The Smoking Peanut
BlueTiger321: Hello everyone, and thank you for choosing my story. After months of time away I'm finally back to write another ponified SpongeBob SquarePants episode. I've been going through all the others and I realised that each of them focuses on one of the Mane Six… except for Rarity! And then after going through all the SpongeBob episodes, I've decided to make her the main character in this one. Now for the legal matters: SpongeBob SquarePants is property of Nickelodeon, and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all characters used in this story are property of Hasbro. Now that that's out of the way, please enjoy!
It was another glorious day in Ponyville in the mystical world of Equestria. On this particular day many of the ponies were in one spot: the Ponyville Zoo. Not only was it a great time to see the animals but also to partake of the special celebration held every year.
The narrator elaborates by saying, "Ah, the Ponyville Zoo is having its annual Free Day." As the narrator spoke an adult pony gave a filly a balloon. "Free balloons."
Although some ponies were grateful of the zoo's hospitality, there were others who abused it and took it as a sign of getting something for nothing. Two particular ponies acted thusly. They were both unicorn stallions with pale yellow coats, red manes and tails with white streaks down the middle, and green eyes. Each was clothed in blue and white jackets with bow ties along with straw hats. The first one was named Flim with his cutie mark depicting an apple slice, and the other unicorn with a moustache was his twin brother Flam with his cutie mark being an apple with a piece cut off. The duo was otherwise known as the Flim Flam Brothers.
The Flim Flam Brothers made off with the rest of the balloons when the other ponies weren't looking, but the one tending the balloons couldn't help but look back when they were whisked away.
The narrator continued his explanation. "Free drinks." Flim and Flam made their way over to an apple cider stand where one pony filled up a mug of cider, but the Flim Flam Brothers wanted more than one mug, so they stuck a barrel underneath the tap and filled it up.
"Free light bulbs?" the narrator said confusedly when Flim used his magic to unscrew a light bulb from a street lamp.
"Aha!" said Flim.
Everything was going well for the Flim Flam Brothers as they took full advantage of Free Day. Just then, two guard ponies from Princess Celestia trotted past the two unicorns and they nervously tried to think of something to say.
"Top of the morning, boys," said Flam.
When the guard ponies paid the unicorn no mind, they (the unicorns) let out a sigh of relief and continued with their selfish quest.
"Next stop, gift shop," said Flim.
The day was going perfectly for two other ponies that came trotting along. One was a white unicorn mare with a spiralled violet mane and tail. Her eyes shone blue as sapphires that matched her blue eye shadow, and her cutie mark was three blue diamonds. Her name was Rarity.
The other was a pink Earth pony mare with a dark pink mane and tail that were all curled up, light blue eyes and a cutie mark of three balloons (two blue balloons with yellow strings, and a yellow balloon with a blue string). Her name was Pinkie Pie, but some called her Pinkie for short.
Rarity and Pinkie both wore free hats from the zoo, and as they made their way through the zoo, they stopped and looked at the arena where a large banner said Phoenix Stadium.
"There it is. Phoenix Stadium," said Rarity in a Mid-Atlantic English accent. "Not only do they have the largest phoenix held in captivity, it also does tricks." The unicorn then cast a spell, causing her horn to glow in a blue aura, and spoke like an announcer into a microphone. "He spits a giant fireball 100 feet in the air, like a cannonball!"
Rarity cast another spell to form her hat into a ball that she hurled straight into the air. It arched back down to the ground and landed on an ice cream cone that was held by Snails.
Pinkie Pie felt ecstatic of watching the actual trick being done by the phoenix. With wide eyes she flailed her hooves around and said, "Why are we hanging around here watching a cheap imitation? Let's get over there!"
So the ponies galloped their way into the stadium and fervently wanted to see the phoenix perform amazing tricks like they knew it would.
"This is the greatest day of our lives!" the ponies shouted in unison.
They got into the stadium and looked down at the centre from behind a velvet rope. But the moment they looked in did their hopes vanish. In the centre of the stadium was a large bird covered with red and orange feathers, which was the zoo's phoenix, Flamu. Rather than perform tricks like the ponies thought it would, it lied on the ground and snored loudly in a deep sleep.
