A dark blue, 1960's police box stood lonely on a derelict street corner. Passers-by stopped and stared for a moment, feeling it was slightly out of place in 26th century Blackpool, some even trying to open it, but when they found it locked, they simply went on their way.
A tall, dishevelled, obviously intoxicated man fumbled with his keys as he stumbled down the street, feeling particularly angry with that post-box he'd just had an argument with. He was being followed by a red-headed girl dragging another man along by his tie, kissing him deeply when he got too near, giggling and laughing as they ran into a bin on the side of the road. When the group came across the old phone box, the tall, floppy haired man unlocked it and fell into it, leaving his companions to pretty much ride each other up against the side of it.
Doctor River Song had been trying to replace the brake pads on the TARDIS for quite a while now. Why the Doctor insisted on keeping them on constantly was still a mystery to her. She had just been about to connect the last cable when the door slammed open and her husband stormed in, looking rather angry. His bowtie was wrapped around his upper thigh and his suspenders were hanging off his hips, a fez askew on top of his head. She stood up as he marched over to her, "Sweetie-" she squeaked, surprised when he crashed their lips together and started to grind on her roughly, grunting and groaning, full of need.
Once the Doctor calmed down somewhat and got into a slow, sloppy rhythm, Amy tumbled through the door, pulling Rory along by his tie, laughing and giggling at each other in their obviously drunken state. Once they saw the Doctor and River somewhat entwined, the giggling and grinning stopped and Rory's face turned to one of disgust. The Doctor had his hands in the back pockets of River's trousers and had one leg hitched to curl around hers, pinning her to the TARDIS controls. River was silent as the Doctor's tongue explored her mouth, while the Doctor was moaning and grunting profusely, grinding into her slowly.
Amy cleared her throat, and while she got no reaction out of River, the Doctor pulled one hand out of River's pockets to give both his parents-in-law the middle finger. Just as he was about to return his hand to its previous position, Amy grabbed him by the collar and pulled him away from her daughter. Both River and the Doctor looked slightly dazed.
Then Amy slapped him upside the head.
"Oi! We're busy here!" The Doctor slurred, and then wrapped his arms back around his wife, continuing to kiss her deeply and buck his hips against hers. River pulled away and gasped for breath as the Doctor wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close, burying his face in her shoulder, singing some sort of Gallifreyan song under his breath, eyes closed and swaying slightly. River turned to her parents, "What did you guys do to him?!" she hissed, very aware of the large bulge pressing into her upper thigh. Rory suddenly became very interested in his shoes as his daughter glared at him.
Suddenly, Amy started to laugh, not like a snigger or a giggle, a full laugh where she had to gasp for breath to keep from passing out. Then Rory started laughing too, both of them holding on to each other to keep from falling over. "Well we- we were- the Doctor- and Rory-" Amy spluttered, not being able to speak without laughing. "We were- and a bottle- whiskey and- and vodka- an-and some karaoke- and- the fez an' Capt'n Jack - and S-Strax" Rory laughed, face going red.
River groaned, and patted her husband's back. "Okay," she sighed "Rory, Amy, off to bed, I'll take care of the Doctor." Rory giggled as he brushed Amy's hair from her face, Amy grinning widely at him the whole time. Then Rory paled. He groaned as he wrapped his arms around his stomach, "Mels, my tummy's going funny..." he warned. He then gasped and bent over. With a cough and a groan, the floor of the TARDIS was covered in Rory's dinner. This was quickly followed by Amy's. Rory and Amy both groaned in unison and together they both stumbled through the door to their bedroom.
River rubbed the Doctors back as he hummed, obviously content with the position he was in. "Riv'r?" he slurred. "What is it, sweetie?" she cooed. "Vodka burns," he said, coughing dryly. "Oh sweetie, I know, I thought you learned your lesson the last time you drank, you may be able to hold more alcohol, but that doesn't mean you should" she said. "But Amy kept giving me more and more and I didn't wanna be rude and refuse it," he slurred, "A-And Rory wanted to see me try and fly the... the... Sexy, drunk," he said slowly, slurring his words more as he got towards the end of his explanation.
River continued to rub her husband's back as he clung to her, chin resting on her shoulder. He was swaying more and more now and River was finding it harder and harder to keep the Doctor upright.
Then he coughed.
He coughed once, twice- on the third time, River felt the unfortunately slightly familiar feeling of vomit run down her back. The Doctor whimpered softly and buried his face in River's shoulder, simultaneously wiping his mouth on her shirt.
