Depression
This is way simpler than what you think, so simple it almost hurts. Having it in front of you and not being able to see it, I mean.
I fell in love with you. I fell in love like I was six years old and I had just found the perfect prince in some Disney movie. Yes, you could say my love for you is sappy as that, but you don't understand. How could you? You're the most beautiful walking-machine I have ever seen, with all your deductions, and the intelligence you just seem to transpire. And me… I'm just me, nothing else. Nothing useful for you, nothing that can help you, nothing that can catch your attention, even for a moment. But that's fine, I guess. I got used to come around only when your mind needed someone close. It was a pleasure that didn't last long, either. John appeared in your life, and I vanished into thin air. It's normal.
You know, Sherlock? I know you just use me for your own benefit. I know there are times when you enjoy to mock me, just because you can, because you think I won't understand, I won't be upset, I won't be hurt. But it does hurt, it hurts knowing you don't even consider me a human being. Just something, not someone.
It's my fault, it's completely my fault. I won't deny it, won't even try to, because it's nonsense. I'm the only one who can make this stop, and I won't do it, because I don't want to. I don't want you to go, to stop using me, to decide I've become even more boring for you, and all because I love you. Probably in a sick, twisted way, but I can't help it.
I know you'll leave at the first chance you get, either with John, or maybe with another woman. But never with me.
Sherlock… you should remind me more often how pathetic I am. Maybe that way I'll finally be able to leave you forever.
What are you, exactly? Why am I like this?
We all have history, and I know: mine is clearly not the brightest, or the happiest. I mean, I'm not alone, at my age, just because…
You know what? I'll stop it here. I'm not liking this. I'm feeling worse than before. I'll stop thinking now, stop imagining I'm having this conversation with you, while your mind wanders through microscopes and pipets.
This is not my native language, so a special thanks to Veronica Martinez to help to do this :)
I hope you like it.