*Takehiko Inoue owns Slam Dunk and unfortunately, I (and those bunch of authors out there) cannot change that. Let's all unite and abduct those kawaii SD cast!! And I'm going to snatch Kaede and Akira secretly… nyehehehehe *mischievous grin*
Author's Note:
There is no author's note.
Rukawa's note:
Just a long one-shot…
Sendoh's note:
SenRu for that matter…
The guys' note:
Sappy fic… pathetic couple… insane author… what more can you ask for?
*mi-chan: AT LEAST I HAVE A PLOT NOOOOW~~~~!
A PromiseThe guys are all here. They started hanging out here when they learned of this place. This cozy apartment, anyway, is just near our school. I can say that they started making my apartment their locker room. They even stay overnight sometimes especially when it rains. I guess they are already at home in my place. I am not complaining though. They've been my closest friends already although I haven't told them that yet.
Two years since I became one of them – hard court terrorists, coaches nuisances but Anzai-sensei's notorious angels. Yes. It has been two years since I became a member of Shohoku basketball team and I can say that it is one of my accomplishments that I treasure most. They did not force me to change. They accepted me for who I am and because of that I trust them although it may not seem so. But I do. I won't allow them to even step their dirty shoes inside my neat dwelling place if I don't.
Mitsui hangs around with us too although he's no longer studying in Shohoku. But he is still our member. He is still one of us. Sakuragi too. We can't avoid our constant bickering though but it is because it has always been there and it is unlikely to disappear. There is no such thing as Rukawa and Sakuragi together without bickering. Miyagi's soon to retire too and so are the other senior players like Yasuda and Kakuta. But who cares?
Someone is knocking and Mitsui opened the door for me. I am at the kitchen cooking their dinner while they are cleaning my room (which they messed up anyway – serves them right). This is so much fun. I control them at dinnertime. Smirk, Rukawa, smirk.
"Wow. I just arrived and kitsune-chan is already smiling? Am I that powerful?" I heard Akira say before pulling me into his chest.
Akira, my best friend (although I haven't told him that personally, yet). He's retiring from basketball too. He's going to college too like all the senior players that I know. But it is more painful. It will be more painful.
He's leaving for Canada and it can't be prevented. He has to continue studying there because… because he has to. It is what his family decided for him so what can he do? What can I do? What can I do except to relish the remaining time I have with him. One-week. One-week before he leaves.
We had a minor fight when I learned that he's leaving. I did not talk to him for a week. I even went to Osaka just to avoid seeing him. But I realized that I was wrong. I only wasted a week instead of sharing it with him. He looked so miserable when we talked and that time I realized that he really wanted not to leave. He said that he betrayed me.
I told him that I'm going to leave for America someday too so he should not feel like a traitor at all. It's just a matter of who's going to leave first and who's going to be left behind first. It's normal. We have to grow up. But I don't think I've consoled him. I don't know how to.
"You're deep in thought again, Kaede," he whispered softly into my ear. He is behind me, smelling my hair. I wonder what's with the smell of my hair, though. He told me once that he likes the scent of my hair but I can't smell anything myself. He's just crazy, I think.
"I am always in deep thought anyway," I answered. His arms wrapped around my waist tightened their embrace of me. During these times I wish for time to stop. But of course, it is impossible.
"Oi, oi! Enough of your intimacy! We're starving already kitsune!" Sakuragi shouted. I rolled my eyes. Akira smiled.
My relationship with Akira is always one of the topics in our night sessions (of watching TV, pigging with chips and slurping soda, that is). They always have something to notice between us two. I can't complain because of several reasons though. One, it may only prove me guilty. Two, there is no malice in the first place. And three, I think they are right. But I don't know what Akira thinks. Whenever he's around and the guys bring the topic up, he only laughs and pulls me closer to him.
Words are not needed to know what is there between us but in my case, I need those words to assure me. I need those words so I know if I should step aside already, if I should slow down, if I should keep things the same, of if I should be… better.
He helped me in setting the table so that they could satisfy their starving stomachs already. I am happy though. It seems like I already have what I thought I could never have. I have my basketball. I have my friends. I have my best friend. I have contentment. But I know that this contentment would leave soon. This contentment would leave me one week from now.
"Hey," Akira called and lifted my face. "What's wrong?"
I think he is right. He said that my eyes reveal all my kept emotions. And he said he likes staring into my eyes so he'd be the first one to know if something's wrong in me.
I shook my head and tried to smile.
"Oi, dinner's served already, Do'aho!" I shouted to Hanamichi.
"Who are you calling do'aho, huh, kitsune? Oi! Micchi, Ryo-chin, Yohei, dinner time!!"
