It's so dark and quiet-so very dark. Everything is still and calm. With her earplugs in and sleep mask on, Penny can't hear or see anything, which is the way she likes it lately. Nothing-and no one-can disturb her this way. All she wants is to be left alone. Why is that so hard to understand?
Penny's preferred state these days is sleep. At least when she's not conscious, she can dream about him. Sometimes she can even still touch him. Her dreams is where she's happiest. She has no place for reality anymore. Maybe never again.
Even though she can't hear or see anything, Penny feels a disturbance in her room. She slowly sits up on her bed and takes her mask off, just to see her curtains are moving in the calm breeze of the rainy, windy night. It's almost peaceful, until she realizes her windows aren't open.
"What in the hell?" Penny says out loud. Of course, she doesn't receive an answer. The curtains sway back and forth with more intensity, though. Before she can get up to investigate further, a bottle of water falls from her night stand. The cap isn't on and now her floor's all wet.
"Damn!" Penny says, and goes into the bathroom to get a towel instead of really thinking about what the hell is happening in her bedroom.
When she's on her knees with the towel, the TV in her living room turns itself on. Okay, well, that's... weird?
Penny shoots up and nearly sprints into the living room. There's an episode of Game of Thrones playing on her television-her favorite episode, actually; the one where Jon Snow comes back to life inexplicably. What... the... fuck?!
Penny falls back on the couch and closes her eyes. She mutes the TV and says, "Sheldon? Is that you?"
As if in response, two candles on the coffee table in front of the TV flicker with fire, and then are completely lit. Tears come to Penny's eyes as the smell of White Linen and Pumpkin Spice wafts through her nose. He's come back to her. He's finally come back to her.
"Come on, sweetie, you always hated the smell of my candles," Penny says, and blows the candles out.
From her bedroom, Penny's phone dings with a text message.
I want to see you.
The caller ID says "UNKNOWN," but Penny knows exactly who it is.
She types back, Tell me how.
While she waits for a reply, Penny closes her eyes and wonders if this is just the grief manifesting itself; something her therapist said might happen. Some people just go crazy after losing someone. It's an unfortunate side effect of death. And over the last two months, Penny has tried so desperately to see Sheldon again, even if it was just a sign of him. She didn't think all the signs would show up in the same five minutes.
What seems like an eternity later, she gets another text with some complicated instructions. Penny reads the text carefully, and an hour later, she finds herself outside in the rain, holding a tepid glass of water with nutmeg, onions, and tomato sauce mixed into it. In her other hand, she's got an umbrella, which she was instructed not to open. She's wearing the hat Sheldon gave as a gift for her 30th birthday last year. And just to add to the weirdness, Penny's left foot is bare, while her right foot is wearing an orange sock she bought for Halloween five years ago, decorated with pumpkins and skeletons. Thankfully the streets are deserted or she'd be causing a lot of questions to be asked.
Penny glances at her phone again and, with determination, walks through the wet street with her one sock on to the corner where the stop sign is. She stands with her back against the pole, holding out the glass of water and the closed umbrella. A clap of the loudest thunder she's ever heard booms through the sky, and seconds later, a lightning bolt hits the pole where she's standing. A terrible and wonderful jolt reverberates through her body, and before Penny knows it, she's falling to the sticky pavement, glass of water sailing through the rain, the umbrella darting into the street, utterly forgotten. The last thing she sees before she blacks out is the figure of a man peering at her... and he's wearing a Flash t-shirt.
Penny knew it was a mistake to marry Leonard Hofstadter. He was not her soul mate-and he wasn't even that great in bed, although the foreplay was always worth it. But he was persistent, she'll give him that.
A year into their marriage, Penny finally had enough. She was tired of the way he looked at her when he thought she wasn't looking-it was a look of, "I can't believe how lucky I am." Which would be sweet if it wasn't totally annoying. He never, ever saw past her beauty. He never complimented her on anything other than her hotness. No matter how hard she tried to show him she was more than her looks, Leonard just couldn't-or wouldn't-see it. So... she left him. Penny moved back into her old apartment and a devastated Leonard moved to New Jersey to be closer to his family. That's the short story. The longer story is boring and involves a lot of sad, pleading looks, texts, phone calls, visits, etc. from Leonard and his frowny face.
