Damaged
Jo-chan
Disclaimers: I do not own Sango or Miroku and I didn't create the song either. "Damaged" is a song by TLC. Standard disclaimers apply.
A/N: This is a slightly sidestory/songfic which takes places sometime after my fic, "Crucify My Love" and definitely before "Night Storm." This is not an entirely independent fic, if you're freaked out over Sango and Miroku's intimate relationship here, please read Crucify My Love.
Please read and review. Btw, a big shout-out to my reviewers in CML, thank you to White Witch, Bao Blossom, Shadow Priestess, Mikaila, Nuklear Firely, Shohoku no Miko, Kitsune-Tenshi and all others who have been really sweet. Please enjoy. I seldom write oneshots so I would appreciate comments.
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Miroku was in high spirits. He counted on his fingers again, Sango's 7 days were up, no more PMS. ^_^
Kirara, who was calmly licking her fur on top of a boulder gave the monk a strange look when Miroku suddenly twirled around the campsite. Unfortunately for Miroku, Kagome and Shippou saw it too.
"Miroku-sama!" exclaimed Kagome, nearly dropping the firewood she gathered. The kitsune cub was just as surprised as the miko let his gum-drop fall out of his open mouth. Shippou immediately picked up his fallen candy and blew on it before popping it in his mouth once more. "Sheesh, Miroku's lost his marbles," commented Shippou as Inuyasha briskly strode in their camp.
"Oi, Kagome! Sango and I found a hot-spring when we were scouting the area! It's pretty well hidden by rocks so you won't have to worry about certain per--" announced Inuyasha.
Miroku loudly cleared his throat. "Inuyasha, I pray to Kami-sama that you weren't going to say pervert. Consider me a man truly reformed," said Miroku good-naturedly.
"Feh! The day you quit being a pervert is the day--" snorted Inuyasha but he swallowed his words Sango walked into the camp.
"Sango!" greeted Miroku cheerfully. He walked up to the taijiya and leaned down to give her a kiss but he paused when Sango looked withdrawn. Sango deliberately avoided his eyes and Miroku frowned, unable to think of a reason why she'd turn away from him. Okay, well maybe Sango wasn't turning away from him but he's feeling pretty paranoid and freaked out from her less than warm response. Miroku cursed himself silently, knowing that he was overreacting.
"Daijoubu?" he asked quietly, his blue-violet eyes showing concern and worry.
Sango looked up and forced a smile on her face. She quickly pressed a kiss on the monk's cheek and said brightly, "Don't worry Hou-- Miroku, I'm okay. Just a headache I think."
Miroku stared at Sango, trying to gauge her mood but shrugged and passed it off as PMS when the taijiya took his hand and gave it a warm squeeze. Oh well, its Post-Menstrual Syndrome this time I think... mused Miroku with a resigned sigh but then again, who understands women?
******
Sango tried to enjoy dinner but frankly speaking, she felt too apprehensive about Miroku's proximity. She tried giving herself silent pep talks all through the meal.
Come on girl, don't worry about it! Breathe, come on breathe. Act normal, don't let Miroku see through your courageous front!
Sango released a sigh, the pep talk wasn't working! She sneaked a glance at Miroku and found herself tensing even more. He's just too darn gorgeous! And he smelled so good! And he felt so warm! And-- and-- he was just too darn perfect!
It seemed like forever since the magical night they spent together and she wanted to feel the unbearable closeness and ecstasy that night once more. Her first time seemed like a dream come true and she was sober enough to remember it. She knew it was a passion she'd never before imagined in her life and that it wasn't fake or induced by too much alcohol. But on the other hand, Miroku was barely awake and had enough alcohol to flood his bloodstream the night they made love.
Sango fretted. Will the magic still be the same if they make love once more? She knew that Miroku wanted to share their love in that very special way again but now she couldn't help but worry. He's sober and there's no sake in the vicinity and the fact that her period was done and she's safe-- she's suddenly feeling more vulnerable and apprehensive than her first time.
