Disclaimer: Not my boys, although I kind of love them like they were.
Author's Notes: So I really like the song "Paralyzer" by Finger Eleven. I heard it the other day on the radio and decided "Hey, that would make a cool fic." And then...thishappened. I have no idea how. This was not supposed to be the saddest thing ever. And I have no explanations for any of it.
Soooo I wrote a follow-up to make it better? And also unrelated Kenlos fluff because ShisouEimin demanded it after reading this. (She read both of these for me, and also helped me pick a title~ :D )
This used to be fun.
When it was all four of them, going to clubs was a blast, actually. Dancing, drinking, watching each other's backs to make sure no one crossed that line from tantalizingly irresponsible into dangerously reckless—well, not too often anyway. Sometimes it got a little overwhelming, but they still had fun.
Of course, when it was all four of them, pretty much everything was fun.
But now Kendall has been gone for...well, Carlos doesn't like to think about how long Kendall has been gone. Logan knows it down to the exact day, and sometimes James will ask him but Carlos just blocks it out, because it hurts to know. They hear from him on occasion, so at least they know he's still alive but that's about all they know and that hurts too. Everything hurts. Stupid fucking Ken—
Stop, Carlos tells himself. Stop. Finish your drink, find something fun to do. Right now.
They're all at the bar at the moment, Logan sipping at one of his fancy cocktails while James is just drinking water (he doesn't like to get drunk at clubs; says it makes his dancing sloppy and that just isn't acceptable). So Carlos spins around to face the crowd, drink in hand, and says, "Hey James, I think it's time for our favorite club game."
James looks at him over the top of Logan's head, eyebrows up in instant interest. "Dance party hide-and-seek?"
"No not that one, the other one."
And now James is starting to grin a little. "Oh that one," he says, taking Logan by the shoulder and turning him towards the dance floor. "The 'pick who Logan's gonna dance with' game."
"I don't like that game, guys," Logan says, but Carlos has his other shoulder now and there's no getting away.
"But it's the best game ever, Logan," Carlos says with a grin. "All you have to do is decide who you love better, me or James, and go dance with the person we pick. It's easy."
"And it's not like we're going to influence your decision by bringing up all of the awesome things we've done for you that only your true best friend in the whole world would do," James adds.
"Right, because you guys have only done that every single time you've played this stupid game. Why would you do it this time too?" Logan asks, taking another sip of his drink.
"Because it wouldn't be fair," Carlos answers. "We always play fair, Logan."
Logan laughs at this, and it's one of those rare times he doesn't even put up a fight. "Okay, whatcha got for me?"
"What're you feelin' tonight, Logan?" James asks. "Guy or girl?"
"Not fair, James!" Carlos immediately protests.
"How is that not fair?"
"I don't know if it's fair," Logan cuts in, "but it does show a lack of observation. A true best friend in the whole world would have been paying more attention and already know what my preference was this evening, if I in fact had one."
"Hah!" Carlos says, although he's not entirely sure he knows what all of that meant. But it made James sound bad, and that's all that matters.
"Oh really?" There is an undercurrent to James's voice, and combined with that subtle-but-intent way he's looking at their friend Carlos knows what's about to happen, so before it does he quickly pulls Logan away and switches places with him. "Hey!" James says, indignant now.
"Trying to get Logan turned on so he wants a guy is also unfair, James," Carlos says, giving him a smug look.
"You're just making up rules now! That's not fair or cool!"
Carlos is opening his mouth to argue when Logan speaks up. "Come on, guys, just pick someone. We all know I won't really be dancing with either of them, so—"
"That's not the point," Carlos interrupts. "The point is who you would pick. The point is who knows you better."
"The point is to see who can make me feel more guilty," Logan mutters.
"I thought the point was to watch Logan dance with some hot chick? Or dude?" James asks.
"But he's right, he hardly ever actually dances with the people we pick," Carlos says, disappointment in his voice because he never really noticed that before.
"Well he will tonight," James says, assertive. "Right Logan?"
There's a sigh from Carlos's other side. "Maybe we should just go, guys. This night has kind of sucked, hasn't it?"
"No." Carlos didn't mean it to sound so forceful, but he doesn't regret it either. "We're having fun tonight. Even if we have to drag Logan up to someone and ask them ourselves if they wanna dance with him."
"That...doesn't sound like fun at all, Carlos," Logan says, making a face.
"I've already been having fun tonight," James says before turning to set his empty glass on the bar.
"Just pick someone, James!" Carlos nearly shouts. This game is not going as well as he'd hoped.
"Alright, alright. Um..." James scans the place. "Okay, her," he says finally, pointing at—well, it could be anyone, really. "The blonde, in the red."
Logan makes a sound like he's nearly choking on his drink. "Her?"
"What? You like blondes."
"Yeah, but—okay, I don't want to sound judgemental, but I can't see myself approaching someone dressed like she is."
"This is a club, Logan. Everyone is dressed like that."
"Not everyone."
"Hey weren't you dancing with her earlier, James?" Carlos asks, interrupting the argument now that he has an idea why that girl looks familiar.
