So, this story came on a Friday, at 2:30am, when my friend, beta and co-writter, Joanacchi (AO3) sent me a message:
"THOR ASKING LOKI SEX ADVICES, I NEED THIS FIC!"
So I decided to write it.
It took us two days, but here we are.
Enormous thanks to our lovelly BeeQueen (AO3) that helped us beta-ing this story.
Hope you all enjoy.
Also taking this space to promote Joana's amazing art, check it out on tumblr!
joanacchi . tumblr . com (remove the spaces)
"You want me to what?"
Thor shifted uncomfortably in his seat, face hot with embarrassment. He took a deep breath, took a sip of his beer and gathering all his courage – when was the last time the mighty Thor had such a hard time?
"Brother, I want to discuss with you the art of pleasuring a woman." He said uncomfortably.
Loki stared at Thor with a mix of perplexity and curiosity, he never envisioned the mighty Thor to have trouble with such a thing. He was an oaf, yes, and really, really thick for some things but...
Thinking about it, he wasn't really that shocked.
"By the Norns, Thor, I am not having this conversation with you." Loki said quickly "Besides, what use such a conversation would do to you? – You had enough women in your life to know how to properly bed one."
Thor stood in silence looking at the ground trying to find a way to explain.
"Thor, you do know how to properly bed a woman, don't you?" Loki asked carefully.
"I used to think so brother." He answered, swallowing hard "But then Jane asked me if we could be more… creative on our love making." He took another sip of his beer, placing the now empty bottle on the table "I asked her why and she did not answer at the time."
Thor stared at him uncomfortably. Swallowing hard, he continued. "But when I questioned her again, she said Darcy told her about the things the two of you do on your love making. And that she does not feel about our intimacy the way Darcy feels about yours."
At first Loki was shocked, but the feeling was soon replaced by the wonderful pride of knowing he could please his woman with way more superiority than Thor. Not that it shocked him, Thor always had women in his bed with the same ease he could consume Pop-tarts and mead. He on the other hand, always had to try a little harder. That lack of easiness made him master the arts of intercourse. Or The Arts of Causing Multiple Orgasms, as Darcy liked to point out.
"I regret this already." Loki said sitting on the couch across from Thor "Alright Thor, what do you want to know?"
"I believe asking you if my methods are proper would be useful." Thor said after thinking for a while "Do you think this would be a fruitful line of action?" He asked, face serious with determination.
Loki considered for a little; that happened to be a marvelous idea. Thor would tell him, he would say it was good and this horrible conversation would be over.
"I believe so, go ahead." He said finally
Thor nodded and opened a new bottle of beer.
"First, I kiss her and tell her loving words…" Loki signed him to go on "Then I remove her clothes and lay her on the bed… I tease her nipples for a while and then I make love to her." Thor said staring at nothing in particular. By the Gods above, he was remembering things. "It's glorious." He finished.
Loki waited a few seconds, expecting his brother to go on with the explanation. When he heard nothing but silence, he realized THAT was all Thor's "love making" consisted. Loki's jaw dropped in perplexity. He wasn't friends with Jane Foster, he admired her intellect and they had a respectful relationship. But even if he is not particularly fond of her, he could never leave a woman – specially a brilliant one – damned to live with his brother's lack of intellect AND terrible skills in bed. He took a deep breath, his plans of ending this quickly would have to be put aside, no one in all nine realms deserved this bad sex fate. Not even Sif.
"By the nine Thor…" He finally managed to say, Thor looked at him, a bit of pride reflecting in his eyes.
"What do you think of my technique, brother?" He asked expectantly.
"That was honestly the description of the poorest sex I've ever heard." Loki answered, with a bit too much wicked pleasure on criticizing Thor. "And allow me to tell you I've heard a lot of those, since Darcy once decided to tell me about her previous mates." He added.
"You really think so brother?" Thor asked, his pride no longer there, his always royal posture withering.