(A/N: I apologise if any of you think the phoenix's name is kind of lame. I tried to make it sound like the clam's name from the episode.)
"This is the greatest day of our lives?" Pinkie said confusedly. Her expectations were set low and she leaned on the rope with dullness in her eyes. "Boring!"
Flamu continued to sleep soundly while seemingly unaware of what was around her.
"You're right, Pinkie," said Rarity. "We came to see fireballs 100 feet in the air, right? I'll try to do a phoenix call."
The unicorn took in a deep breath and let out a series of chirping sounds to try and imitate a phoenix, but it did nothing to attract the bird; it merely kept sleeping as it did before. Rarity looked at her friend when she was done and noticed the disappointed look on the pink pony's face.
"Well, I'm outta here," said Pinkie Pie. "Thanks for nothing, Rarity."
Pinkie walked away from her friend who leaned on the rope. All she wanted was to have a wonderful day with her friend, and the phoenix not doing anything was throwing a big wrench into her plans.
"Come on, come on, wake up already," the unicorn said anxiously.
That's when she got an idea. She searched into her pack and pulled out a bag of peanuts and thought maybe the bird would need some kind of incentive to wake up. Perhaps, she thought, that maybe getting its attention would rouse it from its slumber. Rarity used her magic to make one peanut levitate. She looked around to make sure that nopony watched her. When it was clear, she gently tossed the peanut at Flamu. The peanut struck the phoenix on the head and it slowly opened its eyes.
"I think it's working," said Rarity.
Flamu did in fact wake up, and she looked at her surroundings with a look of worry on her face.
The unicorn called out to her friend. "Hey, Pinkie, it's waking up!"
Pinkie rushed back to her friend and said, "Oh, boy! Did I miss it?"
"No. The show's about to begin!"
But instead of doing tricks, Flamu opened her beak and cried out in sorrow. The sound was so powerful that Rarity and Pinkie Pie held on to the velvet rope until they were forced into the stadium's seats. Flamu then frantically hopped around the stadium, sounding extremely upset.
Two zookeeper ponies immediately rushed into the stadium to calm the phoenix. "What's wrong with Flamu?" said one of them.
The other zookeeper trotted up to the bird and gently patted it on the beak. "Easy, girl. It's me, Copper. Remember?"
Flamu then let out a furious screech and grabbed the pony in her beak, causing Copper to open his eyes wide with fright. The phoenix then flung the pony straight into the air and sent him screaming out of the stadium.
"Now this is a show," Pinkie Pie said happily.
But Rarity was looking rather worried about what she did when she woke up the phoenix.
Outside the stadium, all the other ponies walked about until they heard the speakers turn on, and the announcer said, "Attention, zoo patrons. Flamu the giant phoenix is on an emotional rampage. Please scream and run around in circles!"
Every pony then did as they were told: scream and run around in circles.
"Thanks for coming," said the announcer.
Flamu had then used her innate ability to ignite herself and continuously rammed herself into the stadium to create massive damage. The impact was so powerful that it shook the entire stadium with the force of an earthquake.
The remaining zookeeper ran up to where Rarity and Pinkie Pie sat and said, "You girls better get out of this area, pronto! There's nothing more dangerous than an emotionally disturbed phoenix!" He then pointed at Rarity with an accusing hoof, forcing her to hide behind her peanut bag. "You didn't do anything that might've caused this horrible tragedy, did you?"
Rarity, feeling nervous over confessing, merely said, "Uh…"
"No way," said Pinkie. "Only a jerk would upset a gentle giant. Right, Rarity?"
"Right," said Rarity as she hid her peanut bag and bit her lower lip while breaking out in a nervous sweat.
Flamu, still emotionally upset, cried out sadly and chomped on a piece of metal.
The zoo was still in a state of chaos as almost every pony ran out of there while Flamu still cried out, but Rarity and Pinkie Pie calmly trotted out. The unicorn, thinking that the whole incident was her fault, felt a wave of guilt wash over her while her friend talked about the one who upset the phoenix.
"Man," said Pinkie, "if I ever see the pony who upset Flamu, I'd have a few choice words for him, like 'you'… and 'are'… and 'a jerk!'"
The two ponies kept walking until they reached Rarity's home and place of business, a colourfully decorated building called Carousel Boutique.
