Disclaimer: I do not own CSI: NY. This is part of my 'Walking With Angels' series.
Rush to Judgement
It hadn't been a good day.
Any day when someone died in interrogation was never a good day.
Jess didn't know if the kid had had anything to do with the murder. She didn't know what had caused him to collapse and ultimately led to his death.
What she did know, without a doubt, was that Don Flack had nothing to do with it. She told IA that clearly; she had been in the room when Fleming had started seizing, she had run out to get help, when she came back, Don had been performing CPR.
They questioned her over and over again, until Jess finally snapped. "Look, Detective Flack did everything by the book. The guy's a total professional!"
"Unlike your relationship with him," Lieutenant Jackson stated with a hint of a smirk, "which I understand is less than professional."
Jess froze for a second. There was no way he could know. They kept it out of the precinct; they ordered in for most of their dates; on the odd occasion that they did go out, they stuck to places they were unlikely to run into colleagues. There was no way he knew. "Not only is that none of your business, it has nothing to do with Todd Fleming's death."
"But it does mean that we can't just take your word on what happened, Detective Angell."
The words shot through her, tearing at her unconcerned mask. So far, the autopsy had shown nothing except a bruise on his head; her testimony could be the only thing keeping Don in his job and it suddenly counted for nothing because of water cooler gossip?
A knock at the door cut through her rising anger and Lindsay stuck her head in. "Sorry to interrupt, sir, but we have a lead on our investigation."
"You can go, Detective Angell."
Gritting her teeth to prevent getting herself in trouble as well, Jess stood up and joined Lindsay outside. "What's the lead?"
"There isn't one." Lindsay admitted. "But I can lip-read and I had a feeling you were about to say something you'd regret."
"Thanks." Jess muttered. "Can you believe that?! Excuse me." She left Lindsay's side and headed across the bullpen to where Don sat, his feet propped on his desk.
"Say hello to the newest member of the rubber gun squad." He said by way of greeting. "I have officially been removed from active duty."
Jess wanted to comfort him, tell him that everything would be alright, but her interview had shaken her more than she thought. "How do they know we're seeing each other, Don?"
Don looked up, confusion evident on his face. "Who?"
"Internal Affairs." Jess elaborated quietly. "I haven't said anything and no one else knows."
"Sorry, Jess, but I've got bigger things to worry about the squad-room gossip."
Jess took an involuntary step back; admittedly she probably hadn't approached the situation in the most tactful of ways and she could only imagine the hell he must have been going through. But she had never known him to be so short with her before and he had never dismissed her concerns so abruptly, turning back to the crossword in front of him. "Right." She heard herself say calmly, acknowledging his point, and she turned away again, rejoining Lindsay, who took one look at her face and sighed.
"Come on."
Jess allowed her friend to lead her out of the precinct, down the street and into the park, where they stopped at the nearest empty bench and sat down.
"You alright?" Lindsay asked.
"No." Jess closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. "Don's entire career depends on me and I can't do a damn thing."
"Jess, this isn't your fault." Lindsay told her. "This'll all blow over; you'll see. They'll realise that the rumours mean nothing. I mean, they've remained pretty much consistent since you started working here; no one really takes them seriously."
Jess bit back a sigh of relief. "What if they don't?"
Lindsay studied her for a few seconds. "You are seeing each other, aren't you?"
Jess started. "Excuse me?"
"You knew about the rumours before." Lindsay elaborated, a smile appearing on her face. "It's the only explanation for why you looked so shocked. What was that conversation about?"
"I asked him if he knew how they knew." Jess answered, not even bothering to deny it. "He told me he had bigger things to worry about than squad-room gossip."
"He has a point." Lindsay pointed out gently.
"I know." Jess admitted. "It's not that. It's that this is killing me and he just dismissed me; he didn't even ask why I was worried. He's never done that before." She sighed again, this time out of frustration. "I don't get this."
"This?" Lindsay prompted.
