It all began even before the laptop was shut.
At first it was only one strangled, tearless sob, the kind that fights and claws its way up your throat until it just can't be restrained any longer. The tears burn behind your eyelids but you blink them back almost angrily because if you cries then he wins. It was your choice to do this. It was your choice to take up the helm and for the first time in five goddamn years, steer this relationship by your terms, while it was his decision to just sit back and let you do so without so much as a fight…
Another sob.
Because as angry as she was with him, as much as she had gone over the bare facts these twenty-four hours and determined logically that this 'step back' was the right thing for her, still she couldn't deny how even in the few short minutes since ending their Skype call she felt like her entire chest was fracturing and separating, forming an insurmountable cavity once filled by Sheldon Cooper.
Sheldon had touched her life in ways she had never anticipated when she left that coffee shop with his number safely secured in her phone. Meeting him had been the stone tossed smack in the middle of the life she had grown to tolerate, the ripples reaching even the outermost edges of the metaphorical pond. Leaves suddenly had a detail and texture she had never noticed before. Flowers colors had never been more vibrant. The hustle and bustle of the city that had once grated at her ears, disrupting the comforting familiarity of solitude, now had charm and character. The world became beautiful again.
Even work grew more enjoyable. Granted, she had loved it before, but had thrown herself into it to the point where she had forgotten why she had fallen in love with science in the first place. Now she could relax, talk to her coworkers, play with the monkeys, and not completely fixate on making the next big discovery and prove to all the naysayers that Amy Farrah Fowler is worth something. She knew now there were more important things in life than that.
But most significant of all the ways meeting this one strange man had affected her, she had gained a friend. No, strike that; friends. A blooming social life full of takeout meals, girls' nights, vacation escapades to places like Vegas and Napa Valley-
Her throat constricted painfully, but she would not cry. If there was one thing the old Amy had left to say, it was that tears over rejection were not ones worth shedding.
But what now?
As much thought as she had put into deciding to take the break, she had put very little into what came next. What would happen to the cozy, small group of friends she called her whole world?
They were all, first and foremost, Sheldon's friends. Yes, there were little things that bonded her to each of them in turn; girl talk with Penny, shared loneliness with Raj, Neil Diamond with Howard, mutual frustration over relationships and Sheldon with Leonard, but their loyalties, loath as they all were to admit it, belonged to Sheldon. Even Bernadette, who joined the group at about the same time as Amy, and did not have the bond with Sheldon that the others had, would likely take his side out of deference to her husband.
The results were irrefutable. Sheldon may not need her, may never had needed her, but she sure as hell needed him. But she also needed to get away from him, if only for a while. But it already might be too late to take it back, everything she's built these past five years crumbling down to nothing more than the shell of a life she had lived before…
This time, Amy let the tears come.
~0~0~0~0~0~
Everything was just so… still.
The earth had stopped revolving in its ninety-three million mile orbit around the sun. Stopped rotating on its tilted axis at 1000 miles per hour, 16.67 miles per minute, 0.278 miles per second. It was the only explanation, because how could life ever go on without Amy in it?
Ordinarily this stillness, this absolute quiet, would be something Sheldon would crave. Just a little peace of mind, a reprieve from the constant chaos of the outside world, allowing him to mull over the many thoughts racing in and out of his head and piece together the mysteries of the universe one equation at a time.
But now this silence was torturous as he lay on top of the covers on his bed, fully dressed and indifferent to his usual bedtime rituals. He wasn't even certain at what point he had moved from his desk to his bedroom; time was an irrelevant burden at this point. All he was aware of in this world was the little velvet box, resting on the pillow beside him that should've been resting Amy's head, encasing the little piece of jewelry that should've been encasing Amy's finger.
Had it all gone right, Sheldon would've batted away any wayward thoughts of television shows and dived back in for another kiss, regardless of any date night regulations. Had it all gone right, afterwards Sheldon would've led her up to the rooftop where it all began, in more ways than one: the source of the dirty sock that forced him to agree to go on a coffee date with one Amy Farrah Fowler, the venue for Howard and Bernadette's wedding that planted the seed in the very back of his mind that lead him to alter the paradigm of his relationship to a physical one by grabbing Amy's pinky as they watched Wolowitz catapult himself into outer space, and the setting for the two of them dancing their Prom night away after confessing their love for one another. Had it all gone right, he would've lowered himself to one knee, and amongst a sea of stuttering jitters asked the only woman he had ever loved to be his wife.
But it hadn't all gone right. Which was why he was holed up in his bedroom, alone with the agonizing stillness, when he might have even gathered the courage to make love to his would-be betrothed at this vey moment if he hadn't opened his stupid mouth…
Stupid.
Sheldon Lee Cooper just called himself stupid.
That was the final straw. The silence was broken as Sheldon lurched himself upright and leant over to his bedside table to retrieve his phone. He needed her back with a desperation he had never felt his whole life, but he couldn't do it alone. Time to call in the usual reinforcements. He knew it was late, but like he said before, time didn't matter when it came to Amy.
And it wasn't like they were doing anything important, anyway.
~0~0~0~0~0~
The next state over, Leonard and Penny were smack in the middle of the most important event of their entire lives. If only they could look each other in the eye while going through with it.
Eager to get through with this as painlessly as possible, Penny had directed Leonard towards the first chapel they came across in Las Vegas. It happened to be eighties themed, the walls covered in bright neon colors, lined corner to corner with vintage record albums, and, naturally, officiated by a Michael Jackson impersonator. While waiting third in line for the ceremony, Leonard began filling out the marriage license while Penny rifled through a large chest for proper eighties attire to throw on over their own clothes.
Time passed in stiff silence, the two sitting inches from each other yet never so far away, when Leonard suddenly cursed under his breath.
"What's wrong?" Penny asked, her voice soundly strangely hoarse and unfamiliar. It was the first time she'd spoken since they pulled up to the chapel.
"We need a witness for the wedding," Leonard explained with a heavy sigh.
"Oh." Penny frowned. "Well, there's plenty of people here. I'm sure we could find one who'll stand in for us."
Leonard sighed again. "Yeah, I guess you're right."
Silence reigned once again as they both returned to their tasks, when in the middle of sorting through a pile of leg warmers Penny casually added, "Or we could just call up the smoker chick from the North Sea."
Leonard groaned. Here we go. "Penny-"
"I mean, it's not like we haven't made buddies with the people who's screwed our relationship over before," she continued, moving on from the leg warmers to the sequined jackets as she turned to smile sweetly at her soon-to-be husband. "Maybe it's our good luck charm."
Okay, now he was getting angry. "She had nothing to do with this-"
"No, you're right. She wasn't the problem." Penny turned to face him fully. "She wasn't the one with a serious girlfriend at home, missing her every moment of every day. She wasn't the one partying so hard it made that girlfriend afraid she might be partying a little too hard, but no, that's ridiculous, she'd never betray her girlfriend of almost two years like that. And she wasn't the one acting like she didn't miss her girlfriend at all, and now I know why!"
The line moved forward. Two more to go.
"You said you wanted no secrets," Leonard hissed. "I was honest with you, even though I was terrified of it ruining the best thing that ever happened to me. What more do you want?"
Penny stared at him for a long time, mouth slightly open and looking like she could not believe he had just said that. Then she shook her head and shoved all the clothes in her lap back into the chest. "You know what, if you don't know the answer to that, maybe we should just forget the whole thing."
"Fine," Leonard spat, tossing the clipboard aside and getting to his feet. "This eighties wedding theme was a stupid idea, anyway."
Penny still hadn't moved from her seat, turning to face her fiancee with damp, defeated eyes. "I didn't mean just about tonight, Leonard."
He froze right in the middle of shucking on his jacket, spinning around to find just how serious the love of his life was. They stayed that way for one never-ending second, both struggling to find the words to fix this, both coming up empty handed.
Before Leonard could find the strength to open his mouth, whether to accede or object even he didn't know, when his phone buzzed in his pocket. Upon fishing it out, Leonard opened up the single text from his best friend that promptly pushed every thought on him and Penny aside for the time being.
"We need to get to Pasadena. Now."
Penny flew to her feet in an instant. "Why? What's wrong?"
In answer, Leonard simply turned his phone to show her the message.
Please come home. I've ruined everything.