ONCE UPON A TIME, IN ZIM'S HOUSE:
"I want tacos" said Gir, who was seated on the living room couch underneath a creepy painting of a green monkey.
"You can have your tacos Gir. Just as soon as I finish ridding the bathroom of all these disgusting, inferior, moosey earth germies" said Zim.
"Zim come see dis!" shouted GIR, who seemed concerned about something.
"It better not be another Crazy Taco commercial or I'll beat the living nuts and bolts right out of you!" responded Zim from the hall. Zim came into
the living room to view the tv. It was Dib's favorite show, Mysterious Mysteries.
"HA! You think I'd want to watch the favorite television show of my sworn arch enemy? NEVERR! I AM ZIM!" yelled Zim. But suddenly, he became
worried when he heard what the topic of the episode was.
TONIGHT, on Mysterious Mysteries...
Has freaky science fiction become freaky science fact? Has the subject of alien life finally been given the smoking gun proof it has needed all along?
A paranoid kid named Dib has sent samples of DNA to several independent laboratories. He claimed the DNA was from an alien test subject named
ZIM. And science has confirmed...it is of extraterrestrial origin. Could this be it? Or will the government attempt to seize the alien, shut down every
laboratory that conducted the tests and make Dib look like a crackpot?
"UGH! We have to escape Gir. The government is going to take us away to an undisclosed location where we'll be yogurt boarded" shouted Zim.
Just then, the door was broken down. Four men in black jumpsuits came rushing in and violently grabbed both Zim and Gir, as they kicked and
screamed for mercy.
"I AM ZIM! Why are you doing this to ZIM?" yelled Zim.
"You're an alien," explained one of the men in black. "And we're going to have to take you to Area 51. It's not gonna be all bad. You'll make friends
there!" he added.
"FOOLS! I am a weather balloon" yelled Zim.
"Riiight! And I'm a turkey sandwich in Sarah Palin's kitchen" said the officer. Zim and GIR were dumped into the back of a large truck. After the
ignition was fired up, and the truck began moving, it started to lift up into the air, much to Zim's surprise.
"Weeee," said Gir happily.
"Oh no! This must be a secret government truck that can fly. Only through reverse engineering Irken technology could they have done this! Just
how much does the Earth gov know about our people? THIS WREAKS OF DIBNESSS! Dib is the reason the government knows so much about
us! He invented Area 51, I'm sure of it! LET ME OUT! I AM ZIM!" yelled Zim from the back of the truck.
Much later...in the desert...
"Well, here we are, Area 51!" said the driver. The men in black hand cuffed Zim and threatened to taze him should he be defiant. Zim did not
apparently know what that meant.
"Do not taze me, I taze of JELLY! Need I spell it for you? J-E-L-L-Y. JELLLLLLLYYYYY!" shouted Zim as he was escorted away by two men in
black. The other two men in black escorted GIR to a different location. Finally, Zim found himself in a large facility full of other aliens trapped in cages.
"You can't do this to me, I'll lay eggs in your stomach. And meld coffee beans into your liver!" protested Zim.
"We thinks the green man doth protest too much" said the two men in black as they tossed Zim into a cage. Tears began flowing from Zim's giant
purple bug eyes.
"BUT I AM ZIM! What can I do to show you that I AM INDEED ZIM!" he yelled.
"Uh, yeah, no one cares what your name is on this planet. Good night, ZIM!" the men in black said, as they left the room of cages laughing to
themselves, and slammed the door shut.
"Those people are such moosey ham monkeys! Perhaps my robot can get me out of this!" thought Zim. Just then he heard a voice, that sounded
suspiciously like TAK.
"It's only fitting that you would meet the same grizzly fate as I did. Now you will know what true punishment is!" said the voice.
"Me? Fate? Grizzly? UR LYING!" shouted Zim.
"No, I'm not lying about anything, what are you talking about? Remember me? Your robot wrecked my ship, which crashed in your arch enemy's
backyard. You almost killed me, surely you know who I am" yelled the voice.
"You speak evil. I AM ZIM!" Zim responded. Zim was very nervous, and his blood pressure was off the charts.
"I'm Tak you fool. The girl you thought was human" said the voice which was now revealed to be Tak.
