Fried With Love
NOTE: This was inspired by my nightmares. Reviews are appreciated. OH AND ALSO Remember, kids: don't eat a ton of Nutella for breakfast unless you want to feel sick while trying to write later that day! NOW 2 DA SORY –woosh sound-
Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Dave Strider. Okay, so he wasn't really all that little. He was fourteen at the time of our tale. But this boy was in love with another boy. So if you're a homophobe just gtfo right now. The boy Dave Strider was in love with was named Karkat Vantas. They had a beautiful, perfect relationship until one fateful night…
Karkat was walking down to the Seven-Eleven to go buy snacks for his romantic evening with Dave. Then suddenly, a dark figure snuck up behind him and put a knife to his neck!
"Don't move," said the figure.
"Give me all your cash," it commanded. Karkat did as he was told. However, the unlucky boy only had five dollars with him.
"What! Only five dollars!" Exclaimed the stranger.
"For this, I will put a curse on youuuuuuuu," The dark figure said, stepping into the light and revealing himself as an evil magician.
"You're fucking kidding me. Give me my five dollars back," Karkat said, but as he spoke, the magician did a little dance, and Karkat was turned into a potato!
"God fucking damnit why the fuck would you do that turn me back into a person right now!" Karkat ranted. The magician paid no attention to the boy, focused on explaining the curse.
"You will only be able to return to your original form once you have received a kiss from a fair lady, without eating you," said the magician. Karkat frowned.
"I have a boyfriend, you dick," said the angry boy. The magician laughed awkwardly.
"Oh. Uh. That works too. MAGICIAN AWAAAAAAAAY," he said, walking backwards into the shadows.
So potato Karkat just started to roll back to his house, trying hard not to be stepped on. He mostly rolled in silence, with only the occasional "Fuck you!" at pedestrians whose feet came close. Once the potato boy arrived at his house, he realized that he would not be able to open the door. He just hoped that Dave would be there as he slammed his head against the bottom of the door.
"Hello?" Dave asked, opening the door and looking to see who was there.
"It's me, fuckass!" yelled Karkat.
"Oh shit is that a Karkat potato?" Dave asked, leaning down to pick up the vegetable.
"What does it look like? Of course I'm a potato," answered Karkat, while Dave carried him inside and set him on the counter.
"So Dave… I was kind of… Cursed my a magician…" Karkat had always been bad at asking Dave for help.
"And, uh… The only way I'll be human again… Is if you'll kiss me… But promise you wont eat me, okay?" Smiling, Dave leaned over the counter to where Karkat sat.
"If I wanted to eat you, I'd fry you first," he said, before gently kissing the potato. Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and Karkat was human again! Hooray! The two embraced, and then Dave got down one knee and pulled a small box out of his pocket.
"Will you marry me?" he asked, revealing the contents of the box to be a cherry ring pop.
"Of course I will, fuckass," answered Karkat.
THEN THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER~~