A/N: I don't own Bleach. This is the 3rd Hey Captain thing I've written so far. I dunno if I will write any more of those…
Rukia had just finished delivering her report to Captain Ukitake when something occurred to her. I wonder…could it really be? No, Captain Ukitake isn't like that…that doesn't suit his character at all…but then why else would it be like that? I doubt it's natural…
"Rukia? Are you alright?"
"What? I'm sorry Captain, I spaced out for a minute," she smiled.
Captain Ukitake smiled back. "That's all right Rukia, you may go now. I'll file your report on the status of Karakura Town and you may have the rest of the day off to recover from your trip."
"Thank you sir, I will see myself out." She bowed, but didn't leave. It was still really bugging her.
"Rukia, did you need something," Captain Ukitake asked after several moments.
"Um, Captain…I was wondering…"
"Yes Rukia?" He leaned back in his chair, fully prepared to play therapist, love doctor, or mentor or mentor.
"I was wondering…is that your natural hair color?"
He blinked. "What?"
"I was just wondering if white hair was your natural hair color…it isn't common in the Seretei."
"Wha-well….of course it is my natural hair color!"
Rukia nodded, then to her Captain's surprise, said "I don't know if I believe you Captain Ukitake, forgive me."
He stared at her a moment, then laughed. "Rukia, why would I ever lie about my hair color? It is naturally white, just like Captain Hitsugaya's."
"I dunno, I just can't put my finger on it." She thought for a couple seconds, then produced a pen and a pad from her sleeves. She began furiously drawing, then she showed her masterpiece to her Captain. It was two bunnies. One had short spiky hair while the other had long straight locks. "This is you captain," she pointed to the bunny with the long hair. "This is Captain Hitsugaya." She indicated to the other.
"It's a lovely picture Rukia, but I don't see how this proves or disproves my hair color."
"Actually Captain, it does. There is one definitive difference in your hair and Captain Hitsugaya's hair."
He smiled. This was all very interesting to him. "Really? What would that be."
She scribbled a little bit and redisplayed her picture. "Your eyebrows." The short haired bunny had eyebrows, but they were not colored in. The other had dark eyebrows fuzzy eyebrows (but that might have been due to the pen she used).
"I don't seem to follow Rukia."
"Captain, the only difference between your hair and Captain Hitsugaya's hair are your eyebrows."
"What about them?"
"Captain Hitsugaya's eyebrows are white, therefore his hair color cannot be disputed. Your eyebrows however, are dark brown."
He stared at her. She was accusing him of dying his hair because of his eyebrows?
"My eyebrows are natural too, they have always been this color."
"But then how is it they don't match the hair on your head?
"Well that's-"
"And how come you never touch your hair even if it flies into your face?"
"Do I…?"
"Are the washcloths you place on your forehead filled with hair dye?" Now Rukia was getting excited and Captain Ukitake was getting really nervous. "Do you use a certain hair dye brand? What's your natural hair color? How long have you been dying it? Why do you dye it? Why did you dye your hair white, or why did you dye your eyebrows dark brown? Does anyone else know? Oh my gosh are the chemicals what affects your health? Are they toxic? Is that why you take so many pills? Does Captain Unohana know?"
"Ughn…" With a loud moan, Captain Ukitake fell out of his chair, unconscious.
"Captain? CAPTAIN! I must get Captain Unohana before he dies on the chemical intake of the dye!" She shunpo-ed away to find the Captain of the Fourth.
Captain Ukitake waited a minute, then cracked an eye open to see if the coast was clear. He got up and decided to visit Captain Kyoraku. He laughed all the way to the 8th Division.
"Works every time."