Amy moved in with Sheldon after Leonard had been gone a while, and the three of them went out together frequently. Penny didn't want to be a third-wheel all the time, but she couldn't help herself... because there was something else happening. She and Sheldon seemed to be making some kind of connection that never revealed itself before. Penny was starting to understand Amy's relentless attraction to Sheldon. And now that Sheldon was experiencing and enjoying intimacy, he was somehow more open and understanding with Penny and her feelings. It was weird, and strange, and Penny couldn't get enough of it!
One night at the apartment, Raj, Bernadette, and Howard had come over to eat dinner. Bernadette was hugely pregnant, and something in the spicy food seemed to be the catalyst for her baby's entrance into the world.
Bernadette complained of heart burn, and on her way to the bathroom to get some Tums, her water broke.
"Um, you guys? I think I should go to the hospital now," she had all but screamed when no one was paying attention to the mess she had made on Sheldon's spotless floors.
"Oh, my god! My baby! My baby is having a baby!" Howard screamed. Raj ushered Bernie and Howard to his car while Amy ran after them, not wanting to miss a thing, and they took off for the hospital. Penny and Sheldon lingered behind a bit.
"I'm so happy for them," Penny said as they walked downstairs to her car. "I just know Bernadette is going to be a great mom, even if she doesn't know it yet."
"Yes, I agree. She does have that quality that makes for good mothering," Sheldon replied. "She's always reminding me to go to bed or brush my teeth. Very bossy."
In the short ride in the car, Penny asked, "Are you and Amy planning on starting a family someday?"
Sheldon shook his head. "Well, Amy is, but I don't see a reason to further populate this planet. I'm sure our child will be an amazing genius, but that doesn't change my mind. I know what happens when a man who doesn't want any children becomes a father, and I don't want to be that kind of man."
Penny nodded her head almost violently. "Wow, I feel the same way. About being a mother. Leonard and I never saw eye to eye about that. I just don't have the same urge as everyone else my age seems to have. Maybe I could be a good mom, but... I just don't want to find out."
The two of them shared a look Penny will always remember. It was a look of realization-that they had so much more in common than they ever thought possible. And that was just the beginning. At the hospital, they hovered together in the corner, whispering about all kinds of things while Amy and Raj waited expectantly to greet Bernadette's new baby, a boy they named William, after Howard's mom's brother who died in the Gulf war in the nineties. While everyone stood around Bernadette's bed to see the new addition to their lives, Sheldon briefly held Penny's hand and they shared yet another look.
Two weeks later, Sheldon and Amy broke up, and the most surprising love affair of Penny's life began.
They started out slow, of course, taking weeks to even kiss for the first time. But when they did kiss, oh, it was just what Penny never knew she needed. She kind of enjoyed the challenge of dating someone whose first priority wasn't to get her into bed. He made her question the world; Sheldon patiently taught her things she never cared enough about to learn. And in return, he gradually became more intimate, telling her stories about himself and his past that he'd kept bottled inside for so long. The make-out sessions got longer and longer; Sheldon always hesitantly touched her like she was going to stop him at any moment.
They were going to make love someday-they talked about it a lot. Penny wanted it more than she ever wanted anything in her life, but she respected Sheldon's boundaries. It took him years to feel that comfortable with Amy, and Penny would wait. She'd wait for Sheldon forever, if she had to, she realized one day.
"I am so in love with you," she told Sheldon during a particularly heavy session of making out and the occasional groping. "I didn't know I could love someone this much."
"I feel the same way," Sheldon breathed. "I wasn't aware that the depth of my feelings could reach this level. Maybe I am a hippy after all." And they continued kissing almost until dawn.
Of course, nothing this good can last forever. As the trite saying goes, all good things must come to an end. Penny always knew this kind of happiness was dangerous, but she didn't expect this new love of hers to come to such a disastrous, abrupt halt.
It happened almost an entire year after their first kiss. Sheldon was walking to the park across the street from the university. He was meeting Penny for a picnic, something she had managed to talk him into after assuring him that everything would be sanitary enough for his needs. As a good boy does, Sheldon looked both ways before he crossed the street. The car came from seemingly nowhere, though. It was going so fast that nobody even saw it coming. It hit Sheldon just as he was almost to the safety of the sidewalk. Penny heard the crash; she was sitting on a blanket in a sunny spot in the grass when the disgusting sound of metal crashing into a tree and hundreds of screams started flowing through the air. Penny dropped the sandwich she was unwrapping and ran to the street. Her piercing scream joined the many others when she saw Sheldon's lifeless body in the street. It was over. Everything was over. His life was over, and now so was hers. Nothing was salvageable. Nothing would ever be right again.
Penny opens her eyes. Where is she? Who is she? When is she? That's not a question she's ever asked before.