"Are you sure you didn't see anything suspicious?" Pinkie asked her friend.
Rarity stopped in her tracks and faced Pinkie with a defensive look in her eyes. "I already said I didn't, Pinkie! Sheesh!" she said with a raised voice and trotted to her home.
Suddenly, the pink pony got an idea. "Hey! Let's investigate this crime and catch the lowlife who's responsible."
Rarity was about to open her door when she turned to face her friend and once again raised her voice. "Give it a rest, Pinkie! There's no crime to investigate! Now go home!" And with that, she opened her door and went inside, leaving her friend worried about what she said.
Once inside her home, Rarity slumped against the door and frowned. She had never meant to hurt the phoenix by throwing a peanut at it, and now she was worried that she might be discovered for causing it. The whole thing had even made her consider if she was worthy of being Pinkie Pie's friend after the way she treated her. But then she realised that her friend was just being nosy like she usually did.
"Stupid Pinkie," said the unicorn. "I didn't do anything wrong."
Rarity then decided that the whole incident would probably be over soon, so she thought she should try to put it behind her.
"Oh, what am I getting so worked up about?" she said and sat down in a chair. "I'm sure that by tomorrow this whole ugly mess will be a funny memory." Reaching for a remote, she turned on her magically-powered television.
"Our top story tonight: giant phoenix has its feelings hurt," said the news anchor.
Hearing the headline had forced Rarity to open her eyes in shock. On the screen was a real-live horse with a microphone standing in front of Flamu while it continued crying.
"The only clue that could be found was this lone peanut," said the horse.
The image on the screen switched to the peanut that Rarity threw, and the unicorn could only watch while her heart beat a mile a minute.
"And as you can hear," continued the news anchor, "the phoenix continues to emit its horrible cry. A cry so powerful it can be heard around Equestria." The screen then switched to various images of ponies in different places—Manehatten, Fillydelphia, and Baltimare—where they all covered their ears with their hooves. "A cry that not only breaks the sound barrier, it breaks the hearts of our citizens!" The camera moved over to see a pony family crying along with Flamu.
Rarity looked on in horror while guilt wracked her body about what she believed she did and how it affected everypony in Equestria.
The news anchor then said, "What kind of cruel, careless, evil pony would deliberately upset one of Celestia's most gentle creatures?" The report was so emotional for the real-live horse that it shed a tear that was wiped up by a human hand.
Rarity could not watch the broadcast anymore, so she switched off the TV. Her pet cat Opal sat next to her and let out a 'meow' that made the unicorn scream with fright.
Getting off the chair she said, "No, Opal. How would I know anything about the phoenix?"
Again, Opal made a 'meow.'
Rarity, understanding what her cat said, raised her voice back. "Defensive? I'm not being defensive! Goodness! What is this, 20 questions or something?"
Looking out a window, Rarity saw the Phoenix Stadium where Flamu kept her heartbreaking cry for all to hear. The poor pony was so distraught that she wasn't even sure about what to do.
"This is getting a little out of hoof," she said. "All I did was throw a peanut. I didn't mean to make the phoenix cry. I just wanted to see it perform spectacular stunts." She turned her back and let out a moan. "Everyone's going to hate me!" An idea suddenly came to her about how she could ease her conscience. "I—I need some advice. Now let's see now, which one of my friends would know what to say for something like this?"
Rarity then thought of going to see her friend Rainbow Dash at her home, which was a cloud house with a rainbow waterfall outside of Ponyville.
"Rainbow Dash!" Rarity called from outside. "Rainbow Dash! Oh, Rainbow Dash!"
Finally out flew a blue Pegasus mare with a rainbow-coloured mane and tail, cerise eyes and a cutie mark of a cloud with a red-, yellow-, and blue-striped lightning bolt. She was Rarity's other friend Rainbow Dash, or Rainbow for short, and she didn't look pleased with having to see her friend.
"Rarity!" Rainbow groaned. "Do you have to call so loudly?"
"Sorry, Rainbow," said Rarity.
The Pegasus then rubbed her head over having to deal with the calls along with the cries from the phoenix. "That overgrown bird is giving me a headache," she said. "I can't even take my afternoon nap."
