Xylia: Welcome to The Ruler Show! I am Xylia, your hostess, and *squints*
My name is Xylia? What the hell? Who's writing this?!
Writer: *Screaming from offstage* HEY! YOU TRY TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING CLEVER TO SAY!
Xylia: ... Wow. This show has already gone to hell and we haven't even played the theme music yet. ANYWAY, we can compensate because our first guest is Sirius Black.
Sirius: *Dragged in* Erm... what am I doing here?
Xylia: Well, I guess so that it explains nicely to you, this is what's behind the veil. Hey, and you wonder why Remus tried to stop Harry from going in?
Sirius: Ah. So, this is hell then?
Xylia: No. Worse. MUCH worse.
Sirius: O.o;; *scared*
Xylia: ANYWAY, our first task is to measure your fingers. *Whips out HANDY DANDY RULER OF FISH!*
Sirius: Erm... what?
Xylia: Go like this, *Makes an L and another L, flips one over, and touches right thumb to left index finger*
Sirius: *Does so*
Xylia: *Measures in between* Ten and a half; not bad.
Sirius: ...What was that for?
Xylia: Can't tell you.
Sirius: And... why am I here again?
Xylia: Because I want to reveal your innermost secrets to the world?
Sirius: Eh. Good enough.
CL: *Flies in on a hang glider* *Lands* Sorry I'm late!! *Hang glider randomly disappears*
Sirius: Who're you?
CL: The Co-host!
Sirius: Erm... that explains it.
Xylia: You missed the measuring. Ten and a half. Anyway, we need to get the question asking done.
CL: Yes.
Xylia: Our first question is from Mala.
Mala: SIRI! *glomp* YOU ARE MY... um... YOU ARE MY GRANDSON-IN-LAW. *gives cookies*
CL: That's not a question.
Xylia: FINE. THEN OUR FIRST QUESTION IS FROM SHELTI.
Sirius: Wait, what? O.o;;
Xylia: Yeah. Keep up with me. You're also my uncle, son-in-law, and great grandpa at the same time.
CL: Making you my great uncle, brother-in-law, and great-great-grandpa at the same time and probably more, even.
Sirius: O_o
Xylia: ANYWAY. SHELTI'S QUESTION.
Shelti: Did you ever make sandwiches with Remus? Big sandwiches with lots of mayonnaise?
Sirius: Yes, actually. We snuck into the kitchen to make sandwiches. They were really big and really tasty. Took us about an hour to make. And there was lots of mayonnaise and pickles.
Xylia: I don't think he gets it.
CL: Well, don't explain it to him.
Sirius: What? I like sandwiches. And pickles. And mayonnaise. Especially Remus's mayonnaise. He makes special mayonnaise.
Xylia: O.o
CL: *Cracking up*
Sirius: ... I like sandwiches. Harrumph.
Xylia: Do you ever regret that you're dead?
Sirius: Well, duh. I like living. But as for how I died; that's the way I go.
Xylia: Now you're sounding like Edward Bloom from Big Fish.
CL: BIG FISH. *_* I LOVE THAT MOVIE.
Sirius: Can I... go now?
Xylia: ...No.
CL: Koushy Asks: Have you ever eaten Cheese Monkeys?
Sirius: Erm... what?
Xylia: Cheese monkeys.
Sirius: Erm... no?
CL: Well then, Koushy asks: Have they ever eaten you?
Sirius: No...?
CL: THEN Koushy Asks: Then why do you smell like cheese?
Sirius: Because... Because... OKAY! I ATE THE CHEESE MONKEYS!
CL: Oh, then Koushy says: You're a sicko!
Sirius: Ah, okay.
CL: Did you know you're being played by a dude named Gary Oldman and that he's really, really, REALLY ugly?
Sirius: I'm... cast as a role? On what?
Xylia: The movie "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban."
Sirius: OOH. I KNOW SOMEONE THAT HAD TO GO TO AZKABAN.
CL: ...It's about you, idiot.
Sirius: ...I knew that.
Xylia: So I guess you didn't know anything about Gary Oldman?
Sirius: No.
Xylia: *Shows picture of Gary Oldman*
Sirius: WOW. HE'S HOT.
CL: *Looks at the picture* Wrong one.
Xylia: *Looks* Oops, that's Koushy. *Takes the picture and stuffs it in pocket* *Takes out the right picture*
Sirius: ...BLASPHEMY!
CL: Yeah, I know. Isn't it just?
Xylia: So... erm... is that all the questions we got?
CL: I think so.
Xylia: That's not good.
Sirius: YES. YES IT IS. CAN I GO NOW?
Xylia: ...No.
Sirius: ...Damn.
CL: How was it being trapped in the white room reading badfics?*
Sirius: You knew about that?
Xylia: Yeah... you're slow on times.
CL: ANSWER THE QUESTION.
Sirius: It was HORRBIBLE.
Xylia: The bible's a whore?
Sirius: I MEANT HORRIBLE.
CL: Oh. That makes sense.
Xylia: Well then, I guess that's all for this episode. How dull.
CL: Wait, did we ever play the theme music?
Xylia: I guess not. *Shrugs*
Sirius: DO I GET TO GO NOW?
Xylia: Sure.
Sirius: I'VE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY IN MY LIFE. *Leaves*
*Stolen from AVUI by Hika.
