Jet Black Heart
After the coronation events, Evie thought that finally their lives would be easier. And for the most part, they were. Evie's clothing line was thriving. Carlos started an informatic club, Jay was the rising star of sports in Auradon. And Mal, well Mal was learning magic. Also, Mal and Ben were no longer a couple. Ben had severe problems with magic and didn't respond very well to his girlfriend turning into a dragon and wanting to learn how to control it and dwell a little more into magic, with the help of Fairy Godmother. They couldn't agree, they were fighting all the time and Evie could see it, they didn't even love each other anymore. Those were some rough weeks but they eventually ended up on friendly terms.
But Evie was worried. Mal would always come completely drained from her magic class with Fairy Godmother, was having intense nightmares and was not resting properly. How did Evie know that? Well, Evie was her best friend. A best friend who had feelings for the smaller girl. And they shared a dorm so Evie would always wake up to Mal thrashing and screaming in her sleep. She would always rush to Mal's bed, kneel in front of the girl and wake her up. Mal would wake up shivering, drenched in sweat and her green eyes darting around the room. Then she'd lock eyes with Evie for what always seemed like an eternity but Evie staring back and squeezing Mal's hand calmed her down so, even though it made her heart hammer aggressively in her chest, Evie would stay until Mal was ready to go back to sleep. They'd stay in silence and Mal refused to talk about the nightmares. Evie thought it was weird. Because they all still had them from time to time but Mal secretly would always tell Evie about them. Not this time though. And Evie couldn't help but feel a little hurt, as Mal seemed not to trust her anymore.
"Earth to Evie!"
Evie was pulled out of her thoughts by Jay. She didn't even notice him or Carlos sitting next to her, looking worried.
"Everything alright?" Carlos asked.
"Yeah, it's just-Do you guys still have nightmares?" Evie didn't want to discuss this, yet seeing the boys' worried expressions, her brain didn't find the strength to stop her words from coming out.
The boys shared a knowing look.
"Uh, yeah sometimes. But it hasn't been a big of a deal for a long time." Jay promptly answered.
"Mal is keeping you up at night, isn't she?" Carlos went right for it. Evie was taken by surprise, as Jay was usually the straight-to-the-point one. Well dating him probably was how Carlos picked it up.
"Yeah." Evie sighted.
"No wonder you look so tired." Jay pointed out.
"The thing is, the nightmares aren't the issue. I have them myself sometimes. 16 years of living with those people don't go away overnight." Evie continued.
The boys stayed in silence, encouraging her to keep talking.
"It's that Mal usually trusts me with these things. I'm the only one she tells about her nightmares, her worries, her insecurities. And lately she isn't doing it anymore. I know I don't have magic like her, but I hate that she's been in such distress and that she won't let me help. That she doesn't want me to help. That she doesn't think I'm good enough to help."
"Hey, don't say those things about yourself!" Carlos immediately clapped back.
"I'm sure there's a good reason. Mal can be a stubborn mess sometimes. But she would never think you're not good enough. Mal will destroy anyone who breathes your name wrong." Jay was serious but he earned a chuckle from Evie, because Mal totally would.
"Everybody's got their demons, E. Talk to her. I'm sure you can figure this out." Carlos squeezed her hand.
"Thank you, guys. I guess I will." Evie smiled and left them to their smooches.
/
Evie woke up to Mal arriving to the dorm. Fairy Godmother agreed to teach her magic but it had to be after curfew, to prevent any possible collateral damage. So Mal would come back long after Evie's bedtime. Evie didn't move, as she didn't want to startle her. Mal didn't even bother to change from the clothes she had on and collapsed on the bed, falling asleep shortly after.
And her first scream came just as fast as she had fallen asleep. Evie was immediately up and dropping on her knees next to Mal's bed. She got a hold of Mal's hand, held it tight and whispered her name. Mal's emerald green eyes shot right open and fell on Evie's who felt her heart race but didn't look away. Evie waited until Mal's breathing was steady. Mal closed her eyes and Evie figured she was going to try her luck again so she got up disconnecting their hands. But Mal, still with her eyes aggressively closed grabbed her wrist. This never happened before and Evie could feel her stomach do the thing, the thing that reminded her that she was foolishly in love with the purple haired girl who had just come out of a breakup and could never love Evie back.
"Please don't leave. Please." Mal pleaded as she shook her head, like a little kid would do. Her voice came out as a loud whisper.
Evie looked back at her. Mal now had her eyes open and was now silently begging.
"I'm right here M." Evie dropped on her knees once more, letting Mal know she was not going anywhere. Mal locked their hands together and the tightness of her grip almost felt like Mal was afraid Evie would disappear. Evie couldn't help but feel endeared.