A nervous laugh escaped Rarity's mouth upon hearing about the phoenix. "Funny thing you should mention that phoenix," she said, "because I… uh… was kind of wondering…" She paused while trying to think of the right words to say. "Let's say I know this pony who may have something to do with the phoenix."
"You mean you know the guy who did it?" Rainbow asked happily.
The only thing the unicorn said was a nervous gulp; the response from her friend was not what she wanted to hear.
"Oh, this is great! You and I can go turn him in! And then I'll get so much sleep, I'll be more awesome!"
"Actually, I—I'm just talking hypothetically."
"You mean you don't know who did it?" the Pegasus asked disheartened.
"Well, um… I… uh… no," replied Rarity.
Rainbow Dash could no longer be bothered so she flew back up to her home and slammed the door shut.
"Rainbow Dash?" called the unicorn. But when she saw her friend no longer wanted to be bothered, she turned around and walked away.
Just then, Pinkie Pie appeared wearing a deerstalker hat and holding a magnifying glass, much like she did on the train to the National Dessert Competition.
"Gotcha!" said Pinkie.
The unexpected arrival surprised Rarity, and she let out a terrified scream while her cutie mark leapt off her flanks before returning to their spots.
Pinkie Pie looked down at the ground and said, "Where were you on the day of today? Don't play games with me, mister!"
"Pinkie, what are you doing?" Rarity asked in a confused and somewhat worried tone.
Looking up the pink pony said, "Oh, hi, Rarity. I'm just continuing my investigation of the Great Flamu Caper!"
Hearing that Pinkie may have a lead on her made Rarity uneasy, and she twitched her left eye while putting her front hooves together. "Uh, have you found out anything?" she asked.
"Yes!" replied Pinkie. "No, wait, uh… no." She then picked up various objects she collected and presented them like they were suspects. "But this grain of sand looks pretty suspicious, and so does this rock!" After picking up her magnifying glass, she looked at the last item carefully. "And I've got a few questions for this little piece of grass."
Rarity knew that her friend was just being her usual silly self, but she could not take any chances and so she galloped away.
"Don't worry, Rarity!" said Pinkie Pie. "Pinkie's on the case! The truth will be revealed!"
As she galloped the unicorn broke out in a nervous sweat. "I better go see Applejack. She'll know what to do!"
The day dragged on for the ponies with Flamu's cries still being heard across Equestria. Sweet Apple Acres was where Rarity went next, and her friend Applejack covered her hooves with her ears. She was an orange Earth pony with a yellow mane and tail bunched into tiny knots, green eyes with white freckles on the edges, and a cutie mark of three red apples. Her most noticeable feature was her brown Stetson hat.
Applejack could no longer take the bird's pain and felt bad for it. She looked at Rarity sitting on a log and spoke with a Texan accent. "Aw, I can't stand it anymore. That poor, poor critter. What kind o' inconsiderate pony would upset such a gentle creature?"
Rarity looked away in shame and replied, "Um, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about, Applejack."
Not hearing her friend's reason, Applejack displayed a look of fury and continued her rant. "Why, when I find out who caused that phoenix so much pain, no more jiggery-pokery!"
To the unicorn's surprise, she watched Applejack lift a huge, thick book in front of her and grunt as she tore it in half down the middle. Seeing it made Rarity feel really nervous now, and talking about how she upset the phoenix would mean she would get the same fate as the book.
"Now," said Applejack, "what was it you wanted to talk about, Rarity?"
Rarity tried to speak but could not. All she could do was mutter incoherently and twitch her eye.
Applejack, seeing her friend act strange, asked, "Hey Rarity, how come you're all twitchy like that?"
"Twitchy? Twitchy? Who's twitchy? I'm not twitchy," replied the unicorn. Getting up off the log, Rarity said, "Sorry, Applejack. I have to uh… uh… go get my moustache waxed." She then galloped out of Sweet Apple Acres and headed for home.
Applejack pondered what her friend said when she was by herself. "Rarity doesn't have a moustache… or does she?"
Rarity felt that even her friends could never understand what she did and it would be best to never reveal it to anyone. She galloped as fast as she could and panted heavily from both exhaustion and worry. She was at her home and approached the door until someone caught her by surprise.