River winced as the vomit hit her back, and patted her husband's back as he whimpered. "Come along, Doctor, let's get you into bed, we'll sort out this mess in the morning," she said sympathetically, as she slowly led him to their bedroom. She expected this sort of behaviour from the Doctor but she expected her parents to have a little bit more sense.
River sat him on their bed, where he promptly fell back and hit his head on the headboard with a dull thump. The Doctor groaned quietly. River tutted and kissed his forehead. "Shh, Doctor, you're okay. I'm just going to go and change my top and I'll be right with you." The Doctor just grunted in response, resting his chin on his chest and closing his eyes.
When River returned to the Doctor, she found him sitting, hunched over the side of the bed, breathing rather quickly. River grabbed the conveniently placed metal bin and rushed over to her husband's side. "Riv'r..." the Doctor gasped, getting paler by the second, having regressed into Gallifreyan. "Shh, Doctor, It's alright, let it all out and I promise you'll be just fine," she cooed, rubbing his back with one hand as she held the bin in front of him with the other.
A few moments passed and nothing came up, but the Doctor was still in the same position, breathing rapidly. "River..." he moaned, "Help me..." he said, gasping as his stomach cramped painfully. River was at a loss. She wrapped her arms around him and rubbed her husband's queasy stomach, hoping to relieve some of the pain. "Sweetie, look at what you've done to yourself, if Rory and Amy ever give you anymore alcohol, I want you to come straight to me and I'll sort them out, okay?"
The Doctor moaned in response, gasping as he felt another cramp. "Oka-" he tightened his hold on the bin and immediately started retching. "Shh, Sweetie, well done, you're okay, honey, you're okay," his wife cooed.
After what felt like a lifetime, the Doctor sat up and wiped his mouth with his sleeve, and let out a rather loud belch, "River?" he asked, excitedly. "Yes, sweetie?" she asked wearily. "Can we go to Craig's house? I wanna play with Stormagedden! See? I'm the Oncoming Storm and he's Stormagedden! See, River? See?" he yelled excitedly, like a child on Christmas morning. "No, sweetie, I'm sure Craig and... Stormagedden... are asleep right now, like you should be," she said firmly. "But Riverrr" the Doctor whined. "No, sweetie, now lie down and go to sleep." The Doctor sat up quickly and held up his index figure, silently telling her to wait. He scrunched up his face and River was afraid he was going to be sick again. Then, the Doctor, being the intergalactic five-year-old he is, let out the loudest belch he could manage, then promptly fell back onto the bed and closed his eyes.
"River, my tummy hurts..." he said quietly, cuddling up to Rivers pillow, taking in the sweet smell of his wife. River stared at him for a moment, thinking, "Doctor, I'll be back in a minute, I just need to ask Rory and Amy something." River told him. "M'kay, tell Rory the Roman I said heeeey," he slurred sleepily.
River walked across the hallway and knocked on her parent's door. "Mother? Father? Can I come in for a minute?" she called through the door. There was a lot of shuffling and giggling and shushing from the opposite side of the door, "Okay, you can come in!" Rory yelled. River braced herself for whatever she was about to see. Rory was sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but his boxers and a pillow case over his head, and Amy was sitting on the bed, tying up her hair, also only in her underwear.
"Mum, dad, did you, by any chance, give the Doctor some food tonight?" she asked, choosing to ignore the state her parents were in. Rory giggled from his spot on the floor, "Well he said he was hungry, so we stopped at this 'lil stall-thingy on the side of the road, and we got him some food, he ate most of it, but he said it tasted wrong and then he threw the rest at me." Rory said, voice muffled by the pillow case on his head, "and then he was sick into someone's letter box." River sighed, "You shouldn't feed him when he's drunk, it'll make him miserable." She said, more to herself. Amy giggled, "How the hell do you know that?" she asked, "Spoilers" River said with a smirk. Suddenly, Rory, for lack of a better word, flopped face down on the floor, and started to snore quietly, bum sticking up in the air. Amy poked him with her foot, receiving nothing but a grunt from the man. River sighed and turned on her heel and walked out of the room.
When she walked back into the room she shared with the Doctor, the Doctor was lying face down on the bed wearing nothing but a bowtie, a fez and his TARDIS-blue underwear.
"River? I want a baby..." he said quietly, not even opening his eyes. River gasped, and sat down beside the Doctor, rubbing his back yet again. "Why would you say that, Doctor?" she asked quietly. "'Cause Craig has a son, his name is Stormagedden... but he sometimes answers to Alfie... and when I see Craig with him, I just- I just wish I had a family like that... even Rory and Amy had a kid, and she turned out pretty great, so life in the TARDIS can't be that bad for a kid..." he murmured, with a small smile. "I just- I feel so lonely all the time, well, except when you're around, but that isn't too often either... I just want someone that I can take care of, that won't leave when they get old, or when they feel like they should go home, because my baby would never feel like it should leave to go home. Because the TARDIS is their home."
