OK KAKASHI LOST SAKURA ON A DARING MISSION AFTER THEY ADMITTED THERE LOVE A YEAR AGO AND HE AND HER MOVED IN TOGETHER THEY WERE GOING TO GET MARRIED

My heart ached my love decreased to nothing I layed in bed for hours just waiting for sakura to come home . I was doomed to a endless night of suffering from lonlyness . I stayed still for a moment of sorrow staring into the side of the bed where she always whould lay . Finally the endless night of angry and sadness was over as the sun rose up leaveing the room to shimmer . I sat up hopeing for someone to come from behind and embrasse me and beg for me to stay . But once again it was never going to happen another tear slipped down my cheek as I remembered her cheerful face .
The funeral had already been held and whole time I couldn't help but feel it was all my fault . Everyone told me not to cry but I don't know how that could help me . My tears were the same feeling I had without the wet drops streaming over my cheeks . The whole thing was sad and depressing, black surrounded me as I weeped. It was like the devil was on guard for punishment and I was the target. But when it ended the feeling of guilt never left my sore achie body.

It had been the same for a while sleepless nights, endless tears, and little food in my gut for I couldn't stomach it. I longed the most for the gentle touch of her hand and her soft words but I've wanted that ever sense the pain of her death took it's toll.

*FLASHBACK*

The sun had just poured out of the clouds spreading them to the sides. My shadow was seen and my mind racing a mile a minute wondering if sakura would be ok when I got to the hospitial. She always would tell me"Just another cut or bruise don't worry about it". I started to think what if she won't make it how would I feel more importantly how would I live without her touch or soft words to wake me for a mission. I started to panick I raced to the hospitial.

*Nock*"Yes who is it"exclaimed tsunade. He walked carefully through the door to sakura's room.

"I-I-is she ok"studdered the shocked kakashi. He always seem to be different when it came to sakura.

Tsunades face became white"Wait they didn't tell you"she said upsetted by something.

"W-w-what do you mean my lady"I shivered at her reaction.

"Its,its just she d-d..."she had to stop a sec before she could begin again. "She died while we were operating I'm sorry kakashi" said tsunade trying not to burst into terrible tears .

I dropped to my knees "why, why?" I kept repeating those single words .

"Kakashi sensei" shouted a sufficated voice from the hallway .

Naruto ran in the room "no no sakura is she no it can't no it just can't be no" said the blond in complete denile .

Tsunade walked over to naruto and slapped him "shut the hell up you moron can't you see hes suffering" yelped tsunade . Naruto looked at me laying on my hand and knees leaveing tears to spread slowly on my fingure tips .

"Kakashi sensei" the blond said soothingly "are you ok" .

"Why her why couldn't it of been me?" I asked sniffleing and trying to gather my thoughts .

*END OF FLASHBACK*

"Why, thats all I could say for days and now I'm dead inside with tears running on low" . "My face is pale my body is going to the dogs what is wrong with me" . "Her family don't feel as much of her death as I do just why the hell do I feel so rotten"I shouted to the empty room . My heart couldn't take the pain I couldn't move it all just froze . My mind started running again dam-it love god are they real or is this all a dream". "Nothing is real fuck what is real, is real what we choose if real is what we choose why isn't sakura here with me damn-it why is it so confusing" I screamed. My body my mind everything I thought. I grabbed my face in despret need of answers.

I calmed down a little and lied back down into the bed. "Huh" I said while thinking. Isn't it kinda funny I can't even comfort myself with icha icha paradise I thought while stareing in the orange cover of a book that read make out paradise. I brought my fingers to the edge and brushed it soothingly while I remebered the terrible day of her death. "What was it that made me love her"I whispered out of my thoughts while falling in a deep sleep.

*THE NEXT DAY*

"Fuck this I am not going to fucking pout inside all day!" . I stood up grabbed my jacket and slipped on some jeans . "Fuck no clean shirts fine sandles, a pair of faded blue jeans, and a blood red jacket will have to do"I said to myself, man I was messed up when I said that . I walked out the door and the sun it "Crap that hurts i geuss when you stay inside for weeks doing nothing but letting tears flow the sun doesn't help". My eyes started to water and I flipped my hood on . Dam-it I wonder how the others are taking it I thought while walking through a leaky old ally .

