Rey closed her eyes and thought deeply. When she opened them, she saw his face in full detail. It was Kylo.
"Behold my formidable fortitude…" Kylo mumbled in his charismatic tone.
Rey gasped and nearly lost focus as she was dragged into the fantastic six-pack of pecky-abby goodness that stood before her. She turned away slightly in vexation. "Do you have a cowl or something?"
Kylo gave her the look of menacing Sithness. "I am too dang hot for the slandering of my gorgeous bod, Rey."
Rey got mad and took out her blaster. She tried to shoot the abs right off of him.
However, Kylo had the most impressive muscles of the ages. He gripped the laser and broke it in half with the glorious power of his abs.
Rey gasped again. "You are too dangerous with those studly abdominals. Get a shirt now!"
"Nooo…" Kylo mumbled again. He then flexed and electric sparks shot out of his beauty.
Rey was mad now, she drew her lightsaber and attacked. Kylo took his lightsaber out of his firmly gripping glutes and went on to slicing and dicing.
It was the most amazing lightsaber duel of all time. It was mainly due to those delicious abs though.
Rey frowned and thought about how cowls were nonexistent to the swolo boy.
"I can feel your anger at my beefy display of macho madness…" Kylo said as he locked sabers with his opponent. "You know it too well that I have the dark side and the salsa."
"Why did you kill your dad?" roared Rey.
Kylo was taken aback by the accusation and then he kicked Rey away. "I am so mad that he never got righteous abs like me." A tear formed in his left eye. "I've been honing my hotness under Snoke for years upon years. I won't have my gorgeousness taken away from me!"
"But your abs and your father's abs were so much like a meaty bison wrap!" cried Rey.
Kylo growled and sheathed his blade. "This is my way of proving how I can truly become the hunkiest sci-fi character of all time. Nobody surpasses my tasty cuisine!"
Luke then appeared. "What are you doing, Rey?"
"IT'S STINKIN' LUKE!" cried Kylo. "I can see the duderino!"
"Luke, run! He has abs!" screamed Rey and she used her saber to slice the walls, creating a cowl for Kylo that could never be removed.
"NOOOOOOO!" Kylo roared in anger. "The light side has quelled my brilliance! Accursed Jedi!"
FINN