The most screwed up things happen to us…
A/N: Updated. Please re-read.
A/N: Hi peoples, Nolena-Sama has yet another story for you. Naruto this time! It's funny and adventurous…my bestest friend Jaq started role-playing this with me about…5 months ago and it's very good, of course it is…I'm the one who had to re type it into like…a story and not script like… The characters here are so OOC it's hilarious to think about if they were really like that. This is Yaoi, pet keeping, and very bad language. Also screwed up OOCness. If you don't like any of the named things…don't read it…
Warning: I suck at fight scenes
Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING!
Chapter one: Meet your master
Walking down a path in the thick Japanese forest Itachi and Kisame make their way back to the Akatsuki hide out from another failed mission of capturing Kyuubi vessel.
"That mission was a complete waste of time…"
Kisame looks at Itachi smiling a shark smile.
"So what, it just means we'll be forced to try again. On the bright side, I got my sushi!"
Itachi sighs glaring at his partner lightly, "I got a bowl of Ramen noodles in my face…what else is new?"
The blue man chuckles and smirks widely,
"It made you taste good though" his smirk widens more
"And your little brother found himself a boyfriend"
Neither of them notice the shadowed person following them in the trees listening to everything they were saying.
"Hn…he can live his life however the hell he wants as long as he isn't a prostitute or some drug dealer…" Kisame snickers at this comment
"Yea that's what the girls do anyhow"
Both Akatsuki members are suddenly struck with heavy rocks nearly sending them to the ground.
"Ow…who the hell threw that Itachi-san?"
Itachi rubs his head while scanning the trees and his eyes rest on the tree that hides their stalker.
"There…"
With a hard swing of his Samehade he brings the tree down. (I know the sword does not slice things…it shaves…but what else do you want me to say?)
Before the large tree hits the forest floor a tall long silver haired girl leaps in front of them waging her wolf tail gently, while glaring at them with her Crimson eyes. The taller of the two men wastes no time in yelling out the unspoken question.
"Who-no what the fuck are you?" Itachi stares at the mysterious girl calmly preparing himself to fight.
Smirking, the wolfish girl licks his fangs before speaking. "You should talk shark boy" This comment causes Kisame to glare at her.
The oldest Uchiha uses his death glare on the girl trying to intimidate her…and failing miserably.
"Who are you and what the fuck do you want?"
The girl licks her lips suggestively then smiles.
" I want…you…TO DO HIM!" she points at Kisame and starts laughing insanely. Kisame has a look that clearly says WTF.
Itachi jumps slightly at her loud command and his eye and hand twitches in sync.
"I will not play your foolish game!"
As if she never even moved, the girl ties up the two Akatsuki members that find themselves in a suggestive position. Kisame, being on the bottom blushes heavily (can a fish blush?)
"Uh…" Both men start trying to struggle free from the embarrassing position. Sighing the girl grabs the rope they are tied with and hoists them into the air with one hand and studies them.
"So…who are you guys?"
Itachi mumbles 'wouldn't you like to know' and then coughs "Itachi Uchiha, he's Kisame Hoshigaki."
The blue man grins at the mention of his name.
"Who are you?"
The girl drops them roughly and cuts the ropes before they hit the ground and smiles insanely while bowing.
"I am Nolena Takashi! and…what's with the jackets your wearing?"
Itachi stands brushing himself off after the rope was cut.
"It's an organization. Don't ask, we wont tell you."
"Cool…what is your mission in life?"
The same thought runs through their heads. What is with this girl and what is she
"That is our business, thank you…"
Nolena's eyes flash red indicating she has learned something.
"Hey…you are the guy who murdered his entire clan…" The accused Uchiha pauses then slowly smirks
"Heh. Interesting. It seems you already caught me."
Nolena smiles showing her pretty white fangs
"Yes, Yes I did…now I must arrest you."
"I'm sorry, but I can't allow that."
"Why not?"
"I don't want to be arrested…and I always get what I want."
"So do I" Kisame raises his Samehade.
"Can I kill her Itachi-san?"
Shrugging the Uchiha backs away for Kisame to have room
"Do what you want. Just don't get yourself hurt…she's different."
The swordsman steps toward the girl that is smirking at him.
"You want to kill me shark boy? try...I'm not even a ninja, your sword wont have any effect on me."
"You not being a ninja just makes it easier" With one powerful swing he brings down his Samehade. Before it could hit his target Nolena caught the end with her bare hand and crushed it cutting her hand slightly as she pulled it healed instantly.
"Very nice…it steals chakra from your opponent…" Glaring the shark man draws back his ego injured.