Sango took a swift look at Miroku once more and barely suppressed a groan of frustration. She wanted to remove his ponytail, she wanted to kiss the stubborn line of his jaw and the pronounced arch of his brows and his--
"Sango, are you okay?" asked Miroku, smiling a little at the dreamy smile on Sango's lips.
Flushing, Sango replied, "Of course! I'm always all right! In fact, I've never been better! And I'm not thinking of anything you know..."
Sango tossed her head arrogantly as she stood up and stomped away towards the hot springs, leaving Miroku whose jaw was hanging down in surprise.
******
Sango glanced around the shadowed area of the hot spring, looking for any sign of danger. Finding none, she sighed in relief as she silently padded over to one of the boulders were Kagome left for her use (Kagome had gone ahead with the bath). She took off her white ribbon, tossing it carelessly on the ground as she shook out her long hair. She absent-mindedly ran her fingers through the thick, lustrous strands, thinking of how Miroku loved to play with her hair.
Why can't I be perfect?
thought Sango in despair, thinking of all her battle scars and the way she saw it, her less than stunning looks for she saw herself as plain, muscled and tomboyish. She grabbed one of the towels and began wrapping it around her head like a turban, rolling her hair up as she did so. A few stray wisps of brown hair were left out but otherwise, her hair would not get wet when she takes her bath.She looked around once again, making sure she was alone and began to untie the green skirt over her pink kimono. The material slid down her hips and pooled at her feet. Her kimono, freed from the green overskirt that was holding it together parted gently in between, revealing pale skin and the strips of linen binding her breasts. She shrugged off her kimono, not bothering to pick and up and fold it as she began to look for the tie that binds the roll of linen tightly against her chest.
Sango untied the knot of linen just at the side of her left breast and began to unroll the tight restrictions, heaving a groan of relief with each strip of skin uncovered. She smiled wryly, I pray to Kami-sama that I don't have to use these silly things but to fight properly, I'd have to bind myself so my breasts won't fall out. Completely undressed, Sango stretched a little before she waded into the steamy water of the hot spring. She couldn't help but sigh with each step as the warm water caressed her sore and tired muscles.
She sat down, the water coming just below her chin and she closed her eyes, enjoying her peace and solitude despite the myriad questions in her mind. If I touch Miroku now... will it be the same like the last time or will the absence of alcohol make me a repulsive and scarred woman in his sober eyes? Sango thought bleakly.
She felt a tear running down her cheek, her fear and doubts warring with her desire to be with Miroku. Sango knew he loved her, he's been quite behaved since the day he found her and confessed he how he truly felt. She sniffed angrily. How stupid! I can't believe I have so many hang-ups about this sort of stuff when I've taken the final plunge so to speak! She bowed her head, a few more tears running down.
"Gah! This is stupid!" muttered Sango, leaning back, letting the warm water wet her hair a little. She cupped a handful of water from the spring and poured it over her face as she tilted her head up. The water mixed with her tears but she didn't care. She took several deep breaths, relaxing slowly.
Sango nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt a gentle hand tipping her face up and the presence of another body settling smoothly beside her. "Why the tears Sango?" asked Miroku tenderly as he wiped away the silver traces of sorrow.
Brown eyes widened as she beheld Miroku sitting beside her in the hot spring, unclothed but looking as serious as a priest taking a murder confession. She glared at him and punched him in the arm. "Don't startle me like that! Haven't you heard of a term called privacy?" snarled Sango trying to hide her feelings behind bravado.
Miroku winced as he rubbed the spot where Sango punched him. She had no idea that she could pack quite a punch! Looking quite baffled by her mood but still trying to reach out to the taijiya, Miroku replied, "Sumimasen Sango but I couldn't help but worry when you've been down the whole day, won't you tell me what's going on?"