A/N: Eh. Not my best. Hopefully I'll do better next time. And I'll have more questions. Hopefully.
Writer: *Screaming from offstage* HEY! YOU TRY TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING CLEVER TO SAY!
Xylia: ... Wow. This show has already gone to hell and we haven't even played the theme music yet. ANYWAY, we can compensate because our first guest is Sirius Black.
Sirius: *Dragged in* Erm... what am I doing here?
Xylia: Well, I guess so that it explains nicely to you, this is what's behind the veil. Hey, and you wonder why Remus tried to stop Harry from going in?
Sirius: Ah. So, this is hell then?
Xylia: No. Worse. MUCH worse.
Sirius: O.o;; *scared*
Xylia: ANYWAY, our first task is to measure your fingers. *Whips out HANDY DANDY RULER OF FISH!*
Sirius: Erm... what?
Xylia: Go like this, *Makes an L and another L, flips one over, and touches right thumb to left index finger*
Sirius: *Does so*
Xylia: *Measures in between* Ten and a half; not bad.
Sirius: ...What was that for?
Xylia: Can't tell you.
Sirius: And... why am I here again?
Xylia: Because I want to reveal your innermost secrets to the world?
Sirius: Eh. Good enough.
CL: *Flies in on a hang glider* *Lands* Sorry I'm late!! *Hang glider randomly disappears*
Sirius: Who're you?
CL: The Co-host!
Sirius: Erm... that explains it.
Xylia: You missed the measuring. Ten and a half. Anyway, we need to get the question asking done.
CL: Yes.
Xylia: Our first question is from Mala.
Mala: SIRI! *glomp* YOU ARE MY... um... YOU ARE MY GRANDSON-IN-LAW. *gives cookies*
CL: That's not a question.
Xylia: FINE. THEN OUR FIRST QUESTION IS FROM SHELTI.
Sirius: Wait, what? O.o;;
Xylia: Yeah. Keep up with me. You're also my uncle, son-in-law, and great grandpa at the same time.
CL: Making you my great uncle, brother-in-law, and great-great-grandpa at the same time and probably more, even.
Sirius: O_o
Xylia: ANYWAY. SHELTI'S QUESTION.
Shelti: Did you ever make sandwiches with Remus? Big sandwiches with lots of mayonnaise?
Sirius: Yes, actually. We snuck into the kitchen to make sandwiches. They were really big and really tasty. Took us about an hour to make. And there was lots of mayonnaise and pickles.
Xylia: I don't think he gets it.
CL: Well, don't explain it to him.
Sirius: What? I like sandwiches. And pickles. And mayonnaise. Especially Remus's mayonnaise. He makes special mayonnaise.
Xylia: O.o
CL: *Cracking up*
Sirius: ... I like sandwiches. Harrumph.
Xylia: Do you ever regret that you're dead?
Sirius: Well, duh. I like living. But as for how I died; that's the way I go.
Xylia: Now you're sounding like Edward Bloom from Big Fish.
CL: BIG FISH. *_* I LOVE THAT MOVIE.
Sirius: Can I... go now?
Xylia: ...No.
CL: Koushy Asks: Have you ever eaten Cheese Monkeys?
Sirius: Erm... what?
Xylia: Cheese monkeys.
Sirius: Erm... no?
CL: Well then, Koushy asks: Have they ever eaten you?
Sirius: No...?
CL: THEN Koushy Asks: Then why do you smell like cheese?
Sirius: Because... Because... OKAY! I ATE THE CHEESE MONKEYS!
CL: Oh, then Koushy says: You're a sicko!
Sirius: Ah, okay.
CL: Did you know you're being played by a dude named Gary Oldman and that he's really, really, REALLY ugly?
Sirius: I'm... cast as a role? On what?
Xylia: The movie "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban."
Sirius: OOH. I KNOW SOMEONE THAT HAD TO GO TO AZKABAN.
CL: ...It's about you, idiot.
Sirius: ...I knew that.
Xylia: So I guess you didn't know anything about Gary Oldman?
Sirius: No.
Xylia: *Shows picture of Gary Oldman*
Sirius: WOW. HE'S HOT.
CL: *Looks at the picture* Wrong one.
Xylia: *Looks* Oops, that's Koushy. *Takes the picture and stuffs it in pocket* *Takes out the right picture*
Sirius: ...BLASPHEMY!
CL: Yeah, I know. Isn't it just?
Xylia: So... erm... is that all the questions we got?
CL: I think so.
Xylia: That's not good.
Sirius: YES. YES IT IS. CAN I GO NOW?
Xylia: ...No.
Sirius: ...Damn.
CL: How was it being trapped in the white room reading badfics?*
Sirius: You knew about that?
Xylia: Yeah... you're slow on times.
CL: ANSWER THE QUESTION.
Sirius: It was HORRBIBLE.
Xylia: The bible's a whore?
Sirius: I MEANT HORRIBLE.
CL: Oh. That makes sense.
Xylia: Well then, I guess that's all for this episode. How dull.
CL: Wait, did we ever play the theme music?
Xylia: I guess not. *Shrugs*
Sirius: DO I GET TO GO NOW?
Xylia: Sure.
Sirius: I'VE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY IN MY LIFE. *Leaves*
*Stolen from AVUI by Hika.
A/N: Eh. Not my best. Hopefully I'll do better next time. And I'll have more questions. Hopefully.