The ally was very, how should I put it, dirty. It had several trash cans laying in all sorts of positions. It had little space between the old and grimey brick walls. If you thought it out, four people at the most could fit. The ground smelled like rotten bananas and the walls reaked of old cheese. It made me want to ralph. It was nice to have a maske to help with most of it.

"Sensei shouted the blond wearing black from behind. He ran to the opening in the ally.

"Naruto what are you doing here?" I asked regretting the words .

"Well I heard you finally left home so I just had to say hello" he said jumping up and down .

"Well then why are you wearing black?" .

"Oh yah I forgot to tell you this is the day sasuke died" he said tring to cover the blood shot eyes from his tears. "Remember it was about four years ago" he added. Oh yes why I only have one student left standing I thought. "Sensei, its ok its ok I know what your thinking I will always be here for you" he said with a sniffle .

'Um thats not quiet what I was thinking but thanks". I started to think about sakura and the tears returned .

"Sensei please calm down its been two months you have too stop crying" said the fox patting my back and trying to comfort me .

"Shut the hell up you all say the same thing don't cry it won't help well I don't care anymore. I will cry tell there nothing left so shut the hell up already, you all talk to much"I screamed wanting no response .

"Fine then if thats how you feel I leave you here alone goodbye!"he shouted before leaveing.

I was all alone again but this time in dirty old ally and nothing to curl up in . "I'm so stupid there I go driveing people away from me" I whispered to myself . My heart started to ache again, I can't I just can't do it anymore he thought falling to the ground face first . I laid in this position for a long time not knowing what to do. "Sakura oh sakura what am I to do"I said to the cold ground.

Iruka soon walked around the ally corner kakashi what the hell is he dead thought the teacher. He walked a little closer in the cramped space. He then grabbed a small oak branch and poked my cold body.

"What the hell do you want"I murmured.

"Oh few your alive"said iruka with a deep breath of relief.

"I wish I wasn't"I commented. Iruka walked over to me and swiftly lifting my arm around his shoulder.

"Your coming with me"said the cheerful dolphin.

"Really iruka just leave me to die"I said trying not to sound miserable.

Iruka refused and dragged my limpless body to his home. He jiggled the door nob and swinged me in the door way. He sat me on the old yellow couch and brought me some tea. He soon tried to get me to take a blanket.

"Kakashi please take the blanket or you will get sick"insisted the teacher. He finally got annoyed of asking and rapped it around me.

"So what is wrong, you can tell old iruka anything"he said while sitting beside me with one leg over the other. I began to mumble and my words started to piece together.

"She's dead, I will never beable to hold her, she will never come home again, and my tears won't stop but yet I don't want them to, and everyone is just pretending like she never left".

"Kakashi stop its ok don't talk anymore cry as much as you want"said iruka while letting my head rest on his chest. Which was even wierd for iruka, especially since I wasn't crying. He normaly would stay away from me ever since I showed naruto my little orange book. He embrassed me and started rubbing the side of my arm like sakura did.

"Iruka"I said in a low whisper"could you stay here with me for a while"I said to try and make him happy even though it wouldn't make me in the brightest of all moods.

Iruka replied with a "Yes and continued to rub my arm knowing it would help, sadly he was wrong it was just creepy.

"Do you need anything kakashi you look hungry"said the worried iruka.

"Do you mind just getting me some basic rice"I answered trying to not sound like I was commanding him.

"Yes, I'm just glad your talking, friend"said the dolphin while standing and walking to the kitchen. I am asking to much he might ask me to do him a favor, but its fun letting him get me stuff I thought.

"Oh kakashi~"sang iruka bringing the tray with the rice on it.

"Oh thank you iruka"I responded as the tray was sat on my lap. Suddenly my breathing became very heavy.

"Kakashi are you ok?" asled the conserned teacher while I grabbed my chest gasping for air.

"I-I-I can't breath"I studdered.

"Just wait here I will get tsunade"and the dolphin left. I then fell unconsious laying down on the old raty couch. I probaly would of been fine if he stayed but iruka hasn't been know for his calm reactions during emergencys.

I have finally fixed it, it still needs more details and stuff, so if you feel it needs fixin send me a review.