Well, here's the latest piece of my madness. You should all feel gifted, I am doing this in class and risking people getting really angry at me. If you haven't read "They share EVERYTHING!" (by me, Satori Blackthorn,) I would recommend it, though it isn't needed to understand this story. As with the previous story, this is a parody of a Robert Munsch story that many of us are familiar with "Thomas' Snowsuit. I make no claim to that story, or to any of the brilliant characters created by Tolkien.

Enjoy, and please review!

Satori Blackthorn

Frodo's Shiresuit

Shiresuit – noun – suit worn in the Shire. Includes little bitty vest, little bitty pants, little bitty jacket and NO shoes.

One day, Frodo's bestest. bestest friend (and totally obsessed gardener) bought him a nice, new, brown Shiresuit. When Frodo saw that Shiresuit he said, "SAM! That is the ugliest thing I have ever seen in my life! If you think that I am going to wear that ugly Shiresuit into Rivendell where all those extremely good-looking and totally sexy elves live, you are crazy!"

Sam said, "we will see about that."

The next day, when it was time for Sam and Frodo to leave on their long trek to Rivendell, Sam said, "Frodo, you stupid, stubborn, short, hairy Hobbit, please put on your Shiresuit."

And Frodo said, "NNNNNO."

Sam jumped up and down, (a whole 1.5 inches off the floor, because he too, was a short hairy Hobbit) and said, "Frodo, put on that Shiresuit!"

And Frodo said, "NNNNO."

So Sam picked up Frodo in one hand, his once hidden (and slightly flabby) muscles bulging, picked up the Shiresuit in the other hand, and tried to stick them together. They had an enormous fight, lasting from breakfast all the way to second-breakfast, and when it was done, Frodo was in his Shiresuit.

So the two journeyed off together, were joined by two other short, hairy, annoying Hobbits, were chased by the creepy dead guys on horses, made it to a tavern where they all got drunk, were joined by a scruffy, smelly guy who eventually gets over his complex and takes a bath, and all these other unimportant events, and finally made it to Rivendell

Frodo hung his Shiresuit on a peg in the deepest, darkest and most shadowy-est corner of him complementary closet, all the while cackling evilly inside his head, 'I will never have to wear this thing ever again!'

When it was time for the Fellowship to leave from Rivendell (another not-so-important note that has no relevance to this story at all), all the other Hobbits jumped into their Shiresuits and practically ran into the wilderness.

But not Frodo.

The powerful grey wizard Gandalf looked down his long, long nose at Frodo and said, "Frodo, please put on your Shiresuit."

Frodo said, "NNNNNO."

Gandalf jumped up and down, (a whole lot higher than Sam could) and said again, "Frodo, put on that Shiresuit."

And once again, Frodo said, "NNNNNO."

So Gandalf picked up a struggling and wildly flailing Frodo in one hand, scrounged about in Frodo's complementary closet for half an hour before finding the Shiresuit and held it in the other hand, and then tried to stick the two together.

They had an enormous fight, and when they were done, Gandalf was wearing Frodo's Shiresuit and Frodo was wearing Gandalf's dress… robe… cloak… thing.

'Hmm,' Gandalf thought, 'I am sexy, just look at how the material pulls so tightly across my round behind. But alas, this Shiresuit is not breezy enough for me.'

So Gandalf lifted the hobbit off the floor in one hand and tried to get him into his own Shiresuit. They had an enormous fight. When they were done, the Shiresuit was hidden again inside the confines of Frodo's complementary closet, Gandalf's dress/robe/cloak/thing was hanging from a suspicious flagpole outside in the elves' garden and Frodo and Gandalf were standing in their underclothes.

Just then the door to Frodo's suite opened, and who should walk in but…

"Harry Potter?! What the hell are you doing here?"

The young wizard looked around, scowled and left the room without speaking to the two practically naked inhabitants, all the while muttering something about 'Shoe Powder' or some other strange drug.

Two seconds later Elrond the Half-elven appeared in the doorway.

"Was that Harry Potter?" he asked.

The two nodded.

"Aw man, I so totally wanted him to sign my forehead." Then Elrond noticed the two were standing in their underwear. "Great flaming salamanders Gandalf-man, what happened here?"

"It's all Frodo's fault," the wizard whined pathetically, "he won't put on his sexy Shiresuit. I keep telling him it's the only way a hot elf is going to fall for him but he won't believe me."

"It's true you know." Elrond remarked, eyeing Frodo critically.

Elrond then gave Frodo his very best 'I'm only half elven but I'm still scarier than you so you're going to shut up and listen to me' Look and said, "Frodo, put on your Shiresuit."

And Frodo said, "NNNNNO."

So Elrond picked up Frodo in one hand and picked up Gandalf in the other hand and he tried to get them back into their clothes.

When he was done, Elrond was wearing Gandalf's dress/robe/cloak/thing that had mysteriously reappeared from the top of the flagpole, Gandalf was wearing Elrond's swishy and elegantly flowing dress/robe/cloak/thing along with the crown thing that was just a bit too big for Gandalf's head (Elrond had a larger ego than the other old guy…) and Frodo was still in his underwear.

Then from somewhere outside Frodo's huge-ass room, someone yelled, "OOOO…. Look! Mushrooms!!" Frodo jumped into the closet, wrestled his Shiresuit from the monster living there (because ALL closets have closet monsters) jumped into his Shiresuit and in two seconds he was out the door.

Elrond looked at Gandalf and said, "Hey! You have my dress. Take it off right now."

Gandalf said, "Oh Elrond, I never knew you felt that way about me. I'm sorry, I don't go for elderly half-breeds. Besides, you have MY dress too, I want it back, yours is so not my color. You know I'm a winter."

Well. They argued and argued and argued, but neither one wanted to change first.

Finally Frodo came back inside from his disturbingly large snack of mushrooms. The others made him go back inside to see if their leader was coming.

Frodo looked at Elrond, and he looked at Gandalf. Frodo picked up Elrond in one hand. He picked up Gandalf in the other hand (the mushrooms were radioactive and gave him super strength). They had an enormous fight, and finally Frodo got everybody back into their proper clothes.

The next day, Elrond had a tailor specially design him a dress/robe/cloak/thing that was exactly like Gandalf's except in burnt umber, because slate so totally did not match Elrond's complexion.

"Hmm," Elrond thought as he swished around in his stately, special way, scaring all his little scurrying servant people as they went about their jobs, "These ARE a lot more breezy around my privates. I think Gandalf was onto something…"

End.