Fallout
Sequel to The World According to Sara
Only own SARA LYMAN
It had been almost three years since the shooting. Sara never told her father about the nightmares. She woken up so many nights in a cold sweat, the image of her father's body lying on the ground bleeding to death, fresh in her mind. She never told her father that everytime she heard a car backfire her heart raced and her stomach turned over. She couldn't. Her father needed her to be strong. He needed her to keep it together. She'd been there for him after he'd come home from the hospital, helping him, taking care of him, making sure he ate, and took his medication. She'd suffered through the mood swings, the drinking, all of it. Because he needed her to. She'd shoved all her own crap aside so she could take care of him. She'd never forget the sound of breaking glass yanking her from sleep and coming out to the living room to see the window broken and her father standing there with his hand bleeding. Not since the shooting had she been so terrified. After he spoke with that psychiatrist from ATVA he seemed to get better. He didn't start at loud noises, music didn't send him into a tailspin, and he was all around more cheerful. He'd moved on, but she hadn't. She couldn't.
She got home around seven and found a message from her dad on the answering machine.
"Hey kiddo," her father's voice said. "it's about 7:30. I'm gonna be stuck at the office for awhile. I've gotta vet this guy Joe Quincy, he's taking over for Ainsley Hayes. There should be plenty of food in the fridge. I love you." She smiled weakly. She was exhausted. She'd been pulling too many late nighters, trying to keep up her GPA. Princeton was offering her a full scholarship, but she had to maintain her 4.0. Her Dad was so proud when she got the letter. She was determined not to let him down. She made herself a cup of tea and put some cookies and an apple on a plate. After changing into a pair of comfy sweats she settled down in the living room with her snack and her economics book. She turned the TV on low so she would have some background noise. She hated being home alone these days. Most days she went to the West Wing and did her homework there. Sometimes she would stay there till very early in the morning and wind up falling asleep on the couch in her dad's office. She didn't like being alone. She didn't feel safe when was alone. She'd been shot at while surrounded by the best trained guards in the world. There was no safety anywhere. She tried to focus on what she was reading, but the words were blurry and her head felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. Maybe if she just closed her eyes for a minute.
She opened her eyes. How long had she been asleep? She glanced at the clock on the mantle. 10:30. She blinked several times as she looked at the TV. A reporter from NBC was standing in front of the White House. She fumbled for the remote to turn up the volume.
"Shots have been fired at the White House..." Shots! OH GOD! Her father was still there. He'd been shot at. Sara's throat closed and her heart pounded. She grabbed her cell phone on the end table and dialed her father's cell phone. She needed to hear his voice. She needed to know he was safe. Her hands shook as she punched speed dial number one. She held the phone to her ear and placed her other hand over her pounding heart. Her dad had to be all right. He just had to be. Oh god, she couldn't go through this, not again.
"The number you have reached is temporarily out of servic..." With a harsh cry she threw the phone to the couch. Why was her father's phone out of sevice? Something had happened to him. Hot tears ran down her face and her breathing became ragged. Suddenly she felt her knees give out. She sank to the floor her entire body shaking. She nearly jumped out of her skin as the phone rang in the kitchen. She crawled to the kitchen and grabbed the phone. She sat with her back against the fridge and put the phone to her ear.
"H..h..hello"
"Sara?" a familiar voice said on the other side.
"Donna," she whispered.
"Honey what's wrong?"
"Dad's dead isn't he?"
"What!" Donna cried. "No, why would you think that?"
"I saw the news," she said. "They said shots were fired."
"Oh honey," Donna said. "Yes, there were shots fired but no one's hurt/"
"Don't lie to me Donna," Sara gasped. "You and I have never lied to each other/"
"Honey I'm not lying your dad's fine. He's in the Roosevelt Room."
"Oh God, Donna I can't go through this again."
Donna felt something bleed inside her as she listened to the hysterical teenager that she had come to love like a sister sob on the other end of the line. She'd been shaken when the shots had been fired but her immediate concern had been for Josh. She didn't know alot about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder but having shots fired at the building you were in after having been shot yourself couldn't be good. But she'd spoken to Josh, and he seemed fine. She was however going to make sure that he called Stanley Keyworth before she would let him leave the building. Better safe than sorry, and she really didn't want to have to call the window repair man again. She'd called Sara just to let her know that her dad would probably not be home for a while. She hadn't expected Sara to have known about the shots much less be in hysterics about it.
