"Hey blokes can I have a minute with Sirius?" James asked, walking into the room where his groomsmen sat, waiting for the wedding to start. Four faces turned to look at him a mixture of emotions spreading across their faces.
Peter looked confused, but James expected no less, Peter ducked his head and quickly passed James, rushing out the door. Remus looked worried but stood up any way; he placed a hand on James' shoulder and left the room as well.
Frank Longbottom just smiled, "need a word with the best man huh?" he winked. Frank was always smiling and while James didn't know him that well Lily had appointed Alice as a bridesmaid.
Once they were alone James sat down next to Sirius, "Padfoot, I can't do it," he whispered, low enough that Sirius could almost not hear him.
"Prongs, don't say that of course you can," Sirius sat down next to him and took James' hand, rubbing his own thumb across the tender skin of James' wrist.
"No, I can't. I can't give you up, but I can't give Lily up. I'm a horrible git," James sighed, leaning his head on Sirius' shoulder, kissing the nape of his neck.
"James stop this...it's...it's foolish to talk this way," Sirius said, kissing the top of his best mate's head. Sirius closed his eyes against the pain, "we always knew this day would come Prongs, you and Lily belong together."
"You and I belong together!" James jumped up and turned on him, "fuck Sirius! We're never going to be together again! I've been cheating on my future wife for two years and where has it gotten me?"
"How am I supposed to walk down that aisle knowing I can never touch you again?" James' head fell to his chest and a sob racked him, "and how bad of a person does it make me to be here with you when Lily loves me so much."
Sirius stood up and wrapped his arms around James, being careful not to muss his tux. His chin rested on his mate's head and he sighed, "James, we've strung this out too long. I never should have helped you cheat on Lily. I knew where you guys were headed…I never should have dreamed that…" he trailed off and dropped his arms walking away.
"Dreamed what?" James asked curiously.
"That you would leave her for me." Sirius said sadly and turned around, "I am not going to judge you since I'm apart of this, but we have to pretend this never happened, we have to forget we've been…together for the last five years."
"No!" James exclaimed, anger filling his features, "No Sirius! I can't do that, I won't!"
"James, don't make this any harder on us," Sirius ran a hand through his hair. He sighed, looking at his best friend, "it's best we try and forget."
"Do you regret us Padfoot? Is that why you want to forget? To forget the feel of my hand around your cock? The late nights, panting above me while Lily was away, all the stolen kisses during school?" James asked, terrified that Sirius would say yes.
"No," Sirius said, eyes hardening. He grabbed James' shoulder and pressed him into the wall. His lips pushing into James', forcing his friend's mouth open so he could assault his lips and tongue.
The kiss lasted only a few seconds, a few heated, panting, harsh seconds. Sirius broke away but kept James pinned to the wall, "I will never regret it, but after today it has to stop James and that's why we have to forget."
He kissed a small path down James shaven chin, "even now all I want to do is fuck you up against this wall. But you love Lily, more than you love me and I have to accept that. We have to let each other go."
James shook his head, "let us go? Sirius what'cha mean?" James' fingers were gripping Sirius' side, digging into his flesh, holding on, trying to keep him.
"I have to live a life now as well, one without your sweet arse next to mine, without knowing the feeling of your lips, without the sounds you make when you come. I have to watch you with her now. You have to let me go, to live my own life too," Sirius told him his hands cupping James' arse, squeezing, pulling him into Sirius.
"You mean watch you with someone else?" James croaked feeling Sirius pressing into him, a moan building in his throat.
"Yes. You'll always be my best mate James but I can't be your lover anymore," Sirius took a step back, putting air and more than space between them.
"I…I…don't think I could watch you with someone else Padfoot," James shook his head back and forth, eyes wide.
"But you expect me to," Sirius reminded him.
"Not Moony," James warned knowing he had to accept it but still wanting some control.
"Not Moony," Sirius agreed.
"Not another bloke," James frowned, "I want to be the only one."
"Never, James…I promise," Sirius gave him a tight lipped smile. They stood there looking at each other for a few more seconds.
"Padfoot, I love you," James choked as he took a step forward.
"But not as much as you love Evans," Sirius finished.
"Shiite Sirius, just tell me that you love me!" James yelled, angry, he took another step forward and there was a loud knock on the door. Both of them turned quickly, jumping.
"Hey, we're on!" Remus called through the door.
"Come on James, time for you to leave your old life behind," Sirius said, walking past him. James grabbed his arm and pulled Sirius too him, pressing his lips feverishly against Sirius, trying to brand him. Their arms wrapping around each other, hips straining into the others.
They kissed for a few scalding moments, memorizing each other's taste, smell, and texture, lips bruised and hearts breaking.
"Padfoot, tell me you love me," James whimpered against Sirius' lips.
"No," Sirius closed his eyes, trying to pull away from James' embrace.
"Damn you, you bastard," tears burned in James' eyes, "Tell. Me. You. Love. Me!" James shook Sirius slightly.
"I love you Prongs." Sirius whispered eyes closed, he pulled away and quickly walked out the door.
James took a deep breath and closed his eyes to steady himself. Once he was sure he wasn't going to cry like a ponce he followed, after all he had a red head to marry, right?