I'm not sure if anyone has done this already but i was inspired to write this from Hakumen's help me professor kokonoe's segment. Kokonoe was trolling Hakumen about it was a love clinic and i found that hilarious. Anyways i apologize in advance if anyone has already wrote about a kokonoe love clinic story so feel free to inbox or message me and i will take it down immediately. Anyways, if not then enjoy!
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"TAGER! Let's start now." Kokonoe urges Tager to hurry and turn on the camera already. They were making an advertisement for their new segment. It wasn't because her old segment was going bad, it was actually well received. It was just that Kokonoe got sued for damaging the premises and physically harming some of her guests. It wasn't her fault that the green bastard pissed her off! He definitely deserved getting sent to the island inhabited by cats a.k.a the Kaka village. Anyways, after all that Sector Seven lost a huge amount of their expenses and revenue so they made Kokonoe somehow gain all of it back or else they'll fire her. Who knew Hazama was a pretty good lawyer?
"Roger that." Tager turns the studio video camera towards Kokonoe. Lambda quickly finishes up the final touches for Kokonoe's clothing, nothing really changed about her standard appearance except for the white t-shirt with a red love heart imprinted on it.
"Okay Kokonoe we're on air in 5…4…3…2..." Tager pulls out a thumbs up to indicate the video camera was recording.
Some random as cheesy love music was playing as an introduction.
"Love~ is a feeling part of our everyday lives."
"Love~ is essential. Love is needed.
"Loved and Beloved." Kokonoe slowly turns around in her armchair towards the camera. Tager zooms in.
"This is Kokonoe's love clinic, my clinic." Kokonoe gives a warm and friendly smile. It didn't suit her at all to her usual seemly permanent frown. It made Tager shiver. "This is almost false advertisement already." He thinks.
"Here I will be your doctor to all your love problems. From boyfriend and girlfriend problems or wife and husband or family to even unrequited love~." Kokonoe slowly crosses her fingers together and set them down on the table, she adds strong emphasis every time she says the word love in a slight seductive tone.
"I have a double degree PHD in the sciences and human love expertise. So you can 99.95% rely on me. If you are that unfixable 0.05% then I will treat you to a free dinner at a five star restaurant but if you are that 99.95% then you'll be getting a special surprise for you and your lover." Kokonoe winks and gave a peace sign to the camera. "So please come along to my clinic and all your love worries will be professionally dealt with. See you soon!"
Lambda cues in and plays cheesy love music to end the advertisement. Tager stops recording the camera. Kokonoe immediately takes off the t-shirt.
"MAN THIS THING IS SO FREAKING HOT!" Kokonoe yells as she threw the t-shirt on the floor. Lambda quickly runs over and picks up the t-shirt.
"But Kokonoe you have to wear it to promote people into buying the shirts." Tager tried to reason with Kokonoe. Lambda approaches Kokonoe and hands out the shirt, Kokonoe sees that Lambda and even Tager is wearing the love shirt.
"…Professor Kokonoe must wear it for…her sake." Lambda speaks out. She looks at Kokonoe with her adorable big red cute eyes, giving her the sad puppy look. Kokonoe sighs and snatches the love shirt back.
"God dammit fine. I knew I shouldn't have installed the cute app for you." Kokonoe mostly mumbles to herself as she sat back down in her comfortable arm chair already snacking on her potato chips and reading her daily science advancement technology magazine and for some reason cat nip products. Yes it was in the same magazine.
The sound of a doorbell rang from the entrance. The sector seven trio glanced at each other.
"A customer already? We just finished airing literally 3 minutes ago…" Tager commented in surprise. Kokonoe groaned in annoyance that her short break was made shorter. Though in total honesty she was curious who her first customer was that was so keen on getting her wonderful brilliant advice and she was looking forward to do this segment. Lambda goes and opens the door.
"Wait Lambda! Let me do it." Kokonoe jumps out of her arm chair and drives her kitty scoter to the door. Tager drops a sweat at the scene. It was only like 5 meters away and she still uses the scoter, then again Kokonoe uses it to get out of her bed to her desk.
Lambda bows and steps asides as Kokonoe opens the door. Kokonoe greets the first customer with a bright shiny smile.
"Welcome to my clin-"
"This is quite the interesting building you have here Kokonoe." The "customer" commented as he continues to inspect the interior infrastructure of the building. The man at the door was the one and only Relius Clover.
Kokonoe slams the door and with a neutral face begins to walk away. The doorbell rang again.
"Oh for the love of-" Kokonoe stops her cursing as she opens the door again. "What do you want Relius?! I'm trying to run a love clinic here." She clenches her teeth, clearly she doesn't want him here.
"Well that's the point of my arrival. I happened to be in the area when I saw the advertisement. I am seeking for your suppose professional love advice." Relius sounded serious but Kokonoe didn't care.