"Hey, Rarity!" said Pinkie Pie.
Rarity was so startled that she screamed and her body parts and facial features all came off. Her body dropped to the ground and everything landed in the wrong place with her hooves on her sides, her eyes on her chin, her mouth on her forehead, her tail on her back, her mane on her stomach, and her horn on her rump.
"This is it!" the pink pony said with a devious smile. "All of the clues are coming together." The clues that were discovered by Pinkie were then told in order. "I followed these hoof prints right to this exact spot"—she stopped before Rarity, who had pulled herself together—"and then, right where you're standing, I found this bag of peanuts!" The bag was held up and Rarity held her back to the door and displayed a look of fear. "Ha!" she said and moved closer to Rarity. "I'm so close to solving this crime, I can almost taste it."
Pinkie looked to be licking Rarity's mane, but it turned out she licked a popsicle that matched Rarity's mane in shape and colour.
"Boy," said Pinkie, "crime fighting sure makes me hungry, and this purple popsicle hits the spot."
Not wanting to see any more of her friend's investigation, Rarity opened the door to her home and said, "Okay, good luck with all that, Pinkie, and I guess I'll see you later." She went inside her home and left the pink pony still licking her iced treat.
The unicorn leaned against her door, still shaking at the thought of nearly being discovered, when there was a loud voice that came from the other side.
"Open up!" said the voice.
Rarity screamed in fright and felt her eyeballs launch out of her head that left her eye sockets empty.
"This is Celestia's royal guard!" the voice then said.
"Just a second!" replied Rarity. The unicorn felt around to find her eyes and face the trouble she knew would eventually come.
But the guards could wait no longer. They opened the door to reveal themselves both to be two white Pegasi stallions and they entered Rarity's home without hesitation.
"Are you Rarity?" said one of the guards.
"Ye-ye-yes," Rarity stuttered as she held her eyeballs in her hooves.
"Put those eyeballs back in your head, ma'am. We've got a few questions for you."
The unicorn put her eyes back in their sockets and screwed them in place so they wouldn't fall out again, and she looked at the guards at what she believed was her due punishment.
"Were you at the zoo on the day of the phoenix incident?" asked the first guard.
Rarity stuttered again, knowing that she couldn't lie to Celestia's royal guard. She tucked her head into her body in an attempt to hide herself and said, "Yes."
"Did you or did you not take part in various activities of zoo-time merriment?"
"Yes," replied Rarity, hiding her head deeper into her body until only her forehead showed.
"And are you familiar with"—the guard then held up a sealed plastic bag with the words Exhibit A written on it—"this peanut?"
Rarity tried to hide in her body again, but the result was her rump becoming enlarged and dropping to the floor from holding in her moved-around organs. "Yes!" she cried.
"Just one more question," said the guard, facing a nervously-shaking Rarity. "Is it true that you were at the phoenix's lair with a Ms. Pinkie Pie?"
Rarity could no longer take the guilt and confessed to everything. "Yes! Yes, it's true! It's all true!" She dropped to her knees and explained it just like the guard said. "The merriment, the peanut, the Pinkie Pie!"
"That's all we need to know, ma'am," said the guard. "Let's book her!"
The guards had then thrown on a pair of cuffs, but it wasn't on the unicorn. Pinkie Pie stood before the guards and Rarity with her hooves bound as she had been believed to be responsible for what happened to Flamu.
"Wow, you guys are good," said Pinkie. "I'm the last pony I would've suspected, but I was looking for me all the time! It's the perfect crime!"
"Yeah, yeah, tell it to the judge, pinky," the first guard said as an insult.
Pinkie Pie was escorted out by the guards and led her to a carriage. Rarity watched as her friend was going to be punished for something that she herself did and she suddenly felt even worse than she felt before, knowing that letting a friend take her place would be completely despicable.
"Oh no!" said Rarity. "Pinkie Pie's too sensitive for the big house!"
The carriage sped away with Rarity chasing after it.
"Wait! Stop!" cried the unicorn. "I'm the one you want! I am the criminal!" But her attempts at setting things right could not be heard as the carriage headed for the zoo.