River watched the Doctor as he spoke, tears in both their eyes. "Oh Doctor..." she sighed. The Doctor curled in on himself, clutching Rivers pillow tightly to his chest. "Doctor, we'll talk about this more when you sober up, okay?" she said, pulling the blankets over him, pulling off his fez and bow-tie. "Okay, River... night-y night, don't let the bed bugs bite your face off, 'cause it's really pretty..." he muttered into the pillow. River sighed and watched her husband as he started to snore slightly. She pulled some of his unruly hair from his face and smiled sadly at the tear tracks on his face. "We'll talk about it, Doctor, I promise." she said quietly. She lay down on the bed, pulled her pillow out of the Doctors arms and smiled slightly when his hands grasped for something to hold and he latched onto his wife, resting his head on her chest and sighing softly with content.
River woke when she heard the Doctor groan softly. He was writhing in the bed, gasping for breath and sweating profusely. "...N-no... R-rose... Martha... Don-donna... Sssarah-Jane... 'Melia..." he gasped. "Riv-River! No!" he was shouting now, tears streaming down his face despite the fact that his eyes were screwed shut. "River!" he yelled, "You bastards! You killed her! You killed my wife!" he screamed, he was sobbing and gasping now as he squirmed in the bed. River stared at him, almost in a trance. The Doctor groaned and all of a sudden, he convulsed and fell off the bed, landing face down on the floor, gasping for breath. River shook her head and quickly climbed off the bed and went over to her husband. The Doctor was on all fours now, gasping and coughing, which eventually led to vomiting. Not much came up, he had pretty much emptied his stomach earlier, but it still wasn't a pleasant experience for either of them.
"Doctor? Are you okay? What happened?" she asked, nervously. "I- I, ah...um..." he swallowed and leaned back against the wall slightly, squinting when River turned on the lamp, still breathing deeply. "I'm ah, I'm fine, River... just a bad dream, everything's fine, let's go back to sleep." he said quietly, standing up and blinking, trying to get the room to stop spinning. He sat back down on the bed and dropped his head in between his knees, rubbing the back of his neck. River climbed back onto the bed, knelt behind him and started to rub her husband's neck. The Doctor let his hands drop into his lap, sighing in contentment. "Doctor?" she received a grunt in reply. Good enough. "Do you want to tell me what your dream was about?" she whispered into his ear. He shook his head, slowly. River knew she wouldn't get anything out of him tonight, so she sighed and slowly pulled the Doctor back to lie down on the bed, once again resting his head on her chest, sighing softly.
The next time River woke, she found the bed empty beside her. She sat up and looked around, the only thing different was River's dressing gown missing from the back of the bedroom door. River got up and pulled the Doctors navy dressing gown from the hook on the door and wrapped it around herself, sliding her feet into the Doctors slippers and walking to the kitchen. When she entered the kitchen, she found her husband and both her parents sitting at the table. The Doctor had his forehead resting on the table, clad in River's purple fluffy dressing gown, a cup of tea sitting beside him. Amy and Rory were sitting across from one another, staring into space, warming their hands on lukewarm cups of tea. River found the silence slightly unnerving. "Doctor-" she began, but was immediately shushed by the Rory and Amy. River poured herself a cup of tea and sat down beside the Doctor, rubbing the back of his neck when he started to snore slightly. The room was silent despite the Doctors snores for a few moments before Amy gagged slightly and ran from the room, knocking over her cup of tea in the process.
Rory moaned slightly and made a weak attempt and wiping up the spilled tea before Amy's retches could be heard and Rory covered his mouth and quickly followed her out of the room. Suddenly the Doctor snorted and sat bolt upright, dazed and confused. "Wazznt me!" he exclaimed, swallowing and squinting in the light. "River... hi" he said, smiling at his wife, giving her a peck on the lips. "Don't worry, I've brushed my teeth." he said with a smile. River smiled back at him. "How are you feeling, Doctor?" she asked cautiously. "Well, River, I think it's safe to say that I've been better." He said with a small smile, never taking his eyes off of his wife.
"Doctor?" River asked, unsure if she should continue. "Mmhm?" he said, toying with his cup of tea. "Last night... you... you said you wanted to, um, maybe have a baby? Now I'm not sure of that was the alcohol talking or-" she was cut off when the Doctor roughly kissed her mouth. "That was most definitely not the alcohol talking. I'm willing to try if you are." he said breathlessly. River barely had time to nod before he crashed their lips together again.