She takes a deep breath and looks at her surroundings. It's still her old apartment she's lived in for more than 10 years. She's in bed. Her bottle of water is still on her night stand, cap off. The towel she used to clean it up isn't on the floor, where she discarded it after the TV turned itself on. Penny sighs deeply. It was a dream. Of course. It was all a dream.
"It wasn't a dream," a voice that is unmistakably Sheldon's says from the bathroom. "I got you a new bottle of water and put the towel in hamper."
For the first time in her life, Penny is speechless. She continues to be without speech as Sheldon, the man she knows and loves, emerges from the bathroom. He looks the same. He sounds the same, but how...
Sheldon sits beside Penny on her bed. "I know you have a lot of questions, but I'm not here for very long. Hours, maybe. But I figured out how to manifest myself from the other world to be here with you."
Penny finally finds her voice. "I love you," she says first. There are so many other things to say, but that's all she wants him to know. "I've missed you so much. How are you here? Why are you here? Can anyone else see you? What is it like-"
Sheldon silences her with a kiss. Normally this would piss her off, but she's willing to forgive him this time.
"If I have time, I'll tell you. But right now, I want to hold you. And I want to experience what I never got to when I was here. Please, Penny, please be with me tonight."
Penny is frozen in this moment. Sheldon is looking at her like she's the answer to every problem. Like all the equations he solved when he was alive all lead to her. Now he's back from the dead and all he wants is to touch her? How can Penny deny herself this?
"Okay," Penny whispers. She leans back on the bed and Sheldon lays beside her. They are facing each other. Penny memorizes everything about Sheldon's face before he's taken away from her again.
The second Sheldon's lips meet hers, Penny gasps. She never expected to feel his kiss again. She never expected to feel the butterflies in her stomach when he touches her ever again, and now they're back. This isn't supposed to be happening, and yet it is.
Sheldon's surprisingly warm hand is under her shirt, first caressing her back and then her breasts, and she has to bite her lip to keep from screaming-or crying. Ripples of desire flow through her, and she's never been so turned on and yet totally confused at the same time.
The two of them manage to get out of bed for a second to undress each other. Sheldon never takes his eyes off of her while he nearly rips off her tank top and shorts. He gently kisses her as she wriggles out of her underwear, as well. His hands are all over her, fingers are inside of her, lips are exploring her. Penny can hardly breathe as he takes his time touching her. But now it's his turn to get naked before they go too far. Penny has never seen Sheldon without clothes before, and she doesn't know what to expect as she helps him take off his pants and shirt. Of course he's wearing his signature tighty whities, but Penny slowly takes those off of him, too.
When she touches him, it's Sheldon's turn to gasp. He's warm, and he's hard, and he's big. Penny can't wait to feel him inside of her. But first...
"Lay down," she instructs him. Sheldon obeys, lying on the bed, never looking anywhere but in her eyes.
Penny gets on top of him and kisses him on the lips at first, where he meets her hungrily. Eventually she slides down to his collarbone, his nipples (which he giggles about-apparently he's ticklish there), down his stomach, his thighs, and eventually takes him into her mouth. Sheldon is breathing heavily, and Penny knows this was not something Amy ever tried before, either. She loves pleasing him like this, knowing that this is completely new for him; something he never knew he was missing.
"Penny, Penny, I'm going to..." he breathes as she works her magic.
"It's okay," she whispers. "It's okay. I want you to feel this. Let yourself go."
And he does, and she swallows it, momentarily wondering how many calories ghost sperm has.
"That was... that was amazing, I..." Now it's Sheldon's turn to be speechless.
Penny lays back down and Sheldon curls up around her, needing to rest for a bit before getting the strength to continue. He kisses her neck, caresses her back, strokes her arm, and she closes her eyes while basking in his touch. This can't end. How much longer does she have with him? How can she lose him again?
Before going too far down that road, she turns around to face him again. They're kissing, but they're more than kissing-they are consuming each other's souls. Sheldon reaches between her legs and his fingers touch her most sensitive spot, and Penny cries out. She knows how wet she is; how excited he's making her. Soon his fingers are inside her, in a rhythm that leaves her breathless. They never got to this point when he was alive. And now she's very, very sad about that.
"I'm ready," Penny says in Sheldon's ear. "I'm ready for you." She reaches over and touches him, verifying that he is ready, also. It didn't take him long to recover, apparently.
