What a day it had been. When Sebastian sat at his desk to free his mind a bit, that was the first thing to try the way he felt about it. It wasn't even out of exhaustion or desperation. Not even out of anger. He wasn't even sure what he was feeling about it. Only that he felt something. It wasn't new. It wasn't old. It definitely wasn't a habit of feeling.
It was just… something. Unnamable. Indescribable. Still. It was something. Not necessarily good or bad, not some strange kind of socially accepted category. Not that he ever let himself fit into that ever anyway.
If you see something, there's never just one way to look at it. Because Life is never a one-way street, never has been, never will be.
But there's more to think about when looking. There are personal factors, like what you can compare what you look at with what. Memories from days long gone since, dreams, experiences… The list goes on.
There's also to take into consideration which feelings are underlying those pictures in your head.
What about seeing whatever it is that made your memory trigger your trail of thought at that moment?
Kind of hard to answer these questions in simple, short and explicit words. Isn't it? Though, why is that if you clearly experienced all the answers mere moments before?
For one, because there's more to see than reaches the eye. It's what you don't see, the hidden, unseen things that your mind comprehends that your eye can't. when you What kind of similarity is there to what? What kind of feelings do you get from seeing this and why? Good or bad? Sadness? Anger? Happiness?
Most of the time, it isn't easy to pinpoint your feeling exactly, sometimes it is. Many a time, it clearly is a mix of every feeling existing, including disappointment and anticipation, even at the same time. What a confused kind of world, being forced to feel so many conflicting feelings at the same time. Only thinking about the possibility sound like the perfect recipe for a migraine, worse than any hangover could ever be.
Come to think about it, what exactly is the purpose of having feelings anyway? Sure, it helps us judging, dividing between harmless and harmful, dangerous or safe, black or white.
Funny how easy it is to put into simple terms such difficult a question's answer through a little symbolism.
Because like with everything, black and white are more than just colors, even if that's all they are when you look at it objectively.
Black and white is a kind of contrast nothing seems to outdo, try as the might.
Many people I've come to know in the short time of my Life have told me, or rather thrown this expression at my head when there was a difference to be high lightened, no matter the nature of it.
Be that light and dark, good and bad, something to be searched or avoided.
What nobody seems to really see is the fact that though the difference, as clear as it seems to be, is only a nuance in the great scheme of things.
But isn't that the whole point? To look at something for a point? Or an impulse, maybe? It's what we connect words to that makes the difference, the variety and individuality no one else can exactly feel the way you feel about something.
Opposites attract each other, another expression goes. But I start to doubt it's reliability.
Because if that's to be true, why are we looking for people we have common ground with?
How come so many lines are drawn in everyday life, in society and in education, to spell out the difference between one or two, between yes or no, between you and me?
I think the most important part on the way to the answers of all these questions is the one thing nobody can deny.
Many things, as different as they appear to be, share the same roots.
But there's only so much difference to take in as there is to see. That doesn't mean it isn't there just because you can't see it. But it's way easier to acknowledge a difference if there is a counterpart and a parallel.
Black and White are both colors after all.
Sebastian closed the leather-bound journal with a dull thud, sighing softly, as he read the clock above his head on the wall.
1.45 am.
Sighing again, heavily this time, he got up and turned off the light at the desk. No need to waste any more time.
The next sigh resembled more that of a groan as Sebastian brushed a hand over his face, at last catching up with the late hour, and trotting off to the bathroom to brush teeth. Luckily, he had already changed his clothes for the night before getting lost in his head.
How could he have written for over four hours? He hadn't even written the full six pages he normally did in less than half that time.
Defeated, he put extra concentration in brushing off his teeth, hoping to get his brain to shut up already. So, the next two minutes he counted the brushes of his teeth like his life depended on it. Up-down-left-right-back-forth.
In the end, it wasn't the best idea. Or it was. Because finally, there was so little he had to concentrate on other than the motions, licking a teaspoon would have been harder.
Sebastian had to smile at that despite himself, because, somewhere there was an innuendo hidden in that sentence. At least. And just like that he went back to his mental space out of this world and back to what could be. Somewhere. Sometime. Or not?
Crack!
Suddenly coughing, Sebastian hung his head over the basin, spluttering before spitting out what he had in his mouth.
What he saw was not what he expected. Oblivious to the world as he was, he had just broken off the head of his toothbrush, that tight his grip had been.
He threw the remnants of his former toothbrush in the trash, switched off the light and went to bed.
As he drifted off to sleep, he wondered what life had in stock next for him, though he was sure of one thing. It has always been bad for him when it came to surprises. Better be prepared for the worst. Whatever that may be.
And with that simple reassurance, he succumbed to sleep.
A/N.: So, as always in the World of Glee, these characters don't belong to me but to Ryan Murphy and his Crew of writers.
Because this is an attempt to get myself to write something, I'm not sure how long this Story will get. Those who have read my former wip story might recognize some elements of it in this story, seeing as the concept is similar if not the same.
As always, thanks for reading.