Stubbornly, Sango kept her mouth shut and turned her back on Miroku.
"What's wrong?" he asked and Sango turned her head to scowl at him.
"Is it PMS?" persisted Miroku, getting a little peeved.
I know I'm kinda strange, to you sometimes
Don't always say, what's on my mind
"Why do you care?" burst out Sango as she began to move away.
Surprised by Sango's strange mood and retreating behavior, Miroku barely managed to catch up with Sango as she made her way to get out of the pool. He never noticed the countless scars that ran across her skin, he was too preoccupied trying to understand her. He grabbed her arm and asked, heedless of the fact that the water was only covering them up to the waist now. "I care because I love you! Won't you tell me what's going in that silly brain of yours?" exclaimed Miroku exasperated. But even as he finished speaking, his eyes went down a minute on Sango's form before forcing his gaze back up on her face. There's no way he's gonna turn pervert this time, at least, not in Sango's strange mood.
In her mind, she saw the scar across her back given to her by Kohaku. Various battle scars and painful wounds flashed across her mind's eye as well. It's stupid to feel so insecure but she knew that from the way Miroku looked, other women would fall over themselves just to have this monk's love. But he loved her.
You know that I've been hurt, by some guy
But I don't wanna mess up this time
Sango trembled, meeting Miroku's stormy gaze. His cheeks were flushed from the water's heat but it wasn't only from that she knew. She could feel passion and frustration emanating from him but then again, she felt the same way. She opened her mouth to speak but could find no words to express her feelings. She was always better with actions.
BRIDGE
And I really really really care
And I really really really want you
And I think I'm kinda scared
Cos I don't want to lose you
If you really really really care
Then maybe you can hang through
I hope you understand
It's nothing to you
There was a sudden beat of drums in her ears as she stepped forward and threw herself at Miroku who automatically caught her against him. "It's not you... it's just me," murmured Sango as she closed her eyes and brought Miroku's head down for a kiss.
CHORUS
My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that
I've been damaged
Panting lightly from the way he kissed her, Sango pulled back a bit. She looked into Miroku's eyes as she said painfully, "I've been damaged by so many scars---"
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged
Understanding shone in Miroku's blue-violet eyes as he stared down at the trembling girl in his arms. Beneath his hands and even through the texture of his gloved hand, he can feel the indentation of a huge scar in the middle of Sango's back. Sango's face was turned away, her eyes half-closed, as if awaiting whatever harsh word he might say about her scarred body.
I might look through your stuff, for what I don't wanna find
Or I might just set you up, to see if you're all mine
I'm a little paranoid, from what I've been through
Don't know what you got yourself into
Sango gave a startled yelp when Miroku suddenly embraced her fiercely, his lips brushing against her bare shoulder. Tears filled her eyes as she heard him whisper, "You're perfect to me."
And I really really really care (And I care about you so much)
And I really really really want you (I really do want you)
And I think I'm kinda scared (But I'm scared with every touch)
Cos I don't want to lose you (Cos I don't want to lose you)
She sighed when he released her but her eyes suddenly opened wide when she felt Miroku move to stand at her back and brush a kiss against her nape. She can feel his hands, one gloved, the other free caressing the expanse of her back. His fingertips hovered above the scar, as if afraid to touch it and Sango found herself holding her breath.
Miroku said nothing and then with a broken sigh, lightly ran gentle fingertips over the scar. He bent his head once more, kissing Sango's ear and whispered, "If I could take away all your pain and make it my own... I would."
If you really really really care (If you care for me like you say)
Then maybe you can hang through (Then maybe you can hang through)
I hope you understand (I hope you understand)
It's nothing to you (It's nothing to you, you)
His words broke the floodgates of Sango's heart. She choked on a sob. But her tears were forgotten as Miroku put his hands on her arms, caressing downwards, his mouth also moving down from her neck to kiss down her spine. She gasped when Miroku's hands found hers, and he meshed the fingers together in a handclasp somehow more intimate than his kisses. She could feel his beads cutting gently into her hand and the rough material of his glove. She twisted her head back to offer him her mouth.
