Truth I have said, and So I Die
So this is Tamsin's POV - her thoughts after 5x07.
I copied the poem she recites from the wikipedia entry on Sigurðarkviða hin skamma - from the Norse Poetic Edda's because she is a Valkyrie and I believe it would only make sense for her to know old Norse. I in no way speak Norwegian or Old Norse so if there are any mistakes - blame wikipedia's translation.
"What does love feel like?" Tamsin has asked herself this for thousands of years.
Only now has she figured it out. It was what she felt for Bo. That feeling she felt inside whenever Bo was near, that happiness that radiated to every fibre of her being. That feeling that made her smile uncontrollably. In her past lives she would never have let something as trivial as love make her smile, but now, in this life, everything is different.
Was different.
Now even that is gone.
She grips a vodka bottle in her hand, clear glass. It's as empty as she feels.
The bottles are quickly piling up in her truck, beer, vodka, and anything else she could find, and though she knows she should be nowhere near a steering wheel, she can't help but drive around in circles in the empty field next to the forest. She tosses her bottle back with the others and drives another round.
One part of her hopes that she will pass out and crash. It would be easier.
The other is too angry, too determined, to let go.
She is hurt. More than she can even admit to herself.
Most of all, she is confused.
She has been waiting for thousands of years for the one: the one a Valkyrie is supposed to find in their last life. But how were they supposed to be soul mates if Bo didn't love her?
Three thousand years. She had foreseen visions of Bo for three-thousand years. Only slight hints, but there was no doubt in her mind - and heart - that it was Bo she had foreseen.
But she had been wrong. So if Bo was not her soulmate then who was?
She had always heard tales of the great loves Valkyrie's found in their last life. Even if they ended tragically, they found their soul mates.
She remembered the tales of Brunhilde and Sigurð then. She had memorized them many lifetimes ago, but still knew them by heart.
Slowly, slightly slurred, she whispered verses to herself. "Ein sat hon úti aftan dags, nam hon svá margt um at mælask:
"Hafa skal ek Sigurð, - eða þó svelta, -mög frumungan mér á armi."
By herself at the end of day she sat, And in open words her heart she uttered:
"I shall have Sigurð , the hero young, E'en though within my arms he die."
Why could she not find love? Why did all the others find it in the end? Why not her?
She decides it's because she doesn't deserve it. All her screw ups from past lives are catching up with her. Tamsin wonders, when she dies, truly dies and is never reborn, if even then she will be able to put her past behind her.
She never wants to go back. She knows Bo will never see her the same way. Ever again. It's all ruined. But Valkyrie's must always serve the warrior they choose. Though she can't go back right now, she knows when it's time she will find her way back. Even if she will never feel whole again.
Tamsin picks up one of the bottles from the back, and holds it to her face, scowling at the reflection. She remembers the Blood King's words, centuries past. "How could you let yourself become so ugly, so disheveled?"
"Because I'm stupid!" She cries aloud. "Because I thought I could change this time around! Because she made me realize my humanity!" Even though for a Valkyrie's a concept of humanity wasn't supposed to exist, Tamsin had found it because of Bo.
The glass smashes easily beneath her angry fist. She crumbles with it.
To live. To serve. To expire.
What had her purpose even been?
To live and live and live only to die for love as Brunhilde had?
"Margt sagða ek, munda ek fleira, er mér meir mjötuðr, málrúm gæfi; ómum þverr, undir svella, satt eitt sagðak, svá mun ek láta."
Much have I told thee, and more would say - If fate more space for speech had given;
My voice grows weak, my wounds are swelling; Truth I have said, and so I die.
Realization dawns on her as she concludes the final verse. If Hades intended to bring Bo to Hel, she would go with her. If he intended to kill Bo, she would die as well. Just as Brunhilde had followed Sigurð to that dark and shadowy realm, she would follow Bo.
The Warrior and her Valkyrie. Bound forever.
She sees now, that perhaps they are soul mates still.
But not in that way...