"Certainly." Loki said dryly. "You don't even worry on giving your lover pleasure and you don't even seem to know the meaning of foreplay, there's much more on bedding a woman than simply fuck her.
"It seems I am a really bad lover to Jane." Thor was gazing at the floor and stayed silent for a few moments. "Loki, brother, please teach me how to be the best lover Jane could ever have, and how to make her want me and scream my name." He waved his hand "You must know, by the way I've heard Darcy screaming yours when we lived on the same building." Loki shifted on the sit, loathing this whole situation. "Jane must never be left without pleasure." He completed.
Loki smirked at his brother's statement; a known sensation starting to build into him as the memories of how it felt having Darcy screaming his name while her walls clenched around his length and convulsing in pleasure under him her came to his mind. Never in his life had he met a woman as responsive to him as her. His Darcy. He could totally go for a round or ten with her right now. He pushed the thoughts of her aside; he would have plenty of time to take her as many times as she pleases later. Right now his brother and Dr. Foster needed his help and knowledge, he though ironically.
"Have you ever tried giving her oral stimulation?" Loki asked pushing his thoughts to a faraway land where he could go back later.
"Oral…stimulation?" Thor asked, a frown in his face.
"I cannot believe this." Loki rolled his eyes. "Have you ever used your tongue to sexually stimulate her?"
"Of course, Loki!" Thor answered annoyed. "I kiss Jane all the time."
"Odin help me, this is worse than I thought." He whispered, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Is this not how you orally please a woman?"
"No, you have to use your tongue to stimulate her sensitive parts…" Loki said starting to feel really uncomfortable. "Such as her nipples, belly and neck. But this is not the kind I'm talking about; I'm talking about oral sex."
For the first time in his life, Thor was extremely and truly interested on what Loki was saying. If he knew his brother had so much knowledge on this art he would have brought the topic sooner, much sooner.
"Brother, please teach me the art of oral sex." He said with confidence and enthusiasm.
Loki sighted heavily. Yes, Thor couldn't remember the location of the library and he was absolutely incapable of reading a 50 pages book with no images, but never in his life had he expected Thor to be such a failure in bed. He wondered if everyone in Asgard was like that. If it is so Asgard should be into a huge natality crisis.
"It is not difficult, you use your tongue to stimulate her clitoris, folds or even fuck her." He said simply drinking all the Scotch in the glass he had conjured after the first 30 seconds of this conversation. There is no way he would get past this completely sober.
"Brother, what is this clitoris you are talking about? I don't think my Jane has such a thing" Thor looked confused. "And I don't understand when you say to stimulate with my tongue, how am I supposed to do it?"
Loki choked in his current new glass of scotch, he had reached a whole new level of revelation; his jaw had dropped to his feet and for the first time since he met Darcy he couldn't find words to speak.
His brother should have never been allowed around woman, ever.
"I believe I'll have to be very graphic on my explanations" He said, staring at Thor with a really, really judging eye.
Thor simply nodded, still completely oblivious.
Loki cleared his throat. "Well, you start by easing yourself so you're on the same level as her parts, the best way usually is kneeling. Then you –" He was cut off by a loud laugh from Thor "What?"
"You really appreciate all this kneeling situation, don't you, brother?" he said with a huge smile.
"Really, Thor?" Loki rolled his eyes, annoyed. "I can stop and go back to whatever I was doing before you showed up." He waved his hands and leaned on the couch.
"Forgive me brother, please go on." Thor cleared his throat.
"As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted; you kneel in order to stay on the same level as her parts. Then use your fingers to tease it, by all means, gently run it over her folds and clitoris, that is the protuberance between her folds, right on the middle."
"I still do not know what this is. You are sure Jane has it?" Thor asked
"I am pretty much sure Lady Foster has it, such as every woman in all the nine realms. It is the equivalent of a small penis and this is – "
"My Jane does not have a penis!" Thor said in exasperation. "Of course there is absolutely no problem if Darcy has one – And you like it." He added, fidgeting under his brother's murderous stare.