"Was I?" James says. "Maybe, I dunno."
"Wow, James," Logan chuckles, "you can't even remember who you were dancing with?"
"Shut up Logan, if you actually knew how to act at a club you wouldn't either!" James shoots back.
"I think I'll pass on that. So is she your final pick? Sometimes I get the feeling you don't even really try to choose someone I'd like, you just figure you'll win in the persuasion round."
"Or maybe I just don't know you as well as I think I do," James mutters in a weirdly quiet voice and Carlos can tell things are going downhill fast.
"Okay then my turn!" he says brightly, and starts looking around carefully, trying to find that one perfect person for Logan in the sea of people. He passes over guys and girls and doesn't really see anything that catches his attention, but then he remembers he's looking for someone Logan would like and so he's about to start over again when something does catch his attention in a major way.
At first Carlos thinks he imagined it, that his body is being a real jerk tonight and screwing with him and making him see things and making his heart speed up and his palms sweat at hallucinations, but when he swings his head back around, searching frantically he finds it again, that flash of brilliant green and the whole fucking world stops.
"Oh shit," Carlos breathes, and if he was aware of how hard he's clutching his glass he'd be surprised it hasn't broken yet.
"What?" Logan and James both say, and that's probably concern in their voices but Carlos can't really hear them.
He still feels it, though, the exact instant they see what he sees, because there's this subtle shift in his frozen world and then he hears a voice, his own voice, he guesses, and the one word is so quiet and so fucking loud all at the same time.
"Kendall."
And those eyes are staring back; Kendall can see him, see Carlos, and Carlos thinks he might be trembling when something unfreezes and he can feel James take a half step forward.
"No," Carlos says, and he doesn't even know where it comes from but he has to say it. "Don't take another fucking step, James. He's mine." And he doesn't even know what that means but he has to say it, too.
Carlos downs the rest of his drink but he can't turn away to set it down so he just holds it out and then it's gone from his hand; probably James takes it because he's pretty sure Logan's still frozen. And then Carlos is walking, pulled in by those stupid fucking beautiful green eyes and although he's gotten a sense of the rest of Kendall it's those eyes he's focused on, which is probably good because there are a lot of things Carlos would like to do to Kendall and by staying focused—even if it's not exactly by choice—he doesn't have the time to think about those things before he's there, staring up at those eyes, and Carlos is pretty sure Kendall had a knowing smirk on his face during the walk over but he has no idea what to call the expression there now.
And still their eyes stay locked on one another, making it impossible for Carlos to think; basically the only thing in his head right now is the word Kendall, being shouted in so many different ways that none of them mean anything at this point.
"I'm an asshole," Kendall finally says, and Carlos can't even find it in him to agree because now that he's heard that voice tears are starting to form and he kind of wishes he hadn't told James to stay because right now Carlos needs him and Logan and all four of them together.
"You wanna hit me?" Kendall offers, eyebrows raised slightly, and yeah that was one of the things Carlos wanted to do to Kendall but not anymore, really, so he shakes his head.
"Okay, you wanna dance, then?"
That one is a little more tempting, but there are too many people and someone might bump into them and Carlos doesn't want anyone he doesn't approve of touching Kendall. Which doesn't make any sense at all but fuck sense because Kendall's back.
And that's what does it, the switch in his brain from the overlapping chorus of Kendall to one of Kendall's back before Carlos lets out something like a whimper and finally says the name out loud, his voice kind of rough and small and weird. Kendall pushes off slightly from the wall he's been leaning against and Carlos gives him a hug that may as well have been a punch, shoving him hard back into the wall and clinging, burying his face in Kendall's plaid shirt and knowing this is silly and childish and he's been working hard not to be silly and childish since Kendall left but who gives a fuck because Kendall's back now.
Kendall's arms are around him and a few seconds later Carlos feels more heat, more bodies but he knows them by their touch, their smell and he's got a good feeling James is actually pissed and Logan wants to ask a million questions but right now none of them talk, they just stand there in the world's best group hug and Carlos feels whole in a way he hasn't in...well, Logan knows the exact number of days.
And while this is awesome, and this is enough, Carlos remembers one of the other things he wanted to do to Kendall and figures while he's trapped in this mess of best friends is as good a time as any to give it a try. So Carlos wriggles and maneuvers until he can get his face up next to Kendall's and there's that flash of green again, threatening to hold him in place and make him forget so Carlos just closes his eyes and pushes his lips against Kendall's. When he feels Kendall's lips pushing back Carlos thinks maybe it would be better if they weren't trapped in a mess of best friends for this but that thought doesn't last long because, well, it's wrong.
And also maybe Carlos alone wouldn't be enough to keep Kendall here like this; maybe if Kendall wasn't trapped the kiss would have sent him running. Carlos doesn't like that idea but it doesn't matter anyway because he isn't alone, and Kendall isn't alone, and with all three of them it'll work, he knows it will. With all three of them holding on like this, Kendall will stay. This time...this time Kendall will stay.