Disclaimer: I love writing, especially if I get good reviews.
"I can't believe it!" said Raphael.
"What's up?" said Valon, who looked up from his evening paper.
Raphael sat down, pulled up a beer, and took a sip. Then he said,
"I was just selected to be one of the astronauts on the new space ship, The Hottie! It'll be great! I've been dreaming of this moment ever since I was a kid," said Raphael. After saying this, he nearly jumped into the fireplace, if Valon had not grabbed him with the tongs. Unfortunately, his pants came off.
"It must be all the beer," said Valon to Alister, when he saw him coming down the stairs, and started and Raphael with no pants and Valon holding onto his butt with tongs.
"3, 2,1, LIFTOFF!" The Hottie rocketed off, and soared into space with a tremendous roar. Raphael peed in his pants.
Raphael was piloting the ship. When the captain came down, Raphael said,
"Could I take a bathroom break, sir?"
"Of course not, it's just a few more minutes before you can take a break!" replied the captain.
"Don't be surprised if you see small brown specs floating around! And your eyes won't be tricking you!" said Raphael.
The captain still refused, and left. When the captain came back a few minutes later, he saw small brown specs floating around. Raphael turned around, and when he saw him said,
"I can go on for an hour!" The captain cried.
Just as Raphael was about to take his break, red lights started flashing and the speaker blared:
"This is code Red! The ship is about to crash into the sun! Evacuate immediately! I repeat, evacuate immediately!" Everybody started screaming and running into each other. One guy accidentally accelerated the ship, and they all started feeling the heat of the sun.
Amid all the confusion, a leaderlly voice rang out, with much command and effect. It was the voice of the captain. He said,
"SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU, SHUT UP! Now, everybody calm down and let me explain everything." Once everybody was quiet, he continued,
"There are only twelve escape pods, but there are only twelve crew members. So just relax, and head to your escape pod and escape. THANK YOU!"
With that, the captain ran to get into his escape pod. Everybody else followed him. Once everybody was inside their escape pods, they started taking off.
But for some strange reason, it was Raphael's pod who wouldn't take off. Click, Click, Click! Raphael kept on clicking the escape button, but nothing happened. There was one little comfort, though. Every time he clicked the button, he saw models in swimsuits. Just as Raphael ogled a blonde, the ship zoomed into the sun.
The End.