Oh, and Sakuragi's guntai is here too. I already hear them shout in perfect unison, "ALRIGHT!" Sheesh… as if Hanamichi's not yet enough to personify 'noise'.
Akira laughed. I like to hear his laugh – soothing to the ear unlike Hanamichi's. I turned to him. "Why?" I asked.
"Am I welcome here?" he asked and I instantly wanted to punch him.
"Baka. Of course, you are. You're always here anyway," I answered and pulled a seat for me. He sat beside me.
"Oi, when are you leaving, Spiky?" Hanamichi asked out loud. Why did he have to bring that topic up?
"Uh… one week from now."
"You'll be returning now and then anyway, right?"
"Uh… I hope so…"
"You should be! Someone right here's gonna be lonely, you know?"
"………"
"And maybe he'll throw some fit again and…"
"HIDE AT OSAKA!!"
"Nyahahahaha!"
Damn… you're not helping me at all, guys… so just shut up! But I hope you're right… Akira, are you coming back? Everything's still obscure to me. You. And I. There are still many questions I want to ask you. However, I fear that I might appear too assuming of whatever this thing we have. Maybe they're right… I think I have to go to Osaka again…
You pressed my palm and somehow, I knew what you wanted to tell me. You always tell me this anyway… "Kaede, it'll be alright…" but it's different now, you know? Who would tell me those words again if you leave? I, myself? It would never be the same.
Maybe I've been too dependent on you. I tried to avoid needing anyone before but when you came into the picture, I just risked everything. Maybe I did it wrong. Maybe I should've not gamble the littlest thing I had. It's hard to pick up and gather back my pieces once you're gone, you know? But then maybe, this is how things should end up. Maybe this is for the better? But… the hell! Nothing's better than having you beside me until I die!
I wonder… I haven't been reading shoujo mangas anyway…
"Kitsune, you alright?"
I shook my head and tried my hardest to smile. This is what you taught me, Akira. I have to be strong.
The seven days left for us was useless too. You spent three days in Kyoto for your class retreat. Yesterday, you spent the whole day helping for the preparation for the graduation of your school. Today is your graduation day and I can't come. I do attend school too, of course.
I spent my longest day in school. I did not sleep in my class too. Maybe I should've slept the whole day, na? That way, time would've sped up and I could've been with you earlier. But when I reached my apartment expecting you to be there, already waiting for me, what greeted me was a message from the answering machine telling me that you were out of town with your parents. I could not congratulate you personally not even on the phone?
We only have two days left and you seem not to care at all. Or maybe I am the only one expecting and imagining in the first place? Damn you, Akira! Don't you care at all?
The guys did not hang around here since yesterday and I know why. I'm sure they know that I want to spend more time with you alone. I should've been grateful to them but now I wish that they were all here to patch me up.
I've been weak already. I've been depending on others too much now and it's all your fault, Akira. And what? You're going to leave me after making me this f*****g pathetic person I am right now? Damn… but I'll be more pathetic to pretend that I hate you. You know I never can.
This past few days too did I lose many sleep. How come you affect me this much when as I don't even mean a single thing to you? Oh riiight, I am sick. I know I mean something to you even though not as much as you mean to me. But at least, tell me what am I to you before you leave, Akira. I love you.
Tomorrow's Saturday, no school. Please be here this time.
I heard the phone ringing and even though I was about to manage a nap, I rushed to answer it. But of course, I don't have to sound too eager, right? I picked it up after three rings and as impassive as I could, I uttered a casual hello. I immediately recognized your voice even though it sounded too hoarse. You were tired, I know. And besides, it's only past three in the morning.
"You're still awake?" I asked.
"You are too," he answered and laughed.
"Of course, the ring woke me up."
He laughed again and I knew I was obviously acting defensive.
"Oh yeah? Anyway, I'll fetch you this afternoon, okay? You have no basketball practice, right?"
I wanted to ask you why this afternoon? Could you not make it earlier? But of course, I don't want to sound like I'm missing you so much despite the fact that I really do and that's why I'm still up in the morning waiting for you (or your call, at least).
"Fine," I answered. "Where are you?" I asked noting that the number registered at my caller id was different.
"At Osaka," he answered, actually emphasizing the name of that damn place.
"Oh…"
"And it's cold outside here kitsune and as much I want to talk to you longer, I can't. It's winter and I'm freezing here."
"Oh…"
"That's all you can say after all I've done just to get to call you?" he asked with a tone that could help me picture him pouting.
"Oh… then go back to where you can go back," I answered and he softly laughed.
"We're staying at an inn and the phone connection's cut, that's why."
"I'm not asking you. And did you not tell me you're freezing there already?" I joked. Although I wanted to talk to you longer too, Akira, I should not let that desire get the better of me (and of you too). You'd only get sick if you stay out in the coldness.