"Zach," she yelled to one of the junior staffers. "Get Josh now. Tell him it's about Sara." She couldn't leave Sara.
"Sara listen to me," she said firmly. "Sara calm down. I want you to take a few deep breaths." She heard the girl take a shuddering breath.
"Your dad is fine. I talked to him right after the shots were fired. He's fine." Donna glanced up as Josh entered the office, worry sketched all over his face. She guestured for him to pick up the extention. He did.
"Oh god Donna," Sara gasped. "Donna I can't stop being afraid."
"Of what honey? What are you afraid of?"
"That I'll lose him," Sara hiccuped. "I'll lose him and I'll be all alone."
"Sara," Josh said.
"Daddy?" Sara gasped in disbelief.
"I'm here baby," he said. "I'm all right."
"I saw the news, I came home, I was studying but I was so tired that I fell asleep. I woke up and it was on the news, and then your cell phone..."
"I dropped my cell phone, honey. Remember? We were going out this morning? I had my hands full, my cell phone rang, I tried to grab it and it slipped. Splattered all over the sidewalk. You pointed and laughed. Remember?" There was silence on the other end of the line.
"Sara?" Josh grabbed a pen and a legal pad off the desk all while talking to his daughter.
"Sara where are you right now?"
"What?"
"Where are you right now?" He held up the legal pad. CALL STANLEY was written in bold lettering. Donna pressed the button to open another phone line and quickly dialed the number she hoped never to have to dial again.
"Sara where are you right now?" Josh asked his daughter as Donna made the call to California.
"I'm in the kitchen," she said. Josh felt like his heart was breaking as he listened to his daughter cry and try to speak on the other end of the line. How did he not see this coming? She'd been so strong after the shooting. She'd taken care of him for the months he'd been at home recovering. She'd supported him throughout his episodes with PTSD and when he'd put his hand through the window. The whole time she'd been supporting him, no one had been supporting her. God, he was a bastard father. She was only seventeen and she was taking care of him. He'd never even thought about how the shooting had affected her. He should have seen it. The nightmares, the nights she spent sleeping on the couch in his office, God the girl was a ticking time bomb and tonight she'd finally been pushed over the edge.
"Sara listen to me," Josh said. "I want you to go into your room. Okay honey, can you do that?"
"Yes," she whispered.
"I want you to lie down on your bed. Are you lying down?"
"Yes."
"Now I want you to close your eyes and take some deep breaths. I'm coming home right now. There's a man who's going to call you. His name is Stanley. I want you to talk to him. Okay honey, can you do that for me?" Donna waved and pointed to the phone in her hand. "Sara?"
"I can do that, Daddy."
"Okay," Josh said. "I'm gonna give you back to Donna now honey."
"You're coming home?"
"Everything's gonna be okay baby."
"You promise?"
"I promise." He handed the phone to Donna.
"Keep her talking," he said. Donna nodded. Josh moved around her and picked up the other line.
"Hello," he said.
"Josh," the voice of Stanley Keyworth said.
"Hey Stanley."
"Donna told me about the shots fired at the White House. How you doing?"
"Fine. I did like you said. Stepped back from the situation. Took my emotional temperature. Little shaky but no bitter taste in the mouth like the other times."
"Glad to hear it. Now, what's going on with Sara?" Josh sighed.
"She saw the news about the shots. Called here, totally hysterical." He proceeded to tell Stanley about how Sara had been the last three years. The dark circles under her eyes, the dramatic weight loss, the little things that should have clued him in that something was wrong but he'd been too blinded by his own baggage to see.
"God, Stanley why didn't I see this coming?"
"You can't blame yourself for this Josh."
"I don't know what to do Stanley. My baby girl's shattered and I can't fix her."
"Does Sara have a cell phone?"
"Yeah."
"You want to give me the number?"
Sara was curled up on her side with her legs pulled up to her chest the phone under her chin. She heard her father's voice. He was alive. He was alive. He was alive. So why couldn't she stop being afraid. She heard her cell phone ringing in the living room. Her dad never understood why she chose the Hallelujah chorus as her ring.
"Sweetie," Donna's voice said on the main line. "That'll be Stanley on your cell. Talk to him honey. He can help you."
