THIS IS STRICTLY A PARODY, NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY AT ALL. BLAME THE PERSON ON TUMBLR WHO POSTED A PICTURE THAT MADE ME THINK OF THIS.
Early this morning a woman by the name of Gina (No one could remember her last name) was found dead in an alleyway. What was odd about her body was that she seemed to have been killed four different ways. Police pulled in the four most likely suspects and here is what they had to say:
Castle: She was controlling my every move! I couldn't even breathe without her telling me what to do. "Richard!" She'd say in her annoying high pitched shriek. "What are you doing? Breathe faster! It will help you write faster!"
So you see why I had to shoot her.
Martha: It was all in my boy's best interest. I just couldn't stand around and let him make the same horrible choices I did. Of course, I tried to reason with him but he couldn't see past her lies.
So you see why I had to poison her.
Alexis: Ever since she showed up again, I see less and less of my father! We always try to plan something, like a movie night, but she would use her bitchy ESP powers to know just when to interuppt us. I couldn't take it anymore! No one steals my dad away from me! (Unless its Detective Beckett. Then I am totally okay with that.)
So you see why I had to strangle her.
Beckett: Do you really have to ask? His attention was always on her and never on me anymore. It was okay at first, but one time while we were working late he called me 'Gina' and I just snapped. Of course, I couldn't kill him though.
So you see why I had to stab her. Repeatedly.
Detectives Ryan and Esposito who were working the case decided to have sympathy on the four and let them off the hook. Seeing as Gina had recently decided to start bothering people inside of the precinct, no one even thought about arguing with them.