enemies, the humans on Boeshane took nothing for granted. They were far away from any other pockets of human civilization and tended to glom onto any bit of old Earth culture that they stumbled across.
Unsurprisingly, this led to some strange permutations of Earth traditions. The first one Ianto discovered was that every morning he could, Jack would go outside, look for the sun, and once seeing it, would sit on the ground yelling 'Hello Sun' followed by looking at the ground and barking like a dog.
"Where the hell did that come from," Ianto asked the first time he observed Jack performing this strange ritual.
"It's supposed to be an old Earth ritual, from about this time. Other than that, I have no idea," Jack replied.
Ianto could only shake his head in wonder at Jack's insistence on maintaining his traditions.
The oddest one of all was Jack's habit of eating meals backwards. When he was with the team, he observed Earth conventions, but when he and Ianto got the rare chance to cook, Jack insisted that the first course be dessert, to then be followed by the main course, then a salad or starter.
Ianto had tried to convince Jack that this was not logical, but Jack wasn't having any of it. They'd banter good naturedly but in the end Ianto always deferred to Jack's wishes. After all, one or two strange meals a month wasn't a relationship deal-breaker, though Ianto found chicken limone a little difficult to stomach after tiramisu or cannoli.
"If you eat the chocolate mousse first, you'll ruin your appetite with all that sugar."
"Not at all, the sugar gets your digestion going so that the rest of the meal is easier to eat."
"Dessert is supposed to be the reward for eating the food you don't like."
"We never cook anything we both don't like, so that doesn't make any sense."
The only time this presented a problem was when they had the rare guest over for dinner. Jack would grudgingly serve food in "Earth order" but Ianto could tell that he felt very unhappy doing so. But Ianto felt that the team, always having seen Jack eat like everyone else, would be baffled by this custom and perhaps give Jack a hard time about it. He held his ground about the serving order when guests were over.
This preserved harmony until the day Jack heard that Rhys and Gwen's oven needed repair. In a fit of generosity Jack invited them over for dinner that Thursday since he and Ianto were going to celebrate Thanksgiving. Ianto, Rhys and Gwen didn't celebrate the holiday of course, but Jack did in order to keep up his appearance as an American. At the end of his invitation, he added "and we are going to eat Thanksgiving dinner Boeshane style."
Ianto couldn't really fault Jack for the invitation as they had been to Gwen and Rhys' house for dinner on numerous occasions. Gwen of course, was very excited, especially about eating "Boeshane style."
"So Ianto, what is this Boeshane style, then? Do we eat with our hands or standing up?"
Ianto sighed. This was just what he wanted to avoid. "We eat the meal backwards."
"You mean like with our backs to each other?" Gwen asked.
"No, the order of the meal is reversed."
Gwen was surprisingly nonplussed by this revelation. "Well, it's certainly not the strangest customs we've come across with aliens. But I'm glad you told me because Rhys might say something without thinking."
***
Gwen and Rhys arrived on time at Jack and Ianto's home for dinner on Thanksgiving night.
"Just remember what I said," Gwen whispered to Rhys at the front door, "don't make any remarks about the way the meal is served."
The meal started with a huge piece of pumpkin pie topped with whipped cream. Everyone agreed that it was delicious.
Jack proudly served up plates of turkey and dressing, candied sweet potatoes, and cranberry relish all of which he prepared from scratch. Everyone dug in, except Rhys who was picking at his plate.
"Is something wrong," Jack asked in concern. "Is the turkey dry?"
"No it's fantastic," Rhys replied, "it's just that, (he hesitated as Gwen shot him a look), well I'm not used to eating this way," Rhys replied diplomatically.
"Yeah, it took a while for Ianto to get used to it," Jack said smiling.
"Still it's good to try different ways of doing things," Gwen added.
Rhys wisely nodded along and took another bite. "Can I ask you something? Do you know the reason why you eat food in a different order than we do on Earth? Your people are descended from Earth, right?"
"That's a good question," Jack replied. "The main meal on Boeshane was a porridge made from a local grain, bland but very filling. I always thought that the dessert, or sweet course as we used to call it, was served first so that we wouldn't be too full to eat it. It consisted of a small piece of fruit that had medicinal properties, very difficult to grow and therefore very expensive. It was far too precious to be wasted."
"More like a vitamin, then. That makes perfect sense."
Jack nodded, pleased by Rhys' conclusion.
"What I've never understood," Ianto said, "is that Jack insists that the custom derives from an old Earth belief."
"What? Like 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away?'" Gwen asked.
"I'm just repeating what my mother told me when I was a child; I never asked for an explanation," Jack said shrugging his shoulders. "You have to remember, that life was very uncertain on Boeshane, and the whole colony was preoccupied with defending off alien attackers and growing enough food to eat…"
"That it!" Rhys interrupted. "I know where your custom comes from."
Gwen blanched. What was Rhys thinking? She hoped he wasn't going to say anything that would ruin the evening.
"You do?" Ianto and Jack said almost in unison.
"Think about what you just said about life being uncertain."
The others looked at Rhys, clearly puzzled about what he was saying.
"It's from the saying, "Life is uncertain, eat dessert first."
"I've never heard that before," Jack said.
"I believe that's an Ernestine Ulmer quote," Ianto replied.
"Who?" everyone else asked.
"American writer from the 1920s. Don't think she wrote any books of note."
"Gwen you're right, Ianto Jones is a little smarty-pants," Rhys said without thinking.
Ianto spit out some wine and Gwen almost choked laughing.
"Well, looks like it's time for the salad," Jack said cheerfully, as he removed the dinner plates from the table.
The rest of the meal was much more relaxed as the two couples bantered amiably.
"Yeah, Gwen says you're smarter than Wikipedia," Rhys said laughing.
"Well that's not such a stretch," Ianto replied. "Now if she said I had a better vocabulary than the Oxford English Dictionary, unabridged, then I would be flattered. Just kidding," he added, seeing the look of horror on Gwen's face.
"We could use your brain power next Quiz Night at the pub. Want to join us? "Rhys asked Ianto.
Ianto hesitated. "Please say yes, Ianto. Rhys and his mates never win," Gwen added, "And they never will, without you on the team."
"Oi, are you saying we're a bunch of idjits?" Rhys asked good naturedly.
"Of course not," Jack assured him. "It's just that Ianto Jones really does know everything."
All too soon, dinner was over and after enjoying several cups of Ianto's divine coffee (at least that wasn't moved out of order), Gwen and Rhys got ready to leave.
As they said their farewells, Ianto moved next to Gwen and whispered, "So I'm a smarty-pants, am I?"
"You're the smartest of the smarty-pants," she whispered back as she kissed him on the cheek.
Friday morning Jack and Ianto were the first ones to arrive at the Hub. Much to his surprise, Ianto found a large box of dark chocolates on his desk and a note in a handwriting that was unmistakably Gwen's. It read, "Life while working for Torchwood can be uncertain, eat chocolate first, before lunch." It was signed, "Cariad mawr, Gwen."
Ianto nodded as he popped a chocolate into his mouth. "Duw a'th bendithio," Ianto thought, recognizing the truth in what she said.