"Dad's coming home?" she asked. She wouldn't be okay till she saw him. Till she saw that he was okay.
"He'll be home in about ten minutes sweetie."
"Okay," Sara said. She hung up the main line and went to the living room and grabbed her cell phone. She didn't know what the point of this was. She wasn't the one who needed help. Her dad was the one who got shot.
"Hello," she said.
"Sara?" a deep male voice said.
"Yes," she said.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Stanley Keyworth. I spoke to your dad a couple years ago."
"Uh huh."
"So I guess you got a pretty good scare tonight huh?"
"I didn't know if my dad was okay."
"But he is okay Sara," he said.
"I know."
"Do you?"
"Yes," Sara said her back stiffening.
"I don't think you do, Sara."
"Did you call just to tell me what I'm feeling. Don't you think I know what I'm feeling?"
"No," Stanley said. "I don't think you do." On the other end of the call Stanley was smiling slightly. Like father like daughter.
"Look," Sara said a bit harshly. "I don't mean to be rude or anything. I know you're a smart guy, and I really appreciate you helping my dad but I'm fine."
"You're not fine Sara. If you were fine you wouldn't have paniced like you did tonight."
"Some lunatic shot at the White House. My father was there. He could have been shot again. I could have lost him."
"Sara," Stanley said. "Have you ever spoken to anyone about the shooting?"
"No, why would I. I wasn't shot."
"Sara," Stanley said calmly. "Talk to me about Rosslyn."
"Rosslyn?"
"Tell me what happened that night."
"What do you want to know?"
"Where were you when the shots were fired?"
"I was with Charlie and Zoey."
"It was Zoey that asked you to go?"
"Yes," Sara said.
"Okay," Stanley said. "Try to go back. Tell me exactly how it happened." Sara took her cell phone into her room and sat down on her bed.
"We came outside. We were headed toward the car."
"Where was your dad?"
"He was behind us. He had forgotten his cell phone and went back inside to get it. He told Charlie to tell me to go ahead back with Zoey. Zoey and Charlie were arguing."
"About what?"
"Well not really arguing. More like bantering. Kind of like Dad does with Donna."
"Now when the shots were fired you grabbed Charlie and hit the ground right?"
"Yeah," she said.
"When did you realize you were being shot at?"
"About a second before they started firing at us."
"What was it that made you see the shooters?"
"Gina was acting wierd. She was looking all around, well that wasn't the wierd part, that's what they're supposed to do. But she was distracted. She kept saying she saw something. I looked where she was looking and I saw two guys. They had guns."
"And you ducked?"
"I lived in Brooklyn for ten years. You see a gun you kiss pavement."
"And you grabbed Charlie when you went down?"
"Yeah."
"Now you found out later that Charlie was the intended target of the shooters right"?
"Yes."
"But you didn't know that when you pulled him down?"
"No, I just pulled him down. It was just a reaction."
"But why did you grab Charlie? Zoey was there as well."
"I knew the secret service would get Zoey in the car. That's what they're trained to do, it's their job. They practice the drill for two hours a day. I knew that Gina would be focused on protecting Zoey. Charlie and I were on our own. I don't resent it, it's just the way it is."
"So you knew that even though the Secret Service was right there they weren't going to protect you?"
"It's not thier job to protect me. If Zoey and I both have guns to our head, the secret service is going to take out Zoey's gunman not mine."
"So you don't feel safe when you're with Zoey?"
"I'm not constantly afraid, if that's what you're implying. I just have to look out for myself."
"Is that how you felt after your dad was shot?"
"What do you mean?"
"Your dad told me that you took care of him after he got out of the hospital."
"Someone had to take care of him. You've met him Stanley. Do you honestly think that he would rest and take his medication if I wasn't there?"
"No, I'll give you that one. But when you were taking care of him who was taking care of you?"
"I was fifteen. I didn't need anyone holding my hand, telling me when to get up, and wash behind my ears. I didn't need to be taken care of."
"I think you did Sara."
"Not to be rude or anything, but I'm seriously starting to dislike you."
"I get that alot. When did you realize you're dad had been shot?" Sara ran a hand through her hair and glanced at the clock. Where was her dad?