"I told you she was different…"
"You kill her Itachi-san…my Samehade is damaged"
Nodding, Itachi approaches the talented girl prepping to attack. All the while she takes out two thick silver titanium collars and puts the on her wrist…
"What are those?"
"My toys…" Vanishing, she moves quickly and links the collars around their necks.
"And now you're wearing my toys!"
"What? no we-" noticing the thick collars around their necks the both continuously try pulling them off.
"Damn it!" Itachi takes out kunai and tries to get it off with kunai in a ton of different ways.
Giggling, Nolena watches their fruitless attempts at freeing themselves.
"They are made with god like power, only I can take them off."
Still struggling Kisame glares at her
"What the hell do they do?"
"I call them obedience collars, I wore one when I was in Goddess training…very painful"
At the word Goddess both men freeze and stare at her.
"G-Goddess?"
"Yes Kisame…I said Goddess and I really don't care."
Growling as he stashes his kunai he turns his glare back on Nolena.
"I knew you weren't just some normal freak trying to piss me off."
Nolena smiles at him in return.
"Is there any other questions you have?"
Kisame, being blunt asks the annoying question that everyone asks.
"What kind of Goddess are you and why are you here?"
Her eye twitches at that question, but gives a small bow yet again.
"I am The Crystalline White Wolf Demonic Goddess of Demons, and I am here to search for my apprentice...The Kyuubi"
"Uh... Itachi-san..." Completely ignoring what she had stated, he resumes pulling at the collar.
"Get this fucking thing off me."
"No. I don't want to" The Goddess smirks at him and mimics him. "And I always get what I want."
He glares harder and growls at Nolena.
"Get. It. Off. Now."
"No why do you want me to?"
"I'm not walking around with a fuckin' collar on my neck."
"Well too fucking bad and besides you belong to me now"
There is silence, a long stare then,
"WHAT?"
"You heard me…you belong to me."
"I don't belong to anyone. Now let me go and I won't hurt you"
This causes her to begin laughing.
"You hurt me?" Suddenly she starts laughing so hard she falls to the ground. Kisame growls at her.
"You underestimate me."
"Feel free to try when you harm me you will be shocked with 100,000 volts of god power...hurts like a bitch, and I should know." She smiles at Itachi and stands up.
"What the fuck…I'll get it off, trust me." Itachi glares down at the collar on his neck.
She chuckles lightly this time.
"You cant unless you cut off your own head...and it changes with your form if you do a jutsu or anything of the sort and if you are separated from me by running away with in 2 miles you will be electrocuted...No one but me can take it off and I have to do it by my own free will."
"You fucking bitch…"
"Just watch. I will get it off, sooner or later, bitch."
"Good one I am a bitch" She grins widely showing how much she cares.
"And since I enjoy your presences I wont arrest you I'm just going to keep you around. The bounty on your heads isn't enough to even measure up to what money have."
"No. Fuckin. Way. I have better things to do than follow you around."
"So do I. I have to find the Kyuubi," her eyes flash red "and you know where he is don't you?"
The one thing running through Kisame's mind is, I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her…
"I know you hate me get over it" turning around Itachi walks away, and Kisame follows.
"I'm leaving"
"OK! See you in a few minutes!"
"No you won't."
(1 mile and 7/8ths later)
(A/N: I feel so bad for being mean to my favorite characters…not that bad! -Evil laugh-)
"Itachi-san… I really doubt these things will shock us...but what if they do?"
"Too bad for us. I doubt they will. It was total crap."
Far away Nolena is watching them waiting till the collars activate. "Three…two…one!"
It began as a slight burning sensation, but as they moved further away it turned into a full-blown blue electrical current dancing around their bodies. Kisame screams in pain as he drops to the forest ground pulling at the collar. Itachi leans against a tree trying to pull the collar off even though it's causing even more pain.
"FUCKING BITCH!"
Nolena waits a few minutes then runs over to them and the pain stops. "Are you going to be good now?"
Sitting up and tenderly touching his neck that now sports electrocution marks he glares at the demon goddess. Panting heavily Itachi also turns his glare on her once again.
"I despise you with a bloody hatred." She smiles at him.
"Yay me! Don't worry I wont torture you guys unless you do something that deserves it. So say hello to your new master boys!"
-§TBC§-
A/N: and end chapter one so what did you guys think? I think it's my best work so far…Well Jaq is proud that I'm displaying half of her work on the wonderful Well please review I wont continue this unless you do I have lots a stuff for this story .
A/N: is the update better?