A/N: I've been debating whether or not to write something for this pairing for w while now, and finally I decided too. I love them. I hate the people of the BBC though for destroying something so great...grr
This is set after the Breakup episode...
Rated T for swearing.
enjoy :)
And all those time I lost myself in life
It was you I was trying to find
Though we really hurt sometimes
It was allways true
Maybe you...
- Saint Lou Lou
The weather outside isn't the best, with dark clouds looming overhead with the threat of rain, heck maybe it's already raining, not that it really matters, not in the grand scheme of things anyway. Not as you lie here in the comfort of your own bed with the woman you care about more than anything curled up against your side, the gentle sound of her breathing makes you feel comforted, but at the same time borders on the verge of regret. This woman, the same one that just a week ago, dumped you.
With no warning. No real explanation. No nothing.
Yet here you are, back into bed with her, wondering if you're just a one time thing to help her feel less guilty with breaking your heart the first time. Is she here for the long haul? What happens when she gets bored? Or scared? Or decides that she's not ready for any of this? Will there be a second breakup? A third? A fourth?
How many times are you willing to put your heart on the line for this woman? Even though you say you won't, not again, you know for a fact that you'll let her back in, just to feel her kiss again, her touch, to hear her say that she cares, no matter how hollow it may sound in your ears.
You are pathetic!
You know it's all speculation, she might, unlike all the others, (because you've been hurt by women before), actually give enough of a fuck to stick it out with you, to be there, a constant piece of your puzzle, the other half, your other half, for the long run.
She made a mistake, she needs you, she told you as much herself when she barged in through your front door, after you tried to slam it right back in her face.
She followed you through the house, begging you to hear her out, you argued, the house filled with the mixture of your raised voices. It was heated, and cruel and yes you hit a few home truths, but unlike you thought, she stood there and she took your anger, because that's how you've been for the past week, angry.
And she knows that, she let you have it out, with her, at her, at yourself.
'I should have fought for you a bit harder Nikki, I get that! But I've never felt like this about anyone before, I didn't even know what this was until after I broke it off, until after I...after I made the biggest mistake of my life, and I'm sorry, you have every right to be angry...I'd turn back time if I could, heck, I've got the money, I could probably afford to find some way to...I need you Nik, just you, only you...'
You just stood there, letting her words sink in and at the time they were just words, they sounded so full of promise, yet so empty and practiced.
'How do you expect me to trust you Lorraine, to not break it off again the next time you get scared? I've told you once, I don't want to put my heart on the line and be your practice dummy, I've been there, done that and gotten the bloody t-shirt, I definitely don't need or want another one!'
There were tear stains down both your cheeks, for the first time in a long time you felt vulnerable and exposed, naked with your emotions. And there was she, looking ten times worse, and for the first time in a week you look at her, really look at her, her face is thin, pale, you can see the bags under her eyes where she's been loosing sleep over this, and you know that for a fact because she wouldn't let anything get to her so badly, it's in this moment that you realise she's meant every word she's said.
'I know I'll have to work at getting you to trust me again, I didn't come here expecting this to be a walk in the park. You're not the only one putting her heart out on the line you know! It's taken me a week to simply build up the courage to come and talk to you, knowing that there's a very high chance of me walking out of here with 'rejected' stamped across my forehead. This isn't easy for me Nikki, but I figured you were worth the effort.'
You were left speechless, looking at the floor like a scorned child and when you look up there she is standing right confront of you, so close that you'd only need to move your head an inch before you'd be kissing. Your heart races and you're lost for words, but in your mind you've already forgiven her.
Then she was speaking again, her face moving slowly closer, her eyes on your lips.
'You're worth the effort Nikki.'
It's then that she kissed you, slowly at first, testing the waters, and you found yourself kissing her back because you can't imagine your life without her, not for a second and that scares you.
'I love you.'
You still aren't sure who said it, but you don't dwell, because after that moment your memory becomes fuzzy and blurred with heavy kisses, hot hands, sweaty skin and the afterglow of some pretty damn good sex.
Your body is still humming, but that might have something to do with her hand running small circles low against your hip. She kisses you and when you break apart she's wearing the biggest smile you've ever seen, and suddenly all your self doubt from before seems to disappear until all that's left is what feels something akin to absolution.
She is forgiven and you are loved.
And somewhere hanging in the air is the unspoken truth that she too, is worth it.
fin.
A/N: Thanks for reading, much appreciated. Reviews are welcome.