My heart's at a low (low)
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that (I think you should know)
I've been damaged
"If your scars are your problem..." began Miroku as he bent his head to press a kiss on Sango's mouth, he took his mouth away after the initial contact to kiss the side of her face, "you really don't have to worry," he murmured as his hand curved around her nape, turning her around, tilting her face up, his arms going around her. And his mouth captured Sango's lips in a slow, persuasive kiss that steadily increased in pressure, forcing her lips to part beneath his and setting off passion with a reckless force.
I'm falling in love (I'm falling in love)
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged (I think you should know that)
Sango moaned softly, sliding her hands up on his smoothly muscled chest, letting Miroku part her lips, yielding to the probing of his tongue and then welcoming it with her growing excitement. His hands shoved into her hair, upsetting the towel wrapped around her head. The towel fell into the water, forgotten as her long brown hair fell over them like a veil, everything out of control.
My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage (I'm so much to manage)
I think you should know that (I think you should know that)
I've been damaged (I've been damaged)
She was kissing him back, falling forward into his arms while his tongue plunged into her mouth, breathlessly insistent, stroking, caressing. Her nails bit into his arms when his hands began to move from her back to her breasts, her body pressed intimately against his, feeling the rise of his desire.
I'm falling in love (I love you so)
There's one disadvantage (I love you so)
I think you should know that I've been damaged
Time ceased to exist for Sango save for the man whose long fingers were caressing her breasts, tantalizing her, making her believe with each touch how truly beautiful he found her. Fears and inhibitions were obliterated by the turbulence of raging desire and sensual urgency, his knee pushing her legs apart.
CHORUS
My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that
I've been damaged
Miroku lifted his mouth, his blue-violet eyes lit up with love and desire. He lightly ran the back of his gloved knuckle over Sango's upturned face, reveling in the softness of her cheek. Her eyes were still closed, her mouth softly parted and a becoming blush stained her cheeks. His other hand drifted down in a slow caress over her spine and bottom. Sango eyes opened wide when she realized where his other hand was and out of sheer reflex, she opened her mouth to call him a sukebe--
Miroku laughed, knowing that Sango was back to normal and he wisely removed his hand before any damage could be done. His gloved hand touched Sango's face as he buried his face in her fragrant neck. He drew a long, labored breath as he whispered, "I'm damaged too."
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged
This time, it was Sango's turn.
Tears filled her eyes as she held him, catching hold of his cursed hand and pressing a kiss on the palm of his glove. "You're perfect to me..."
And they held each other, two lovers enveloped in the darkness of the night seeing each other clearly even with the absence light.
OWARI
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There is courage in allowing your heart to hurt and grieve but there is
greater courage in knowing it will be scarred but stronger as time goes
on.
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A/N: Gah! Another limey or almost lemony S/M! My hentai muse seems to be hell-bent in providing me raunchy ideas for the pair! Agh! Please don't kick me out of ff.net! I moderated it as best as I could-- but writing this, I could definitely imagine more going on! Okay peeps, this is a PRELUDE to Crucify My Love's sequel which I have finished writing already. The sequel is titled "Night Storm" (notice the final paragraph in this fic) and I'll be uploading Night Storm as soon as this oneshot fic receives a sufficient number of reviews which would tell me that a lot of people have the general idea how "Night Storm" is gonna go about.
At about 20-30 reviews, I'll upload "Night Storm". In the sequel, Sango is captured by Naraku and was tortured and beaten savagely. A week after her capture, a raging Miroku and their party finds Sango, unconscious and in front of a village destroyed by a particular vicious youkai who also drinks blood. But was it Sango they actually found?
Please read and review this fic!
Ja ne!
Jo-chan
April 18, 2003