Mal was staring blankly at the ceiling. Evie knew that look but she had to talk to her.
"I just want to help. Please talk to me. M, what is going on?" she softly asked, letting her concern flood her voice. Mal picked up on that but gave her no answer. She looked puzzled, like she was deciding either she should tell her or not and Evie's insecurities kicked in.
"Fine, whatever, give me the silent treatment." Evie huffed and her tone sounded way more aggressive and bitter than she intended to. Evie shifted, escaped Mal's grip on her hand, leaned on the bed with her back facing the distressed expression Mal gave her a little too late for Evie to see. She crossed her arms to prevent any more hand holding. She was being a little too bitter for her own taste but she was also hurt. She didn't notice Mal shifting with her back facing Evie's so she couldn't see Mal's tears running free, down her face and into the pillow.
"…I'm sorry."
"What?"
What?
Mal was trying to quell a sob that was stuck in her throat but it escaped as soon as she opened her mouth to try and repeat herself.
"Mal?" Evie left her position at a speed she didn't know she could achieve and was now on the other side of the bed and pulling Mal into a tight hug.
And Mal, who had no energy left to suppress her emotions anymore, dissolved into sobs and held on to Evie for dear life.
It took several minutes for Mal to collect herself. Her grip on Evie's blue leather jacket, stayed there though, strong and tight and her face was buried on the crook of Evie's neck.
"I'm sorry." Mal finally repeated, answering to Evie's confusion from a few minutes ago. She wanted to talk but wasn't so keen on letting Evie go, so Mal shifted and hopped on Evie's lap, her arms around Evie's shoulders, embracing her blue waves in the process. Evie just hoped Mal couldn't hear how hard her heart was hammering in her chest. Mal could finally look Evie in her warm brown eyes and she let out a sight she didn't know she was holding when she saw no traces of anger in them.
"I'm sorry for everything." Mal repeated once more. Evie had a feeling that Mal was bracing herself for whatever was happening next.
"M, what do you mean?" Evie asked. Mal's eyes were blood shot and puffy, her face had tear marks and her bun was a purple mess, yet Evie couldn't believe how beautiful Mal looked. Correction: Mal is always beautiful.
"I've been shutting you out."
"I can't argue with that." Evie replied. Mal felt Evie tensing up and her hand squeezed the blue haired girl's shoulder. Evie felt the warmth of Mal's touch and almost melted in it.
"I want to explain. If you're still willing to hear me out." Mal was looking at Evie with her emotions right there, almost bursting out of her. Mal looked incredibly vulnerable and Evie couldn't stay angry, if she could call angry at what she was moments ago.
"I'm always here for you." Evie assured her. And she wasn't lying. Evie would never abandon Mal.
Mal took a deep breath.
"So, you know how I'm learning magic?"
Evie nodded.
"Well, long story short, magic reacts directly to my emotions. Fairy Godmother told me that in order to truly master one's magical abilities, you mustn't let your emotions cloud your judgment or magic can backfire and become dangerous, to me and to others. That's also one of the reasons she was so easy to say yes, when I asked for tutoring. And since I am quite literally half beast, keeping myself in check is a top priority. So first she handed me a list of emotions and asked me which ones I had trouble in controlling." Mal stopped to make sure Evie was listening.
"Which ones did you say?" Evie asked. She was definitely listening.
"You know me, I suck at this. I said anger, jealousy, fear, sadness, loneliness and guilt."
Mal could almost see the gears inside Evie's brain clicking, trying to put the pieces together.
"After that, she made me face them. I mean that's what we've been doing. It's exhausting." Mal sighted. Just saying it out loud made her tired.
Evie's concern was palpable. She wondered when was the last time that Mal actually slept.
"How on earth is she doing that?" The girls were so focused on the conversation they were having, they were oblivious to how close they actually were and how tight they were holding each other.
"…She uses magic of her own. On me. Her magic searches for the memories I have where I've felt those things or for memories that make me feel those emotions and triggers them. I have to relieve them without losing control. I'm always doing a minor spell. I have to complete it while in distress and at the same time I have to make sure I don't turn into a dragon." Mal explained, not really fond of the method applied on her.
"M..."
"That's why I've been having so many nightmares lately. Some of those memories have been…haunting me. I mean-They've always been there but…the memory spell makes it all look so real. Like it was happening all over again. And I-I…" Mal was struggling to find the right words.
"M, your mother can't reach you here. And you're not alone. You don't have to be afraid anymore." Evie tried to reassure her.
"It's not that E. My mother doesn't scare me anymore. Fear isn't what's been eating me alive."
Evie furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. What else could it be?
"What is it M?" Evie asked carefully, unsure if pushing her to talk was the right choice.
"Guilt." Mal quietly answered, looking down.