"This is not going to work." Loki sighed, drinking his umpteenth Scotch and closing his eyes "We should give up."
"No brother, we can't give up." Thor stood up. "I must learn how to please Jane like you do to Darcy."
"I really don't see how we can do it Thor, you don't even know what a clitoris is."
"Perhaps If… Never mind"
"What?"
"Perhaps" Thor took a deep breath "If you showed me instead of explaining I could learn what you mean." He said, looking anywhere but Loki's direction.
"And how am I supposed to show you, Thor?" Loki asked in a very bored tone. He decided that nothing more that came from his brother could shock him.
"You could show me on Darcy, perhaps?" Thor said quickly and preparing himself to whatever reaction Loki would give him.
"I don't think she would agree to this." Loki said simply, his eyes darkening and a smirk forming on his lips seconds later. "But I have an idea." He made a move with his hand and a Loki double appeared through a green shimmer. Thor looked him in confusion till he made a second move and the double changed into a perfect copy of Jane.
"No! No! No! No! No!" Thor said getting up on a rush as soon as he realized his brother's plans "You are not bedding Jane, even if it is a fake one!"
"Not me, you oaf!" Loki rolled his eyes. This was getting extremely boring. "This is for you. Besides, I have my Darcy, that is way more superior than your Jane." He said with a smirk. Oh, Darcy couldn't imagine what he was saving for her later.
Thor stared at Jane's double, face contorting in doubt.
"I don't think I can do this, brother. Said Thor, reaching to poke on Double Jane's elbow. "I feel somehow guilty..."
"In this case all this uncomfortable conversation will be in vain." Loki leaned back on the couch "If you don't do this I cannot tell you how to properly bed Dr. Foster." with a wave of his hands, Jane's clothes were gone in a shimmer of green light.
"Brother, wait!'' Thor almost immediately covered his beloved's assets with the sofa's pillow. ''I really don't think I can do this." Removing the pillow a bit, Thor stared a bit at the double's chest. "And her nipples are not like that!''
"Norns, why am I doing this again?" Loki said with a sight, he waved his hands and the double changed into Darcy's naked figure. "Watch carefully, I will only do this once."
"Brother, I don't think Lady Darcy would like to have her intimacy exposed like that." Thor said swallowing hard at the sight of a naked Darcy lying on the couch comfortably, feet on the couch and legs closed.
"No, I don't think she will be bothered. Although I should ask you to keep this whole absurd situation between us." Loki answered confidently and he knelt in front of her and put his hands on her closed knees. "Now, if you don't mind, I would like to get on with this." His eyes darkened and pupils dilated with the sight of his mortal waiting for him.
Thor walked in silence and sat on the footstool besides Loki, in a completely business face. He nods for his brother to start.
Loki ran his hands on Darcy's legs and thighs making her purr in delight. He placed his hands on her knees and gently parted them. She was now open and wet waiting for him to give her what only he could. He kissed inside her thighs, making his way down to her core. When he reached it he would go back and kiss his way down on the other side.
She, even as a double was very responsive to him, gasping in anticipation as he made his way down and groaning in annoyance when he didn't touch her where she wanted.
"Fuck, Loki!" she cried
"Patience, little minx." He said smiling against her thigh "All in good time. Now, darling, open yourself to me."
She did as he asked and parted her folds giving him a perfect view of her cunt.
"This, Thor" He said rubbing her center and causing her to moan soundly "Is a clitoris."
"I see…" Thor replied clearly amused of how a rub on that tiny spot could take such a response from a woman.
"Here, is where the secret of pleasing a woman lies." He said as he kept rubbing her.
Double Darcy couldn't take it anymore, she was a double, bur she had needs. She jerked her hips and groaned in annoyance. Every muscle of her body was contracted and she could feel her wetness and walls clenching in need.
"Loki, NOW!" she demanded grabbing his hair and pulling him toward her need.