Inside the Phoenix Stadium came shouts of anger from everypony in Ponyville. They all gathered inside to see the culprit pay for the crime committed against Flamu. It would be a time to remember that nopony should ever upset such a gentle creature ever again.
Flamu huddled to herself in the centre of the stadium still whimpering while Pinkie Pie was shackled to a platform while the crowd booed at her, but she seemed content with what was going to happen to her. After all, she thought, a criminal deserved to be punished.
"Hey, everybody!" shouted Time Turner. "Let's throw peanuts at her and see how she likes it!"
The other ponies all agreed with the idea and flung their peanuts at Pinkie as a symbol of poetic justice.
"I get what I deserve," said Pinkie Pie. She even went so far as to eat some of the peanuts that were hurled at her. "Ouch," she said.
The crowd continued their booing until one brave pony decided to speak up against them.
"Wait!" shouted a voice that silenced everypony.
All the ponies turned in the direction of the sound and there was Rarity coming to defend her friend.
"Hold your peanuts!" said the unicorn. "Pinkie Pie is innocent. I have come here to reveal the truth!"
Rarity knew it would be hard, but she could no longer live with the guilt or the idea of letting her friend take the blame. As she spoke, Pinkie Pie added a sense of dramatic effect by chanting, "Bummm… Bummm…"
"They say that truth and honesty," said Rarity, "will be rewarded with trust and forgiveness. I'm here to lay my cards on the table, to trim the branches of deception from the Tree of Life, to shave away the unkempt sideburns from the Face of Truth. I—"
"Just get on with it!" Time Turner interjected.
"I am the one who threw the peanut," Rarity confessed, and she heard gasps from all around the stadium. "I know now that what I have done is wrong. And so I say I am sorry, giant performing phoenix. I am sorry, Pinkie Pie. I am sorry, citizens of Ponyville."
Rarity was finally done with her confession and Pinkie finished her chant. It was quiet all around the stadium when the crowd understood that Rarity was to blame for all the trouble, and it seemed like they accepted her apology for coming to admit what she done had been brave.
"Hey!" said Time Turner. "Let's throw peanuts at both of them!"
The crowd all agreed with the pony and got ready to exact justice until another voice spoke out.
"Wait!" shouted a zookeeper pony. "Here are the real criminals!"
The zookeeper reached to his side and dragged out in front of everypony the Flim Flam Brothers.
"Uh, top of the morning," said Flam.
"Flim and Flam!" Rarity said in a surprised tone.
The rest of the ponies all gasped in shock and thought the two unicorns had been run out of town after the Apple family beat them in the apple cider contest, but now they were back to cause even more trouble.
"I knew it!" said Pinkie Pie.
The zookeeper then went on to explain what the two culprits did. "Flim and Flam have stolen a very important item from the phoenix." He reached into their clothes and pulled out hard, not realising he yanked off their coats. "Behold!"
The crowd was disgusted at having to see the Flim Flam Brothers in the nude until the zookeeper put the coats back.
"Wait a minute," said the zookeeper. This time he pulled out what he wanted to show. "Behold! The phoenix's ball!"
In the zookeeper's hoof was a round red and orange ball. The crowd all gasped in awe at it but still couldn't understand why the Flim Flam Brothers would take something like it.
"Here you go, girl," the zookeeper said returning the ball to the phoenix.
Flamu sniffed at the ball and smiled, and everypony in the stadium cheered upon seeing the phoenix no longer being sad. All of a sudden, cracks appeared on the ball that spread until they completely covered its surface. The ponies all let out gasps in wonder at the sight and waited for something to happen.
The ball then cracked open and inside was a baby phoenix that let out small chirps.
"My goodness!" said Rarity. "The phoenix is a mother. And that ball's no ball, it's an egg."
Flamu smiled and held her baby under her wings and let her nuzzle up against her body while a small heart suddenly appeared out of thin air.
The heartfelt sight made the ponies all say, "Awww." It ended when they looked at Flim and Flam with contempt in their eyes.
"But it's Free Day," said the Flim Flam Brothers.
Boos came from the crowd as they buried Flim and Flam in peanuts for their cruel and selfish act.
THE END
BlueTiger321: Well, there's another episode done. I hope you all liked it, and pleased stay tuned when I'll have my next story published. So, until next time, be sure to read and review.