Author's Notes: I own only Mr. Horsie. XP Standard disclaimers apply.

The Life and Times of Mr. Horsie

Hey, you. Yeah, you. No, not there, stupid. Down here, in Ma Chao's lap. Yeah. Hi.

Guess you didn't expect to see me, did you? Not with Mengqi- darling, daring, dashing Mengqi who doesn't need a stupid stuffed horsie. But that's where you're wrong. I've known him longer than you have (unless, of course, you happen to be his mother, in which case… HI MRS. MA!). I can tell you that Chao-Chao here isn't all good looks and stunts that make the girls go "Kyaaaaaahhhh!"

Oi, that made me cringe. Remind me never to do that again.

Anyway, I've been around since the days of little muchkin-Ma Chao, bouncing around on his little munchkin nappy-clothed backside. I've also been unfortunate enough, unfortunately, to have had said little munchkin nappy-clothed backside lumped down onto my poor back in a vain attempt to ride me. He was no featherweight, mind you, and I don't even have a spine!

To top that off, he called me a pony! A pony! Can you imagine the audacity?I am a fully bred warhorse. A stuffed one, yes, but a fully bred warhorse nonetheless!Hmph…

And the years after, don't even get me started on those. Too many times have I been tossed around, left out in the rain, slammed into walls, drooled on and heaven-only-knows-what-else without so much as a "by your leave", thank you kindly. I've always waited for him to grow out of me, hoping desperately for that day to come. But no, the heavens decide to deny me the one thing I've ever asked for in my whole life as a stuffed horse. He keeps me to this day, my only leverage over him being that he depends on me for a nightly snuggle. And when you're a stuffed horse, incapable of any movement whatsoever, that isn't much leverage at all, is it?

The only breaks I've gotten in the last twenty-one bloody years are when he decides to bunk with that friend of his… what did he call him? Zilong? Yeah, that's him. Chao moves over to his tent once in a while, which means I get the night off, but the two of them make so much noise doing whatever it is they're doing that I can't even think of resting! Even supposedly inanimate objects need rest too, you know. Oi.

So ends my catechism. For all the fangirlies out there who still wish they were in my position, don't. It's not easy being me.