chapter one

Ste's point of view

A holiday, getting away was just what I needed after breaking up with Brendan, again, which seemed like the hundredth time.

I always fell for his promises but this time he seemed more genuine than any other, he begged for me back with tears running down his face, what was I to do? I wanted him; I always have wanted him; even when things were bad between us that want for him never left me.

But now, here I am; without him, questioning myself; what had I done wrong? What had I done to make him leave this time? When things got tough or didn't go exactly how he planned, he took off, left me all alone. The thing was, I didn't understand why, we were getting on so well, brilliant infact; I can honestly say things have never been so good, that's what I thought anyway so finding a note on my pillow one morning saying

"I'm sorry Stephen, I can't do this"

Shocked me to the core.

That note was left nearly three weeks ago, and we haven't spoken since. We'd been pretty much inseparable up until that point. We had different lives in the day but in the evenings we were always together and most of the time he was staying with me at the flat.

It felt odd being on my own again after months of spending all my spare time with him, so after three weeks of feeling depressed, moping around, unable to get back into a normal routine; I decided to take Amy's advice and book a last minute holiday, I could always afford it now I was my own boss.

I did feel sorry for Doug though, I hadn't been much use to him although he understood, maybe Doug could come with me, we did have good staff after all.

It was odd that although Brendan and I lived in the same village we never bumped into eachother, but then maybe that was for the best. I hadn't called him and he hadn't called me, I pretty much just stayed in the flat; Doug had seen him a few times and just said that he was his normal cocky self. I really wanted to go to him and ask him why, but what good would it do? We'd fight, we'd make up and have sex; but it would still be the same afterwards.

Doug had agreed to coming on holiday, we would have a laff together, Amy was going to help run Carter and Hay so things were okay as far as work was concerned.

We leave tomorrow, Magaluf here we come!

Brendan's point of view

I have to stay away from him, it's the only way that I'm ever going to get over him, I can't do the whole relationship thing, I thought I could but I can't. I'm not being fair to him; I left him again, knowing that it would completely break him. If it was just us it would be fine but other people put pressure on us and I just can't handle it.

I don't know why I ever thought it would work out, I should have known I would let him down again, that's all I've ever done. How many times have I promised him I'll change?

The sad thing is, I do want him, I do. But every time things go really well between us, I freak out; why? I don't know. Stephen liked to plan things, talk about the future, like moving in together, getting married; it just seemed to be moving too fast for me, that's all. Even Chez was asking me if there was going to be a gay wedding.

I just felt like I had to give more than I was ready to, so being the selfish man I was; I left him. It had been three weeks since I walked away from the only person I'd ever loved, was I having regrets? Of course I was. I loved him, more than anything; I just found it hard showing him, why didn't I talk to him? He would have tried to help; maybe I could have just gone to visit my kids for a break, done some thinking.

I haven't seen him since, I've just worked all of the time, kept myself busy. He's still with me though, heavily in my thoughts; I'd seen Douglas a few times, today when I saw him he was gloating about going on holiday with Stephen, Magaluf or something, I hated it! Jealousy running through my veins, I knew from that moment that leaving him was a mistake.

Don't go

Ste and Doug were sat at the airport waiting to board their plane. Doug was happy seeing Ste was so excited after everything he'd just been through

"You okay mate?"

Asked Doug

"Yeah I'm buzzing me! First holiday and all that"

Stephen replied

He was like a kid in a sweet shop, looking around, fidgeting, excited at the fact that in less than an hour he would be leaving his problems behind enjoying himself, he had almost forgotten how to do that.

His joyful mood was short lived when he heard that voice saying

"Leaving without saying goodbye, Stephen?

Ste turned around to see him, standing there; his eyes were red and swollen, it looked like he'd been crying.

"What do you want Brendan?"

Stephen quickly said with anger and annoyance in his voice

"I wanted to speak to ye before ye go, can I, please; in private?"

"Okay Brendan, you've got five minutes."

Stephen was convinced speaking to him was a bad idea, but like so many times before he just couldn't walk away.

"I don't want you to go"

Brendan blurted out

"Please stay I've made a mistake leaving ye, I need ya"

"NEED ME?"

Shouted Stephen

"You only need me now because I'm getting on with my life, if I was still at home feeling sorry for myself you wouldn't be telling me you'd made a mistake"

Stephen was crying, his heart aching; he wanted nothing more than to stay with Brendan, he absolutely adored him after all, but he couldn't keep doing this to himself anymore, he wanted to be happy, have fun, forget about all the broken promises.

"No Brendan, your five minutes are up, please just leave me alone"

Stephen went back to Doug not knowing if he made the right decision or not. He knew Brendan was watching as they boarded the plane, but he didn't look back; if he looked back, he probably wouldn't have gone.

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