"Yeah right," you said before you were cut by a sneeze. I smiled.
"Better go back to the inn now, Akira," I said.
"I guess you're right. But… won't you tell me something I need to hear?"
Thanks to you. You stole my sleep already and now you're making me wide-awake. "Uh? What would that be?"
"Come on," you griped and I could already picture your whining image.
"Yeah… congratulations, Aki."
You immediately became silent and I feared if you were still alright. But upon hearing your sigh, I was relieved.
"I miss you, Kaede," you told me, and mushiness as it might seem, I could really feel my knee melting. I wanted to cry. I am hopeless, I know.
I smiled and somehow I hoped that you could see me at least smiling. "I'll be waiting, okay? Sleep tight."
"Aa…"
"Bye for now…"
"Yeah, bye…"
"Bye…"
"Aa…"
Then we hung up. I hope to be able to get to sleep before afternoon comes.
It's already five o'clock and he's not yet around. I've been walking to and fro inside the room, checking the time every minute. I know I look stupid and if Sakuragi were here, he would certainly laugh at me.
How come Akira still manages to be late when he only has less than twenty-four minutes to leave? He must've been really busy, I told myself just to create a little consolation. However, it is stupid. How much I try to put my place in him, I can't. My place in our damn relationship is more than enough to screw up my mind. But I have to understand him the way I appear to understand he's leaving.
Five thirty, at last, I heard the knock that I've been waiting. I rushed to the door like a panicking beast, opened it as I prepared my scowl, and upon seeing him… I just sighed and smiled. Getting mad at this spiky guy in front of me is really hard.
"Sorry, my mind got lost along the way," he explained wearing the sheepish grin I've come to commit into my memory.
"Good thing it's only your mind," I answered and completely walked out of my room, locked it and faced him once more. "We should've just met somewhere favorable for you," I said and we started to walk out of the building.
"Nah… By the way, I brought my car."
"Oh… alright…"
I love the silence between us, always comforting. However, my mind knows best. I just cannot walk with him appreciating this silence when inside I know that this is the last moment I'm going to be with him, my best friend, my love, my Akira. But if I were to speak, I know it would only make me cry and crying is the last thing I would ever do in front of him. Because if I cry, I know he'd cry too… like on the incident after Osaka… and crying doesn't suit his face.
"Hey," he called. "You're not saying anything again. What's wrong?" he asked.
I smiled and looked at him. His eyes were focused on the road and I spent the time freely memorizing his face. Perhaps this moment is the last time I'm going to see him… but at least let me stare into his eyes.
"Don't do that, Kaede," he said and it surprised me a little.
"What?" I asked barely confused.
"Don't look at me as if… it's the last…"
But it is, Akira. I don't want to betray myself. I don't want to push myself to believe that there is still hope for me, for us. You are leaving. Soon I know I'll be leaving too. Other than that, we can never be together the way I (or probably 'we') want us to because you're the eldest in your family when as I am an only child. Although I believe that this is not at all homosexuality, people will think otherwise. I know I can endure it though but I don't know with you.
I diverted my gaze outside the window. Everything is covered with snow. Everybody prefers to stay inside their homes but I'm willing to spend this last moment even amidst these massive ice if only to be with him.
Soon, I know, the scenery will be alive again. It's nice to watch the melting ice and the blooming lives. It's nice before – back then when I can share that beautiful time with Akira. I don't think that spring can still be the same without him. I don't think anything will still be beautiful now that you're leaving…
"Kaede," I heard him call my name. I did not move. He did not continue. The silence engulfed us once more and it was not as comfortable as before.
The song playing on the radio surprised me. I don't think I noticed that there is a music playing because of thinking too much. I listened – the least I could do to soothe me now. It is what I do to calm me before Akira came into my life anyway.
He is music personified. And like music, he'll never fade. Although he's going to be far from me, he'll never be forgotten. And that is why it will hurt so much. That is why I have to depend on my Walkman once more. But I know it will never be enough. I know I'll be scarred forever.
"Hey!" he said more cheerful now. "Want to know where we're going?" he asked and I shook my head. "I bet you've never been there before," he continued but left it hanging that way.
I frowned. "Yes, you're right, unless you tell me, maybe you're wrong," I answered knowing deep inside that he is just trying to cheer me up. The least I can do is play along. Play along…
He laughed silently. "No… I'm sure you haven't been there and you're not going to be there again than this once," he answered and the silence returned.
Yes. I'm not going to return to wherever that place is again and I won't ever plan to. My apartment is enough to stab me bits of memories of my time with you. The court is enough to kill me. What more the place where I'm going to spend my last moment with you? Do you think I can bear that? Do you?
I can feel my eyes heating up and in no time, I'm sure, tears will be flowing at last. But I have to prevent it. The least I can do now is be strong. That is what you first taught me, Akira. Second is how to be weak.