"Guilt." Evie repeated. She repeated the word a couple more times in her head until something clicked. Mal wasn't looking her in the eye, but she could hear the blue haired girl's thoughts, as if she was reciting them and waited until the brightest person she has ever met to put it together like Mal knew she would.
"Mal?" Evie did put it together and her heart was both aching and trying to leave her chest.
Mal slowly looked up, tears running down her cheeks again.
"Oh Mal…"
"I was an awful, awful person. This whole process was just the last drop. Because every day of my life I wonder what the fuck was I thinking back then. Because every single day I wonder what if. Because another day as passed and I haven't been able to forgive myself." Mal voice sounded so broken, so lost. Evie couldn't believe that Mal had this inside her head, for years.
"M, it's ok- "
"No E, it's not." Mal cut her closing her eyes and shaking her head furiously. "It's not." Mal repeated.
Evie wanted to protest but Mal wouldn't let her.
"Evie, I didn't treat you right. I mocked you, used your kindness and your desire to make friends for my advantage, I shoved you inside a field of traps, alone in the dark. I wanted you to touch my mother's fucking staff. What if you got hurt inside that closet? Or worse." Mal shivered at the thought. "What if you touched the staff…I couldn't fucking live with myself if you had. You're the kindest, brightest human being I've ever had the pleasure of meeting and I can't forgive myself. I can't believe I took you to that horrible place. All I can think of is where I went wrong. You were the only person who was genuinely nice to me, without expecting anything in return and all I did was- " Mal let out a heart shattering sob and Evie's eyes were burning dangerously.
"M, I don't blame you-"
"See!? You never once held a single thing against me. That only made me feel even more guilty. That despise me being an absolute bitch, you stayed and wanted to be my friend." Mal interrupted Evie once more, more distressed than ever. "I just-the memories-the nightmares I mean-fuck!"
Evie cupped Mal's face immediately.
"Deep breaths M." Evie spoke calmly and softly, looking directly into Mal's eyes.
After a few breaths, Mal snapped of what was the beginning of a panic attack and closed her eyes, savoring Evie's touch like it was the last.
"The nightmares. My mind keeps twisting the memories. Now every time I close my eyes, every memory ends with- " Mal stopped herself. She couldn't find it in her to say the rest. Evie let a single tear fall. Mal wiped it away shaking her head.
"I'm sorry for keeping you up at night. I'm sorry I've been a coward and didn't tell you sooner and triggered your insecurities by making you think I didn't trust you. I'm sorry I was a colossal bitch. I'm sorry that now you know that I'm broken. I'm-"
"Mal." Evie gave her a stern look, one Mal knew so well. Evie wanted to talk and Mal knew better than to argue with her so she stopped.
"You're not broken. And you're not an awful person. You're a girl who made mistakes-"
"Mistakes that could've gotten you… " Yet again, even while protesting, Mal couldn't say it.
"And that was the reality that we lived in back in the day M. I knew the consequences of my mother's actions weren't going to go away and I'd be the one to suffer from them." Evie looked down. "I remember the way you looked at me, from your mother's balcony."
"No, no, no E, this isn't your fault."
"It isn't yours either."
"FOR FUCKS SAKE EVIE, YOU COULD'VE DIED!" Mal yelled, finally letting the blasted word slip out of her mouth. She hopped off Evie's lap, heavy breathing, tears falling down again. Evie got up as well, startled.
"You could've died! And your blood would've been on my hands! You could be under a sleeping curse right about now and I wouldn't be able to fix it! No one could! And it would've been because of me! You were mistreated when you got to Dragon Hall because of me! Fuck, you were trapped inside those castle walls for 10 years because of me!" Mal was trying to quell her sobs but it turned out to be an impossible task. Evie took a step closer, carefully. It pained her to see the amount of guilt Mal was holding on to.
"Mal, your mother was the one who banned mine." Evie confidently said.
Mal felt her whole body giving up on her.
"No E, my mother only did that because I told her I was upset for not being invited." Mal quietly said.
Mal dropped on her knees and hid her face in her hands bracing herself for what could be the end of their friendship.
"It was all my fault. Your life was a living hell because of me." Mal sobbed, defeated, exhausted, broken.
Then Mal felt Evie's hands on hers.
"Mal. Look at me."
Mal didn't want to but Evie could make her join the damn circus by just blinking at her, so Mal's green eyes looked up to face Evie, who kneeled next to the girl.
"Promise me, you won't interrupt me this time." Evie asked. Mal shyly nodded.
"I can't imagine how hard it must've been for you. To keep all of this inside, for this long. And I understand why you'd be scared to talk to me." Evie was rubbing a hand softly on Mal's back and Mal felt safe.