"I've never been in this situation before." Jess explained, a little reluctantly. "Never. The first time he kissed me, I actually had to resist the urge to squeal like a school girl when I got home. I haven't done that since I was thirteen and Bobby Thornton told me I had nice hair. Why does he affect me like this?"
"You've fallen in love with him." Lindsay stated, but the question was evident in her voice.
Jess didn't answer, her mind racing. Her feelings for her partner had moved quickly, from a crush, to friendship, to something a lot deeper.
But was it really love? She knew it was more than lust; neither of them would have risked their relationship or their jobs over that.
But love was … huge.
Jess had never done well with huge.
"I don't know." She whispered. "I've never been in love; how do I know if that's it now?"
"You'll know." Lindsay told her, shifting slightly with a hand on her stomach. "You'll know."
"How's the baby?" Jess asked, changing the subject.
A smile lit her friend's face. "Fine. I am, however, getting a little frustrated by the fact that, every time she kicks, Danny's not here."
"She?" Jess smirked.
"We don't know yet." Lindsay admitted. "So I use both. But I find myself using 'she' more often. Although whether that's instinct or wishful thinking, I don't know."
"I can't see Danny with a girl." Jess commented, frowning thoughtfully. "I can see him with a boy, but … aside from shooting potential boyfriends, I can't see him with a girl."
"I'm a little nervous about a girl." Lindsay agreed. "I was never the girly sort growing up; what if she turns out to be one of those pretty-in-pink girls?"
"With you two as parents?" Jess laughed. "No way! Your kid's gonna be the only one in kindergarten who doesn't flinch when someone mentions a dead body."
Lindsay laughed, but cut herself off abruptly as her hand moved to her stomach. "Oh, that was a big one."
"May I …?" Getting a nod, Jess placed her hand on her friend's stomach, feeling the thumps below it. "Oh wow … Does it feel weird?"
"Really weird." Lindsay nodded. "In a good way though."
Out of the corner of her eye, Jess saw Danny walking towards the precinct, presumably to talk to Don. With the baby still moving beneath her hand, she stuck two fingers in her mouth and whistled sharply. "Messer!"
Danny came sprinting over. "What's wrong?"
Lindsay grabbed his hand and placed it on her stomach as the baby kicked again. Jess pulled her own hand away as the confusion melted away from his face, replaced by a kind of awe reserved solely for expectant fathers when they feel their child kick for the first time. "I've gotta get back; this case isn't going to solve itself." She stood up, patting Danny on the back as she did. "Congratulations, you two; I don't think I've said anything yet."
Neither responded as Danny fell into the space she'd just made, his gaze fixed on his girlfriend's bump. Jess hadn't been expecting them to and smiled fondly, making her way back to work, in infinitely better spirits than she had been when she left.
Closing her apartment door firmly behind her, Jess leaned against the cool wood with a sigh. One more life ruined by people jumping to conclusions.
By the time she had gotten back to the precinct, Don had left and Lieutenant Jackson was waiting for her. Without any preamble, he had told her that the autopsy had cleared her partner of any wrongdoing and apologised for casting any doubt on her credibility.
Which is fantastic, but why didn't he tell me that himself?
The hurt caused by that, coupled with the relief she felt came crashing down on top of her and she found herself crumbling, sliding down the door to the carpet as her tears refused to stay hidden any longer.
For the first time in a long time, she cried, first about this case, then about every other case that she refused to break under, then the distance of her family when she joined the Academy.
Finally, her sobs subsided, but the tears still fell, occasionally coming in a fresh wave.
A soft knocking on the door cut through the silence. "Jess?"
Jess cursed under her breath. "Just a second!" She stood up and wiped eyes hurriedly, feeling incredibly grateful that she'd worn waterproof makeup today. Steeling herself, she opened the door, but the first thing she saw wasn't her boyfriend. It was the flowers he was holding. Her jaw dropped. "Oh my God …"
"Jess, I … are you okay?" Don asked, cutting himself off mid-sentence. "Have you been crying?"
