A/N W00t w00t! Another fanfic started by yours truly! Yay! I can tell you are super excited. Or, as they say in Oregon super excited. Yup, I learned Oreganese at school. Just in case I ever go there and need to communicate...anyways, this is the King of All Parodies. Not really, I bet there are funnier ones than this one that you should probably be reading instead of wasting your time here, but whatever. It's your bat mitzvah. So enjoy the story, review, do your homework, review, eat parrots, review, bite your mom's leg, and did I mention review? Oh I did. 5 times. Silly me!

Chapter One

Once upon a time, in a mystical land far away, called England, lived a family. This family was a normal family. No druggies, no lesbians, no teachers...and absolutely no wizards! Sadly, I can't say that there were no pedophiles. Because there were. Anyways, they were proud of themselves. But they had a secret, a deep, dark secret...no, they didn't have dead bodies in the attic. Or did they? Oh well, that's another fanfic. Anyways, the secret was...that they were related to wizards and witches! Oh the horror! How tragic! I really feel for them. I know I'd be deeply ashamed to be related to magical people.

Anyways, the dad and husband of the family was Vernon Dursley. Not sure what ethnicity he is, but he is part whale for sure. He's so fat that when he wore yellow people were shouthing "Taxi!". He's so fat that when he fell on 3rd Street, he rolled all the way to 9th Street! He's so fat that he makes those people on Celebrity Fit Club 3 look anorexic!

The wife and mother's name was Petunia. She was involved in a freak accident involving a horse. She was blonde and skinny. When she was younger, people would accuse her parents of neglect and child abuse.

The son and son of the family was Dudley Dursley. What kind of name is Dudley? That's sad. His parents must not love him too much. He was basically the mini me of his father. Except he was blond and he didn't have a large mustache...yet. He was also such a brat; he put the people on Sweet Sixteen to shame!

Anyways, to make a long story short, Petunia's sister Lily and her husband James were killed by this power-crazed evil dude and their baby son Harry survived. So he had to live with Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon because they were his only family left. Very convenient, huh?

So the next morning, when Petunia was just stepping out to by five pies for her husband's breakfast, she almost stepped on her nephew with her pointy heels. She screamed when she realized it was Harry! First, his parents show up at a party without RSVPing, now they got themselves killed and she had to watch the little brat?

A/N This was a tester. I am not entirely sure I am ready to commit to another story. If I like the attention it's receiving, I may just continue! So it's basically all up to you. Send me a heartfelt, praising, enthusiastic review and I'll write more. And no, I haven't forgotten about my other work. I am working on another chapter for Future, no ideas have come to my mind, so if you have got anything, let me know!

I love you all very, very much,

Jules