Disclaimer: Believe me…I wish I owned Erik…but I don't. I also don't own "Nobody Knows It But Me"
AN: I heard this song, and instantly got the idea for this story. As anyone who knows me can tell you, I'm not a big Christine fan…but this just fit too perfectly. Please tell me what you think.
Song lyrics
'thought'
"Speech"
I pretend that I'm glad you went away
"Are we really free, Raoul?" She asked with a sigh as she hugged the man before her. "Is it really over?"
"Yes, my precious Lotte, it's over." He replied, returning the embrace.
"I'm so relieved…" She smiled as smoke from the Opera house filled the sky.
But these four walls close in more every day
And I'm dying inside and nobody knows it but me
Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm crying inside and nobody knows it but me
"Is something wrong, Darling?" He asked, watching his new bride.
"Of course, why wouldn't it be?"
"You've hardly touched your dinner…are you feeling well?"
"I'm just tired." She forced a smile as she stood. "I think I'll get to bed early."
"I'll be up soon." He promised.
She nodded, and headed upstairs. She made sure her door was closed. She waited until she changed and had climbed in bed before she let the tears take her. "Erik…" she whispered softly, drifting into an uneasy sleep.
Why didn't I say the things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Now my world is tumblin' down
I can see it so clearly but you're nowhere around
She found she couldn't pass a rosebush without thinking of him. And she had given up on music all together. She no longer played the piano, and she refused to sing. It didn't feel right after betraying her beloved Angel of Music. If only she'd said what she really wanted to say when he'd given her the choice oh so many years ago.
'I love you, Erik.' She could think it so easily, so why couldn't she say it when it mattered? If she could only find him now, she'd do her best to set things right. 'But he's gone…I'll never be able to tell him now…'
The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
And I'm missing you and nobody knows it but me
Time continued to pass, but she still found herself thinking of him. She realized he always felt so safe with him…even there at the end when he began to fall apart. She knew she was the reason he'd lost it, and it was only fitting that he was now returning the favor.
She was able to rethink her actions everyday as she sat in the lush house she shared with her husband. Nothing was there to distract her from the pain. Nigh time was no better. Even in the arms of a man that loved her with all of his heart, she still felt lonely. She felt terrible there. Her body might have been with her husband, but her mind was always on her Angel.
'I wonder if he thinks of me…'
How blue can I get, you could ask my heart
Just like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
A million words couldn't say just how I feel
A million years from now, you know, I'll be loving you still
The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
And I'm missing you and nobody knows it but me
She took a raggedy breath as she held his hand.
"Raoul…"
"Shhh…don't talk…save your strength."
"I need to tell you."
"It's not important, whatever it is…just rest."
"I did love you, Raoul…"
"I know…" He took a deep breath. "I love Christine, more then anything else."
"So you're not mad…?"
"I could never be mad…"
"I'm glad." She smiled weakly as she squeezed his hand. She then closed her eyes and allowed eternal rest to take her.
The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
Nobody knows it but me
He made his way to her grave, a music box from so many years ago rested upon his lap. He knew it had belonged to the one she truly loved, and he knew she had always regretted the choice she made. Yet, he wanted to show her one last time that he understood, and was not upset. He set the music box on her tombstone, and noticed a rose with a black ribbon and an engagement ring.
"Are you almost ready to go, Sir?" The nurse asked, coming up behind him.
"Do you think we all find peace after death?" He asked.
"Yes Sir, I do." She replied, her tone soft and concerned.
He considered this a moment. 'At least she can find peace now…perhaps we all can…'
He nodded to the nurse and she wheeled him back to the waiting car.
AN: I hope that was easy enough to follow…and I hope it wasn't too sad. I'm not sure why, but it didn't seem right to mention names outside the dialogue. I hope that wasn't confusing. As I've stated before, I'm not a big Christine fan…and I'm not any sort of Raoul fan at all. Darn my mental muse for forcing me to feel sorry for the Fop and his Lotte! Still, ignore my ranting and tell me what you guys thought.