Loki smirked ''As my lady wishes…'' and brought her closer, leaning her thighs on his shoulders. With no warn he parted her folds and licked all her extension, tasting her fully. He pressed his tongue on her clit, teasing the spot and soon she was jerking her hips towards him, following the movement.
Darcy gasped with the contact. Loki always felt a little proud when Darcy commented that people called him Silver Tongue for the wrong reason. The harshness of his tongue on her clit, making circular moves, teasing her entrance or his trained mouth biting on her center, he knew was too much for his mortal to handle. Feeling her orgasm build, her walls clenching in a plea and the heat on her belly indicated she was close.
Loki suddenly stopped, earning a frustrated groan from Darcy. Even her double was impatient, he though with a smirk. He heard a sound behind him. Oh, yes, he was assisting Thor with his sexual limitations. Double Darcy whimpered and rolled her hips to meet his fingers that unconsciously reached too close to her folds. "Such a wanton..." Loki smiled, teasing her entrance with his fingers. He was almost forgetting Thor's presence again when a scribbling sound reached his ears.
"For Odin's sake, please tell me you are NOT taking notes!"
Thor looked up, a bit startled "But brother, how am I supposed to remember all of your insights on the matter?"
Loki rolled his eyes and returned his attention to Darcy. "Listen, Thor. The secret is anticipation." he teased Darcy's entrance with now two fingers. Oh, the look on her face. "Your… partner must reach a point where she will beg you for release." He swallowed hard while sinking his fingers into her on a maddening, slow pace. Darcy was looking at him intensely, on edge. "You must…wait..." his concentration seemed to slip off when he heard Darcy chant his name repeatedly and, for his distaste, with a too low tone. "Yes, my dear… say my name"
"Loki" Darcy kept chanting his name, each time louder than the last.
Loki started increasing the pace, one of his hands went up to tease her nipple while he used the other to fuck her and his tongue to tease her clit. She tasted too good; he would never get enough of that.
Double Darcy put her hands on his hair and pulled hard, she was screaming and Loki could feel her walls clenching around him as her wetness increased, after one hard final trust, her insides squeezed his fingers and her body convulsed as she screamed his name even louder.
After a some time she relaxed and he removed his fingers from her putting them on his mouth and tasting. Real Darcy tasted better. He couldn't wait for her to get home.
"I look really hot when I'm cumming."
Loki froze. Shit. This was not how he had envisioned this at all. Real Darcy was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed and looking really pissed. Thor coughed loudly, and scratched his head, disconcerted.
"Good evening, Lady Darcy..."
Darcy did not even acknowledge Thor's presence, staring intensely at Loki. "You have 30 seconds to explain why a double me is getting awesome oral sex and the real me isn't. And five more to WHY THE FUCK THOR IS WATCHING!"
He turned to her and opened his mouth to talk, but was cut off by her.
"Wait, is this how my butt looks like in this angle?"
Two days later
"I totally thought you and thunder boy were having an asgardian family moment that day." Darcy said staring at Loki who was seating with her legs on his lap, her head resting on the arm of the couch.
"You cannot possibly believe you thought Thor and I would engage in such activity regularly." He answered in shock.
"Well, I didn't. But then there was all that weird situation, so you know, I thought it was a cultural thing."
"Let's say Thor and I were in fact having a... moment" He said teasingly "What would you have done?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Darcy asked "I would have stayed and watched." She said with a smile
"Helpless woman you –" He was cut off by the doorbell.
"I've got it!" Darcy said getting up and going to the door and opening. Loki groaned in disappointment. "Hey, Jane! What are you-"
The scientist passed right through Darcy running to where Loki was. He straightened himself. What had he done now? He expected another slap, perhaps a lecture. But that never came; instead she gave him a really sincere hug.
"Thank you! Thank you Thank you!" she said kissing him on the cheek before smiling and leaving by the same door she came in.
Loki stared at the door, dumbfounded. Darcy started to giggle.
"Well, apparently you are a great Sex-ed teacher."
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