"I went looking for him after the shooting stopped. I ran around calling him. Then I heard Toby yelling for a doctor. I saw Sam and CJ and Charlie running toward him. Toby was kneeling on the ground and he was...oh god..."
"It's okay Sara. What was Toby doing?"
"He was holding my dad. There was so much blood...I, I don't remember getting to the hospital. I remember Sam was there, he kept telling me to let go, let the doctors do thier job. I think it took two people to pry me away." Sara was unaware of her father coming into the apartment. Josh opened the door and heard his daughter speaking in her room. Quietly he went to her bedroom. The door was open and she sat on her bed with her back to the door.
"What were you feeling while your dad was in surgery?"
"Scared," she said. "I was so scared. I was mad too." She was surprised when she said this. She didn't realize that she had felt this way until she said it.
"Why were you mad?"
"It...it...it wasn't fair!" she shouted. "I'd already watched my mom get killed by a car. I didn't deserve to lose another parent. Especially since..."
"You can tell me Sara."
"I didn't even know who my dad was until I was ten years old. When he came to Brooklyn to get me, I was so afraid..."
"Afraid of your dad?"
"Afraid that he wouldn't like me. That he wouldn't want me to go with him. He left me with my grandparents because he was busy with the campaign."
"Did that make you think that he didn't want you?"
"Yes. Grandma and Grandpa told me that he did want me but he was just very busy. It wasn't bad being with my grandparents. I loved them very much."
"But it wasn't the same as having your dad?"
"He came to see me whenever he could. He'd always bring me a present. He called me everyday too. And every time he came to see me I'd wish so hard that this time he'd take me with him. Then after Grandpa died he finally asked me to come live with him in Washington. I was so happy. I promised myself..."
"What did you promise Sara?" Tears were scalding her cheeks now and she was shaking.
"I promised that he'd never be sorry that he asked me to live with him." Josh leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. He'd never known that his daughter had thought this.
"Is that why you couldn't tell him about the nightmares Sara? You were afraid that if he knew that you having problems he'd regret bringing you to Washington?"
"He was in such a bad place after the shooting. I didn't want to make him worse."
"So you bottled all of this up and bore the burden by yourself?"
"Yes," Sara said. "I was afraid if he knew...he'd be sorry."
"I'd never feel that way, Sara." She whirled around and dropped her phone at the sound of her father's voice.
"Daddy," she gasped clasping her hands to her mouth. Josh came forward and pulled her into a tight hug. Sara cried against his shirt as he held her. With his free hand Josh grabbed Sara's dropped cell.
"Hey Stanley, I think I can take it from here."
"Good luck Josh. Take care of her."
"I will. Thank you Stanley."
"Anytime Josh." Josh hung up the phone and sat down on the bed pulling Sara into his lap.
"Oh Daddy I'm so sorry," she sobbed.
"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for Sara. I just wish you had come to me sooner."
"I couldn't. I was scared that if I told you..."
"I'd regret taking you after your Grandpa died." Sara nodded.
"Listen to me. I love you Sara. You are the most important thing in this world to me. There is absolutely nothing you could ever do that would make me sorry that you came into my life."
"I was so scared that I'd lose you."
"You didn't lose me. I'm all right, Sara."
"Afterwards, you were in so much pain."
"I know, baby. But I'm okay now. I got through it, which I could not have done without you. You got me through Sara. Now let me get you through this. I don't want you to be scared anymore. I want to hear about everything you've been feeling since the shooting. We're a team kiddo. You and me." Sara wrapped her arms around him and hung on for dear life.
"I love you Sara."
"I love you too, Daddy."
"You and I are gonna have a long talk tomorrow, but now you need to sleep." He'd never noticed the dark circles under her eyes as sharply as he did right now. He needed to get his daughter healthy. The rest could wait. He tucked her into bed and stayed with her until she fell asleep. He turned out her light and left the room. He picked up the phone from the living room couch and called Donna. His assistant answered on the first ring.
"How's Sara?"
"She's gonna be fine," Josh said with absolute certainty.
"Really? Thank God."
"Listen I need you to clear my schedule tomorrow. Tell Leo and the President whatever you have to."
"Sure thing Josh."
"Oh and Donna?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
"Anytime Josh. Good night."
"Goodnight Donna." He hung up the phone and turned back to Sara's door. He gently pushed it open and saw Sara sleeping peacefully. She was gonna be fine.
