Riza hates it when they die. She knows that the death of a plant isn't important and that she has caused far more inexcusable destruction in her life but each failure with plants is just another piece of irrefutable proof that she's not meant to give things life.
She cries when she throws the dead plant out and she feels so foolish for it.
She breaks down a second time while making a cup of tea and she sees the space where the plant was. She hates herself for it. She hates -
aim the scope, take the shot, dig the grave over and over and over and over -
She sobs alone and afraid and knows that she deserves the pain.
ooo
Rebecca calls round a little after 7pm. Riza had forgotten they'd agreed to go out. She only opens the door as far as the latch chain allows and tells her she has a cold and she'll join her another time. Rebecca asks if she wants some company but Riza doesn't want to ruin her evening. She tells her to have fun and after Rebecca has left she wishes she'd asked her to stay.
She wishes she had a dog – something that could keep her company. But she can't even take care of a plant. It's not funny but she laughs when she wonders what would happen to a dog.
But she just keeps buying them. She wants the greenery in her life, she wants the feeling of helping something grow – something she can do right.
- the paper thin leaves crumble in her fingers and she remembers the smell of sand and blood and -
There is nothing she can ever do that will be enough.
ooo
Rebecca comes around again the next day. Riza opens the door to her big smile.
"Rebecca, no offence, but now really isn't a good time."
"Not a problem. Won't take a moment. I got you a present!" Rebecca holds out a paper bag to Riza, "Be careful, it's spiky" her friend adds before Riza can open it. Riza looks inside the bag and sees a large pink flower on a round and green (and spikey) body.
"A cactus?" she asks, very carefully removing it from the bag and holding it up for a closer look.
"Yuh-huh." Rebecca squeezes past Riza and heads over the small kitchen area. "I've noticed you get a lot of 'colds' right around when your plants die," she says, emptying out Riza's kettle and refilling it with fresh water. Riza heads over to the couch and puts the plant down on the table.
"And so I thought – 'hey, what could be better for your health than a plant that can survive whatever you throw at it?'" Rebecca continues. She puts the kettle onto boil and adds tea leaves to the tea pot and goes to join Riza on the couch. "So, what do you think?"
"It's… thank you."
It might not mean much in the larger world, but it's nice just to help one thing to grow.