We passed along a road bordered with cold trees. If it were spring then this place would have been beautiful. But I'm not planning to pass this road once more. Never again…
We reached a desolated spot near a forest entrance. He parked the car and pulled me deep into the forest. I was silently wondering where are we going but the greater part of me did not care.
Then in the clearing, I saw a shimmering lake. I wonder how the lake was not as frozen like the other lakes. I wonder how some of the plants here looked more alive than the other plants. Then there was a small white shed bordered with white columns amidst fresh flowers. And silent music started to play.
"Akira… what is this place…"
He pressed his finger into my lips and hushed me. He guided me to the intricate sanctuary where a table was waiting. I wondered where the music was coming from.
"Here," he told me and pulled me a seat.
"Akira…" but before I could continue, he hushed me again.
"Sorry for being late. Just that… it took me longer to prepare this place than I calculated," he explained and I smiled.
"I'm not going to believe you if you would tell me that you alone did all of these," I said and he smiled sheepishly.
"Okay. I needed some help to some… like the food and flowers… like this whole place… but it doesn't matter anyway, right?" he said and poured wine into my glass. "Like it?"
I smiled wider. "More than like it."
"Good. Co'z I want us to have a really great time," he said and I could feel my smile waning.
A great time today and my death tomorrow… what a nice try to celebrate my end.
Then I saw it… a forlorn glint on his eyes, unshed tears they seemed.
Then I realized that… I've been selfish. All I think is how painful it is for me. All I think is how destroyed I will be. I never consider his feelings. It is painful for him too – his eyes and somber smile are enough to tell me so. However I am too engrossed with my own sentiment that I almost forget about him.
He did everything he could to cheer me up and yet… I did not do a single thing to console him.
"I'm sorry, Akira," I heard myself saying and he looked up at me, pouting inquiringly.
Stop trying to appear all right, I wanted to tell him but I did not. I wanted him to stop all the act. I wanted him to stop pretending to be tough. I just wanted to…
"Don't cry, Kaede. Don't…. it hurts me so much to see you cry," he told me but instead of yielding, I just find myself shivering and tears were flowing freely now.
"How can I, tell me, Akira? I'm not as strong as you. I… cannot… bear to see you… leave… I cannot…"
I felt his arms around me, his hand gently stroking my hair. I hold onto him tighter… not wanting to let go. If I do, then he might just fade away from me. "I don't want you to leave…" I finally said and I felt his embrace around me tightened more.
"Hush now, Kaede," he told me and it was the first time I could not get myself to believe him.
"Everything will never be the same again. My best friend, my only best friend, is leaving me and I don't think I can start alone all over again. I've been too dependent on you, Akira. I don't think I can…"
"Kaede, look here," he said as he cupped my face and gently guided me to look at him. "I'm coming back. I'm coming back although I don't know when. I'm coming back despite knowing that you may not be here when I return. But I'm coming back. Hold onto that promise. I will return and I'll be a lot stronger and I hope that you'll be a lot stronger too, Kaede. When that time comes, I am no longer under anyone. I am not following anyone but myself and this," he said and lifted my hand and placed it into his chest… his heart…
"Kaede, when I return… I hope you'll be here too… I hope you'll still be waiting for me. And if ever I return and you're not here, I'm going to wait for you too. How long may it take me. So hold onto that promise. When I return, we're going to be together and I'm not going to leave you again. When I return Kaede… I…"
It's been months now after Akira left and although I miss him terribly, I don't need to fear. I am always keeping his promise here… in my heart…
The guys still stay into my place even though there are no more basketball practices. I am very grateful of them. I love them too. At times, one or two of them would even stay at night. Kaede might take suicide, Hanamichi said. I only laugh. Of course, I won't do that. I have a promise to keep myself… that I'll be waiting for Akira to come back. That time, nothing can separate us again.
I believe you. I trust you. And I'll hold onto your promise how long it may take…
"When I return Kaede… I'm going to marry you…"
~~OWARI~~
^_^ Please review. Honestly, I like this fic very much although it's a bit sad. But I do hope you like it too. ^_^ My first sensible one-shot, I can say. But who knows? We can always hope for a sequel… (Although I think this is enough already… ^^;)
There you go, minna! This fic is for all SenRu lovers! ^_^ Especially dedicated to the AK mailers and the "hentai" tensai Aki. ^_^ Sorry, not RuSen but… oh well… ^_^
Don't forget to review please!
Aishiteru(Damn… why am I writing love stories all of the sudden… this is so unlike me… but… oh well… SenRu is good… *sigh*)
PS: If ever there were wrong spellings (and I'm not planning to edit them anymore =p) and wrong use of grammars, then just please understand. Hehe.