Kokonoe slowly closes the door. "Sorry I said I would help couples not crazy-insane-old-perverted-sadistic bastards. Now bye." She slams the door again.
"Old…?" Surprisingly that was the only thing Relius picked up from the barrage of insults. Probably because most of them were true.
"But Kokonoe, even if it was Relius Clover, he was still a customer. We need all the money to repay for all the things you've done." Tager tried to rationalise with Kokonoe. She returned Tager with a cold hard glare.
"No way! I'll serve the next mentally stable person! Just not him!" Kokonoe huffed. Lambda placed her hand on Kokonoe's shoulder.
"…Please Professor Kokonoe…In your position…you cannot be picky…" Lambda gave her the puppy look again. Kokonoe groaned in defeat. How was this logical? How does that puppy look work every time dammit! She was half cat! Kokonoe stomped back to the door and opened it. Relius was still standing there.
"Alright fine come in." She sighed loudly. Relius smirked.
"I knew you would anyways. I've heard what happened between you and Hazama in the court case." The two old acquaintances walked to the table where the session will commence. Kokonoe felt irritated at the memory.
"Yeah, no shit. I saw you two high five each other at the bar afterwards." Kokonoe huffed in annoyance. Relius smirked again. "Well it was Hazama's first time attempting to be his own lawyer and became victorious. Wouldn't you agree that it was at least a little amusing?" Relius mused.
Kokonoe ignored Relius' question and gestured him to sit down as he pays her the money. Then she finally realised something, his puppet wife that usually follows him everywhere wasn't with him at the moment.
"Where's your puppet wife?" She had to ask straight away.
"Actually that's the issue here that I was going to address. We've been disputing a lot lately and it has finally taken a toll to my work." Relius admitted. Kokonoe takes a bite out of her chip. Wasn't his puppet wife muted and under his absolute control?
"She may be muted but it doesn't mean she can be a little…bit of a disturbance." Relius lowered his voice at the last few words. He instantly looks around him in paranoia. Kokonoe nodded her head, this was getting interesting.
"She interrupts my work to make me gather my laundry, forces me to wash the dishes and turns off the television as I was watching my precious discovery channel. We've argued numerous times and now when I am in battle she didn't even come to my aid when I summoned her. This was due to the fact that she suspects that I am cheating on her." Relius casually spoke like it was the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard. Kokonoe internally laughs out loud, even the great puppeteer Relius Clover goes through something so trivial such as 'wife problems.'
Kokonoe clears her throat before speaking. "Well have you been cheating on your wife? Or have done something that may have indicated it or seem like it?"
It took a few moments before Relius answered. "I believe I have gone to eat dinner with my co-worker Miss Litchi." Kokonoe nodded. "I see… a misunderstanding would obviously arise from that. If you haven't told your wife beforehand or explained to her then she would suspect something is up."
Relius nodded in agreement. "Hmm…perhaps you are correct. I didn't see it as a matter that had to be explained nor discussed. That is quite the advice you have there Kokonoe." He complimented. Kokonoe dropped a sweat. That was common sense. Anyways, she was about to ask about his son Carl before Relius interrupted her.
"I also may have had an intimate moment with one of the NOL nurses." Relius quickly added.
Suddenly, Ignis teleported behind him which made Kokonoe jump in surprise. "Ignis?!" Both Relius and Kokonoe shouted in complete shock. Ignis towered over Relius who was at a loss for words but then tried to explain himself. "Now hold on Ignis I said I 'may' have had an intimate moment so technically it could be not true."
"…" Ignis's eyes glowed bright in immense fury, she launched her large sharp claws and grabbed Relius's head. Kokonoe flinched, that looked like it hurt like hell. Relius was spouting all these random excuses to calm Ignis down but it was inevitable. Ignis then turned to Kokonoe and bowed to her, she also dropped some cash as to what seem to be for gratitude, she then teleported away with Relius screaming like a little girl. (Noel to be exact)
Tager, Lambda and Kokonoe were silence for a whole 30 seconds then Kokonoe stood up and gathered the dropped money, with Relius's and Ignis's payment it was as if they already had two sessions done. Kokonoe grinned as she counted the money again.
"Was that okay Kokonoe?" Tager looked at her with worry. Kokonoe flicked the cash. "Well I did give him advice, not my fault he got caught out." She justified herself.
Tager dropped a sweat. He was even more worried about the rest of the customers that they have to deal with. He knew that he would regret this.
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There goes Relius :P It was a bit short since he was the 'introduction patient' to the segment. Anyways, for the next patient it will be longer for sure! So feel free to suggest any couples, individuals or families or WHATEVER xD otherwise, the next patient will be...you'll see in the next chapter. See you soon!