"I refuse to believe that it's really you Tak. For one thing, everyone knows that your ship met a most sorry fate of doom at the hands of Zim, which
is me. ZIM IS ME! And no one survives the wrath of Zim, not even ZIM!" said Zim.
"I was trying to explain to you, the government took my unconcious body and brought me here as a prisoner of doom, a POD. Then I woke up and
found myself chained to the ceiling of the very cage you're standing in. Look up!" said Tak. Zim looked up.
"Aaaah, it is you, you it is, you are no longer allowed to interfere with my mission. I refuse to be a part of this moosey reality" said Zim, folding his
arms in disdainment.
"Oh but Zim, you are a part of it. Just like I am. I've only been here for three weeks, and all I hear are peculiar noises from every direction. It's
always 'Kerokero' this, or 'GLORBTORB' that, I only speak two alien languages not including English, I've never heard anything as strange as the
noises in this place, especially during night" said Tak in her strangely British accent.
"Yes yes, strange noises. Why don't you just whine and moan about it forever? We, I mean, I have to figure out a way...out of this place that
wreaks of ham, and vomit. Oh, and just out of curiosity, not that I want you down here or anything, but why are you chained to the ceiling?" asked Zim.
"There weren't enough cages availible to house me, all of them were filled up. But they had never chained anyone to the ceiling before, so they
figured that was the best solution, probably hoping that the beasts would devour my flesh" explained Tak.
"Yes yes, it's very minty. Ahem, not that I care. They took my ray gun and all my...my utensils" said Zim.
"Zim, there must be a way for you to contact your robot!" said Tak.
"Well, yes, I thought there was. But they took all my communicatey thingies too!" said Zim.
"Oh crumpet then! How shalt we ever escape, Zim?" asked Tak. Zim stroked his green chin thoughtfully.
"Hmm, tell me Tak, can you fluctuate your eyeballs? I never learned how. Can you?" asked Zim.
"Yes as a matter of fact I can. But only when I'm in Irken form" explained Tak.
"Change then! Zim commands you" said Zim. But Tak was hesitant.
"I'm not going to just start changing when you're there watching." said Tak.
Suddenly Zim and Tak heard a loud rumbling sound, that began causing the cage to shake! Tak and Zim were very frightened.
"It's the DIB. He's as smelly as ever, and he owns this place" shouted Zim. Tak sighed.
"I'm fairly certain you're wrong about that, but that's beside the point. We're chickens on an autopsy table if we don't escape soon!" said Tak.
"ZIM is no chicken. You should have changed yourself Tak, so you could laser zap your chains with your eyes and free yourself" said Zim. Tak began shifting into Irken form, while shrieking wickedly. She then began rapidly moving her eyes and focusing hard, causing laser beams to be emitted from her pupils. With her supreme vision powers she directed the blasts towards the chains of bondage, freeing herself. She fell right off the ceiling, and flattened Zim.
"Get off of me, you smell like soap, and bacon!" shouted Zim. Tak got up, briefly brushing dust off of her skirt. The rumbling had stopped.
"I sure do wonder what that rumbling sound was. Wait a minute, it was my robot bee, I'd know that sound anywhere. I knew you were after my robot bee" said Zim.
"What would I want with your meaningless toy? If we're going to get out of this alive, we can't argue about such frivelous things!" said Tak.
"You are right Tak. If we escape, perhaps we can locate an abandonded Irken base underground, start a new life, and forget about the dib! Perhaps we could settle down, and you could even destroy me!" suggested Zim.
"You're not the type of Irken I would want to destroy Zim. And if I did destroy you, I would only do so once. And you would have to reassemble yourself!" said Tak.
"LIES! I already destroyed you, Tak. You have to repay the favor" shouted Zim. Tak groaned.
"Zim, no one is destroying anyone here. Why? Because there is no Irken love between us!" Tak responded.
"None? But the vengence, the anger, it was real. I know it was! It had to be. I knew when I met you that we were meant for sweet destruction" said Zim. The rumbling sound started up again. It seemed to be in the room directly above them.
MEANWHILE:
GIR had been transported to a room with the Hammo Dudes, the guards of Area 51. They were men dressed in pig suits whose job was to shoot any trespassers on sight. On occasion, however, they would get together and dance with robots.
To be continued...