"Kind of." Jess stepped back to let him in, subconsciously wiping her eyes again. "What's this for?"
"Because the last couple of days have been hell on both of us." Don told her honestly. "And you've been amazing and I kinda took that for granted. Maka said you didn't go home until eleven last night, going over the interrogation transcript."
"I was trying to find something I missed." Jess filled a vase with water and carefully arranged the flowers he handed her, caressing one of the petals. "They're beautiful, thank you."
"The woman looked at me like I was crazy when I told her what I wanted." Don grinned wryly. "Something about it being a strange combination."
Immediately, her mind flew back to the talk they'd had about the meaning of flowers, after the Rikki Sandoval debacle. He didn't … Slow down, Jess; think about it. Purple hyacinths … apology. Pink roses … gratitude. Yellow roses … friendship. And orchids …
"Orchids?" She asked aloud.
Don rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "You said you could never go wrong with your favourite flowers." He sighed. "I've been a bastard over the last few days, Jess, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean that what you were worried about wasn't important …"
"It wasn't." Jess cut him off. "I was shaken after my talk with IA. I won't pretend it didn't hurt me a little when you just dismissed me like that, but I'm a big girl; I'll get over it."
Don closed his eyes. "Tell me I wasn't the reason you were crying."
Jess hesitated. "Well … you weren't … not entirely …"
His eyes opened again and he reached out, brushing the remaining tears from her face. "I'm sorry, Jess."
Jess smiled weakly. "Don't be; I'm being silly."
"No, Jess; you never cry; you are not 'being silly'." Don disagreed forcefully. "Now tell me what's wrong."
"Well …" Jess searched his eyes, hoping for some sort of guidance, but found none. "I guess I was a little hurt that I found out you'd been cleared from IA instead of you."
Don flinched. "I hadn't thought about it like that, Jess; I'm sorry."
"The rest of it was relief." Jess added quickly. "For a while there, I thought they'd never clear you."
"So did I." Don admitted. "But they would have done, Jess; you were there. You knew what happened."
Jess frowned. She knew she'd never told Don about her discussion with IA aside from that first conversation, but she assumed he'd at least heard. "You don't know?"
"Know what?" Don asked.
"Don, they wouldn't believe me." Jess told him. "They said that my word was unreliable since our relationship 'isn't strictly professional'."
"That's why you were worried." Don whispered, sinking on to her couch. "Oh, Jess, I'm so sorry."
"No, I'm sorry." Jess averted her gaze. "It's your life that would have been thrown away if …" She didn't realise he'd stood until his arm snaked around her waist and pulled her to him. His other hand tangled in her hair and his lips landed on hers, caressing them gently.
Her heart jumped in her chest, his touch so tender that her legs began to shake beneath her. She clung to his shirt in an attempt to stay on her feet and he broke away gently, still holding her firmly against him.
"None of this is your fault, Jessica." He told her in a low voice. "If anything, it's mine; I should have accompanied that kid into the locker room, suspect or not. I could never have blamed you because that guy from IA is a prick."
"Well, he did apologise." Jess offered.
Don kissed her forehead. "You're making it difficult for me to hate him, Jessie."
"Don't call me that." Jess muttered, burying her face in his shoulder.
She felt, rather than heard, him chuckle. "Sorry, sweetheart."
"No, you're not." Jess disagreed, a smile finally appearing on her face.
Don cupped her face and tilted it upward. "Maybe not, but I got a smile back on your face. Now what are we going to do about these rumours."
"Well, I talked to Lindsay … who now knows, by the way," Jess explained, "and, apparently, they haven't changed since I got here."
The relief in her voice was tangible.
"Ashamed of me, Detective?" His tone was light and his smile teasing, but she could see the flash of hurt in his eyes and pulled his mouth down to hers.