"I'm ready as well," Sheldon manages to say. No further discussion is needed. Sheldon apparently traveled from another realm just to do this with Penny. And as soon as he slid into her, she knew it was worth it. Whatever he had to do to get to this moment was worth everything.
Although Sheldon is not very experienced, it just doesn't matter. They move together seamlessly. He kisses her hard, bites her lip, pulls her hair like he's been doing this for years. And just when Penny thinks she can't take it anymore, they both got more gentle, making love instead of trying to prove something to the universe. She loves feeling Sheldon inside of her, exploring parts of her that he didn't know could be so pleasurable.
After a while, they try other positions, too. Penny on top, Sheldon staring into her eyes, not even blinking. Sheldon from behind, where he grasps her breasts as he glides into her over and over again. Penny has never felt this way before. She has a feeling that no one has ever felt this way before.
Eventually, they crescendo together, clinging to each other desperately. As Sheldon grunts, she feels him releasing himself inside of her. She briefly wonders if she's just gotten pregnant with a ghost baby, but... that's probably not possible.
Sheldon doesn't even bother sprinting to the bathroom when it's over. Instead, they lay together, limbs entangled together, not talking.
"Why do you have to leave me again?" Penny eventually asks. She has to know. She needs answers.
"It's not up to me," Sheldon says. "If it were, I'd never leave this bed again."
"Then who is up to? Maybe I could talk to them. Maybe I could ask-"
"That's not how it works, Penny. I can't explain it to you-I'm incapable. There are some things I can't speak about because the English language doesn't apply. Things are different there."
Penny is crying. She doesn't want to be crying, but unfortunately it's not in her control. "Where? What are you talking about, Sheldon? Tell me!"
Sheldon just shakes his head. She can't read the expression on his face. She needs some kind of ghost handbook.
"Okay, just... just tell me this-will I go to the same place as you? Will we ever be together again?"
"Yes. I have been told that this will happen. Not when it'll happen, so don't ask me that. But eventually, we will meet again." Sheldon squeezes Penny's hand. She wills herself to stop crying. This is not how she wants to spend their limited time together.
"Well... that's something, at least," Penny whispers. The two of them huddle together, whispering and laughing and touching as much as possible. After a while, they go into the living room and watch a few episodes of Game of Thrones. It's when Sansa leaves Ramsay to the dogs that Penny starts to feel Sheldon fading away. She knows better than to beg him to stay.
"Thank you for coming to see me," Penny says, grasping Sheldon's hand for dear life. "I don't know how you did it, but thank you. I love you. I'll love you forever!"
"I love you, Penny," Sheldon says softly. "I would travel through time to find you, and I will once more if I can... but I think this was my only chance. Thank you. Thank you for letting me touch you one last time. I'll see you again one day."
Penny nods, trying to keep the tears from flowing because once she starts, she may never stop. They kiss as much as possible before Penny feels nothing but air on her lips.
When she can no longer see or feel him, Penny hurriedly goes back to her bed, gets under the covers, and cries herself to sleep. How did this happen? She couldn't have imagined it, could she? It doesn't matter. It's over. It's all over.
Penny doesn't find the note until well into the next day. She's cleaning the apartment, trying not to think of the miracle that happened the night before, when she sees it. In Sheldon's careful handwriting, it says:
Penny - I know I'm not going to be able to tell you everything I want to say, so I've written a few things down. It's not bad in the afterlife. I'm the smartest person here, of course, but that seems to be beneficial to me in this place. Respectable, even. Someday you'll see for yourself. Until then, I can't properly describe it.
I want you to know a few things. First of all, thank you. Thank you for the love making. Thank you for making me feel things I never felt when I was an earthly being. You made me feel like I was alive again, quite literally. Before I died, I could never tell you how happy I was in your presence, especially when we were in a relationship together. You made me see the world in a different way. Thank you.
Finally, I want you to be happy. I want you to move on. Find love again. I know it's hard now and you can't see it, but you're young and beautiful and you deserve happiness. Like I told you, we'll be together again. But enjoy your life before it's taken away from you like it was from me. I can't believe we wasted all that time with the wrong people just to have it end like this. Don't waste it, Penny. Live it. Please. For me.
I love you. Please keep your apartment clean; I did your dishes because it was driving me crazy to see them so dirty.
Love...
Sheldon.
Penny smiles and laughs through her tears. Even as a ghost, he never changes.
She takes the rest of the day to drink a bottle of wine and reminisce about the love of her life. Tomorrow, she'll be strong. Tomorrow, she'll live the rest of her life. But today... she can still feel his touch.