"I'm not going to lie to you. I felt betrayed when you left me inside Cruella's closet. I felt betrayed again when I put the pieces together and figured out that you wanted me to touch the staff. I was angry just moments ago because you wouldn't talk to me." Mal started shaking and her chin wobbled ever so slightly. Evie's other hand traveled to Mal's cheek and Mal leaned into the touch out of instinct. Evie gave her a warm smile.
"Do you want to know why I never held on to those feelings?" Evie asked, sitting on the floor and pulling Mal closer. Mal nodded again. She decided she wouldn't open her mouth until Evie was finished.
"Because I knew you had a heart. A good heart. You always had it with you. And you still have it. So, I chose to see the best in you. I know that now is when you ask 'how would you know that?' " Mal nodded once more.
"My mother would always babble about the things that went on the Isle in front of her stupid mirror. No matter how uninteresting it was. One day she told her reflexion all about Maleficent's daughter embarrassing her in front of the entire market street. She snickered about the purple haired little girl who saw a goblin drop a basket of fruit and instead of being mean, she helped him pick the fruit up, even cleaning the dust on them with her dress." Evie was grinning now and Mal's eyes widened up both at the memory and the fact that Evie knew about it for pretty much her entire life. "That's when I knew you had a good heart. Your first instinct was to be kind."
Mal just kept staring at Evie, shocked, and she chuckled.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all had our parents to deal with and we all did things that weren't what we really wanted. We all believed in things that were far from our real beliefs. Because we didn't know any better. Because no one ever asked us what we really wanted or believed in. We were desperate and we did what we had to, to survive. So, fuck it Mal. I know the real you. I guess I've always known the real you. You're not an awful person, you're not just Maleficent's daughter, you're Mal. And I could never hate you."
Mal let out another sight she didn't know she was holding. She felt this huge weight lift off her chest and she hugged Evie as tight as she could.
"I was so afraid to lose you." Mal said into Evie's hair.
"I didn't know how much this was bothering you." Evie confessed sadly. Mal let go of Evie and looked her in the eye.
"This bothers me so much because I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember but I have the emotion range of a tea spoon so I felt stuff and I didn't know how to deal with it and my communication skills are worse than that mattress over there which lead to me to not knowing how the fuck I should tell you something like this and my head is constantly reminding me that you could never love me back and maybe I should stop embarrassing myself and breathe." Mal spoke so fast she really did stop talking, inhaling deeply and breaking eye contact out of fear.
"Then I'm pretty sure you'd be able to wake me from my sleeping curse after all." Evie whispered and Mal could hear her smile. Mal looked up again to meet Evie's watery but huge and warm smile.
"What?" Mal was able to ask.
Evie let out a sob and Mal started to visibly panic.
"E, fuck what's wrong? I knew I shouldn't have said anything-"
Evie shook her head and cupped Mal's face.
"No silly. It's just…this is a dream come true." Evie confessed laughing as she touched Mal's forehead with her own.
"Fuck. Really?" Mal's voice came out so high pitched she internally swore only dogs could've heard it.
'Really.' Evie thought as she got rid of the space between them and kissed Mal softly on her lips. Mal was caught off guard but a second later she was grabbing Evie's jacket and kissing the holy hell out of the blue haired princess' plump lips. They kissed and explored until both needed air.
"That was…" Mal breathed out.
"Definitely not a one-time thing." Evie replied, in between heavy breaths, looking proud of herself.
Mal let her well known smirk fall into place.
"Good."
Evie giggled and Mal felt butterflies in her stomach.
"Thank you, E, for reminding me of who I am, because I guess I forgot for a while. I think I'll be able to handle the nightmares and the magic from now on. And uhh thanks for loving me back. And for waiting so long for me to get my shit together." Mal nervously laughed.
"I'd wait forever for you." Evie confessed, blushing just enough for Mal to notice. "And we'll have plenty of time for everything else. Now, you need to sleep."
Evie helped Mal up and led her to her bed. Mal sat on it and gave Evie her best pout and her best puppy eyes.
"Stay with me princess."
Evie was blushing a little harder now at the pet name and wanted to giggle because Mal looked so cute while pouting. She really couldn't say no. So, Evie hopped on the bed with Mal. Mal cuddled into Evie, to tired to do anything else and Evie pulled the blankets on top of both of them and then held Mal in her arms. Mal buried her face in Evie's chest, happy like she hadn't been in weeks and fell asleep instantly to the steady beat of Evie's heart.
Evie kissed Mal's forehead and fell asleep smiling lovingly at her and at the thought of this new and exciting chapter of their lives.
They were able to fight their demons and burst into color. Good things come to those who wait. And to those who fight for their love. Fortunately for Mal and Evie, losing was not an option.