"Of course not." Jess whispered, resting her forehead against him. "But I am a lower-ranking detective."
"I don't pull rank, Jess." Don reminded her.
"You might not, but everyone else does." Jess stated darkly. "Even if they are just rumours, people think I'm 'sleeping my way up the ranks'. It shouldn't bother me, but it does."
The hurt in his eyes vanished, to be replaced by a mixture of anger and protectiveness. "Next time you hear something like that, tell me and I'll have them written up."
"Don, you can't write them up for gossiping about us." Jess chided.
"I can if that gossip affects your reputation and your credibility." Don responded sharply.
Jess touched his face. "Don, it's …"
"It's not fine!" Don cut her off.
Jess smiled wryly. "I was going to say it's not important."
"It is important." Don insisted. "You're important." The pad of his thumb brushed against her cheek. "Even if I don't always know how to show it."
"In all the time I've known you, Don, you've only ever made me doubt that once." Jess told him quietly, turning her face into his hand, kissing the palm lightly. "You …" She hesitated, but his eyes urged her to continue. Damn those eyes. "You have this strange ability to make me feel like I'm the only woman on the planet. It scares me, sometimes, the effect you have on me."
His lips curved into a smile and he kissed her softly. "Feeling's mutual, Detective." A strange look crossed his face and he seemed about to say something, but then it was gone, as he steered her into her kitchenette. "You hungry?"
"Why?" Jess asked. "You cooking?"
Don opened her fridge and pulled a face. "I would if you had anything that vaguely resembled food in here." He sighed dramatically. "Alright, grab your coat, Detective; I'm taking you out for dinner."
"Don …" Jess began.
"No buts." Don cut her off. "I do believe it is perfectly within my rights to take my incredibly beautiful girlfriend out every now and then." He guided her out of the apartment, a hand on her lower back.
"Well, if you put it that way …" Jess rolled her eyes with a smile. "Where are we going?"
Don didn't answer her question, leading her down to where his car was parked, opening the door for her.
Jess smiled as she slid into the passenger's seat. Some might call his sense of chivalry outdated, but it was one of the things she loved about him. "Come on, Don; where are we going?"
"Casa Cira." Don answered.
"So you can take a hint?" Jess teased.
"Well, you've only mentioned it five hundred times since it opened." Don smirked, leaning over to kiss her as they paused at a red light.
Jess laughed. The place in question was a small Italian place that was closer to a café than it was a restaurant; the dress was casual, the atmosphere relaxed and, in the unlikely event that they did run into someone they knew, it was easy to believe that they were just good friends, having dinner together after a difficult case.
But would the rumour mill believe that?
Jess was finding it easier and easier not to worry about that, although she wasn't sure why. She never thought she would find herself dating a co-worker, not because of anything her father had told her, but because of her own ambition and love for the job. She knew that, if put in a position where she had to choose between them and her work, the job would win every time.
But, with Don, she wasn't sure. She had known for a long time that her feelings for him ran deeper than friendship. A lot deeper – she wouldn't have risked a relationship with him if that weren't the case for fear of ruining what they already had.
This had proved what she had suspected for a while; it was even deeper than that. Jess was a woman who liked to remain firmly in control of her emotions, but that wasn't an option when it came to dating Don; the last few days had been spent in a whirlwind of worry, hurt, frustration, affection … hell, every single emotion in existence had swept through her at some point, some lingering longer than others, causing her temporary breakdown earlier.
Jess was jolted from her thoughts by the Sedan pulling up outside their destination and Don got out and opened the door for her, taking her hand to help her out. They were shown to a table and her boyfriend pulled her chair out for her before sitting himself, smiling softly across at her as he lifted her hand to his lips in a tender gesture.
Her heart skipped slightly. Lindsay was right. She had long since accepted that she had fallen for him, but it was only now that she realised that she had fallen in love with him. And, judging from the tingling that spread through her hand and up her arm from his touch, she would continue falling for a long time.
AN: