Smiles

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Summary: Yeah, I can smile for the cameras; hold together under pressure, pretend like the pain doesn't cut through me, but with her, I have to drop the act… She's the one person in the world that I just can't lie to. Sonny/Chad

A/N: Dedicated to some of the best friends/writers that a girl like me could ever ask for: sonnycentral, Always Juliet, SterlingIsMyKnight, CaitlynSOcool, AllyKnight, Bhavana331, Mia M Turner, jesicajinx, SparkleInTheSun, & 0Twisted Angel0.

I know it's a lot, but I love each and every one of them to death, and they deserve this dedication.

She's so beautiful, in her own special way, and I can't help but envy her ability to be herself…

She's always so h a p p y, like nothing else matters, like what other people think just doesn't matter.

And then there's me, I have to fake it the whole way, while every little thing breaks me, while every little personal attack makes it h u r t that much more.

She's so down to earth, while everything has to be about me, it's always about me.

And I don't even know why anymore, I'm nothing special, just a cover, a protective skin, a blanket; made to cover up all the l i e s and the r e g r e t s.

I'm a walking mess, trying to make sure that no one will ever see through me, that the glass stays fogged up enough so that you can see nothing more than your faint r e f l e c t i o n, and all you're able to do is draw a new face over and over again, and all it does is m a sk me further.

My life has been erased, or more so, left in the past, where it belongs, to stay there f o r e v e r, where it can't harm me any more than it already has, and boy, has it harmed me.

Remembering what it was like to feel good is the hardest part of all, the only thing that sticks in my mind are the bashings, the haters, the insecure little devils that need a l i f e.

Yeah, I can smile for the cameras; hold together under pressure, pretend like the pain doesn't cut through me, but with her, I have to d r o p the act… She's the one person in the world that I just can't lie to.

She's the one soft spot, in the cold heart of mine, she's the one thing that I can't resist, the one girl that I know has to be different from all the rest.

She's s p e c i a l.

She's the kind of person that you can't help but love, that you h a v e to care about no matter what, you can't even help it.

Her smiles are the one thing keeping me on track, giving me that extra push to keep going, making me put on that act so I don't hurt her, because she's the only one that really matters anymore.

She's my everything.

She gets to see the rough, broken and shattered side of me that is alien to everyone else in this world.

She gets to see the real me.

And I know that if I showed her the side that I constructed from the remainders of my fallen apart old self, that would break her, because that's not me anymore, and she doesn't love him anyway.

So, instead of showing her my "smiles", I have to give her a glare, because honestly, that's the only way that I can say "I love you."

It's the only possible way that I know how.

And she knows that too.

"Go away, Monroe."

"I missed you too, Chad."

A/N: I hope ya'll liked this and to those who have it dedicated to them especially.

Please review!

- Ema Lee Lilac